great kid smoking pot - Page 2

[philomom]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial 

My daughter is 19, and has never been drunk or high.   I didn't even raise her to be like that.. I hoped it's the choice she would make, but I didn't really expect it.  She made the choice herself.  She has no interest in drugs or alcohol, and I don't think she ever will.  She has only two friends who party, and all the rest made the same choice she has made.  

I have 18 year old who thinks its ridiculous how many teens she knows feel they have to get drunk or high to have a good time. She thinks just being alive and pain free is a great day(she has a chronic illness). Thank goodness her best friends don't feel the need to behave in those inappropriate ways. And yes, I did raise her like this.

[enkmom]

Here's the thing.  My son doesn't believe he needs to be drunk or high to have a good time.  He drinks beer because he likes the taste.  He smoked (notice the past tense) pot a few times because he was curious and found it relaxing.  No one here is hoping that their child grows up to be an alcoholic or a drug abuser.  Some of us feel, though, that there can be a middle ground.

nextcommercial,  I think what you were trying to say is that you didn't necessarily raise your daughter to abstain, it is just a decision she made for herself? 

[philomom]

Originally Posted by enkmom 

Some of us feel, though, that there can be a middle ground.

There is no middle ground on illegal activities.... which is what pot smoking and underage drinking amount to. I've made it clear to my kids that breaking the law of the land is not okay.

[enkmom]

Let me try to explain myself better.  I did not tell my kids that breaking the law was ok.  I told them the consequences (though I will admit that I had no idea you could get a DUI 3 weeks after the fact), and I told them that I didn't want them to get involved.  I was also aware that no matter what I said, there was a chance they would be involved anyway.  I chose not to go all-in on a "you will never drink ever" approach.  If I had seen signs of a problem developing I would have stepped in right away.

I do suspect that this is an issue we will have to agree to disagree about, and that is ok.  I think the fact that your daughter does not experiment with drugs or alcohol is wonderful.

[Imakcerka]

Kids who smoke pot are not bad kids.  You would be amazed at all the extremely bright and well off people smoke regularly. 

Parents whose kids smoke pot are not bad parents.

Parents whose kids have never smoked or did it just once and realized that they'd rather be high on life are truly the better parents here.  Their kids will never do wrong and will always follow the LAW.  Pat yourself on the back, you've been snowed.

[philomom]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

.  Pat yourself on the back, you've been snowed.

That's very rude.

I think its unwise for you to encourage anyone to willfully break the law. There are consequences to breaking the law. Do you really want your children to face those consequences?

[Imakcerka]

Rude?

And I'm encouraging?  Eh... nope. 

[laohaire]

Originally Posted by philomom 


I have 18 year old who thinks its ridiculous how many teens she knows feel they have to get drunk or high to have a good time. She thinks just being alive and pain free is a great day(she has a chronic illness). Thank goodness her best friends don't feel the need to behave in those inappropriate ways. And yes, I did raise her like this.

Is sanctimony something you have to work at, or does it just come naturally to you?

[Imakcerka]

I'm sorry I have the Judas Priest song stuck in my head   "Breaking the Law"!   Sure, why not they can do all the bad things they want.  Wait... herb is from the ERF!  God put it here for you and me...
 

Originally Posted by philomom 


That's very rude.
I think its unwise for you to encourage anyone to willfully break the law. There are consequences to breaking the law. Do you really want your children to face those consequences?

[nextcommercial]

Originally Posted by enkmom 

nextcommercial,  I think what you were trying to say is that you didn't necessarily raise your daughter to abstain, it is just a decision she made for herself? 

Yes.  I let her know my preference, but I'm not living under a rock.  So, I always assumed that she'd try it.  (I tried it in high school) and she's never had any interest in it, or in the people who do.  She's got her own group of friends and interests.  I can't complain.  I'm just saying she didn't make the choice because of my awesome parenting... it was a choice she made on her own.

