Wanting but Waiting *2012* - Page 5

[kuriboshoe]

Hey all, I'm Becki, I'm new here, waiting to try and looking for a new forum. My DH and I have been married for five years and I've had baby fever about that long, but I'm hoping 2013 is the year we finally start trying. I'm 27, he's 28. We got married young, so we've been building our lives, careers, bought a house, etc. and this fall I started grad school. He said a baby would be a great graduation present, but I don't want to wait that long - it will probably take me 3.5 years to finish at the slow pace I'm taking classes.

DH has been very anxious about starting a family - he wants to, but hasn't been able to give me a TTC date. I've gone back and forth between baby craziness and feeling OK with the wait for years now.

My SIL is now pregnant and due in June, first baby in the family, so that's definitely affecting both of us! He seems eager to get some experience with our new nephew, and I'm hoping that means he'll decide we can start trying this summer. I've made my intentions clear that I think this summer would be fantastic, but haven't gotten a "yes" yet - he said he's thinking about it.

Nice to meet you girls and hope I can wait with you!

[*GreenMama*]

Doing well here! Better than well actually. DH just said he's ok for #4, but ttc somewhere between Jan of 14 - Jan of 15. I'm stupidly excited knowing he's really really ok with the 4th! So the wait is officially on!

[erigeron]

Yay Greenmama! 

Welcome kuriboshoe. Hopefully your stay with us is short. :) 

DH and I had another set-to in mid-December which led to us mutually deciding to reconsider our decision in light of the question of "How much time will this portfolio-writing process really take away from his time with the family?" So now we're instead waiting for him to figure out the answer to THAT question, which he can only get from his colleagues, and they're on break right now so nobody is responding to his emails. So we're ... waiting. Christmas Day would have been a good day to try, so we've missed a cycle. I'm mostly okay right now just because I feel like I finally got through to him about wanting this to be an US decision and wanting him to consider advice he has gotten but not lay the smackdown of "This is what my coworkers said" and give them more voice than me in when we reproduce. Anyhoo, it's going to probably be another 3 weeks before we even start to get any information about this and so we are probably going to miss a whole 'nother cycle. Grr. I better keep busy with other stuff. 

[DanielleNZ]

That is wonderful news greenmama!!!!
Welcome Kuriboshoe! I am sure your husband will come around once your nephew arrives, there is nothing like a tiny new baby to get someone clucky.
AFM not too much longer to wait, I will chat with dh this evening about coming off bcp so that my body has a chance to get back to it's normal routine, so charting this month and trying in the middle of February fx.

[erigeron]

Aaaand another fairly close friend is pregnant and due in July, which makes 2 due in July (one of whom is somebody we hang out with on a nearly weekly basis), and my best friend (out of state, unfortunately) had a baby a week and a half ago, and there are at least 4 adorable little ones born in October who keep popping up in my Facebook news feed. I mean, I don't begrudge anyone their bundles of joy or bundles of joy to be. The more babies the merrier. But it was supposed to be MY TURN again! :( Still waiting for a verdict on how much time this portfolio process takes. I want to say something like "I don't care how much time it takes. If you let me have another baby in the fall I will watch both kids 100% and you won't have to do ANY childcare and can focus on your portfolio". But I know a. I'll never be able to actually adhere to that resolution and b. he wouldn't want it anyway because he wants to, yanno, spend time with his child. Le sigh. 

Oh, and meantime I feel like a crummy parent to a toddler. I can only read kiddie books, eat pretend food, identify alphabet blocks, etc. for a short period of time before my brain starts to kind of short-circuit. How will I do with an infant and a toddler? Am I just nuts for wanting another, would it actually be best for me to admit that little kids aren't really my thing and stop at one? 

I know I need to stop comparing my life to other people's. Somehow it's easier to compare your life to other people's when you're dissatisfied, amirite? I need to work on the being satisfied thing. 

[Lidamama84]

Actually, erigeron, I found it easier with a baby and a toddler (in some ways, not in others, let's be honest), because there was more of a distraction for the older child, so it wasn't always ME. My DD1 is VERY high needs, and STILL does not play by herself well, but with another baby, she had more activities to do "helping" mommy. And less play food and books. But the play food is still a big part of our lives. I just lay on the couch reading or whatever, or I go off and do my own stuff, and she brings me "food" or gives me a checkup. It's a bit like benign neglect. I don't really enjoy playing kiddie games, so I don't do it for long stretches. When I'm home I do my own stuff, and she's welcome to join me, and I also make time to play with her, but I can't stick it out for long. But I do love being a mommy, and I definitely want a big family.

Also, consider how much of a different person your DD will be by the time you have another little one.

[DanielleNZ]

Originally Posted by erigeron 

Aaaand another fairly close friend is pregnant and due in July, which makes 2 due in July (one of whom is somebody we hang out with on a nearly weekly basis), and my best friend (out of state, unfortunately) had a baby a week and a half ago, and there are at least 4 adorable little ones born in October who keep popping up in my Facebook news feed. I mean, I don't begrudge anyone their bundles of joy or bundles of joy to be. The more babies the merrier. But it was supposed to be MY TURN again! :( Still waiting for a verdict on how much time this portfolio process takes. I want to say something like "I don't care how much time it takes. If you let me have another baby in the fall I will watch both kids 100% and you won't have to do ANY childcare and can focus on your portfolio". But I know a. I'll never be able to actually adhere to that resolution and b. he wouldn't want it anyway because he wants to, yanno, spend time with his child. Le sigh. 

