Anyone not telling family?? « Back to Group Discussions

[OkiMom]

We aren't planning on telling anyone anytime soon. We are actually joking we should just wait until the baby is born and post a picture and something like "hope you are all ready for a new member". Neither family is very supportive of us or our life style. I already hear it from them about being a SAHM, have 3!!! Kids (not my DH is 1 of 5 and I'm 1 of 3 but our parents are appalled at us having 3), homeschooling, delayed vaxing, not circing etc. I use to live near his family while he was deployed and they made my life such a living hell that I became severely depressed. Then they lied to my husband about me. I got to hear practically daily about how horrible a parent I was and how I should just stop being lazy and get a job so at least I was contributing SOMETHING to the family. Last pregnancy they caused me so much stress during it that my doctor joked me he was about to order me to not have contact since they were raising my blood pressure so high. My father, while not that bad, still offered to pay for an abortion for my second child because he doesn't think we belong having more than 1. When I had number 3 he was really upset with me and told me I was ruining my life "by popping kids out like rabbits".. So, I really don't want the stress at having to deal with our family's negative reactions.

So, anyone planning on either not saying anything for a while or waiting until at least a certain time to say something?

[1babysmom]

Well, we won't be telling for quite a while...basically for as long as I can make it without it being blatantly obvious, because my family is ALL local so we see everyone quite frequently. We want to tell the kids first and let them announce it, but we don't want to tell them until we feel a little safer. I HATE "untelling", and it was so hard to explain it to the kids last time too (we'd never told them about the other pregnancies we lost so last time was the first time we went through that with them). Plus I just hate doing it in general. I know people say they want the "support" if something happens, but I never found that I got the support I needed (because few to none of the people around me had miscarried, so they either said hurtful things or acted like it didn't happen), and miscarriage news travels much slower (if at all) then pregnancy news, and I hate being asked about how far along I am months after I've lost the baby....so I find it much more comfortable to just keep things to ourselves for a while, even though it's kind of sad that most people have never known about the majority of my babies.

My MIL is the only one outside of DH and my best friends (who I only talk to online since they live far away) who know, because she and my FIL help me out medically.

[broodymama]

I'm not planning on telling family for quite some time, neither side will be supportive.  2 was OK, 3 was "what are you thinking?!", 4 was just over the top, so not going to say anything about this one for as long as I can.

My DH may get orders soon and may be stationed away from us when this baby is born, so that will complicate things.  If he's stationed elsewhere, then I'll probably need my mom to come and stay with me around the time of the birth.  If that's the case, then I'll have to tell my mom so she can make plans.  

[esma2175]

I'm not planning on telling Family for a while either.  I've told my close friends that I see often, before they guessed as I stopped drinking when we went out. I'm going to tell My Family (all local) after the 1st Trimester as they will be able to tell.  I'm a 4'9 skinny bean pole, so there is nowhere for baby to go but out ;)  I want to tell DS first, but he didn't believe us in the fall (which was funny) and then we had to explain why he wasn't going to have a sibling.  So we are going to wait until things are a little more sure.

MIL Moved to another state, but we still see her friends here. I Miscarried in the fall and when we told MIL, We said, We are not telling everyone yet, so Don't tell anyone.  I thought we were clear, apparently not as I received an email the next day sent to EVERYONE telling them we were expecting!   Then when we M/C do you think she sent out another note?  Nope!!  (Even after we asked her to...) We got several Christmas cards to us, DS and Baby!  Then I had to call and say thanks for the card, but we aren't P/G anymore!! The M/C wasn't really hard for me, but people were very embarrassed.  That being said (wow, apparently I'm still ticked off at that!!) They might find out when they come for a visit in August/Sept...

[springmum]

I've been through the "untelling" too and it's hard. We'll tell close friends for now, and save the big family announcement for a a few more weeks.

[icy02]

Isn't it horrible how the people who should be our biggest supporters aren't? We are also not telling family for the same reasons as you all.  No one will be supportive of us having 3 kids, 3 and under, especially since I had a rough time transitioning to 2.  Also, being that I have 2 boys, I really want to avoid the gender questions as long as possible.  It's so annoying. Yes, I'd be thrilled to have a girl, but I can't return him if it's a boy. I love my boys so much, they are such a blessing!  Of course no one else will be excited for another boy :( I have told a few close friends, but I'm trying to hold of til 12 weeks to tell anyone else. Then I will have the 14 wk gender done so they will only bother me about it for about 2 weeks.  

[JENinOR]

yep, we won't be telling certain family (out of town, so much easier) until we abs. have to.  With out last when we told a central family member she gave us the silent treatment coupled with an, "Oh". Def. not happy for us, lol.  My dh' family has strong opinions about family size and other things and have no problem minding our business.  We have really stressed them out with our homebirthing, nonvaxing, raw dairying, etc. :)  After our first two, the above certain family member would say how "perfect" our family is now after each new one, lol. My Sil in now pregnant and I have not offered and will not offer any unsolicited advice, etc.  So annoying!

[Carriemdoula]

We are also not telling family for a while. We have told our closest friends and our midwife, but I will not be putting it on facebook anytime soon. My parents mostly are the ones that are semi supportive. They think that our family is large enough and every time i tell them we are expecting again I get the deep breath and shake of the head. My dad exspecially belives a family is 2 children. He has even gone as far as to say that houses and cars are made for families of 4, then when I had 3 children he said you know dinning room tables, house and cars I not ment for more than 3 children. I told him "Dad you just have to let it go, I want a big family" all he said was you already do. Not looking foward to telling him any time soon.

[broodymama]

The comment about tables not being meant for more than 3 children made me laugh a little.  Our current table barely seats our current family of 6 for meals, and is not big enough during homeschool time even though it's just DS1 and DD1 doing lessons right now.  I've been trying to find a table I like that seats 8 and does NOT have cloth-covered seats and haven't had any luck yet!  

[OkiMom]

I had to laugh at my MIL because she had no idea why I wanted to get a six seater table.. Lets see, I have 3 children and there are 2 adults in our family so I need at least 5 seats.. A 4 seater table will not fit our family.. "but the baby can sit in a high chair" He could but I would still eventually need a seat for him, I can't imagine a 2+ year old in a high chair and I like my whole family being together at dinner time.

We had to get a van after we returned from the states and heard all about "you know if you would have a normal size family you would be able to get a normal car".. Thanks, but Im happy with my unnormal family. Im not looking forward to anyone finding out this time, we won't have a single happy family member. Ive gotten use to the idea at least. My dad wasn't happy when I got married, was more unhappy when i had my 1st. was pissed when I had my second and gave me the silent treatment my whole pregnancy with my son. At least I don't have to hear the cursing if I don't tell him :)