[Mom31]

oh i see i read it wrong

[Imakcerka]

And that admission makes you rock!
 

Originally Posted by nextcommercial 

Yes.  I let her know my preference, but I'm not living under a rock.  So, I always assumed that she'd try it.  (I tried it in high school) and she's never had any interest in it, or in the people who do.  She's got her own group of friends and interests.  I can't complain.  I'm just saying she didn't make the choice because of my awesome parenting... it was a choice she made on her own.

[philomom]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

I Wait... herb is from the ERF!  God put it here for you and me...

Uh, no. It doesn't grow all by itself.. it's cultivated with a lot of water, fertilizer and sunny days. It's not like a dandelion or plantain that you can just pick out of anyone's yard.


Also, a lot of harmful things are grown... foxglove, castor beans, datura, yellow Jessamine, dumb cane, hemlock , mountain laurel, yew and false hellebore....... you don't eat those unless you risk dangerous and perhaps fatal consequences.

[Imakcerka]

Maybe you should go around and get rid of all the evil stuff.  And um... yeah... it was wild before it was planted on purpose...  Seriously?  I could do this all day. 
 

Originally Posted by philomom 


Uh, no. It doesn't grow all by itself.. it's cultivated with a lot of water, fertilizer and sunny days. It's not like a dandelion or plantain that you can just pick out of anyone's yard.
Also, a lot of harmful things are grown... foxglove, castor beans, datura, yellow Jessamine, dumb cane, hemlock , mountain laurel, yew and false hellebore....... you don't eat those unless you risk dangerous and perhaps fatal consequences.

[enkmom]

Mom31, I missed thanking you for your sympathy about my son's case.  It was a shock to us all, but he took the consequences like a grown-up, paid his own fines, and dealt with all of it himself.  If I had believed that he was high behind the wheel, I probably would have sold his car.  He wasn't, so I consider this a mistake and a learning experience.

I think nextcommercial hits it on the head for me.  We do what we can, but ultimately our kids make their own choices.  I don't consider myself to be a bad parent, and while I think it's great that some kids don't experiment, I don't consider my children to be lesser beings because they did.

[Imakcerka]

Learning from mistakes is what makes us human.  Those who never make mistakes are the ones I would worry about.

 

Originally Posted by enkmom 

Mom31, I missed thanking you for your sympathy about my son's case.  It was a shock to us all, but he took the consequences like a grown-up, paid his own fines, and dealt with all of it himself.  If I had believed that he was high behind the wheel, I probably would have sold his car.  He wasn't, so I consider this a mistake and a learning experience.

I think nextcommercial hits it on the head for me.  We do what we can, but ultimately our kids make their own choices.  I don't consider myself to be a bad parent, and while I think it's great that some kids don't experiment, I don't consider my children to be lesser beings because they did.

[tiqa]

I think it's great they're coming to you and that you respect them enough to have this discussion.  I'm sure they will make the right decisions in the end.  I would stress the legal aspects and the job drug testing.  Do their sports drug test as well?  You mentioned they were athletic.

re: driving -  I need everyone to be sober while driving.  I don't care if they're high off alcohol, weed, coke, too much Starbucks, lack of sleep, or cough medicine... it's not safe.  It just isn't.  I know everyone has been in a situation where they had to drive in less than perfect conditions, but when it's avoidable, just don't do it.  Having smoked weed is not an unavoidable emergency.  I agree with those people saying that you should tell your kids that if they need to be picked up by you, they won't have consequences.

[canadianhippie]

Another thread where Im thankful to be Canadian!

Drug testing for jobs? Jail time for trace amounts? its weed! craziness

I think being completely aware of the laws in your state is essential to educating your daughter about pot. No matter how much some people disagree with the laws, you can't avoid it.

