So... I always knew I wanted to stick with ecological breastfeeding and child led weaning since our first dd was born. She will be two at the end of March and she is still nursing a lot... well... she was.
Most of her nursing has been at night for quite some time - ever since she started eating with gusto around 16 months. This worked out quite well for us because she was still getting all that wonderful breastmilk and I didn't mind nursing at night since we co-slept. But a few weeks ago we made a change and I'm starting to be concerned.
We have a twin bed pushed up right next to our queen-size mattress on the floor. This has been our room arrangement since we moved in August. Shortly after moving dh was anxious for dd to finally move into her own bed, so we decided to try it. It didn't work well; she just wasn't ready yet, and honestly I don't think I was either. She would always crawl over to find me in the middle of the night, and it was pretty clear she was uncomfortable sleeping alone for long periods. So we brought her back in bed with us and I used the twin mattress for laundry folding :)
But we recently found out we were pregnant with #2. We are SUPER excited, but it also brought up questions of sleeping arrangements. We don't have enough room for all four of us on one bed and can't afford a king, and I was nervous about tandem nursing at night or how that would even work. So we decided to see if dd was ready to sleep in her own bed yet. We started this a couple of weeks ago, and she's done really great. A little too great...
We are also ECing at night with her, and have been for a few months now, but she still has accidents. She needs to get up at least once during the night to potty. So usually 1-3 times a night dd and I have to get up to change blankets or use the potty. She has always nursed herself to sleep, but now if she wakes up at night she doesn't usually even need to nurse back to sleep. A few times she has even refused to nurse when I offer it, which has never happened at night before.
I know that one of the standards of ecological breastfeeding is to sleep with your child for night feedings, and I know that this is the reason why, because otherwise they will wean more quickly. Am I causing her to wean by separating myself from her at night? I know that most people would see this independence as a good sign, but it's just making me feel guilty. I want her to have the health benefits of nursing for as long as possible, and this seems to be taking it away from her.
I can tell she's not getting nearly as much as she was, because I always have milk, whereas before there were times (usually in the morning after waking) that I would be empty. That never happens now. I'm afraid my supply is going to diminish and, being pregnant, I am worried that will cause my milk to dry up completely before the baby comes. I know some toddlers will return to nursing after the baby is born, but that's not always the case.
What should I do? Is she perhaps just ready to move on to this next stage and I'm just hanging on too much? If I am causing her to wean prematurely, I am not sure how to resolve it. I have a feeling dh would NOT approve of her coming back to bed with us, and I share his reservations... I know she will have to move into her own bed when baby is born and I would really rather the move be now so she doesn't connect it with the arrival of the baby. But I also had always assumed she would nurse at least another year. Is there that much of a health difference in children who wean at two years and children who wean at three or four? Am I not doing ecological breastfeeding anymore? Is it really still child-led weaning, or am I encouraging her to wean? Any advice or wisdom would be much appreciated...
