Where did the idea come from that little kids are better off NOT at home with their moms? - Page 6

[purslaine]

Originally Posted by littlest birds 

Wow, how unnecessarily heated!  The OP is talking about one idea that bothers her.  People assuming toddlers "should" be in a school type of setting.  Not whether it's a good choice for some people but assuming one thing is right for all children.  She isn't referring to reasons people individually make that choice, and I think more so it is frustration that her community members don't even consider her own choices as valid.  

[purslaine]

There are some darn good reasons to use daycare and preschools and the like.  If it works for your family - great!

The idea that all children have to be in a structured/institutional setting by two or three or they are doomed is preposterous - and somewhat offensive to women.

Edited by purslaine - 4/5/12 at 8:08pm

[SweetSilver]

Responding to the OP.  Warning: snarky post ahead.  Addressing myself, or some fictional mother.  Any resemblance to any pp is entirely accidental because I've only read 10 posts, first and last.

For me I feel this is related to the same issues that surrounds the parent that hasn't started using babysitters and taking regular "me" time.  Because if you don't, you know, that's an unhealthy relationship.  In addition, daycares and preschools are staffed with *trained professionals*. You, mama, are not a trained professional, you know!  Your only experience comes from actually giving birth and raising your kids.  But these professionals, they have been to *college* to study kids and are sooooo much more qualified than you.  Can you state how many things a child is learning by stacking blocks?  Do you?  If you cannot state the reasons a child should play with blocks, you are not qualified.  Are all your games and activities proven to be educational to a child's intellectual and emotional development?  Did you write your thesis on incremental academic progression in the prefrontal lobes of reticent amorphous juveniles?  ( Quick break.  I'm amusing myself too much with this inane banter.)  Every activity in daycare and preschool is carefully designed to provide maximum developmental growth.  And we've scheduled free play, with preapproved toys that are safe and squashy and washable and antibacterial and non-pointable, from 2pm to 3pm.

And, back to the main point..... who are you?  Just a mom.  You need a break, we all know you do, because you are not designed to tolerate children with perfect patience 24 hrs a day.  If you lost your patience yesterday, that's just a sign, again, that you are not qualified.

Oh, and if you don't make the break with your kids now, they will be sleeping in you bed until they are 34.

Selfish mother, share your child with the rest of us.  You really aren't up to the job.

We are always here to help you.  Until another 10 years when we discover that what we've been doing is actually detrimental bunk.  But we'll still know more than you.

Hope y'all made it through without thinking I was talking about you.  I've taken a real kind of pressure that has personally been pushed on me and made it absurd.  

[mamazee]

Like I said, I like preschool as an easing-into-school thing, and I sent my first for 2 mornings a week when she was 3.5, then 3 mornings a week when she was 4.5, and then it was easy for her to go 5 mornings a week to kindergarten. Of course now it's all whole-day kindergarten so that throws my plan off with #2.

What I don't get it starting it younger and younger, and wanting them there all day. The preschool did tell me my oldest would be better off there 5 full days a week, as I recall. I just don't think formal education is an issue for 3-year-olds. They need to play and have fun. They learn the most just playing.

I also don't get wanting them to go younger and younger. We'll have prenatal preschool some day where pregnant moms will go and sit in a circle with speakers pushed against their bellies.

I think it's great to have good places if both parents work or if they do need a break, but I don't think it's preferable to being with a parent. If you are going to send your kid to school, I think it can be useful for getting them used to that kind of a setting and easing them into the whole school thing.

I think a lot of it is just marketing. They make more money the more kids they have and the longer they're there, and having classes for 2-year-olds opens up a new marekt.

[Imakcerka]

Snarky?  No... funny... yes! 
 

Originally Posted by SweetSilver 

Responding to the OP.  Warning: snarky post ahead.  Addressing myself, or some fictional mother.  Any resemblance to any pp is entirely accidental because I've only read 10 posts, first and last.

