Do you have a routine?

[dovemama]

Hi. I am a SAHM to my 18mo. It has been a fast and furious 18 mos.

I still feel like I don't have the swing of things yet. By the time my DH gets home, I feel like I am just getting around to straitening up the house after a very messy day. I rarely have the energy to make/clean dinner.

Another example is how hard it is to get up and go in the morning. By the time I get DD fed & dressed, and I get a shower, it's already close to her nap time.

This sounds whiny, but I am honestly just looking for suggestions. How did you solidify your schedule? What works for you?

[tiqa]

Would you believe me if I said that it gets better with time?  For the first couple of years, it all is a sort of whirlwind.  My routine at that age was mostly, wake up, get dressed, have breakfast, do chores or run errands, outside time, make lunch, free time to play or do some sort of homemaking activity, then dinner, bath, baby's bedtime, momma-time to read or watch a movie, bed - rinse, repeat.  Just put some nice music on in the background and relax and before you know it, the kiddo will be old enough to do more of a routine and let you get some more rest!

Two suggestions.  Figure out what part of the day you are most energetic, and do ALL your chores then.  For me that was the first thing in the morning.  After lunch, forget it.

Second, have a designated quitting time at the end of the day.  Even if baby's not cooperating at bedtime, you'll know you won't have any more chores or anything else to do at the end of the day.  No sneaking in another bill payment or mopping the floor.  Free up some time for fun - it'll help.  The housework will never be DONE - so don't be in any rush to finish.  You never will FINISH until the kids are grown.

"Cleaning the house while the kids are growing

Is like shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing."

So put in some time for yourself and it might help your state of mind. :)

[dovemama]

Thank you Tiqa. I do believe you, just waiting for those days to come without wishing my baby away.

I love this and will remember it for the rest of my life:

"Cleaning the house while the kids are growing

Is like shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing."

Thank you!

[Snapdragon]

when ds was 18 months I think he was still doing 2 naps. Now at 22 months he has only one nap so our routine is different than it was-and I can't remember exactly how it was- but this is now:

we wake up and usually dh takes ds for an hour or so in the morning before he leaves for work while I sleep. He feeds him breakfast, ds usually poops and dh changes him and gets him dressed. I get up as close to dh leaving as I can muster- meaning I sleep as long as I can- dh usually leaves a little before 8am.

then I get up and make coffee. during the first hour or so ds is sometimes restless and I need to wake up slowly- so I do various things to give myslef the space from setting him up with ana activity, putting on music, or giving him some snacks. eventually I get going and ds and I always go out for the mornign. We either go to a play place or a music class or play date or something- one or two days a week we just go out to the grocery store and for a stroller walk around town.

By about 12:30 ds is ready for a nap, so we go home and I put him for a nap. He usually sleeps up to three hours (yay!). during which time I pump breast milk, veg out on the computer, cook , eat, tend, clean the house, rest.

He wakes up aroun 3 or 4 and usually dh is home by 4:30- so we often just hang out and play at home, or go out in the evening and visit people or something. Dh usually takes him for a while when he gets home. then we hang out at home or do small outings and play until bed- and dh and I kind of pass the responsibilty back and forth.

Then dh and I trade off every other night who puts ds to bed.

But I do not cook much. that is one thing I slack on. I usually fix some food for ds towards the end of his nap so he has kind of a dinner around 4pm, but I do slack on preparing food for dh. SOmetimes I find time or energy to cook more- dh understands that eventually I will get back into it. But often times I just rest when ds is sleeping.

I want to have more exercise in there! Often times ds and I will take a stroller walk and sometimes when dh gets home I go out and take a hike.

Ds goes to bed between 8-9 which is later than it used to be, and dh and I either hang out together or on our own.

Weekends we all hang out together or take shifts with ds. Sometimes we drop ds at mil's huose for 1-2 hours once a week or so.

added- I think when ds was still doing two naps it was harder to do activities- so we would go out as soon as we could in the morning in order to have some kind of outing.