Oh, and meantime I feel like a crummy parent to a toddler. I can only read kiddie books, eat pretend food, identify alphabet blocks, etc. for a short period of time before my brain starts to kind of short-circuit. How will I do with an infant and a toddler? Am I just nuts for wanting another, would it actually be best for me to admit that little kids aren't really my thing and stop at one? 

I know I need to stop comparing my life to other people's. Somehow it's easier to compare your life to other people's when you're dissatisfied, amirite? I need to work on the being satisfied thing. 

Welcome Erigeron! I hope you are able to find out really soon how long the portfolio is going to take. I hear you on the fact that so many people are already having babies. Number three has been in the pipeline for dh all along, but only in the last 3-4 months have i been on board. But now the waiting is doing my head in.... and i only have one more month to wait! maybe thats the problem, its so close. We are charting this month as I have recently stopped bcp. Should (fingers crossed) be ovulating at the end of this week. I am already crafting for the baby...... yes the one thats not conceived yet. Am i going crazy. I have a wee stash of things I have been knitting for awhile, and in the past two or three days 2 pairs of booties and a hat have also made it to the pile. I have only one thing I want to do before we get pregnant and its wear a cocktail dress i brought a few months ago before i won't fit it again for awhile. So dh suggested we put some money aside and go to a gorgeous restaurant in the city in the next few weeks. So thats also something else to look forward too. DH is back at work tomorrow after a 2 week holiday so i need to plan some activities for the boys and I to keep us busy. Hope everyone is well!

[erigeron]

I started a blanket back in 2008 for the baby I wanted and was having to wait for. (I spent a LOT of time waiting for the first one, which is why waiting a few months for the second one has really been doing my head in.) So I can sympathize. Although for some reason working on said blanket didn't really help me feel any better about having to wait.

Anyhoodle, DH agreed we can start trying! He talked to one of his friends at work and I guess she quelled his fears about the process. So now he's all "It shouldn't take that much extra time" and "We'll work it out somehow" (these, of course, being things I have said myself, but apparently they are different from someone else rather than from me). I started my period yesterday so I guess I'll be migrating over to one of the TTC threads. Best luck to all of you and hopefully a short wait!

[Lidamama84]

Yay! Good for you, Erigeron! DH also suggested that we try this month, so we have been TTCing since Friday. If we don't catch this egg, I won't want to try again until the fall because of birth dates (I don't want to overlap my kids' birth months, or ours. I share a bday week with my mom and it sucks). Maybe we'll share a DDC again!

[MarineGurl020412]

Hi! My name is Billie Jo and I am a military wife to my Active Duty Marine hubby. :) January 15th we will have been married 10years and we have 3 daughters together (9 1/2yrs , 7 1/2yrs and almost 4yrs) and my husband has an older daughter who lives with her mom (15yrs). We currently live in Okinawa, Japan and are planning on getting out of the military this coming summer. As a result of that we are putting off TTC our 4th child until we lay out a job and housing situation. I began charting about 6yrs ago but fell off when pregnant and nursing because my cycles were all sorts of wacky for those 3yrs. I got a new thermometer and I am trying to 'retrain' my brain to remember to actually temp first thing in the morning.

Anyone have a favorite APP for charting? I have the TCOYF software and I have their new APP but I am not sure if I am thrilled with the way it is laid out.

[DanielleNZ]

Welcome to the thread Billie Jo! I look forward to hearing updates about how your getting on searching for jobs and a place to live, all the best with that! So exciting.
AFM charting is going well due to ovulate Friday and all signs are pointed to that happening. Which is fabulous as I only stopped bcp on December 31st during my last af. I am wondering if dh will have changed his mind about when we start ttc. This month or next. Although realistically next month is better timing.

[CorriJ]

I'm still here... back? Which ever. 2012 was a long and short year for me. I got a job in January, short term a stepping stone to something better. Then a better job in sept, which is likely where I'll be staying from now on. So no time for any babies for me. Our possibly trying date is pushed back to late this year, early next. Hopefully I'll be fully settled in my job by then and we'll have a little money set aside. Things went, I hesitate to say great, but there were more ups then downs last year for sure. 

I'm going to try to actually be involved in the board this year. Crossing my fingers that things will be more settled down for us in 2013.

[elizabeth67]

Okay, so I thought I would be saying goodbye to this thread and hello to one of the TTC threads. My husband is finally ready! Just like that! He said February, then I haggled him down to January, and lo and behold what seemed an arbitrary date for starting TTC is here and by golly he really is ready.

But I somehow though that by now I would have landed a few contracts in my career (music therapy). That was my plan- land a few contracts, get my feet wet in my career, then have my baby and continue to do a few hours a week- on my schedule!- and making a life sustaining income at that. But I haven't landed a contract yet because it turns out I still have a lot to learn about marketing.

So now what? I guess I'll hold off on taking those prenatal vitamins, at least for a few months.

Any advice? Has anyone tried to grow a private practice/business and a baby at the same time? Is it possible? Is it too risky? I thought we were finally ready, and now looking at my bottle of prenatal vitamins and all the expensive healthy organic food I splurged on to give my potential embryo the best start possible makes me want to cry and the whole thing just seems . . . well, dumb. Naive. Immature.  :-(