For me I feel this is related to the same issues that surrounds the parent that hasn't started using babysitters and taking regular "me" time.  Because if you don't, you know, that's an unhealthy relationship.  In addition, daycares and preschools are staffed with *trained professionals*. You, mama, are not a trained professional, you know!  Your only experience comes from actually giving birth and raising your kids.  But these professionals, they have been to *college* to study kids and are sooooo much more qualified than you.  Can you state how many things a child is learning by stacking blocks?  Do you?  If you cannot state the reasons a child should play with blocks, you are not qualified.  Are all your games and activities proven to be educational to a child's intellectual and emotional development?  Did you write your thesis on incremental academic progression in the prefrontal lobes of reticent amorphous juveniles?  ( Quick break.  I'm amusing myself too much with this inane banter.)  Every activity in daycare and preschool is carefully designed to provide maximum developmental growth.  And we've scheduled free play, with preapproved toys that are safe and squashy and washable and antibacterial and non-pointable, from 2pm to 3pm.

And, back to the main point..... who are you?  Just a mom.  You need a break, we all know you do, because you are not designed to tolerate children with perfect patience 24 hrs a day.  If you lost your patience yesterday, that's just a sign, again, that you are not qualified.

Oh, and if you don't make the break with your kids now, they will be sleeping in you bed until they are 34.

Selfish mother, share your child with the rest of us.  You really aren't up to the job.

We are always here to help you.  Until another 10 years when we discover that what we've been doing is actually detrimental bunk.  But we'll still know more than you.

Hope y'all made it through without thinking I was talking about you.  I've taken a real kind of pressure that has personally been pushed on me and made it absurd.  

[Pookietooth]

But there are plenty of folks who might say that you were a bad parent for even trying to do it all yourself, and that you did your 2 and 4 year olds a disservice for not putting them into preschool so that they could play, make friends, and have trained teachers to help them learn more. And it will go on and on if you do homeschool -- I get all kinds of grief for homeschooling my 9 year old, especially since he has separation anxiety. My SIL told me he's too sheltered and my aunt told me that I was harming him by not forcing him to go to school.

Originally Posted by OkiMom 

Wouldn't the world be better if we could all get along and realize we are ALL doing the BEST we can for OUR family? No 2 families are alike,.I plan on homeschooling but I was very close to sending my 4 and 2 year old to preschool last year. I was along with a infant, 2 year old and 4 year old with my husband deployed. So basically a single mom with a wedding band. Only thing I didn't do was bring in a pay check. NO ONE was willing to help me, not my inlaws who lived down the street, not anyone from church.. no one. I was totally alone. You know how hard it is to be on 24 hours a day 7 days a week for almost 9 months straight? I still don't know HOW I did it without totally losing my mind, Am I a "bad" parent for considering to send my young "babies" to school for a couple mornings a week? No. I was someone who needed a break. Just like my neighbor who sends her only daughter (3 yo) to preschool 3 mornings a week, she needs a break. Its not that they can't raise or teach their children, its that they are human and we all need breaks once in a while..

I think people need to find some compassion and love for the people around them.

I think part of it is, that when it's a choice, no matter which choice you make, it can be easy to feel somewhat defensive about it unless everyone else is making the same choice. Also, if your choice is different that those around you, it can be hard both because your choice isn't being validated and because the social network to support that choice is not in place.

I did put ds into preschool at 4 because most of the moms who I'd met were doing so and my ds suddenly had nobody to play with, and his best friend's mom asked us to send him to the preschool she had chosen for her child. He had fun but didn't really make any real new friends, other than one who dropped him like a hot potato as soon as he started (full day) kindergarten.

This is a slightly different point of view but: 

http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2012/03/12/love-key-to-brain-development-in-children/?hpt=hp_t2

Edited by Pookietooth - 4/9/12 at 2:06pm

[Pookietooth]

How is it possible to work 42 hours a week and still have almost full home duties? Do you not sleep or something? I'm not asking to be snarky I'd really like to know.

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 
 

nice, very nice.  As Mother who works 42 hours a week on a schedule that gives me almost full home duties.  As in I still do it ALL and more... your comment is pretty unsettling.