She needs to be smart about smoking, and you as well about allowing it. It needs to be kept private and in the opposite direction of the wind lol

Allowing something like smoking pot to come in between your relationship is foolish, I think the OP has a sensible, realistic view. Do not alienate your child for something so silly, they are young and looking to experiment and find their piece of mind.

Condemning and penalizing this behaviour will interrupt their development into a well-adjusted and confident adult, and put them at a greater loss, since their foundation (the home and the parents) is saying their decision making is wrong, and the way they live their life is terrible and not welcome. Great advice from a loved one! 

Just be smart...teach her to be too. If she becomes dependant on smoking, SHE needs to take a step back and reevaluate if this is for her. 

My biggest advice, although "out there", is be the home where she and her friends come to smoke. You know where she is, what the effect will be and that she's not walking around risking getting caught by the cops.

It will built the relationship to be trustworthy and accepting, which is what every adolescent growing up needs. Not harsh punishment, it will have the opposite effect. And you'll be the coooool mom!!

Edited by canadianhippie - 2/11/12 at 1:19pm

[Wildflower]

I've heard that smoking can have an adverse effect on brain development if the brain isn't finished growing into it's adult size yet (like maybe age 20-22?). I'm sorry I don't remember where I originally heard that, I think it was from some therapist or doctor--might be worth researching? We hear lots of talk on this topic here in Humboldt County.

[jdsf]

I'm sure my kids will never smoke pot because all they have to do is look at their father and say "Do I want to end up like that when I'm 40?" He started smoking pot at 11. He has lost probably 20 cell phones in the last 10 years among other things. He is the epitome of not having it together and still gets nagged by his parents constantly to do what any adult should be doing. Please befriend both a burnout and an alcoholic, introduce them to your kids, and then you can sleep safe and sound at night.

On the flip side of that coin, I live in a city where probably a good 30% of residents enjoy some occasional marijuana here and there if not more often. I myself have burned through a few ounces in my day, I have a handful of friends who are parents who smoke pot on the regular, and I can't say "it's a bad thing" at the end of the day. I have always educated my children to understand that alcohol is way more dangerous than pot, that it will cause you to make terrible decisions, and it can ruin your life. Smoking weed at a party is not going to ruin your life 99% of the time. Alcohol has a way better chance of ruining your life. No one ever overdosed on pot or got high and thought it would be a good idea to drive 90 miles an hour down a residential street. I have raised my kids knowing that the government in this country is corrupt, the people who make rules are just getting handouts from whoever has the highest bid, and pot should be legal as long as alcohol is. My ex-boss' husband is dying of cancer. He smokes pot to help with the pain and get him to eat. Drinking booze isn't going to help anyone with a medical condition, but marijuana can. Smoking anything is not good for you, but a little pot brownie never hurt anyone. The chemical composition of THC is not detrimental, but if you put anything in a piece of paper and smoke it, obviously, your lungs aren't going to like it.

Do I want my kids to smoke pot as a teenager? No. But I think it would be good for them to try it in college or when they get older. I think people should try as many things as possible so they have a better understanding of life and how other people live. Of course I don't think they should go jump off a building, but recreational drug use within reason isn't going to hurt anyone and it will definitely expand their consciousness. In this situation, I would let them know that smoking pot at such a young age can harm the development of your brain, but I wouldn't go so far as to search their things or make them feel like they're doing something terrible. In my book, I would be more upset over making a C on a report card than taking a couple of hits off a joint at a party at 15. You gotta pick your battles.

Recently, my older DD (14) was going to a party where she knew a handful of her friends would probably be smoking pot. She was a little nervous because she didn't want to look "uncool" for not doing it. I told her that honestly, it might even make her look cooler to just act casual about it and be like, "No, I'm not into that". If I had friends who could be around pot smokers as a teenager without smoking, I would have thought they were really cool for not doing something just because everyone else is doing it. And I probably would have chosen to hang out with that kid instead of everyone else who was doing it. She's her class president and has more Facebook friends than I do, so I think her technique is working ;)