One reason I'm not working

[jeteaa]

One of the main reasons I am a sahm/not working is because of the type of job my dh has. I know, this may sound like an excuse, maybe it is and I just don't realize it. dh is in management and for the last 10 years he has only taken 1.5 sick days and vacation time had to be planned many months in advance. To keep his job/position he has to be available at anytime, work OT on a moments notice etc. Sure, I could work if I had someone to rely on for last minute childcare, including driving them to activities etc. but I don;t. Yes, there are jobs like some childcare situations which I could do. But I'm talking about working a career like job. I don't resent my dh, but sometimes I feel that he does not understand that in part he is able to work the job he does and have a quality family and home life because I don't work. Can anyone else relate?

Edited by jeteaa - 2/3/12 at 4:22pm

[Amys1st]

Can totally relate to your post!

I stayed home for 10 years next month. Since my first baby was born in May2002, and my youngest is now in school FT along with her sister, I work part time, at home about 20 hrs weekly.

But when my first was a baby, DH's schedule was the way that it would have been impossible for me to work a different shift, or if I kept my FT job, it would have been all on me for all the 'other' things I do at home. Thankfully, DH made a salary where it was not an issue for me to stay home as long as I did. I loved loved loved staying home with my girls, but a few years ago before my dd2 was in kindy, I was ready for a job so I did a bit of consulting to get my feet wet. It was such a small amount, I did it while she was at preschool.

One  benefit, since the home stuff was what I did, he was able to focus on his job and within a few years made just a few thousand less than both of our salaries. We have had more years on one income than not, so now me working again, its sort of amusing - like found money.

[mich]

This was the most surprising benefit we found when I quit my job 12 years ago. I could do business (we are landlords) , errands for my husband, and anything else that needs doing without the time limitations of a job. 

In 2008 we ended up in a very bad way. The economy crash had a huge effect on our income and business. We discussed my getting a job, but in the end we decided my being available for the kids, my husband, and our business, and tenents was a much greater value that the income I could bring in. It felt really good to know that the value of what I do is more than the income I could bring in at an outside job. 

Jeteaa,  I think my husband thought this all along, but never said it. It was only when the hard times came,  and we gave me working outside the home thought that we verbalized it. 

I'm sure your husband does understand, and know how lucky he is.

[Peony]

This is my primary reason. I do have a job but it is very part time, very flexible, I am the supervisor, and mostly from home. My oldest is 9 so 10-11 years ago when we were discussing what would happen after children arrived, it was that we could only have them if I were mostly a SAHM. DH owns an IT company. His hours vary widely, on a good work he could play hooky and take DD1 snowboarding, he only skips work for things that he really wants to do or an absolute emergency. On a bad week, we won't see him at all. A normal week has him spending about 30 minutes a day in the house with the kids while they are awake. He travels about one week a month as well. He could go to work expecting a regular day and then something happens and he doesn't come home until midnight. 

[CherryBombMama]

Oh yes.  Mine are still toddlers, and I used to work in a child care setting, so technically they could have come to work with me, but even with my discounts I would be paying about $1600 a month. Just to have them at work with me. That is how much I pay for rent!  And Dh also never misses work, stays late whenever they decide he needs to, and would never dream of taking the day off unless he is dying.  So if I have a sick kid, then I am the one who would have to miss work. Since in childcare, you have to have a certain ratio of children to adults, its not like I could just leave. Think of all the time finding someone to come in on their day off, or pulling someone out of a classroom with enough adults, but who doesn't know the kids in my (old) room.  Too much pressure, I am so glad I quit. 

[tiqa]

I think this is the reason why a lot of single parents (usually mothers) who have custody of their kids do so poorly at their career progression.  It's not lack of education, it's not lack of ambition - it's the fact that there's no one there to pick up the slack when there are sick days or family emergencies or sleepless nights or whatever it is.  When there are two career-dedicated people in a family there are probably already resources set up to deal with those, and possibly enough income to be able to afford a nanny.   But for the majority of people, yeah, it's really tough.  I don't think it's an excuse, OP.  I think what you do is valuable and while I don't know whether or not your husband "gets it" fully - he would certainly get it very quickly if something were to happen to your abilities to take care of the kids, even temporarily - like say, a vacation by yourself, or a hospital stay.