Any moms of many here? - Page 2 « Back to Group Discussions

[~Demeter~]

I'm sorry intime... to me it sounds like you are implying your way is so much better than mine. I'm happy with our lifestyle, I think my kids are great... they have a strong sense of family and each other but also a great sense of independence, following their passions as they come.

My kids help out and even watch their little siblings but it's not an all the time thing. I did NOT have children just so they could raise each other. I would rather my kids WANT to help then feel obligated, most of the time it's not an issue. I would never make any of my children do all of the cooking and cleaning and caretaking while I was on bedrest, though. That's not their job. :) That would be my partner's position to take over and when I had a rough time healing from my last birth, my partner did step up and take over.

I cater to their strengths but also try to push their weaknesses. I don't think I'm expressing how my family runs very well...I just feel very unclear and misunderstood. <shrug> Currently we are living in a multi-generational set up which is neat and how I grew up. I'm glad my kids get to experience life with their great grandparents and what they have to offer in terms of wisdom. Anyway... I don't think anybody's way is any better than the other, we do what works best in our families.

[intime0]

Demeter, NO WAY was I implying that.  In fact, I was saying just the opposite.  That I dont often discuss our family way of doing things because we get judged.  I was NOT judging the way you do things AT ALL.  I see the benefits in all parenting styles.  There is NO RIGHT way to parent. Only what works for each family!!!!

I understood what you were saying EXACTLY.  I was just trying to express that our way was DIFFERENT.

And it IS!  But not in a MY WAY IS BETTER WAY...just in a, I like my way way.  See?  I'm sorry if you took offense.  TRULY. 

No has to agree with the way we parent.  And the exact sentiment you expressed of my children helping out and pulling extra weight when I was on bedrest is the very reason I seldom talk about our family in any depth.

And just to be clear...there wasnt a child in the house who didnt WILLINGLY help.  NO ONE was MADE to do anything.  My oldest daughter LOVES LOVES LOVES to cook and WILLINGLY stepped in to help out.  How would my husband make 3 meals a day and work?  He couldnt.  I called our pastor within the first week and asked him to talk to the ladies at church about bringing us meals because I felt so bad that she was cooking...though she never complained.  We didnt even ask her to do all the cooking.  She jsut did.  Because we are a team.  If she was here right now, she'd be cooking.

And see, defending my choices is exactly why I usually just dont talk about this stuff. 

anyway, I have absolutely NO HARD feelings.  I'm more upset that you are upset that you felt like I wasnt supporting you.  Please forgive me and let's move on.  We have different families, and we both love doing things the way we do them.  I, personally, learn from other families and their differences. 

And let's  not forget pregnancy hormones.  :P

[hippiemum21580]

Expecting my 6th. I have 5 sons. Ages 11, 8, 6, 4 & 3. :) Fingers crossed for a girl this time......lol

[~bookcase~]

Originally Posted by Arcanefamily  So for us it isn't based on gender or age so much as their innate strengths. 

i love this. i've had children ready and waiting to do a task at very different ages, so whilst i have expectations of *everyone* to some extent (probably roughly based on age), i'm also trying to stay very aware of individual strengths and inclinations.

welcome hippiemum

i hope you get your girly dose this time. my friend had four girls and then a boy and she was thrilled, but felt restricted on how much she could express that because everybody thought it was their business to make comments on how she parented the boy differently

i'm starting to feel better and have lost track of if i'm at 14/15 weeks, so that is a good sign to me that counting down the days in desperation has stopped!!!!

[intime0]

I find it almost impossible to parent all my children the same. Some children just need different parenting.

I mean, I have a little toddler , who if you tell her no-no will start crying and immediately seek out arms to hold her...but not mine. LOL.

Meanwhile, I have an older child that no matter what the punishment is, will not obey.  and it's pretty much every day the same things.