The question is... do your kids not have any friends or require a social life?

Edited by Pookietooth - 4/9/12 at 2:08pm

[sosurreal09]

Got this crap from MIL on Easter....I was "informed" DD NEEDS pre-school and she is "socially deprived" for not being in daycare. I said "Yeah you going to pay for it?" She thinks it's free here! (It's not)

We are planning to homeschool anyways so I guess that is somewhere this thread could venture, are homeschooled kids socially deprived? *I* don't think they are as long as they are in groups and sports, have kids to play with etc. I also don't think school is a place for socializing b.c you are told to sit down and shut up really. I know in my elementary school if we talked during LUNCH we were not allowed to go out for recess...

I think pre-school kids socialize but like someone else said it's all the same exact age group.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by sosurreal09 

Got this crap from MIL on Easter....I was "informed" DD NEEDS pre-school and she is "socially deprived" for not being in daycare. I said "Yeah you going to pay for it?" She thinks it's free here! (It's not)

We are planning to homeschool anyways so I guess that is somewhere this thread could venture, are homeschooled kids socially deprived? *I* don't think they are as long as they are in groups and sports, have kids to play with etc. I also don't think school is a place for socializing b.c you are told to sit down and shut up really. I know in my elementary school if we talked during LUNCH we were not allowed to go out for recess...

I think pre-school kids socialize but like someone else said it's all the same exact age group.

Really? My public school experience wasn't anything like that at all. Lots of discussion, lots of physical activity, and no one was ever told to shut up. We were expected to pay attention to certain things, but group work was always encouraged (which meant we were talking alot). I wouldn't send my child to a school where he was expected to sit down a shut up. Behavioral expectations are one thing, but they should always be age appropriate.

[sosurreal09]

Did you see my line afterwards? We weren't even allowed to talk during lunch this was K-4th grade! Public school in the town I lived.

[AbbyGrant]

   oops accidentally posted before ready

[Hoopin' Mama]

Originally Posted by sosurreal09 

Did you see my line afterwards? We weren't even allowed to talk during lunch this was K-4th grade! Public school in the town I lived.

I don't think most schools are run like this anymore. DH used to get hit on the knuckles K-8. Things are different now.

[SweetSilver]

Originally Posted by sosurreal09 

Got this crap from MIL on Easter....I was "informed" DD NEEDS pre-school and she is "socially deprived" for not being in daycare. I said "Yeah you going to pay for it?" She thinks it's free here! (It's not)

As a homeschooler, I am not going to embark on yet another socialization argument (BTDT).  I'd just as soon have debate with an anti-abortion activist or a creationist, if only for the change of scenery.

But anyway, I do find it funny that being social with siblings and parents just doesn't seem to register as valid enough with the folks (the elusive "they") that the OP is griping about.

[AbbyGrant]

      *

Edited by AbbyGrant - 6/23/12 at 10:24am

[mamazee]

At my daughter's school, there's a lot of good socialization, but there's bad socialization too. I think it's a wash between homeschool and public school as far as that goes. More socialization at school but not all of it good. Anyway, just a personal opinion added in.

[purplerose]

the elementary school here doesn't allow talking at lunch, either. it's pretty normal in our area.

[Coco_Hikes]

Originally Posted by purplerose 

the elementary school here doesn't allow talking at lunch, either. it's pretty normal in our area.

How is this possible? What is the reasoning behind this rule? (Sorry, OP, I had to ask.)

[purplerose]

they do not have much time for lunch, so they have to be quiet and hurry to eat. the kids get in trouble for talking. no talking in line, or in class. so socializing is done at recess, unless it is raining, then they must quietly watch a movie!

[sosurreal09]

Movie instead of recess! Wow at least we got to play kickball in the gym if it rained...

I'm 24 BTW so I'm not that old, no clue if that school changed or not.

[purplerose]

we got to play in the gym also on rainy days. my daughter comes home hyper as heck everyday. i let her as much as i can stand! we homeschooled until this year, 2 of the kids wanted to go to school.