Did anyone struggle with the decision about learning baby's gender? - Page 2 « Back to Group Discussions

[Iowa]

I have no patience!  We plan to find out at our 20 week scan and find it to be a really fun event to look forward to.  With our son, we met up with your families afterwards for breakfast to share the news and it was a very special day.  We're looking forward to that again. 

[GoofyInOK]

We're struggling somewhat.  It's really, really hard to be so curious and not to know, especially since we're going for the 20 week ultrasound in 10 days and I have no idea how I will resist once we are there!  I will be happy either way, I know that...  It's just the curiosity is killing me.  Hubby wanted to know back in the beginning and I didn't, and now I find that I'm the one who wants to know more than he does.  Sigh.  I hope we can come to a consensus about what we want to do that we can make peace with before we go!

[scarykarrey]

We've got our 20 week anatomy u/s in three weeks, and we're still wondering if we'll want to find out or not. We're both pretty ambivalent about it. I think it would be nice to cut the list of possible names we'll have to come up with in half, especially since my partner is so persnickety and I think it's going to be quite an ordeal to pick a few.

I'm pretty sure that we've decided that, even if we find out what it is, we won't share that info. I'd rather get things we need at our shower, instead of 892734327 frilly pink tutus or baseball uniforms! We're not really into that whole "gendered clothing/accessories" thing, anyway.

[LindyGirl]

I understand your struggle. I've done it both ways, and with my last baby, we did not find out. (we had both a boy and girls at home already, and it really didn't matter). This time, we have absolutely nothing, and it feels a little like starting over. We've decided to find out. (Two weeks from today! Hooray!)

That said, having done it both ways, it is a surprise whenever you find out. It's a surprise on delivery day or a surprise on U/S day. Both are fun for different reasons. I don't think you'll regret either decision, so just go with your gut.

[MaerynPearl]

We went today, and through talking with the ultrasound tech we ended up feeling even MORE comfortable with waiting. We got lucky and got one who had kept hers a surprise as well! And she did great, even said she never took a peek at the gender herself (and I know she didn't, as I was watching the screen and never had to look away because she was getting too close to down there)

[Kuba'sMama]

we've always found out. It wasn't really a big decision either, we just couldn't wait :)

Now that my two oldest are older, they really wanted to know. And I find it doesn't take away from the experience at all, if anything it makes the baby more tangible in our minds.  Its a special thing for us to find out.  We find that it goes from some vague "thing" in mommy's belly to a real brother or sister.

That being said, we have close friends who never found out and wouldn't have it any other way. So I think it's different for each family.

[Kimithee]

I am dying to know. I can't wait. I have my u/s in 7 days and I wish it was sooner. I like to find out the sex so I don't have to pick a unisex theme for the babies room. I am so ready to get to work on painting whatever I choose on the the wall. I also want to start choosing a name. My husband won't even talk about choosing a name until we know the sex and that is driving me nuts.

[lbkw]

We discussed finding out right before our ultrasound this morning. I get excited thinking about having another boy or girl. But, I'm sure other people in our family have desires for one or the other and I don't feel like dealing with exciting them or letting them down. I feel like it's just easier when the baby is born and it's just all excitement about the new little person no matter boy or girl. My husband tried to tempt me with ideas of cleaning out closets if we know in advance (since we are not planning any more after this) but what's another 4 1/2 months?

[XanaduMama]

Originally Posted by lbkw 

My husband tried to tempt me with ideas of cleaning out closets if we know in advance (since we are not planning any more after this) but what's another 4 1/2 months?

4 1/2 months??

[Shinyredstar]

Originally Posted by elizaveta 

I really do hope you get your girl! Let us know what happens! My father in-law and his second wife had two sons and decided to try for one last one and they were really really really wanting a girl and they knew it was their last try -- it ended up being another boy! They love him all the same, of course, but I know his wife was really sad about it at first. She was really wishing for another girl around the house. 

Thanks! And yes... It's a girl :) and we're super excited about it.

I was reading through this thread again and reflecting on the thought that it's exciting either way, and I agree. It was really fun finding out this week, and finding out with our last one at delivery was exciting too- I'd say the fun was equally rewarding for me.

[belletrist]

With my first, I don't recall being overly excited to find out the gender, but took the "If we see it, we see it" approach. This time, my husband and I decided we weren't going to find out the gender, but now we've had a slight change of heart. My daughter is now five, and super excited to have a sibling, so we decided that she gets to find out the gender and she gets to decide if she wants to keep it a secret or tell us. The ground rules are, if it is secret, she can't tell anyone, but if she wants to tell, she has to tell us first. I just thought the idea of her having a secret brother or sister for a few months was just too magical of an opportunity to pass up! We are going in for our ultrasound on Monday, and she is coming with us, which has turned into quite an exciting event for all of us. At this point, she has decided that it will be a secret, but I'm not sure how long she will keep it that way :)

[onemomma]

So the one piece of information I didn't add in the OP is that it's ME struggling, DH has no desire to find out, and so if I did, it would be only me, and I'd have to keep that an absolute secret forever. A bit crazy. Potential cause of problems for sure, but since I honestly just have never trusted ultrasounds, I would take it as a really great guess, not as knowing.

