What do you do when your DH just doesn't believe you can do it?

[Harmony08]

My dh has finally come out and said that he just doesn't think I can pull off homeschooling.  We have a 3 year old and are expecting.  We will probably have more kids after that.  That is his biggest issue....that I won't be able to do it with little kids around.  Anyway, I feel like it is one thing to be realistic and  say that we should take it one year at a time and see how it goes and all that and another thing entirely for him to just shut me down before we even begin.

He keeps referencing the time I bought the Little Acorn Learning curriculum for my 2 year old and then didn't end up using much of it.  The reason is that I felt like it was too old for my kid...the crafts and things were beyond him.  I also like to do more outings than the curriculum had room for in its "rhythm".

Anyway.  Anybody been in a situation like this?  What do you do when you really feel strongly about homeschooling?  I don't want to spend the years feeling like I have to prove something to my dh, you know?  But I'm not going down easy.  I still want to homeschool.

[moominmamma]

What I would do in your situation is document what learning is happening in the form of a "preschooling blog." Talk about themes or threads in our learning. Document conversations that show learning connections the child is making. Tag posts by "subject" area (eg. community, social learning, numeracy & logic, creativity, literacy development, wellness & physical activity). Keep track of activities (playdates, library story hour, playground time). List books read aloud. Hours of physical activity. Evidence of learning during imaginative play. Scans and photos of artistic creations. Photos of nature walks, helping in the kitchen, explorations of the community.

Within a couple of months of starting something like that you'll have something that will look very much like a robust preschool homeschooling experience. Out on the web in a swanky blog presentation, it will impress the socks off your dh. It'll look organized, comprehensive and properly serious and committed. When he thinks of you homeschooling he'll no longer picture Little Acorns gathering dust. He'll think of the vast, rich, varied set of experiences represented on that blog. Case closed.

Miranda

[tankgirl73]

My first husband and I separated when our son was almost 4.  I'd always intended to homeschool, and had even started some preschool kind of workbook stuff with him (ah, the days before I knew better lol), and ex-h had always seemed supportive.

That changed when we separated.  He put into his first draft of the separation agreement that our son would go to school -- and in HIS catchment area, no less!  It turns out he only 'trusted' me to homeschool as long as he was there to keep an eye on things!  Also, he had no problem with homeschooling through kindergarten -- only because he himself didn't go to kindergarten so he didn't think it was necessary. After that, though, he didn't trust me to do it properly.

I should add here that I wasn't just some disorganized flighty chick with a pipe dream but no skills.  I'm a trained and experienced teacher.  Piano teacher, not school teacher, but I probably have more actual pedagogy training than many school teachers.  The basic principles of "how to pass on information to a young child" are the same.  We all know you don't have to be a teacher to successfully homeschool, but that can be a criticism from those who DON'T know.  But that doesn't even apply to me!  

Anyway, I could rant on for awhile, but basically we had some serious trust issues going on here.

In the end, he agreed to 'allow' me to homeschool so long as we did some kind of third party testing at the end of each year, starting at the end of grade 1.  He understood that we didn't need to get "superior" results, but just to show that there is indeed progress from year to year.  He agreed to allow homeschooling until grade 4, at which time it would be reassessed.

Grade 4 came and went without a word from him heh.  Sonny bubbles is now 13, is "in" grade 8, and has no plans to go to high school next year.  It turned out that he has ADHD and Asperger's (which we didn't realize when he was 4yo), so school would in fact have been hellish for him... the therapist who gave us the dx when he was 12 was very glad we were homeschooling!

Anyway, one thing with your hubby could just be to emphasize that it doesn't have to be all-or-nothing.  Maybe he'd agree to let you try it until grade 3 or something, at which time you'll re-assess.  Worst case scenario -- you're all unhappy and kiddo has learned nothing, solution: he enters school the next year and is all caught up within a month.  Seriously, think about what they're actually learning in grade 3 or 4 and ask how long it would really take an 8 or 9 year old to catch up!!!  No long term harm done.

[domesticidyll]

My DH suggests giving him exposure to other homeschooling families, so he can meet their kids and talk to other folks. His main worries were the juggling act (mainly possible b/c teaching one is so efficient) and the camaraderie issue.

I think the blog is a fantastic idea (and what a sweet keepsake of the little years). I track what I do for our charter, and even though I am RIGHT HERE enjoying it and even though I've done this for almost two years now, I am still amazed every month to see what we have done each month. Something about the process of documenting makes for a very mindful and enriching way of life. It helps, of course, that I'm doing it for my satisfaction and for a very supportive charter teacher; I have friends who don't enjoy it; but on good days it feels something like a gratitude journal.

Heather