anxiety, sleep-deprived TRIGGER warning

[purplerose]

nak. I mentioned a trigger warning- has not happened but i have fears for my baby. i don't know how else to warn without coming out and saying it past this point.

i have a 4 month old who sleeps horribly. and lack of sleep makes my anxiety and depression flare up. i don't know how i even make it through the day anymore. i am terrified my baby will die of sids and constantly check on her breathing even when she is in my arms. i remember crying tro my husband that i just want to enjoy her but i can't bc i am so damn worried about her. it gets to the point where if she is "too hapy" it could be bc she is delirious from some disease. this is ridiculous and i know i am sucking the joy out of having a baby for my whole family. this is my 4th child and i was scared my whole regnancy that something bad would happen. i got lucky 3 times with healthy preg and babies, how long can i stay lucky? it's tearing me up.  before having her, i was terrified my third daughter had tetanus when she had what turned out to be a pinch mark on her foot where a rock was in her shoe weeks before. i have never been treated for the anxiety, i'd always had it since i was little (also borderline personality disorder was diagnosed a few years ago but i never went back to the mental health place) but a few years ago i thought something was wrong with my heart and had tests and the doctor finally asked the right questions and it turned out to be anxiety(which was a hugh relief to realize just what this was going on!! i thought the panic attacks were killing me). this had been under control until this last pregnancy and now with this baby. i have bonded well and nursing is going very well, she is a super cute baby and plays and is so happy(she laughs so much more than my others did!) but I guess it's the lack of sleep...and if she did let me sleep i'd be scared so either way my life feels like it's falling apart. and it makes me feel stupid, there are moms with real problems and have actually lost a child, and my heart breaks. but i'm terrified it will happen.

[yellow73]

I'm so sorry mama!  I can totally relate to the not being able to sleep and that making anxiety worse.  I'm pregnant with my 3rd and my anxiety has been off the charts. My midwives told me there is a phenomenon with this happening with 3rd or 4th pregnancies of women who have had everything go so well before, we just feel like our number is up and SOMETHING is bound to happen. 

I hope that you can bring yourself to seek help.  I use some mild herbs to help me sleep and chill. Lemon balm, skullcap, nettle, oatstraw, made as a very strong tea.  There are other things you can take as well if you feel you don't want to see an MD to get a Rx.  But really, it's been show that anxiety disorders respond very well to therapy or counseling, especially when you can learn some coping mechanisms. 

Can you get help with the baby so you an at least take nap?  Getting some fresh air and doing yoga help me alot too. I know it sounds cliche and it's hard to just DO it, but really, get outside and breathe! 

You are ok, your kids are ok!  Sleep deprivation can make anyone feel out of control, but being a new mom and having anxiety, I think it hits us harder.  But you can work through it! 

All the best, and keep us updated! 

[Alenushka]

Find a good therapist to talk to.

Do all the steps that lower SIDS  a) breastfeeding, b) no smoking. c) Sharing room but not the bad d) Firm matress, baby sleeps on the back. e) No soft thing of any kind in bed f) HALO sleeper for warmth. All these thing lower the risk. statistically speaking.

Get some sleep. Pump as much milk as you cat. Leave your husband home one night with the baby and milk, go to the hotel or friends house and sleep.  You will be amazed what just one night of sleep will do

Get a mother's helper. Take yoga. Yoga is not about the body really but the mind. IT teaches you how to relax.

NAp

when baby naps.

Do bad thing happen? They do. But anxiety does not allows usto enjye what is good. Anxiety makes us waste time on thing that may never happen.