Today was my ultrasound. I was really sure I could deal with the secrets and figured if the opportunity arose I'd go with it. So at the end the tech asked me if I wanted to know, and explained their new policy that if they tell parents, it has to be clear enough for them to photograph and document that they told me. Fair enough. And just like that, baby rolled up into a ball and shoved his or her hands into their crotch area and that was that. Baby wasn't giving up any secrets. So funny.

I feel really great about the decision being made for me. It was such a simple solution, and now it's done and I can just move forward in wonder. It's perfect.

[Nicole730]

Originally Posted by belletrist 

With my first, I don't recall being overly excited to find out the gender, but took the "If we see it, we see it" approach. This time, my husband and I decided we weren't going to find out the gender, but now we've had a slight change of heart. My daughter is now five, and super excited to have a sibling, so we decided that she gets to find out the gender and she gets to decide if she wants to keep it a secret or tell us. The ground rules are, if it is secret, she can't tell anyone, but if she wants to tell, she has to tell us first. I just thought the idea of her having a secret brother or sister for a few months was just too magical of an opportunity to pass up! We are going in for our ultrasound on Monday, and she is coming with us, which has turned into quite an exciting event for all of us. At this point, she has decided that it will be a secret, but I'm not sure how long she will keep it that way

This is an awesome idea! Let us know how it goes.

[Nicole730]

Originally Posted by onemomma 

So the one piece of information I didn't add in the OP is that it's ME struggling, DH has no desire to find out, and so if I did, it would be only me, and I'd have to keep that an absolute secret forever. A bit crazy. Potential cause of problems for sure, but since I honestly just have never trusted ultrasounds, I would take it as a really great guess, not as knowing.

Today was my ultrasound. I was really sure I could deal with the secrets and figured if the opportunity arose I'd go with it. So at the end the tech asked me if I wanted to know, and explained their new policy that if they tell parents, it has to be clear enough for them to photograph and document that they told me. Fair enough. And just like that, baby rolled up into a ball and shoved his or her hands into their crotch area and that was that. Baby wasn't giving up any secrets. So funny.

I feel really great about the decision being made for me. It was such a simple solution, and now it's done and I can just move forward in wonder. It's perfect.

Glad it was decided for you!

[belletrist]

Originally Posted by Nicole730 


This is an awesome idea! Let us know how it goes.

Turns out, my daughter is terrible at keeping a secret! She was thrilled to be the first to know, but it took her all of about five minutes until she spilled the beans to my DH. She did make me wait longer. In fact, I had my midwife appointment right after the sono and during that time, she hid in the corner working on a "surprise" for me. After the appointment, she handed me a portrait of me, pregnant and grinning ear-to-ear, with the word "BOY" written above it :)

[MaerynPearl]

Originally Posted by belletrist 

Turns out, my daughter is terrible at keeping a secret! She was thrilled to be the first to know, but it took her all of about five minutes until she spilled the beans to my DH. She did make me wait longer. In fact, I had my midwife appointment right after the sono and during that time, she hid in the corner working on a "surprise" for me. After the appointment, she handed me a portrait of me, pregnant and grinning ear-to-ear, with the word "BOY" written above it :)

If I had done that with my older two... they would have told me the opposite gender just to throw me off. LOL

[Shinyredstar]

Originally Posted by belletrist 

Turns out, my daughter is terrible at keeping a secret! She was thrilled to be the first to know, but it took her all of about five minutes until she spilled the beans to my DH. She did make me wait longer. In fact, I had my midwife appointment right after the sono and during that time, she hid in the corner working on a "surprise" for me. After the appointment, she handed me a portrait of me, pregnant and grinning ear-to-ear, with the word "BOY" written above it :)

That's so cute! Congratulations

[Nicole730]

Originally Posted by belletrist 

Turns out, my daughter is terrible at keeping a secret! She was thrilled to be the first to know, but it took her all of about five minutes until she spilled the beans to my DH. She did make me wait longer. In fact, I had my midwife appointment right after the sono and during that time, she hid in the corner working on a "surprise" for me. After the appointment, she handed me a portrait of me, pregnant and grinning ear-to-ear, with the word "BOY" written above it :)

Awww, that is so cute and sweet!  Congrats on the little boy :)