Unless the baby is being held by one foot I'm not quick to intervene anymore. At first I was like, "hold him upright. Bounce more. No, faster. He doesn't like to lay down like that." not so much now. Now I'm like, "are you hanging out with your sister? Cool. Tell her if you need to move." and now he still likes to be upright with me but he is pretty happy with everyone else, too. For a while at least.
I'm in the same situation. Dh has problems soothing Audrey and I am getting worn out! She is super gassy and I feel like it's all on me to try to make her happy. He tries a little but I can't stand to hear her cry so I usually just end up trying to help her myself.
I need to revive this thread. I'm feeling very down and discouraged. My hormones are crazy out of whack right now with AF so I'm probably going to sound more desperate than is healthy... oh who am I kidding, this topic just wreaks desperation anyway: High needs baby.
I have been reading more about high needs babies and Sora fits the mold for most of the description. Part of the reason I've been more relaxed in the past month+ is that she seemed to be calming down a little bit and I finally got some room to breathe. She was fussing for a bit rather than going straight into full-blown screaming fits like before, she was playing contentedly by herself a ton more while I did stuff around her, and *gasp* she is accustomed to car rides 90% of the time now! DH is now able to take care of her alone for about 2 hours max before she goes off the deep end for me. However, unless it's 4am or she's starving hungry, she won't take a bottle from him (or anyone else for that matter). She'll only take a bottle or breast from me. He still isn't able to soothe her much if she does get worked up but at least he has taken to babywearing her out on walks a few times alone finally (like Sara had suggested, which of course Sora LOVES doing with her daddy).
But as you've probably noticed, a lot of this is in the past tense. Suddenly the past few days she is regressing back to wanting me to hold her most of the time, and she's crying a heck of a lot more. Heck, at her 6-month appointment, she wouldn't even sit on the patient table. The doctor had to examine her while I held her the whole time, and just the doctor LOOKING at her sent her into a panic. That's pretty much how it is with my MIL and FIL too. Sora won't even let them look at her without flipping out. She wakes up out of naps crying forcefully even though I'm RIGHT THERE in front of her. She cries during diaper changes most of the time (always has). When I set her in her high chair to eat, she starts crying right away. I'm anxious every time I set her down on the floor now. Will she or won't she tolerate it at any given moment? I feel like everything I do is in panic mode trying to accomplish a task as quickly as I can to avoid or at least lessen the severity of the baby's panicky cries. She's completely unpredictable again. I am a basketcase. I am frantic. I am having to try everything in my power to not slip into a dark fog again because I realized lately that this extreme intense neediness of hers is the biggest contributor to my stress level and mine/DH's relationship problems. It's oh so so overwhelming. 
I had been looking into part time jobs when I felt she was getting less needy. I was about to start trying to have other people babysit her since I felt she had been reaching a place where she'd adjust semi-okay. Now I see no escape whatsoever. I can't fathom leaving her screaming, crying, hyperventilating and turning purple with another caregiver now. How would I be able to, when she will only "reset" emotionally if I nurse her? I NEED the time for myself, though. It had given me hope I could reclaim some of my own health and happiness! I was becoming such a more relaxed, better mother and wife when the baby was less intense. What in the world can I do now?! DH is already walking on egg shells around me again. Our relationship had just gotten to such a great place. It's slipping backwards.
Has anybody been in this situation and then gone back to work or left your child with a babysitter they weren't used to and felt that the baby was okay and not damaged from it? It's my biggest fear. I am just going to flat out say that I cannot do the whole super super high needs baby caretaking 24/7 anymore if it's going to go back to how Sora was as a newborn... I don't have it in me at this point. I don't feel physically able even. I need reassurance of some sort. Anything...
ha!
ha!
That would be AWESOME.
Funny that you typed Soda, too. My brother's iPhone always autocorrects Sora's name into "soda" so he just calls her his Soda Can now. 
Something that helps me a lot during rough times is to remember that it is only temporary. I think everyone (me included) tends to see a short period of difficulty as meaning much more than it actually does. This is just a blip; she will probably go back to her usual self soon! Babies get upset and out of whack sometimes. Then they go back. When Jasper has his grumpy pants on, I usually just put him in the carrier and go about my day. He spends a lot of time on my back while I move about the house singing to him. I even put my laptop on the kitchen counter when I want to use it so I can still rock back and forth with him in the carrier.
