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Where did the idea come from that little kids are better off NOT at home with their moms? - Page 2

post #21 of 196
Quote:
Originally Posted by lolablitz View Post

And I doubt my DH is paying someone to do his job for a few hours a week so he can kick back and get a pedicure.


Oh, does your DH work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week too?

 

 

post #22 of 196
Quote:
Originally Posted by Learning_Mum View Post

Quote: Originally Posted by lolablitz And I doubt my DH is paying someone to do his job for a few hours a week so he can kick back and get a pedicure. Oh, does your DH work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week too?

No, she only does mom work during her 40 hour work week.

I guess needing to feed my kid and keep a roof over his head is just some lame excuse to not actually be a mom.

But you know what? I mom full time too. I just happen to have another full time job on top of that. It's HARD. And I don't hire babysitters, or have a partner that takes over if bedtime lasts 4hours instead of one. Being a working single mom is HARD. I guess I'm just making excuses though, and really deserve the title of "mom". I'll make sure not to have any more kids, ok? Just so I don't screw up any more.
post #23 of 196


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Love View Post

I totally agree with you. Obviously people who have a legitimate reason like they. Must work it makes sense for. For those who do not work I think it is reallydumb and selfish. That being said though lol if they are selfish maybe it reallyis better the kids are there.
Anyway you have the right idea momma you be in charge of raising your kids and spend all the time you can with them.
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

A bit judgmental? Having a life outside motherhood does not make one less of a mother. What fricking stupidity!
As for the OP, bravo for funding and arming the mommy wars. Nice try asking others to only post if they agree with you. Very mature. 

 

I don't even know why I am responding to this thread. It is a waste of my precious time. 

 

 

post #24 of 196
Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post


......or have a partner that takes over if bedtime lasts 4hours instead of one. Being a working single mom is HARD.



Maybe this is what they don't understand. I am lucky enough that I get (barely) enough money from the government to be able to stay home with my boys but it still hard being the only one here, all the time. I can not do it all by myself because I'm not super human. Guess I'm super lame too. Oh, and selfish.

 

post #25 of 196

This thread is interesting and it's sad to see mamas feeling defensive. Mothering is hard enough as it is without all the judgment!

 

I'm a WAHM now and I can understand why a mother would choose to do childcare. Sometimes I just really want time to myself. When I was pregnant, I thought I would devote myself selflessly to the needs of my child(ren), but reality is that spending 24/7 with a baby is hard. I could use more patience. I know lots of people who choose to send their kids somewhere by age 2-3 and are happier for it. 

 

If a mother thinks she can be a better parent when she's not 24/7 with the kids-- she knows herself and the situation best. 

 

 

post #26 of 196
Quote:
Originally Posted by Learning_Mum View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post


......or have a partner that takes over if bedtime lasts 4hours instead of one. Being a working single mom is HARD.



Maybe this is what they don't understand. I am lucky enough that I get (barely) enough money from the government to be able to stay home with my boys but it still hard being the only one here, all the time. I can not do it all by myself because I'm not super human. Guess I'm super lame too. Oh, and selfish.

 


Yeah. I'm a really bad "mommy" though because I look forward to the days my ds is with his dad. I get some actual time to myself to recharge, which I think makes me a better mom. Guess it just makes me even worse though, because, you know, moms shouldn't need help. Moms should be 100% involved in their children 100% of the time. Yuck. I'm glad I hang out mostly with the other single mamas.
post #27 of 196
Quote:
Originally Posted by azhie View Post

This thread is interesting and it's sad to see mamas feeling defensive. Mothering is hard enough as it is without all the judgment!

 

 

 



See, I'm not even feeling defensive. I am 100% ok with my choices and think I'm a pretty good Mum, I just think some comments on this thread are so ridiculously close minded and judgmental that it's actually a little bit sickening.

