#2 or No #2, That is the Question...

[wookumus]

DS is almost 2.5, I am 36 and DH is 43.  The debate over whether to have #2 is on the table and is not going well.  I never had preconceived ideas of an ideal family size but I feel strongly about having a 2nd child for the following reasons:  I want DS to have a sibling so he's not "alone" in the world when we're gone; I like the idea of having another personality in the house; I can't imagine not being pregnant again; I feel like I will mourn the loss of a 2nd child that never came to be for a long time (understanding that we might not be able to have another anyway...); we bought a too-big house (due to location and my husband's insistence) and might as well have another child to fill the extra space - definitely NOT the best reason :)

My husband could have gone with or without #1.  He loves DS, gives him lots of attention and participates in household duties to help out.  He has been 50/50 on a 2nd for a while but is now mostly against it for the following reasons: just beginning to be able to do more activities with DS; too expensive; afraid of losing our connection; doesn't want to give up his personal activities; afraid of having another high-needs child; he is a bit dramatic and likes to act like our DS has been the most difficult child in history and that the past 2 years have been torture.

I'm not sure where to go with this and know I'm not the first mom to be in this situation.  On one hand, I know I will mourn not having another child for my and DS's sake.  On the other hand, I am pretty sure I could push this and get my way but then will constantly feel guilty for forcing it to happen, knowing that he was never fully on board.  Doesn't seem fair to either of us.  I want to make this decision sooner than later and move forward, I don't want to wait any longer if it's going to happen.  Are both of our reasons valid?  Any suggestions or experiences you would like to share.  Thank you, in advance!

[mom2qts]

Hi there, I am new to these boards but when I read your post i just felt like I needed to respond.  My answer is that they are both the right answer.  I know that sound flippant but its true.  You love your family the way it is, it sounds like a really warm loving family.  With keeping your son an only you would be able to lavish him with all your energy and resource.  You would probably mourn the loss of a child that never was for awhile but take it from a mom of 4 that I still do that.  We finally decided after 4 that we are done.  Yet I am always vaguely sad each month when my period comes.  All of that said I will tell you watching my children play with and love their sibling is very possibly the most amazing thing I have ever seen.  Warms my heart and soul.  Yes it does make finances a little tight each month and I dont have the one on one time that I wish I did with each one but i wouldnt have it any other way.  It definitely does change your family each time you add a new child and there is always an adjustment period but like you said getting to know that new personality is so fun.  Ok I just reread what I wrote and it probably will not be helpful at all but I wanted to assure you that no matter what decision you make it will be the right one.  GL with whatever you chose. 

[wookumus]

Thank you for your kind thoughts, it's such a hard decision!!

[themothership]

Your story sounds like mine, only without the too big house (ours is actually too small) and we are younger, but all of your reasons are mine, and all of your husbands reasons are my husbands reasons...we only agree on the not wanting our DD to be alone when we are gone..
I can't offer any advice, but I know how you feel!

[A&A]

When I wanted #2 and dh didn't, I said to him, "I don't want to regret not having a second child." That convinced him. So yes, I got my way, but ds is 9 now and dh tells me all of the time that it was absolutely the right decision.