The terror of potential loss ... anyone else struggling? - Page 2 « Back to Group Discussions

[~Caitlyn~]

GentleC - I think if your care provider would be OK with doing betas again, and it would relieve some of the stresses you're dealing with, I would do it. :) I bet that everything will be fine, and you will feel so much better! 

Originally Posted by GentleCatholic 

This is my first pregnancy, an incredible surprise after seeing my terribly pitted ovaries on the ultrasound and being told that it would be a struggle for sure to conceive. The knowledge that I have PCOS does feed into my concern about an elevated risk of miscarriage. 

I've had two beta tests, my last one on Thursday, February 1, but joy has given way to a desperate fear. It certainly does not help that I've lost most of my worst, earliest symptoms, which for me were a drippy nose and an achy varicose vein. (I only had very faint stomach issues - a surprise rising of food in my throat a few times - but no nausea. My breasts were never sensitive, either). I'm still having that faint feeling in my uterus that corresponds with the uterus stretching, but it's not nearly as pronounced as before. On one hand, plenty of women who have a sudden loss of pregnancy symptoms go on to be fine. On the other hand, a sudden loss of symptoms can be associated with an impending miscarriage. 

I feel helpless. My doctor isn't going to take this call on a late Saturday or Sunday, and besides, what could he do? Nothing. My ultrasound isn't until the 16th. Do you think it would be neurotic for me to get more beta testing in the next few weeks? 

More generally, is anyone else really experiencing much more fear than joy? I did not anticipate this set of fearful emotions being so strong at all when I daydreamed about getting pregnant!

[springmum]

I'm here too. Consciously trying to put my worries aside, choosing not to stress, focusing on today  - easier said than done at times for sure!

To give you a reassuring story, my mum was supposed to lose me as a miscarriage. She went to her dr for HEAVY bleeding (no HCG #'s then) and her dr was about to go on vacation. He told her it was a miscarriage and when he got back he would check to be sure it was cleared as it should. Wouldn't you know I hung in there and came out over 10 lbs 9 months later!

Wishing you luck :)

Originally Posted by colta 

Hello all... I never did get around to posting about what happened on Tuesday for me... to be honest, it wasn't anything special... but there were a few highlights.
I had a fair amount of spotting today, kinda figured I would considering I had a vaginal ultrasound yesterday. I've had a few more little clots and one other big one, but no crazy cramps... just my usual.

I'm currently in nursing school and I was missing ALOT of clinical hours, which are mandatory. This was putting a huge strain on me, because this is my last semester and I had absolutely no time to make things up. I was able to contact my teacher with regards to postponing my graduation until next year... she was fabulous about it and gave me a great deal of encouragement, which was something I really needed.... my classmates have been slightly less than encouraging, not really taking what I want to do all that well at all... but that's not their issue, so I'm trying to ignore it.I'll be joining next year's graduating class... which is fine. I have friends there as well and It's only 5 months of work.

My mom told me something Tuesday that really helped to calm me down. She told me that she and my grandmother had the exact same thing happen to them for all of their pregnancies (8 between the two of them, all successful)... so that's helped a great deal. I've heard that you're pregnancies mimic your mothers... so it's given me a bit of hope. She said a few times neither one had any idea they were pregnant... as they just thought they were having abnormal periods.... it's a comforting notion that I'm doing the exact same thing, because neither one has had a miscarriage.

I also checked my chart from my previous ectopic... When I had my ectopic, I actually thought I had miscarried first. I had the bleeding and the cramping and the passing of major clots (the pain was crazy)... well I'm now further along then I was last time when I thought I miscarried. And in 9 days now, I'll be further along than I was when it was discovered I had an ectopic. So that's a big deal for me.

But  yeah... DR's appt today... I'll let you know how it goes.

[LibbyLou]

How's everyone feeling today?  I'm much more at ease after my appointment yesterday.  I got an ultrasound and got to see that tiny heart just beating away.  They saw something that might be a blood clot that formed at implantation that could be causing the spotting, but they don't know for sure.  They said everything looks good so far, though!  I'm feeling confident enough to start telling people finally.

[cathochick]

That's great news!

I'm 6 weeks 4 days and hoping morning sickness kicks in next week. No more spotting. Tired and hungry.

[1babysmom]

Not really. :-/  Trying, but I had some more spotting yesterday and quite honestly, it's hard NOT to feel doomed when 2/3 of my babies have died.  Ugh.  My OB's receptionist wasn't even concerned and didn't even bother trying to get me in sooner than next Monday ("The 1st trimester is just a waiting game, there's not much we can do..."  DUH!  But if I'm ALREADY consistently losing babies, how am I supposed to fix it and what's the point of an OB if I can't ever stay pregnant long enough to SEE him?!?!!?  Geez.  I know they probably get a lot of worried mom's wanting to get in sooner, but I'm not just trying to get in for reassurance, I'm trying to get in to see if there is a reason my babies are dying so we can STOP it!!!!  FWIW though with my 1st DD he wanted to see me almost immediately (after just TWO early miscarriages) and I told her that, but she was like, "Well, we've gone electronic now so he won't be able to pull your chart unless he gets into storage...blah blah blah").  So until then I'm just praying I'm still pregnant by that point.