 

post #28 of 196

i do spend nearly 24/7 with my babies and it is really hard. when they get a little older i will look forward to putting them in some sort of group care for a few hours here and there. Patly to get a few hours to catch my breath, but also in large part because i think it is great for them to learn from different folks in different ways than i am. I dont know everything or like everything and i want them exposed to all the wondrous variety of life. the easiest way to do that is to send them to a great day care. 

It is not shipping my kids off or having someone else raise them, its being a part of the village.

 

now i feel bad if any mom thinks she is not good enough to be the most important person in her kids life, that is different, that is about self esteem.

post #29 of 196

I feel half qualified to comment here because I am half a SAH parent. My husband is the other half! We arranged our schedules so that one or the other of us would almost always be home with baby, because that's important to us. My mom watches her maybe a few days a month, but other than that, she is always with one of us, and we did this at some inconvenience and career problems because it's important to us. But y'know what? She's a baby. I do think it's best for her, as a baby, but as she gets older, I may feel differently. I may want her out in the world more among other people than just us, learning from different people and meeting and bonding with different people--and that's okay. Everyone has to make their own parenting decisions and we won't all make the same ones. And much as I love my babe, I do not want to be around her every single second. I do need some time for me, and some time to do something different, which is one reason I'm glad I can work part-time and do something other than care for baby. And when she's 3 or 4 and no longer nursing, I'm not averse to the idea of having someone else care for her occasionally when I am home so I can get something else done or just chill a little. Parenting is hard--we shouldn't judge each other too harshly. If someone else feels better being around their kids all the time that is their choice and preference, but we are not all the same.

post #30 of 196

I am a SAHM and my 3 YO has been going to preschool 2 mornings a week since September. She LOVES it. I wouldnt want her there full time, as I do want to be her full time parent at this age, but I dont think her learning things from other people in the community is a bad thing. Her preschool teachers do a way better job at teaching her through play. They can make believe a heck of a lot better than me too. I can also admit I totally enjoy those 2 mornings without her.

 

Moms havent always been everything. It used to be the whole family helped mom out. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings. I think its a lot of pressure to be a childs everything, for both the mother and the child.

post #31 of 196

It is really offensive for you to assume that we are all "brainwashed".

 

You make the decision that you feel is right for you kid and you stay home. Good for you.

 

I make a decision that is right for my kid.

 

 

I am glad you had a choice to stay at home. UK has national health care, US does not. I needed a job to provide for my kids health needs.

 

No, not everyone can teach at home. I have profoundly gifted child that needed more than I could give him.  He thrived in preshool.

 

He is going to college 2 years ahead of schedule. I made the right decision for my child,

 

You are making the right decision for your child and family.

 

It does not mean that either one of us is brainwashed or that either kid suffers.

 

Now that I see my son;s fiends....i can;t tell the difference between the kids who went to day care and the ones who stayed home.

 

Parents put too much blame and give to much credit to themselves for how their kids turn out while there is genes, society and cultural factors at play.

post #32 of 196
Quote:
Originally Posted by Plarka View Post

If you don't agree with me, please don't reply, I'm not really in a state to handle attacks and arguments right now! smile.gif

 

I don't know about in America, but I live in the UK and am constantly hearing about how wonderful it is that the government invests into small children by providing free nursery school places for 3 year olds.  Most people put their kids in when they're 2, and many while they're babies. EVERYONE puts their kid in by 3 though.I understand it's good if the kids are from bad homes and are better offf not with their moms, but EVERYONE  I know, all educated people, really believe their kids are better off with some strangers in child care.  Where they're 'being taught' things.  Why don't mothers know they can teach their kids stuff themselves, and that little babies and little kids are better off with them?

 

I really hope some people on here agree with me, I don't want to start an argument.  I couldn't say this to anyone here, they're all brainwashed to think their kids are better off NOT with them.  It makes me feel really sad for them and for the kids. 

 

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Plarka View Post

 

Sorry, I'm talking about people who DON'T work!  They're stay at home moms but ship their kids out to childcare as early as possible because they think they aren't 'qualified' to look after or teach their children.



