8 year old boy and attraction to girls....need some advice

[jimgreener]

I am really confused and a little angry. This morning, my wife was making my 8 year old boy's bed and she found a torn magazine page from one of our regular subscription magazines which had an ad of victoria secret under his pillow.

When I asked him why would he do that he cried and said he thought she was pretty. I wasn't sure what to tell him,,,but this what I told him....You are a boy and it is okay to think some girl is pretty but it is not okay to hide it from your mom and dad....You could have said that "I think she is pretty" but you should not have torn up the pages and hid them under your pillow. I am upset with you for hiding things from us.

I wasn;t sure what else to do..I feel that he was so innocent and now suddenly he sees beauty in vitoria secret models...

Did I handle the situation rightly? What should I have done...I am not sure why did he feel that that way about the magazine ad.

I asked him if any of his friends at school talked to him about girls etc. He said No...

Please help...I am confused.

[Wolfs Lady]

 

My first thought is why get angry he likes girls most parents would be thrilled to know that one for sure.  J  My 2^nd is he’s only 8 so maybe he just likes here because she is pretty or maybe he is starting to feel some attraction to woman that is more than just she’s pretty.  If it’s the later it’s likely he is unsure of what those feelings are and how to handle them.  Maybe a little ashamed of his body’s reactions too.  If you don’t have a relationship where you have already discussed sex and these sort of feelings with him he may not have known how to approach you or even have been sure that what he was feeling was normal.  I hate to say something that might make you feel bad but getting angry and upset over it might be sending a message that the feelings he’s having are wrong instead of that his actions in tearing the magazine were the issue.  They also might make him feel even more uncomfortable with his budding sexuality.  So you might want to think about sitting down with him and explaining a few things as soon as you aren’t angry.   I do feel that children need some right to privacy and maybe a better way to handle it would have been to say “Son when I was making your bed I found this and I think we should talk about it.  Can you tell me why you tore this picture from the magazine?”  Then let him lead the conversation.  Try to ascertain if he had feelings looking at that picture that confused him and explain that those feelings are normal and something he should feel free to ask questions about.  Gently explain that you don’t have a problem with him looking at the pictures but that his is to ask to borrow the magazine not tear them out.  Maybe give him a few that you were going to get rid of and let him take pictures he likes out of those.  You might discover that what the woman was wearing (or not wearing) had nothing to do with why he took that picture.  But if it is he shouldn’t feel like those feelings are wrong and even if you didn’t mean to make him feel that way from your post it’s very possible that it came across that way. 

I hope this helps. 

                   Patti