Hi! I am looking for some useful ideas or folks who have btdt. I have two 15 yr old girls who are relatively successful in school and seem to have healthy relationships with their friends. We have kids at our house all the time, most weekend nights I have at least one extra teen over for dinner :) We have really open communication at my house and even other teens tend to want to confide in me. The girls are athletic, eat well, are healthy, laugh a lot.
I also have boundries and rules around what the girls are doing, what happens in my home, chores etc etc. I communicate with other parents regularly and generally feel pretty good about parenting.
So here's my problem. They both have recently smoked pot, let me know they are interested in occasionally smoking with friends and feel like this is an OK decision. They have both had opportunity for drinking, probably have tried it but have a pretty healthy fear of alcohol after seeing friends behave badly.
I told them I wouldn't "OK" them smoking pot- never in my house and talked about the legal issues. However, these are mature, healthy individuals making a pretty conscious choice, and I am not all that sure I can change their minds. I can become the enforcer, although I am not all that sure what I would even do- search their room or their stuff? That would be very invasive in our family structure.
I think I want to sort of feel my way through this moment while keeping the conversation going, I can tell if they are high, I think they go off in the woods or something. I don't really want to punish them at this point strictly because I think it would be incredibly ineffectual.
They both go to a very artistic, very small private school. In fact there are a number of kids who smoke with and/or around their parents. Lots of pot smoking in general. So they are in a little microcosm of acceptance.
So, if you have any creative ideas on how I can handle this in a healthy, communicative way, allowing us to preserve our family values of respect for each other and our choices and space. I am still sorting this out so just telling me I am wrong is probably not going to be helpful.