I think it's pretty clear from the title and these two posts the OP is not talking about mothers who work for whatever reason or those who choose to send their elementary (primary) school age children to elementary (primary) school or even those who choose to send their young children to preschool (nursery school) for a break from childcare while their children get some playtime.  Perhaps there's some misunderstandings due to different cultures.  

post #33 of 196

 

 

Quote:
in the US in my area we have what is called "Headstart" and i believe it starts  at age 3. most people who send the kids there are lazy and don't want their kids around or they have to work. i don't know many people who actually think kids are better off away from home all day but i sure have known lots of parents who can't be bothered to parent!

 

 

I know the OP is not in the US but just to be clear - "Head Start" is NOT just a program for "lazy parents" - you don't get to just send your child because you want to - your child must qualify - this post is inaccurate is extremely misleading - you must meet a criteria and the child must need the program

 

 

I personally know parents that met the financial qualifications and the child did not meet the need requirement and could not attend.

post #34 of 196
Thread Starter 

c


Edited by Plarka - 8/1/12 at 11:28am
post #35 of 196
Quote:
Originally Posted by Plarka View Post

Wow, I used to think this was a nice forum


Start with your own self, post something nice. You'd be surprised!

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Plarka View Post
most people are super defensive and pretty nasty!  Do you go around talking to people in real life like this?

 

Something tells me you might, though.

post #36 of 196
Quote:
Originally Posted by Plarka View Post

Wow, I used to think this was a nice forum but I think I'll stop coming here, most people are super defensive and pretty nasty!  Do you go around talking to people in real life like this? 


Do you go around telling parents that they are lazy if they send their children to school? Because you came on here and posted something super offensive, and are wondering why people are defensive?
post #37 of 196

I for one think that if you're a stay at home parent, that you should be glued to your child until adulthood.  Otherwise you simply do not love them.  Especially the little ones.  With squishy little appendages.  Wear those kids til your back gives out.  It's the only way to prove you're really a great parent.  eyesroll.gif

post #38 of 196

I got the impression the OP was talking about parents feeling they are not good enough to teach or properly care for their young children themselves and that idea being perpetuated by the government.  It was not her that said anything about anyone being "lazy."

post #39 of 196

nak...it WAS about parents thinking their kids are better off away from home and got turmned into working parents thinking it was about them. then a couple of people came to say ugly things about working moms. i told my experience with sahmoms who just don't want to be with their kids(and i know they didn't, and gave benedryl to get the kids to sleep and thought it was funny). i definately don't want to be with my kids 24/7 and they all had various classes/lessons and nights with grandma. i don't think this thread was read carefully and the trollish posts should be ignored.

post #40 of 196

I'm not interested in the SAHM/WOHM debate...I've been a mom for 11 years and have been a SAHM, a WAHM, and a WOHM at different times.  Each situation was appropriate for our needs and wants at the time.

 

However, I do understand the feeling of wondering why people feel the need to put their children in preschool so early.  My daughter was 18 months when I went back to work and she loved her preschool.  But I know people who don't work outside the home and put their children in preschool at 18 months because they are afraid the children will "fall behind" if they don't.  I think the raising of awareness of the importance of early education has led to widespread misconceptions. Yes, early education is very, very important. No, it does not have to occur in a structured classroom environment, and it does not have to be executed by professionals. 

 

Social pressure is a very powerful thing, as well.  If everyone else in your neighborhood sent her toddler to the church preschool and raves about how he flourished there, as a first time mom you might feel that unless you do the same, you are depriving your child of something incredibly important.  I fell for that with my older sons WRT Suzuki violin. My friend was "warned" by another mother that unless she signed her 8 year old up for volleyball, the girl would never be able to play volleyball in high school.  Basically there's a huge push to start developing certain skills as early as possible, and it has to do with competitiveness. 

 

Currently I'm a SAHM again. My 3.5 yo daughter does go to Mothers Day Out once a week. She looks forward to it and loves it, and it gives me a chance to do chores and errands that I don't want to have to drag her along on. 

 

 

 

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