I also try to rephrase my irritation in my head. What I mean by that is that when Jasper wakes up for the 10th time between 8 pm and midnight when I'm trying to have some alone time, I go "AHHH!!" and then I stop and think, "In a few short years he'll never want me in bed with him again. A few more snuggles sound nice." Or, if he totally wakes up to play at 10 pm, I tell myself that I didn't get enough floor time in with him that day anyway. Sometimes I just give myself a major guilt trip for having any sort of resentment towards a baby. Lol. I don't recommend that one!
Also, I'll say again that I think it is okay for her to cry in the loving arms of another caregiver. Totally okay. She *will* calm down eventually. Try getting a babysitter. Like Sara said, another person will be all fresh and ready to put their all into baby time.
I hate the phrase my MIL used somewhat condescendingly towards me that I "need to cut the cord" with Sora... but I do agree that I need to become more okay with having someone babysit her. I bet at this point I'm more afraid of upsetting her than she is afraid of being without me. 
I don't get like that when people are actually around and I'm trying to get her used to being in their arms, but a planned out-of-the-ordinary babysitting is outright terrifying for me! Ahh!
I appreciate the reassurance that it will not damage Sora to cry in the loving arms of another caregiver. Thanks Amanda and Sara. I need to hear that outside of my head for some reason before I'll start believing it. I don't trust my own feelings on the matter apparently.
Sora sounds a lot like my dd was. Like Ash said, when it's your first it's way harder to handle it than when it's your third. The feelings you're describing sound like how I felt and things with my dh definitely did slip. When we accidentally got pregnant with ds1, things got a whole lot worse. Dd was easier to handle at that point, but plunging back down into those dark newborn days was very taxing on our relationship- especially when dh wasn't sure he wanted another one. But we pulled through. And now we have Avery and things are much, much better between my dh and myself. I feel less stressed with three than I recall feeling with just my dd. Really, things get better, get easier. But, unfortunately, I cannot tell you from my own experience that it gets better soon. For us it took a long time for her behaviors to mellow some. The behaviors changed, but really I can't say that things felt easier to handle until she was 2.5 years old. But with that piece of bad news (and hopefully things are different with Sora!!), that time is quickly blurring in my mind. It feels like it went by in a flash. I cannot believe that she's 5.5 and now ds1 is 2.5! When I got some distance and looked back at how things were that's when I was able to relax more and realize how temporary this all is. In my case, I didn't leave dd with care givers until she was much older. That's just what felt right for me. But everyone is different. And while this may sound annoying (I know I thought so when it was first suggested to me), what I had to do was alter my mental outlook instead of trying to get my dd to change. Since I didn't have any control over dd's temperament, I knew I needed to work on myself instead. Teaching myself, much like Amanda suggested, to look at things differently and finding ways to make the not so enjoyable things (like laying with a toddler until he falls asleep) more enjoyable (like listening to audiobooks on my iPod while laying with the toddler) has helped me immensely. Before you know it, Sora will be turning 3 and this time in her life will be a distant memory. Your feelings of indecision just show that you are deeply considering all aspects of your situation and working on a solution that is best for all. You'll be able to look back and be proud of how you worked hard to meet her needs as well as your own.
Agreed, Jaimee.
Its easier to alter the mental outlook when its kid #3, because I have experienced the end to infancy and I know exactly how fast time can fly. My oldest is NINE now! When he was a sickly little NICU infant I seriously thought it would never end. When I brought him home and just prayed for the first 6 months to be over they felt long. In retrospect, its a little blip in life...so yes, I imagine its harder with #1. Much harder. BUT you will make it through. This will be over someday. I promise.
Éowyn hit this recently too. I actually left her with my mom while there were visiting a few weeks ago and went to see a movie with Edward. I was freaking out, but she was fine, she cried some, but was happy most of the time. She tends to cry less with other people if she can't hear or see me. So if I give her to Edward while I put the other girls to bed he has to take her into another room, shut the door, turn on music, and get out some cool toys. If she's hungry and tired though, we don't even try, because she will be inconsolable.
