Where did the idea come from that little kids are better off NOT at home with their moms? - Page 3

[Imakcerka]

Eh, these kinds of things always turn into debates.  I get a mom putting her kid into a class early.  Honestly sometimes it's necessary.  While quite a few do it due to social pressure I think some honestly feel it's a good thing for their child. 

Before I had kids, I thought if you didn't breastfeed, babywear or stay home with your kids you were a terrible parent.  Now I realize there are so many ways to be a great parent that did not fit into my previous beliefs.  We all do things differently and that is fine.  In fact, it's great!

[purplerose]

see, i never run across these people who think they need to put toddlers in school so they will be educated! up until recently though, i homeschooled and our huge social group was the homeschool group. i still didn't know of any parents who actually schooled toddlers. sad to say, outside our social life most parents i knew who sent their little ones away were for the reasons i mentioned in other posts. my aunt used to fuss at her oldest for teaching her youngest the alphabet, bc she wanted him in 4k and at the time 4 year olds were tested to see if they needed 4k. this woman complained constantly about her kids getting oon her nerves. i wouldn't have believed there were moms like that if i hadn't lived in it.

[AbbyGrant]

Originally Posted by Super Pickle 

Basically there's a huge push to start developing certain skills as early as possible, and it has to do with competitiveness. 

I feel the same way.  I live in an area with lots of highly educated well-off parents, and there seems to be a big push for kids to learn things as soon as humanly possible.  It feels very competitive. I felt like a slacker for waiting until the last year before K when my daughter was almost five to send her to preschool.  I don't think there's a darn thing wrong with doing it sooner, but it's ridiculous that there is so much pressure to do send them early or at all.  

[AbbyGrant]

Originally Posted by Super Pickle 

But I know people who don't work outside the home and put their children in preschool at 18 months because they are afraid the children will "fall behind" if they don't.  I think the raising of awareness of the importance of early education has led to widespread misconceptions. 

I think you make a very good point here. 

[Imakcerka]

What I found interesting is that when we sent our little one to kinder, she was considered behind because she came to kinder not knowing all of the sounds of the Alphabet.  They did that in prek.  I didn't think it was necessary and honestly still don't.  And I didn't send my kids to preK.  DH refused to let them out of the house that young.  He was the stay at home with DD2.
 

Originally Posted by AbbyGrant 

I feel the same way.  I live in an area with lots of highly educated well-off parents, and there seems to be a big push for kids to learn things as soon as humanly possible.  It feels very competitive. I felt like a slacker for waiting until the last year before K when my daughter was almost five to send her to preschool.  I don't think there's a darn thing wrong with doing it sooner, but it's ridiculous that there is so much pressure to do send them early or at all.  

[homemademomma]

I just feel the need to say that often, parenting issues look VERY very different when you are pre-kids, or only have young children. My views on childcare and being a SAHM are much, much different now that I have children who are out of the baby/toddler/preschool age. 

I expect this is true for many parents.

[purplerose]

you are so right! i have teenagers, a preeteen and an infant. some views changed drastically over the years! also having a high-needs child showed me the light about some things. i still feel strongly about being a sahm but i started out a single mom, working and going to college. i was not a good mother that way but some moms are. i was also young and stupid. ii am fine as long as i have the freedom to have a weekend here and there with no kids, dates with dh, stuff like that. which i haven't been since having this baby!

 

Originally Posted by homemademomma 

I just feel the need to say that often, parenting issues look VERY very different when you are pre-kids, or only have young children. My views on childcare and being a SAHM are much, much different now that I have children who are out of the baby/toddler/preschool age. 

I expect this is true for many parents.

[Melaniee]

I think a PPer had a very good point about the 'village.' Were we living in a different time, our children might be out in the 'village' with their relatives or close friends playing and not at Mom's side 24/7.  A lot of us live in an area where that just doesn't happen...therefore there are early preschools or "Mom's Day Out" programs.  I think they have filled a void for those who do not have that 'village' for their little ones to be out in. 

[rcr]

I think that the real issue here is that OP is clearly a better parent than the rest of us.

I gotta run... I have to go find somebody to pawn by DS off on.

[rcr]

Originally Posted by purplerose i don't think this thread was read carefully and the trollish posts should be ignored.

You mean trollish posts by people with 5,000 post counts?

[AbbyGrant]

*

Edited by AbbyGrant - 6/23/12 at 10:19am

[purplerose]

actually the trollish posters both have less than 50 posts just now. one of them i have seen post elsewhere in this type of tone-like they are just trying to start something. i sure wouldn't consider thousands of posts a troll lol.

[Imakcerka]

You have to understand that a lot of things are cultural and run by society.  If you don't like how other people parent you really need to ask yourself if the issue is so important that you're willing to say only your opinion and like minded opinions are welcome.  How will you grow if you stunt your view by keeping out other ideas? 

I could certainly start my own list of things I mentally shake my head at that other parents do.  Though I do gotta be open, ya know?  I'm pretty much a cruddy mom sometimes, I know this.  And even I have to catch myself from being a hypocrite.  Because I can be. 
 

Originally Posted by Plarka 

If you don't agree with me, please don't reply, I'm not really in a state to handle attacks and arguments right now!

I don't know about in America, but I live in the UK and am constantly hearing about how wonderful it is that the government invests into small children by providing free nursery school places for 3 year olds.  Most people put their kids in when they're 2, and many while they're babies. EVERYONE puts their kid in by 3 though.I understand it's good if the kids are from bad homes and are better offf not with their moms, but EVERYONE  I know, all educated people, really believe their kids are better off with some strangers in child care.  Where they're 'being taught' things.  Why don't mothers know they can teach their kids stuff themselves, and that little babies and little kids are better off with them?

