I'm not even sure where to begin. I'm at the end of my rope.
My DH is an undiagnosed Apsie. We have two young children, one of who is also on the spectrum. Right now the kids and I are sick, I've got no family support and I'm just totally over it.
I'm sick of having to be understanding of all of the rude remarks. The silence. DH being rude and inconsiderate of my feelings. I feel like I do all the emotional work in our relationship.
DH is involved as a parent, and partner. He watches the kids, makes food, cleans and helps out in general. But when it comes to having a proper conversation with me, spending real time with me, as a couple, being intimate, loving.....sigh..... it's like he doesn't even notice me.
We had a big argument yesterday and after so much talking (on my part), trying to say the exact right words, not raising my voice, allowing him silence and time to think, I eventually ask if he wouldn't mind just talking a little and he starts chatting about the weather?!? As if I'm not in tears, and talking of separation.
I know this post likely wont make much sense. I havent given much of a picture to understand the complexity of our relationship and life together. But I'm just so emotional. So unable to think straight. So over trying and trying, and recieving empty promises in return.
I asked him to try counselling, mens group, read some books, anything! And he tries a little, but then gives up and everything goes back to the way it was.
I feel like leaving. I'm constantly going over the pros and cons in my head. I'm so unhappy. We argue all the time. I hate how he constantly makes rude and hurtful remarks about our very sensitive (and spectrum) toddler. It goes completely against my beliefs as a parent. And I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing by my children having them around such sadness and negativity. My toddler is already severly anxious, he doesn't need to be put down.
But then I feel as though I'd be doing the wrong thing by my children by separating them from their father.
Sigh. I just miss feeling happy.