I want to chime in about having some perspective on this. One the one hand, I feel like I can't really help, since KJ is probably the world's easiest baby. But I still have moments that are really hard. Last night she was up half the night, just so fussy and uncomfortable (teething, constipation, bla bla bla). When I'm nursing her for the 10th time and nothing is helping her feel better I think, what if she died, what if she were taken from me... and then I suddenly found myself back in this moment? How would I feel then?
I was also a nanny for so many babies who are walking and talking and going to school now, so I know how short and tender these months are. I was a nanny for twins who are now almost 3. It feels like just the other day I was staying overnight and waking up with them every hour, swaddling them, writing down feedings. Now they are 3. That's crazy to me. It will be like that with KJ, with Sora. It's so so short, this time.
I know! I feel like I should be up all night with my first instead of my third, and now I have a five year old AND a three year old! It's really scary sometimes how fast it slips away.
*fuming* UGHHHH. I thought I had gotten past the times when people would be insensitive about Sora's clinginess. How stupid of me to think that the comments would stop... and from my DH of all people! I just told him how upset I was last night when my sister told me I should take Sora to an acupuncturist for her anxiety (I mean really??? it's not like adult anxiety... it's attachment!). Then my DH says, "Well what does she expect from a baby who has only been exposed to her parents at home all of the time?" I was like.... wait a minute.... that's pretty much the same mentality. He still doesn't think it's simply Sora's personality! He thinks it's a behavior we (or rather I!!) have shaped! Even though she's been like this from DAY 1 and we've had her around people many times. I'm so freakin' sick of this. I suppose I need to just let it go and remember that I can't change his beliefs on things, but it still really stings. I just can't wrap my head around that mentality. I can't! I've told him how several mothers have told me they've raised their kids the exact same way but one child will be extra attached and anxious/spirited. I've told him that our pediatrician and midwife both told me it's Sora's personality and it's just something she will outgrow. It's like nobody hears me or acknowledges those things as valid explanations. All they want to keep thinking is that I could be training Sora to shape her behavior to be better. DH just used the word "train" with me. I replied with, "Train her to be less attached?!" He was like, "You're not a psychologist nor are the ped or midwife. They can't determine what Sora can or cannot change." Shoot me now... I'm back to feeling like a failure. Even though it's clear that not all babies of SAHMs are this clingy. Apparently I still did this to her. 
I have a clingy baby too. My MIL is the one who makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. She says stuff like"Audrey, the umbilical cord was cut a long time ago" and "Audrey, you need to stop being attached to your mothers hip". They think it's terrible that I pick her up when she cries, sleep with her, carry her around in the baby carrier to fall asleep, etc. I just spent a week on vacation with them so I heard it all. My father in law asks me everytime I see him if I am still nursing (he is a retired doctor). I've told them many times I plan to nurse her well into her second year but I know they disapprove. I know I am doing all the right things for my child and I'm just trying to make sure all her needs are met. If I need to carry her around all the time, so what? It's what she needs and everyone who disagrees can piss off!
I have a clingy baby too. My MIL is the one who makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. She says stuff like"Audrey, the umbilical cord was cut a long time ago" and "Audrey, you need to stop being attached to your mothers hip". They think it's terrible that I pick her up when she cries, sleep with her, carry her around in the baby carrier to fall asleep, etc. I just spent a week on vacation with them so I heard it all. My father in law asks me everytime I see him if I am still nursing (he is a retired doctor). I've told them many times I plan to nurse her well into her second year but I know they disapprove. I know I am doing all the right things for my child and I'm just trying to make sure all her needs are met. If I need to carry her around all the time, so what? It's what she needs and everyone who disagrees can piss off!
Oh good, so I'm not the only one who has people asking frequently, "When are you going to stop nursing?" It's crazy to me that people freely ask that kind of thing as if it's non-intrusive and totally their business. What's even crazier to me is that they always seem to ignore when I tell them it's recommended for your baby's health to breastfeed for at least the first year. That's how I try to justify things and get them off my back, to no avail. Baby's health doesn't seem to be the priority in their mind! It's like talking to a brick wall. *facepalm*
Thanks for your perspective, Jill. I need to use the same line you did and say - to hell with everyone else, I'm doing what I KNOW is best for my baby! It's just so hard when my DH is on board with most everything I believe about parenting and then comes out of nowhere going back on things or confusing the heck out of me with random viewpoints. It's contradictory and frustrating.
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