[zubeldia]

babysmom, that is terrible. I would ask to talk with your OB's nurse. I have had back to back losses and have been seeing an RE who is a bit more proactive about these things. I'm so sorry. I'd honestly call back and ask to talk to the nurse. Have you had any recurrent miscarriage work-up?

[1babysmom]

I did call and speak with the nurse shortly after I posted this.  The first receptionist wouldn't even let me THROUGH to the nurse.  Turns out she didn't even put me down for a prenatal, but for a new patient checkup!  WTHeck?!!  Anyway, the nurse is trying to get me in for an ultrasound BEFORE my appointment, because I don't want to go to it if my baby is already dead like last time, KWIM?

[esma2175]

Sending you Hugs Babysmom!!!    Personally I think that is a bunch of crap, and I'd be either on the phone, or since I'm close, they would see me in the office asking about it.  I had to do that when DS was young as I couldn't get through in the phone.  it is much harder to brush people off if they are there in person!

I'm also starting to lose my M/S  and get some energy back, which scares the crap out of me...  That was how I found out we M/C in the fall.  I have an ultrasound tomorrow, so I'm hoping for a nice healthy baby on the monitor!!!

[OkiMom]

sorry you are going through all this babymom, hopefully you get to have an ultrasound sooner rather than later.

Esma- how sure are you of the dates? If you could be a couple weeks more along then you think it would explain the easing of morning sickness and the more energy.

[esma2175]

I'm not very sure of the dates, but I did already have one U/S (on 2/3) and all he saw was very thick walls so I was less than 5.4 weeks then.  After that we did my beta's and they were doubling normally and I started my Morning sickness and wanting to sleep all day. So there was no consern for me.  I should be around 6-6.5 weeks now.  Yesterday I felt normal, read wanted to throw up all day no matter how often I ate.  But today I even helped in DS school and only a little nausea, and even stranger, I worked around the house a little didn't nap and am still awake, Sleepy but awake.

Thanks for the Positive thoughts Okimom!!!  Any other thoughts and prayers are welcome and appreciated!!

I just wish DH was here for a hug...  He'll be back on Friday, but that is not today.  Thanks for listening!!!

[esma2175]

If anyone was following my drama, I had my u/s today and there was a little beating heart!!!  I measured in around 6 weeks 1day.   We also saw a nice strong heartbeat with our M/C so I'm still worried, but not as much.

Also Because of a previous M/C the OB said he would scan me once a week if I needed it for peace of mind (Insurance dosen't cover it and he wouldn't charge me for the scan!)  I thought that was the sweetest thing.  I feel it also helps that he (well his wife) had 2 m/c  so he understands how concerning that can be.  I did schdule an appointment for two weeks out, so DH can come and for peace of mind.  I know things can change and change quickly, but I know I will worry less after this little peanut gets past my M/C date.

[zubeldia]

esma, that is fantastic news! And very sweet of your OB! I have my first scan on Tuesday and, like you, saw a good heartbeat with my most recent loss, but it's such a wonderful sign that you saw that flutter!

[gratefulmum]

Originally Posted by esma2175 

Also Because of a previous M/C the OB said he would scan me once a week if I needed it for peace of mind (Insurance dosen't cover it and he wouldn't charge me for the scan!)  I thought that was the sweetest thing. 

That is the sweetest! How kind of him. I'm sure that will help with peace of mind in the next few weeks.

[zubeldia]

Hey guys,

Anyone have any news on how they're doing? I had my first scan today and feel somewhat better. Baby measured 7 weeks (2 days ahead) and a good heartbeat of 140. With my losses my first scans, which did show a heartbeat, were somewhat ambiguous (slow heartbeat/or slow growth) so I'm hoping this is a good sign. Still terrified but feeling a lot more hopeful.

[springmum]

I have a 6 week scan this week, fingers crossed:) Feeling very pregnant which is reassuring...

[colta]

Hey all... just thought I'd update. I unfortunately lost my baby on Valentine's Day. Me and DH are still coming to terms with everything and will start trying as soon as my cycles resume. Right now we're just healing and moving on.

This is our second attempt at our first child... it's heartbreaking to know that I've been pregnant twice and have yet to have a baby of my own. Someday I hope I'll be able to have a baby and bring it home.

[ladyleah]

Oh Colta, I am so sorry for your loss. Wishing lots of peace and love in your healing journey. ((((((hugs)))))(

[cathochick]

I'm so sorry for your loss. :-(

[zubeldia]

oh, Colta, I am so sorry. I have been thinking of you. I had two back to back losses and so I understand the agony. I found the trying to conceive after loss forum on this site to be so helpful. I still post there and have made great supportive friendships with women who have walked in your shoes. Sending many hugs and healing thoughts.

[OkiMom]

colta- so sorry for your loss.