[MrsGregory]

I'm scheduled.  I LOVE schedules.  (I don't function well without a schedule.  I fall into a funk when I'm not performing, or adhering to a prescribed behavior code.  I also enjoy the security and comfort that being on "auto-pilot" offers.  You may be more sane than I am on this front.)  So as soon as daughter was born, I started working on a schedule.  Of course you can't schedule a newborn, but now that she's 4 1/2 months old, we're starting to really see a routine come together.  I started off by noting her natural routines, once they started emerging.  From there I got her bedtime and naps into a schedule.  (Please note that I don't flick her cheeks to keep her awake if she falls asleep before schedule, and I don't leave her in her bassinet crying if she's not sleepy on schedule.  It's just "what usually happens".)  Once I had the bedtime and naps down to a time frame, I inserted the feedings and got her into that routine.  (Again, if she's hungry, she gets fed, even if it's not "time", and if she's not hungry, I don't force it on her, and I plan to be a bit early to the next feeding to compensate.  She likes her routine, and doesn't vary from it too much.)  So, sleep and feeding of the infant daughter being the two main priorities, and those being taken care of,  I made a list of what I needed and wanted to accomplish each day, and each week.  Keeping in mind how important each task is, and how long that task will take, I started to assign time frames to tasks.  For example, it's extremely important that she and I spend some quality time with each other each day, and that I go outside, and that I exercise - VOILA! a walk each morning (weather permitting, and it usually is) between 9am and 10pm, with her strapped to me, 2 miles in 40 minutes with a squirmy, happy 17lb weight.  Triple tasking!  (I feel so smug about this, I might as well admit it.)  I need to do a load of laundry daily, and I need to clean the living room weekly, so before I head out for my walk I throw the couch throws in the wash, and when I get back, it's time to feed her.  Then I work out while she plays near me, then I do lunch, then the dishes, then she's asleep and since I've already got the couch throws done, I put them in the dryer and dust and vacuum the living room.  And that's my housekeeping for a Tuesday, done.  She wakes up at 3:30pm-4pm, and I feed her and start dinner.  I really advise starting from the feeding and sleep routines, if you have them.  Once those are settled and blocked out, see what time you have left.  Make a list for daily and weekly, and just start hunting for spaces that "make sense" in terms of time and, if you didn't make it, ability to improvise and drop something off your list.  I leave the vacuuming for last, see, because if I'm running late, no one will die if the living room doesn't get vacuumed.  Exercise is more important, so it gets done first.  You can make it work for you, and don't be afraid to change it every few weeks, or months, or days.  I have a table that gets printed out and hung on the fridge, so hubs knows what she's expecting to have happen when I'm not at home.  (I also enjoy seeing it there.  But like I said, I'm a bit touched in this regard.)

Good luck!  Happy planning! 

[azhie]

My dd is almost 8 months now, and we've got a routine that works for now. Though I'd expect the routine to change as she grows as it has in the past months, lol. I need a schedule though.

For now this is how our days are:

I get up around 5am to do some yoga, occasionally taking a couple of breaks to nurse her. Around 7am, I make breakfast while dh watches her. If he has to work (we work at home), I keep her in a sling. I do work on the computer from 8-9:30ish. We usually go to the market/run errands/walk from 10-11am with dd in a sling. DD usually naps during this time (she doesn't nap well on her own). I bathe dd around 11am, and we play. I eat lunch at 12:30pm. I get some work done whenever I have to at this time with dd playing by me. I do chores after lunch while dh watches dd (he eats lunch then). Between 2-4pm, I make dinner, take a nap and relax with dd. From 4-5:30pm, we go on a walk/run errands-- dd takes another nap here usually. We have dinner around 6:30ish. After dinner, the 3 of us hang out, watch TV, etc. DD sleeps around 8pm, and I read in bed until I fall asleep, usually by 9-9:30pm. 

We have a part-time helper to cook lunch and do some gardening and other odd and ends around the house. 

I am still not able to get as much work work done as I should-- I haven't figured out yet how to do this. DD has separation anxiety and nurses around the clock, and since I'm with her all the time, it's hard to concentrate on bigger projects. 

The daily walks have helped ALOT-- gets us out of the house, I get some exercise and stuff done at the same time. 

I used to stress about getting chores done, but now I've given up on that. I just do it when I feel like I have energy.

If I didn't have a routine, I feel all out of sorts.

[mom2mygirls]

Originally Posted by tiqa 

Would you believe me if I said that it gets better with time?  For the first couple of years, it all is a sort of whirlwind.  My routine at that age was mostly, wake up, get dressed, have breakfast, do chores or run errands, outside time, make lunch, free time to play or do some sort of homemaking activity, then dinner, bath, baby's bedtime, momma-time to read or watch a movie, bed - rinse, repeat.  Just put some nice music on in the background and relax and before you know it, the kiddo will be old enough to do more of a routine and let you get some more rest!

