other mother yelling at my dd - Page 2

[PoppyMama]

If you need to say it with southern grace you could always walkyour dd away patting her while saying loudly "well bless her heart isn't she a bit overwrought" *look back at woman with dead to me eyes*. When you're far enough away to pretend she can't hear make comments about how that poor boy is never going to be able to put his own pants on with a mama like that.

[gozal]

Oh how awful! I am also a freeze-in-shock type so I really do understand that. I would not leave the playgroup - at least not without addressing the cause. If it were me, I would want to address specificially two things. Of course yelling at a child, especially for a developmentally appropriate behavior, is terrible. But the things that really get me here are (1) she told your DD that she was "bad" and (2) she threatened your child with physical punishment. Both of those things are way, way beyond the boundaries for me. I do not use "bad" and "good" language with my child, ever. In fact I make it clear that goodness is not effected by behavior. A person may behave badly (actually I say unkindly) but that does not make them bad. As he's gotten older and more interested in good and bad we do talk about how there are some people who may do very bad things. (No specifics yet, of course.) But I am very clear with him that we believe people are inherently good and need to be treated as such. I actually pulled him out of his first preschool in part because I overheard a teacher tell a child that she was "bad."Of course, your beliefs may vary, I don't mean you need to say this, but I would be most bothered by that part of the mother's statement and would discuss this with DD, and also with the mother. Something like, "I need you to udnerstand that we do not use good/bad language with DD and I will appreciate you not using it with her either." I would say something similar in regards to the smacking part of her comments, you know, "We do not believe in physical punishment and it is inappropriate for you to threaten my child with that." I would also explicitly tell my child that s/he will never be smacked/hurt and that I will protect her/him from anyone who tries. If DD doesn't seem bothered by it, you may decide not to bring it up again, but my DS is very sensitive and usually would replay a scene like that for a long time with me, so that's where I'm coming from. I'm so sorry that happened to DD. I hope you can come to a good solution for working with that mom.

[journeymom]

Originally Posted by PoppyMama 

If you need to say it with southern grace you could always walkyour dd away patting her while saying loudly "well bless her heart isn't she a bit overwrought" *look back at woman with dead to me eyes*. When you're far enough away to pretend she can't hear make comments about how that poor boy is never going to be able to put his own pants on with a mama like that.

[Viola]

I would say something like, "I realize you were upset when my 4 year old spoke roughly to your 2 year old, but her behavior is developmentally appropriate.  Yours is not. It is not acceptable for you to yell at another person's child and express violent attitudes because you are unhappy with the child's language.  You should model the behavior you want to see instead of teaching violence and anger by example.  When you spoke to my child in that way, your inappropriate response completely undermined any kind of message I would give her about the right kind of response.  I realize we both want our children to grow up happy and healthy, but I do not feel safe being in a playgroup with you if you plan to continue this type of behavior."

And, honestly, if she cannot see the wrong in what she did, or won't apologize, and she is not going to be excluded from the playgroup, then I'd find another one.  I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt and all of that, but the fact that other mothers commented and said it was good you didn't confront her since she was off, that just sounds like no one is willing to say anything to her, and she'll continue this kind of behavior.  And you don't want someone who sees your child as an enemy, and is angry at your child because she thinks that you should spank her.  Those situations just fester and get worse, and sometimes people look for reasons to get into it with your child.

[moonshyne]

Forget writing emails and calling her blah blah blah..walk up to her next time to see her and look her dead in the eye and say "If you ever even look at my kid wrong let alone speak to her I'm going to beat the living shit out of you" and walk away. Seriously, this is your kid and you need to step up and show her that your a mommy who will protect her from animals like this.