Okay, I need some advice. DH and I are having some difficulties. The issues have always been there, but after 7 almost 8 years of the same problems I'm starting to get fed up with it all and am just tired of arguing over the same issues over and over again. This is how it starts. I get upset about a decision DH wants to make (usually involving how money is spent) and tell him my opinon about. Well basically, until I back down on the issue, its debated to death, he tells me all the reasons why he should buy this/that. Instead of fighting about it, I end up just saying "fine, okay, do it" DH then thinks that I'm okay with said purchase and its all fine in his mind. I am inside, fuming about it because I think it's a bad decision. I know not talking about it is my issue, but spending every dime of money we make is DH's issue, and he just doesn't see it that way. So after holding stuff in for a long time, I end up blowing up at him randomly one day and he gets all upset with me for holding stuff in and not letting him know how I was feeling. My problem with that is that I do tell him how I feel about things, and he tries to talk me into believing that his way is best, and I give up. It's not exactly fair! It's been like this for 7 years, but I just figured some day he'd see how extravagant he tends to be and would eventually actually you know, maybe save some money for the future. We have no savings..I take that back we have like 200 dollars, and DH's retirement. We have absolutely no excuse to not have a savings at this point. DH and I both worked for the first 6 years of our marriage, and then I started staying at home with the kids, and took over the finances. It was the first time in our marriage that I saw every dime in every dime out, and it frustrated me. I knew being in the dark wasn't helpful either, but pre-kids, I just did my thing with "my" money and he did his thing with "his" money and we were pretty okay with that. We have made some improvements though. We paid off a large credit card in January, but we have held a steady balance the entire time we've been married. DH never seemed to have any intention of wanting to pay it off and keep it paid off. I finally insisted upon it, and while it's paid off now, I know DH and guarantee it's going to have a balance on it in the next few months, because he just doesn't know how to wait for things. His sister is the same way, they are all about instant gratification, and want things "NOW!" so credit cards it is. I can't stand it and I wish he could see the error of his ways, and realize that living like that is deterimental to our future as a couple and our kids' future. To top it all off, we receive a large sum of money yearly from a family member as a part of inheritance, and it's been spent on stuff every year. never saved, never paid off a credit card, we've always found ways to spend it. So, I tell him we have no excuse to not have anything saved at this point and he gets mad at me.
it also makes me crazy that DH is always telling me to be cautious of how much I drive, cause gas is expensive and tolls, etc, but he goes and buys donuts and energy drinks on the way to work at least 3 days a week. Those little purchases add up too, hun! We live in the country and in order to get out of the house with the kids and do stuff, I have to use gas and spend money. it's not like we don't have it! I think he knows that but he comes off as hypocritical when he's spending money on stuff every day.
Whew..Okay, I know the underlying issue here is that we have communication issues, and unless we figure out how to communicate without hurting each other's feelings, or blowing up at eachother, I don't think we'll last. I don't want to give up on our marriage..I want to make it work, not just for the kids, but for us. I love him and want to be with him, but not if I don't feel respected as a decision maker in the family. I told him yesterday that if we can't work out our communication issues and make some changes, he's not going to be married for very long. I suggested marriage counseling. Not as a " you're bad, I want to fix you" but as a "we need help, and I want to make this work," He just gets pissy with me about it. He said he'll do it, but I wish he wanted to, and see problems I see. Of course we've barely spoken to eachother in the past 24 hours, aside from kid stuff, and I don't know how to break the tension and let him know I love him and want to work on it. While I'm left alone in my thoughts, the idea of leaving sometimes is tempting, all the "little" things that drive me crazy that he does start to sound like great reasons to leave and just do things my way, but that's not what I really want. I really want our relationship to last. I really do. We also have 2 young children, and I know the demands of caring for young children alone can cause more stress and tension, so I'm considering that as well. Thoughts? There are so many other little things that drive me crazy about him, but none of those issues necessarily affect our kids anything, just stuff I've learned to adapt to over the years, and aren't really dealbreakers. This is a big one though. We have to communicate if we expect to last til death!