drama and heartbreak « Back to Group Discussions

[jess in hawaii]

Hey ladies....

I haven't said much about this, because i don't want to be a total downer in this forum. I have been getting support over in Single Parenting. But I need to say what's going on here....

My ex (first husband) just came and took my to middle boys (11 & 13). We have an ugly custody thing going on, even though I have had them for nine years and he has been uninvolved, at best. He is a true sociopath, a real charmer in public and a big time abuser at home. My lawyer is doing everything he can, but it's not going well. My children are on their way to NC, and i will pretty much not be allowed visitation, and likely no other contact (the order doesn't specify, so i am sure he will not let me talk to them for as long as he can. Even if they want to call me, he will not let them). The problem is that our case is stuck in the Louisiana court, even tho ex never lived there and we have been here for four years. The judge there won't let it go, and the judge here has washed his hands of it. I can not get representation in La.  So there are still things we can do, but once he has them 5000 miles away, the odds of getting them back go down. And the saddest part is that not once since he started the process a few months ago has any court questioned or evaluated what is best for my children. If anybody wanted a professional opinion, we can offer several that say the boys are best off here. EVERYONE who knows them will concur. But the court isn't interested in them, only making sure "dad" has his "rights" (never mind mom's rights, either).

So there it is. My heart is breaking. I am devastated and numb.

[wendybird]

I am in tears just reading this and mulling it over. (((hugs)))  I am so sorry for you(and the boys of course).

[chiromama01]

Oh Jess, my heart breaks for you.  I'm so sorry to hear of your trouble.  I wish there was something I could do to help.  Is there a reason you can't get representation in La? I'm a little confused on that one.  I'm in La, so if there's anything I can do on this end, please let me know.  Again, I'm so sorry.

[zuzusplace]

Wow, I don't even know how to respond with an adequate amount of sympathy...it's just not a sadness you can possibly express in writing! Having their children taken is nearly every mother's worst fear, and I am SO sorry you're having to deal with that. Is there anything anyone can do to help? If you need an ear, we're here to listen :'(

[sunflwrmoonbeam]

Oh god, that's awful. There are just no words...

[RosieL]

This gets me really fired up. I've watched on the sidelines as my very good friend's family is torn up by PA courts over the last five years. Family court standard rules can lead to absolutely tragically wrong decisions. I'm SO so sorry Jess. It's *horrible* that some judge can make this type of decision for your family. :( Hopefully your boys can figure out how to go around their father to find/contact you...

[saudade]

Did he kidnap them or does he have a legal right to take them? In Oregon, even if a parent wins custody of a child, they can not take the child more than 500 miles away from the other parent without a judgment granting the right to do so.

I'm so sorry.

[jess in hawaii]

La. is different, they have weird laws, a few of which offer some protection for mothers, but mostly are very regressive. And a big part of the problem is that the judge we got there is blindly pro father's rights, so she grants things to fathers that they shouldn't have, and sticks to the letter of the law to disadvantage the mother. For instance, when we moved here, we gave proper notice etc. He did not file to contest it in the time allotted, but she accepted his motion anyway (we would have already left the state, legally, if we hadn't decided to stay a bit longer). Then, even though the law says, plainly (more plainly than most legal writings) that relocation is NOT grounds for a custody eval, she ordered a custody eval based on our desire to relocate.  We still got to move, but not without some strings attached, which he has been able to pull, despite being in violation of many rulings over many years. I could go into more detail, but I won't bore everyone, and at this point in the day it's all getting hard to think about. And I can't get representation in La. because i have absolutely no resources for a lawyer, and Legal Aid there has two or three times refused my case because i am not a resident.

My atty is still on the case, and willing to take it as far as they can, even considering if we will have to go to the length of getting laws rewritten/clarified, but that's not going to be fast, if it goes at all.

[Thursday Girl]

jess, i saw this on facebook and have been thinking of you all night.  I wish there was something I could do. The situation is so screwed up. I will continue thinking of you and your boys and sending energy to you all.

[Itsasecret]

I'm so sorry, Jess! My heart is hurting for you and your boys. I will be praying for you all!

[NCMtnMama]

Oh no! I'm so sorry for you and your boys. Hope you get it resolved quickly and get them home!

[chiromama01]

Jess, have you tried resources at Loyola Law school or Tulane Law school?  dh was at loyola last semester, and they have a probono law clinic where they take cases for people who can't afford representation.  If you like, i'll get dh to get the details, and inbox it to you.  he may know some people and could potentially make a few phone calls on your behalf. let me know if you'd like the info.

thinking of you often...

[jess in hawaii]

Thanks, chiro, I would appreciate any info you have. I figured they had something over there, but didn't know how to find it.

[prettyisa]

Gosh, I'm so sorry to hear about this. I hope you can figure out a way to get your kids back and sort this out quickly. Lots of hugs to you in this awful time!

[flavorfull1]

I am so so sorry jess, that is horrible. I will be praying for your family and I hope it gets sorted out very quickly. I am sorry that it is so hard to get answers and things done 

[hazelbranch]

My heart goes out to you Jess, I just can't even imagine going through this.  I really wish there was something we could do to help! 

I'm so glad that Chiro might have some connections for you.  I really hope this gets cleared up quickly, and at least visitation/contact can be established again asap! 

[saudade]

I understand how complicated and confusing all that stuff can get. I'm so sorry you are going through this. This kind of stress isn't good for baby either, so my heart goes out to you. :(

[csekywithlove]

Jess, I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. If there is anything I can do, research, or just listening, feel free to PM me. I don't know much about LA laws but I have done my fair share of research for my state (KY). Praying for you and your kiddos.

[Fern5Fern]

Thinking of you!

[justKate]

Oh Jess I'm so sorry.  What a terrible time to be going through all of this.  Not that there's ever a good time....  I'll be thinking of you.  If the clinics at the law schools won't help, I'll ask a friend who went to law school in LA if she knows any attys that would take it....long shot but let me know.