Two suggestions.  Figure out what part of the day you are most energetic, and do ALL your chores then.  For me that was the first thing in the morning.  After lunch, forget it.

Second, have a designated quitting time at the end of the day.  Even if baby's not cooperating at bedtime, you'll know you won't have any more chores or anything else to do at the end of the day.  No sneaking in another bill payment or mopping the floor.  Free up some time for fun - it'll help.  The housework will never be DONE - so don't be in any rush to finish.  You never will FINISH until the kids are grown.

"Cleaning the house while the kids are growing

Is like shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing."

So put in some time for yourself and it might help your state of mind. :)

I agree with this

[jes h]

Originally Posted by mom2mygirls 

I agree with this

ditto.

DS is 3 now, and we have a very set routine.  I don't think we had one at 18 months though.  That was still a whirlwind of activity between naps.  Seemed like no matter where we were it was always time to run home for a nap.   We did have a very set bedtime, and I have a great DH who really shares chores (he does bathrooms and dishes).

It got easier as DS became more independent (i.e., he eats breakfast and we chat while I straighten up the kitchen, and I can prep dinner while he eats lunch or while he has 30 minutes of computer time after nap), but it also got easier because I gradually adjusted my own expectations.  The house just won't be the same with a little one whirling through. 

I use naps to get chores done, but I ALWAYS take a shower or bath with a book and tea (I don't shower in the AM).  I also get up before DS and do a little yoga and a devotional.  These take priority over the house.   The house is reasonably tidy, and I just don't invite anyone over who can't understand what a small house with a little one whirling around looks like.

I also found I 'wished my baby away' less as he got older because, well, he just got more enjoyable to me.  I loved him as a baby of course, and every age/stage has its high points, but I am having much more fun with a preschooler.

BTW, there are times we have more than just my DS living with us - we spent 3 months with 3 kidos instead of 1(5yrs, 3yrs and 2yrs) - I really had to give myself room to let things go a bit during this time.  We were just finally almost adjusting to the increased craziness of 3 kids when the 2 additional LOs moved out.  (Just noticed and thinking about your signature!)

Edited by jes h - 2/11/12 at 8:54pm

[MrsBone]

I noticed you are expecting again. You may find that once the second baby arrives, it will be imperative to stick to a schedule, for your kids well being and for your own sanity! I'm just now getting into a schedule and DD is already almost 10 months old. DS is 3 years old. I never had a schedule with DS besides, he took a nap each day and was in bed before 9 usually. That was about it. I found myself trying to escape the day to day monotony by leaving the house way too much. So when I got home, I'd have a pile of chores to do, and no energy to do them. Once I buckled down and made myself stay home and try and figure out a good schedule that allowed things to get done, and for me to have a day time break (DS doesn't nap anymore), I'm much calmer, my kids are happier that I'm spending more time with them and most days everything gets done. I hated schedules before, but I'm finding I need them to stay happy and sane. Here's what our day looks like:

7:30-8:00 wake up

8:00-8:30 breakfast

8:30-9:30 get dressed, clean up the kitchen a bit, throw a load of laundry in

9:30-12:00-out the door, errands, park, playdates, whatever

12:00- lunch

12:45-3:00 DD down for nap (here I try and get chores done, laundry folded, dinner prepped, hang out with DS and surf the web)

3:00-4:30- craft with DS, activity, outdoor play

4:30- start dinner (most days I need 1 1/2 hours to make dinner from start to finish)

6:00- 6:30 Eat dinner

6:30-7:15- bathtime (If DH is home by now, he takes over with DS and I put DD to bed)

7:30- jammies for DD, nurse, rock and put her to bed, DS is getting jammies on brushing teeth and getting a nightime snack and drink

8:30- DS is in bed (DH usually does this part)

I normally don't have a lot to clean up from dinner because I clean as I go(hence the 1 1/2 hours to make dinner, lol), and by the time we're done eating, there's only a few dishes to put in the dishwasher and I do that after DD goes to bed, and I pack DH a lunch as well. DH sometimes doesn't get home until after both kids are in bed, which means I do it all myself and DS ends up going to bed later. After both kids are in bed, I get to relax for about 2 or 2 1/2 hours. Sometimes I stay up way too late though! :) I really need my sleep though, so I sacrifice alone time for sleep.