I really hope some people on here agree with me, I don't want to start an argument.  I couldn't say this to anyone here, they're all brainwashed to think their kids are better off NOT with them.  It makes me feel really sad for them and for the kids. 

[Mulvah]

Originally Posted by homemademomma 

I just feel the need to say that often, parenting issues look VERY very different when you are pre-kids, or only have young children. My views on childcare and being a SAHM are much, much different now that I have children who are out of the baby/toddler/preschool age. 

I expect this is true for many parents.

Maybe not the right thread (?), but could you share a little more about the bolded portion?  I'm curious how your views changed about being a SAHM (looking back).

[littlest birds]

Wow, how unnecessarily heated!  The OP is talking about one idea that bothers her.  People assuming toddlers "should" be in a school type of setting.  Not whether it's a good choice for some people but assuming one thing is right for all children.  She isn't referring to reasons people individually make that choice, and I think more so it is frustration that her community members don't even consider her own choices as valid.  She's talking about feeling uncomfortable being a minority as a parent for her choices in her particular community.  Obviously in her situation there are a lot of people coming across in the way she described.  She is not talking about moms who need child care while they do other activities, or moms who want or need a break for their own personal reasons, or even about moms who find a particular child thrives better in a group setting at a certain age or in general. 

The OP did NOT say it was better for all children to be with a SAHP either (unless I missed it)   

She only referred to moms who expressed blanket judgments that being in group settings was better for all very young children.  The generalization coming from others and how that generalized judgment feels is the only thing she seemed to be bringing up.

I think children can thrive in many different care arrangements.  I have had children in many different care arrangements.  I respect other parents who have different care arrangements for whatever reason they prefer.  BUT I also agree with the OP and see why it would bother her.  It bothers me that others parent according to norms without much question and act like "of course" it's the best.  I don't assume I know what's best for others' children, and I hate it when people give off the impression that whatever they do is best for all children.  All of us here could probably, hopefully agree about that. 

[erigeron]

I think it's this that's bugging people:

"Why don't mothers know they can teach their kids stuff themselves, and that little babies and little kids are better off with them?"

At least, that's what's bothering me. And I suspect that is why people are responding with reasons they don't think it's better for their kids to be with them all of the time. She did make a blanket statement that babies and little kids are better off at home. That's it, right there.

Absent that sentence you could make more of a case for the "Everyone around me does this and it's hard feeling like everyone else thinks it's the only way when I know it's not" bit.

[AbbyGrant]

Originally Posted by erigeron 

I think it's this that's bugging people:

"Why don't mothers know they can teach their kids stuff themselves, and that little babies and little kids are better off with them?"

At least, that's what's bothering me. And I suspect that is why people are responding with reasons they don't think it's better for their kids to be with them all of the time. She did make a blanket statement that babies and little kids are better off at home. That's it, right there.

Absent that sentence you could make more of a case for the "Everyone around me does this and it's hard feeling like everyone else thinks it's the only way when I know it's not" bit.

Taken out of context like that, I can see what you're saying. But within the context of the post and the title, it doesn't seem nearly as bad and clearly wasn't the main point of the OP. I think it wasn't so much a value judgment about preschool in general as it was an expression of frustration and confusion at the notion that it's necessary.    

Honestly, it seems to me like some people are choosing to be offended here. But that's just my take on it. I'm not sensitive about the fact that my oldest went to preschool for a year before K or that my youngest will go at three because he has special needs and really is better off with professionals there who can help him. 

Edited by AbbyGrant - 2/16/12 at 5:07am

[Imakcerka]

nice, very nice.  As Mother who works 42 hours a week on a schedule that gives me almost full home duties.  As in I still do it ALL and more... your comment is pretty unsettling.

The question is... do your kids not have any friends or require a social life?
 

Originally Posted by lolablitz 

I agree with you completely. I think the idea - and knee-jerk defensiveness - come from the same working mom ideology that preaches socialization above motherly love. So the idea that kids at home don't get the benefit of "early learning" or so-called school. I have 2, don't plan to homeschool, and feel very lucky to be home with my little ones Which is Better For Them than being at a daycare or whatever. I'm not going to tread carefully here for the working moms reading this because you know what - this is a stay at home parent forum so you're asking to be offended. We all know kids are better off with their moms at home deep down. Some moms can't be & some moms choose not to with one lame excuse or another. But I digress. It annoys me when my friends pressure me to put my kids in morning preschool so I can have "me-time" or take a break. This is my job - better yet My Vocation. And I doubt my DH is paying someone to do his job for a few hours a week so he can kick back and get a pedicure. Super. Lame.
Oh and guess what? I love my kids so much that I want to be with them all the time. Weird, huh?

[Imakcerka]

You can't post here... you don't agree that it wrong that your child went to prek. 

 

Originally Posted by AbbyGrant 

Taken out of context like that, I can see what you're saying. But within the context of the post and the title, it doesn't seem nearly as bad and clearly wasn't the main point of the OP.  

Honestly, it seems to me like  some people are choosing to be offended here. But that's just my take on it.  I'm not sensitive about the fact that my oldest went to preschool for a year before K or that my youngest will go at three because he has special needs and really is better off with professionals there who can help him. 

[AbbyGrant]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

You can't post here... you don't agree that it wrong that your child went to prek. 
 

  

Yeah, but I do agree that there seems to be an assumption these days that kids even with a SAHP should go to preschool for their own good.  Like it's somehow doing children a disservice by not sending them.  Like somehow modern parents are incapable of possibly raising a child to age 5 without outside assistance.