I dont think anyone has ever said we parent our son different, but I do parent him different than the older girls because he is just naturally more obedient.  Since we've been on vacation he has come to me every day to remind him of hte pool rules. No one else has even cared. LOL.

What do you guys find the most challenging aspect of having a large family is?

[~Demeter~]

I find spreading myself evenly amongst my kids to be the hardest... and balancing individual needs. I think sometimes it's harder to parent the older kids, my teens, than it is to parent the little ones.
 

[~bookcase~]

Originally Posted by ~Demeter~ 

I find spreading myself evenly amongst my kids to be the hardest... and balancing individual needs. I think sometimes it's harder to parent the older kids, my teens, than it is to parent the little ones.
 

i agree on all points. i'm still learning how to parent the older children, but am also physically tied up with smaller ones so don't have quite the same energy as when i was working out how to cater to their previous stages. the eldest two have started to venture out and about on their own more nowadays, but that brings it's own *slight* anxiety that washes over me occasionally!

the challenge: letting go as children grow, but making sure they feel firmly in the fold of the family in terms of love and age-appropriate nurturing, and physically involved when they want to be, but with no claustrophobic pressure when they need space to work through their growing spiritual, ethical, emotional struggles.....

[~Demeter~]

Originally Posted by ~bookcase~ 

i agree on all points. i'm still learning how to parent the older children, but am also physically tied up with smaller ones so don't have quite the same energy as when i was working out how to cater to their previous stages. the eldest two have started to venture out and about on their own more nowadays, but that brings it's own *slight* anxiety that washes over me occasionally!

the challenge: letting go as children grow, but making sure they feel firmly in the fold of the family in terms of love and age-appropriate nurturing, and physically involved when they want to be, but with no claustrophobic pressure when they need space to work through their growing spiritual, ethical, emotional struggles.....

LOL! You have just eloquently put into words my most recent struggles... I have found that sometimes making the effort to reach out in a friendly way (i actually got a cell phone so i could text throughout the day with my oldest) has proven most beneficial. And sometimes things that I didn't think would bother him, actually do... Like the fact I didn't tell him I was having another baby right away and he had to figure it out for himself. He was really, really upset by that and lashed out at me. So hard to balance their growing independence while still keeping in mind that they are very much YOUR baby still, lol. Rough times... but fun times.

[mamamccloud]

I'm expecting # 4.  I love reading the details of how your families run.  The differences and the similarities.

[intime0]

I struggle with where I think they should be emotionally and maturity wise and where they actually are.

[~bookcase~]

hey mamas

i haven't kept up much with the ddc but wanted to find out how you are all getting on and ask what your recovery times have been like???

we welcomed our seventh last week and i still feel like my core is totally 'missing'. bleeding is very minimal, but if i do any leaning forward/ bending type motions the blood gushes horribly. i'm feeling all-round fragile...

[Tizzy]

I don't know if I "qualify" for this thread, having just had my 4th?   But I've found my recovery to be quite similar to 2nd and 3rd. I lounged in bed for the first two days and tried to do barn chores on the evening of the 2nd day but had to stop halfway through. I was just feeling weak so I went to bed early. I did a bit the following morning and have been back to normal ever since.  Bleeding is off and on depending on what I'm doing, I had to do some running (ARGH! Sheep!) night before last and it picked up the following morning.

I'm also very in tune to what my body needs as far as hydration, food and rest.

Thankfully all four children nap at the same time so I can lay down after lunch as well and we've been making a conscious effort to get chores done and get to bed earlier so mornings aren't so rough.

I kind of wish I had more time off though, like really - back to work F/T at 4 days postpartum is just...blech!  But if I wanted more time off, I should have planned ahead to make it happen.

[~bookcase~]

weeell, at 4 weeks i'm feeling ok, and able to resume some sense of normality again

Tizzy - YES you qualify, and nooooo, you shouldn't be running round after sheep that soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pleeease make sure you plan help into action if you have more babies mama