Weaning guilt

[letileon]

So, I'm one of those women who's AF doesn't return until they completely wean. My 19 mo. old still nurses for naptime, bedtime and several times during the night but I still haven't had my period. I would be fine with it if DH and I weren't TTC #2. I don't want to completely wean but I'm afraid I won't be able to get pregnant unless I do and I don't want there to be a big age gap between my children. I'm trying to say no during the night but he's teething with molars and I feel so terrible keeping him from nursing. Is it okay to wean a child because you're unable to conceive otherwise? What do I do? I'd love some stories to keep me from feeling like a bad Mami!

[ariatrance]

It may not be necessary to wean completely in order to ovulate - the longer you go without a pp period, the more likely it is that you will ovulate before that first pp period. I got pregnant without a pp period when my daughter was 18 mos. old - she had recently gone from nursing every two hours around the clock to taking four and five hour stretches during the night.

Maybe try cutting back on night nursing slowly and consistently (after the molars come in though! ) and see if that does something for you?

[Asiago]

I just finished the book Mothering Your Nursing Toddler by Norma Bumgarten. She gave a great explanation about mother's guilt. I hope I do it justice......something along the lines of making a voluntary decision to do something that may negatively affect your child (feeling guilt) versus having no choice but to do something (feel regret but no guilt).

Some moms have to work in order to maintain the household, so they may feel regret but do not and should not feel guilt. Otherwise there would be no food, heat or roof overhead. Where as working and being away from a baby or young child in order to afford a higher standard of living may induce guilt because it is a voluntary decision.

I suppose she was trying to say, one should not feel guilt if the decision is absolutely neccessary. This may help or not, but it made an impact when I first read it, so thought I would share.

[D_McG]

Would you want to nurse in pregnancy?  I conceived while bf'ing my first and hated nursing in pregnancy so, so much that I weaned completely before I even had unprotected sex the second time we TTC.  

19 mos is right around when I am pretty done, emotionally.  And I enjoyed the nursing break between babies 2 and 3.  I really enjoyed the freedom and flexibility that weaning gave us.  

I didn't feel guilty really.  Not much, anyway.  Another baby was so much more important to me than breastfeeding was.  And you'd be amazed at how quickly your child will develop new coping skills.  

[letileon]

I appreciate the responses. It's good to hear someone say they didn't feel guilty. I am not sure if I'd want to nurse during pregnancy but my guess is no. I'm going to give it a little more time to see what he does when his teeth are in and then attempt to at least night wean. I guess I just want to make sure that there isn't more than 3 years between children. That is important to me. Thanks ladies!

[3girls1boy]

I've heard a lot of mothers say that nightweaning was the key to getting their fertility back.  

As an aside, the fourth time I was pregnant, I was still nursing my two year old.  I was thinking about weaning because nursing was getting uncomfortable and I had weaned my older daughters around the same time, for the same reason.  Sadly, that time, I miscarried, and in the end, I was very glad that I had not weaned my two year old daughter, because I think that would have made me even sadder.  (At the time, also, I thought that was going to be my last breastfeeding experience, though about a year later, I had my last child.)

[dejagerw]

You said that you are a women who doesn't get their fertility back until they completely wean. How do you know this? A lot of moms go 19 months + before their 1st pp af and still get it while nursing. It looks like you only have one baby, so you don't know for sure yet that your AF isn't right around the corner. What about fertility signs? Have you had any indication that your fertility may be trying to return soon? (for example, have you had any cervical mucus)? If you have that could be a positive sign that your body may be ready to get its fertility back on its own. Have you tried supplements to get your fertility back, like Vitex? That could be a route you can take prior to weaning if you'd really like to continue nursing.

Here's some other good info.

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/normal/fertility.html#achieve

Good luck!!

[letileon]

I have had some fertility signs for months, like cervical mucous and hormone fluctuations but nothing that seemed to be increasing or becoming more regular. I decided to night wean my son starting this week. Things have been going well and he doesn't seem that bothered by it (except around 5am when he knows he's going to get nursed @ 6am!). I still nurse him at naptime, bedtime and at 6am. I'm hoping this will be enough to bring on ovulation. It's only been 4 days so of course nothing yet. Does anyone know how long it takes to ovulate? I know everyone is different, but an average amount of time?

[heatheresc]

I was in a similar position at 21 months and decided to nightwean. Two weeks into it, I had my PPAF! So hang in there, it may not be that long! =)