Run out of ideas for my five year old...

[vermontgirl]

A scene just happened...

My daughter (3) and son (5) were playing a game together and she did something in the game that he didn't like. I heard him talking in a very angry and controlling voice to her and when I looked over he was laying on top of her body and holding her head down to the floor with his mouth right up to her ear.

It happens all the time. He seems to have no boundaries and no limits to what he will do. He is constantly screaming at us, saying mean things, trying to control everything in his environment and when I step in and set limits I get even more disrespect. He won't just play with his sister. He has to control everything about the game. I hear the whole thing. It starts with him telling her exactly which toys she can play with and exactly how she has to play. If she doesn't follow his exact rules he starts yelling at her, or taking things from her or physically abusing her.

Today I went right over and pulled him off her. I told him firmly that he needed to go sit on his bed for 10 minutes and we would talk after those ten minutes. He immediately started a screaming and hitting temper tantrum. Is it normal for a child this age to not connect at all that they are the cause of the result?

I just keep wondering when he is going to see the negative impact of his actions and actually think before he does something. Or at least accept the consequence...

I woke up this morning to immediate nagging and whining. He is incredibly persistent even when everyone around him is obviously burned out and done with it. I can't even walk through the room and get a cup of tea/wake up properly without being immediately thrown into his nagging/whining/persistence/naughty behaviour. It starts first thing in the morning and ends only when he is asleep.

I am so sick of it.

I am so tired. I am burned out.

Sometimes I feel like "gentle" discipline just doesn't work for him. Nothing works!

-Hannah

[D_McG]

Does he have any behavioral diagnoses?

What approaches have you tried?

My kids are also 5 and 3 and my son gets bossy with her.  When he gets a bossy tone he gets a warning.  Actually being physically bossy or persisting with the bossy tone is game over.

He does the screaming thing too if I put him in his room so now he goes '5 minutes willingly, 10 minutes unwillingly'.  I'm surprised at how well that is working actually.

But anyway what you're talking about sounds pretty extreme to me.  Has he always been like that?  What does his pediatrician say?  How is he at school?  with his Dad?

Does he get enough sleep?

I know - lots of questions but it's just hard to figure out what's going on.

eta:  I just read back an old post and see this is a long term issue.  I would definitely get professional help at this point.  Call someone today!

[vermontgirl]

Originally Posted by D_McG 

Does he have any behavioral diagnoses?

What approaches have you tried?

My kids are also 5 and 3 and my son gets bossy with her.  When he gets a bossy tone he gets a warning.  Actually being physically bossy or persisting with the bossy tone is game over.

He does the screaming thing too if I put him in his room so now he goes '5 minutes willingly, 10 minutes unwillingly'.  I'm surprised at how well that is working actually.

But anyway what you're talking about sounds pretty extreme to me.  Has he always been like that?  What does his pediatrician say?  How is he at school?  with his Dad?

Does he get enough sleep?

I know - lots of questions but it's just hard to figure out what's going on.

eta:  I just read back an old post and see this is a long term issue.  I would definitely get professional help at this point.  Call someone today!

I find that if I am right there constantly...even sitting on the floor nearby watching I can get to it before it gets bad. For example, if he starts getting bossy I can jump in and be a part of the game for a minute and steer it in a more positive direction. Or I can warn him and he is able to tame himself a little better. Only problem is, I can't do that all the time. I don't like threatening but I do say, "Next time I talk to you it will be a 5 minute time out" or something of that nature and it sometimes helps.

He was an easy baby, but has been this way since about 18 months. We saw a behaviour specialist, but didn't really get much input. His pediatrician is hard to get a hold of, but she has been semi helpful. She recommended some great books.

He is really good at school, which gives me some piece of mind. His teacher is wonderful and she was a former Special Ed instructor. I have asked her to keep an eye on him and let me know if there is something off at school. She says he is perfect at school. He is learning up to pace, enjoying himself and cooperating. He gets along great with the other kids and has never even had one issue.

My husband and I both think that he has ADHD (something we wouldn't diagnose or medicate) and we pay very careful attention to what he eats, how much screen time he has and we respect his needs that relate to his short attention span. It is the impulse thing that is really hard to deal with. I must say though, since going to school in the fall he has gotten much better already. I assume that he will grow into himself and with time be a very fine young man. :) It is just really exhausting, and always has been. The key is to make sure that I take care of myself so that I can have the right kind of patience for him. I worry about his self-esteem because he knows how tiring he is on us at times.

He gets plenty of sleep. I don't know.

I guess I mainly just could use parenting tips for how to deal with such a spirited (intense, impulse, angry) child. I love the kid so much and my relationship with him and the way he feels about himself is top priority. As well as my own sanity.