Slowly Weaning my Toddler

[mio2323]

I am so hesitant to post this, as I really don't want any negativity, just support please!

My 26 month old has been nursing about 2 times a day for about a month.  We night weaned about 2 months ago.  And really what happened is he moved into a room with his brother, but more often than not, DH ends up in bed with him.

This week, I decided we needed to stop nursing at nap time, which we co-sleep for.  I have had 1 post-partum period, and that was 4 months ago.  I am not ovulating.  We are really ready to conceive #3.  I have tried other methods to get my period back, acupuncture, herbal remedies, dropping feedings, night weaning etc.  Nothing has worked.  Thus, dropping another feeding.

Day 1 went ok, Day 2 DS was upset, but today was heartbreaking.  He asked for booby once, then melted down. He screamed, cried, pinched me, punched me, bit me, pulled my hair, bashed me with his cup.  He has never ever done any of that.  Ever.  He sobbed "I am sad Mama" over and over.  He never tried to get out of bed, just raged next to me. I laid next to him, snuggling him, crying and singing our special song.

I know this isn't the end of the world.  It won't be forever.  But I am heartbroken about his reaction.  I love nursing him.  I don't want to wean him and really, I wish I didn't have to drop this feeding.  But I need to move forward on getting my cycle back, so I can attempt to get pregnant again. 

Please, no lectures on how I am damaging my boy.  Trust me in that I am beating myself up about this already. 

Is there anyone else who can relate? 

[Viv Vetrono]

follow your heart...and no one has the right to "beat up anyone"......our lives are a personal choices.......have you been to the doctor lately???....perhaps that would be a good thing to explore as to regaining your cycle.....peace

[P.J.]

No advice just sympathy. I am in the process of weaning (not fully but cutting back drastically) my 20 month old....and not because we want to conceive just because for many reasons I feel it's time. I cannot believe how hard it is. We tried nightweaning one night, for three hours, and it was so heartbreaking we decided it wasn't right. Day weaning is easier but still so hard.

Just wanted to say, I feel ya. I agree with the idea of getting everything else checked with a doc, maybe get an ovulation computer or test and try other ways as well. And good luck with weaning.

[neonalee]

Nursing is a two way street, if it is not working for you it is not working. Hang in there mama, we know it's not easy.

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[GoBecGo]

I'm kind of where you are.  DD is 20months, and i'm not weaning....yet.  But i'm ttc from when she turns 2, and though i have cycles back already and think i could conceive now, i am not planning on tandem nursing, so i know weaning is on the near-horizon.  She's soooo in love with the booby.  Even cutting one feed seems to be impossible - a few weeks ago i'd gotten her down to 3-4/day and then she got a cold followed by upper molars beginning to move down and we're back to 9-14 feeds a day (she's night weaned in the main but unless i give her painkillers before bed, and often even if i do, she still sometimes wakes with teething pain around 1am and i have to go nurse her back to sleep).

It feels sad and desperate when she's crying for the breast.  I really solemnly wish she'd suck her thumb (as her sister does) or take a dummy because it's so so hard to take the comfort from her and yet so so hard for me to go on BEING that comfort.

I have no advice, but you're not alone.  

[LeaPea]

We are working on weaning here too. My daughter is 20 months old, and I am 5 months pregnant. I don't know if it's pregnancy, or just exhaustion, but I hate nursing my toddler now . She would breastfeed all day, everyday if I let her. She still nurses several times a day, and several times a night. I have started weaning her during the day using distraction, and it's working for the most part. Night is another story. Last night she nursed for the hundredth time and I just couldn't take it anymore. She cried, screamed, kicked, slapped, etc. for an hour until she finally fell asleep. I don't know how to make it any easier on either of us. Seems like we just have to forge ahead. It is heartbreaking, because I think as a mother you want so badly to make your child happy by providing that comfort.

[letileon]

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one dealing with this. My son is 20 months and we are hoping to conceive again as soon as we can. I haven't ovulated and am thinking about night weaning. I feel really guilty about it because I know he hasn't gotten all of his teeth and there will be plenty of night waking ahead. He only nurses for nap time and bedtime but he is a champion night waker/nurser. I don't want to wean him on to a pacifier and I kind of wish he'd suck his thumb too! Anyway it's a really hard decision but I'm trying to tell myself that breasfeeding is not the only thing I have to offer him and one thing I think is important is having siblings close in age. He may not appreciate it now but when he's older he will. Both my husband and I are close with our siblings...so I guess you can't give them everything all the time. It's hard to tell yourself that when they are screaming for their booby at 4am though....

[vegrunr]

So good to hear other mamas talk about this.  My son is a bit younger, almost 18 months and I am ready to cut back his nursing A LOT.   He still nurses 10+ times a day and usually 1-2x night depending on teething, etc.  I feel guilty as I don't even have a specific reason but I just feel that I need some more space and it's hard to get with him wanting to nurse so often.  We are also planning to start trying for another one at the end of the summer and I do not want to be pregnant and nursing for a variety of reasons.  I try distraction and it sometimes works, actually the past 2 days it has been more successful.  Often it works for a minute or 5 but then he remembers and asks to nurse again.  I just feel that for me now is the right time to cut down and start truly weaning him so he's done by June/July but it seems like an impossibility.  He also LOVES mama milk and even though he does take a pacifier, we only use that during sleep times so it's not so helpful.  Thanks for your honesty, advice, support.  Anyone found any good resources that talk about weaning when mom is ready but still doing it as "gently" as possible?

[neonalee]

We followed Dr Jay Gordon's advice when we did our partial night weaning as it had been recommended many times on MDC. I don't have the link handy but it's easy to Google. Hopefully I got his name right!

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[Mama4life14]

I really feel for you Mama! When I weaned my son, it was decided suddenly. And it was so so hard emotionally! I cried a lot. I got one last nursing session, and I cherished it with everything in me. (It brings me to tears just thinking about it) I loved my nursing relationship with my boy.. I loved being the comfort for him. But it was a "now or never" situation and it had to be done.

But like the other PP said, there's more we can give our kids.. It sure doesn't feel like it when your child is screaming to nurse. But its true! And I've realized it now.

So hugs to you Mama! This is a difficult time. You are definetly not ruining or damaging your child. Its just a part of our kids growing up! There will be so many more bonds we will have with them

God bless!




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[mio2323]

I just wanted to update everyone that things are going much better.  DS has gone to sleep for nap, snuggled up next to me for the past 4 days, with no crying and no being upset at all! I am so happy about this!! 

We are down to nursing in the morning, and I think that might be fading also.  This morning, he asked me if I had milk and if I could make any more.  I told him my body wasn't making anymore, he said ok and hopped up to play with his brother. 

He asks for booby playfully, but is not upset if I say no. My supply is dropping really fast I think. I am amazed at how much more he is eating also.  This boy would eat maybe 5 bites at a meal, is now eating a whole bagel, or piece of fruit.  I had no idea my milk was sustaining him that much. 

I really hope that this is enough to get my cycle back.  I know we are on the road to weaning, but I don't want to push it any harder than I already have.

Thank you all so much for your responses, it is so great to not feel alone!  I feel like this is a part of nursing that isn't talked about a lot.  We hear so much about the extremes of weaning at a young baby, or nursing an older toddler, but I haven't seen a lot about this middle point, or how to peacefully move on at this age.  Again, you all wonderful!!