CLW interrupted due to pregnancy... so sad

[Soon2BeMom]

We had been planning to child-led wean - BUT I'm pregnant with a high risk for premature labor (short cervix) and my midwife said I needed to wean my 4 year old.  She was down to 1 or 2 short nursings per day before pregnancy.  I wasn't sure I was going to be able to nurse much longer anyway because my nipples hurt so bad.  I told dd my nipples were sore so I was going to count to 10 and then she'd have to stop nursing.  This worked all too well, because dd made a silly game of it where she'd pop off before I got to 10, and I'd play mad with her that "hey, I wasn't even to 10 yet!"  So after a few days of that, dd was just basically latching on (so painful!) and then popping off.  So then we started doing "belly snuggles" instead of nursing.  And that is sweet and will probably be even sweeter when dd finds out there's a baby in there.  I didn't want her to associate weaning with a new baby so we haven't told her yet.  So weaning went about as well as can be expected.

Still... sigh... I'm sad about weaning.  I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones or the end of my wonderful nursing hormones or what, but I'm just depressed.  I've wanted to just be alone lately and not do anything with dd... and I know right now she needs me to redefine our relationship and reattach with her in a different way.  I'm really sad about our special one-on-one relationship changing/ending, and I already feel torn between dd and the new baby... and I'm only 12 weeks pregnant. 

Any words of comfort or encouragement?

[transylvania_mom]

Your nursling is 4? And she would nurse 1 or 2 times per day? I would say this is CLW.

Congratulation for giving your dd this wonderful gift!

I sometimes feel the same way you describe about my 7 y/o ds (he nursed until he turned 4 as well). Sometimes I just want to scoop him up and nurse him... it isn't easy to find other ways to keep them attached.

[Kristi Doss]

Yeah, unfortunately most of the time, weaning a child off of breastfeeding, esp when it is CLW, is harder on the mother than it is for the child. But, if she weaned with a smile on her face, then she was ready. You did an amazing thing, giving her this precious gift for 4 years, something most parents in our society would not do, either out of fear or just plain ignorance. I would recommend finding something that you can have special with her specifically as a 'big girl'. You can maybe have arts and crafts time? Or 'calm down time', where you sit together alone and listen to soft music for a few minutes (which has the added benefit of giving her a chance to relax during the day).

I admire you for giving that to her for four years. You are a wonderful mother!

Wishing you the best with this pregnancy,

Kristi Doss

Certified Doula

[Kristi Doss]

Yeah, unfortunately most of the time, weaning a child off of breastfeeding, esp when it is CLW, is harder on the mother than it is for the child. But, if she weaned with a smile on her face, then she was ready. You did an amazing thing, giving her this precious gift for 4 years, something most parents in our society would not do, either out of fear or just plain ignorance. I would recommend finding something that you can have special with her specifically as a 'big girl'. You can maybe have arts and crafts time? Or 'calm down time', where you sit together alone and listen to soft music for a few minutes (which has the added benefit of giving her a chance to relax during the day).

I admire you for giving that to her for four years. You are a wonderful mother!

Wishing you the best with this pregnancy,

Kristi Doss

Certified Doula

[fruitfulmomma]

My 3yo is not totally thrilled with me right now but I had to be done too because her food intoleraces had me too much of a restricted diet to keep up for this baby. I am mostly sad because she won't be able to tandem like the rest have.

[Soon2BeMom]

transylvania_mom and Kristi - thanks so much for the kind words.  So far, I haven't found anything that substitutes for the closeness of breastfeeding.  She sometimes talks to the baby though and snuggles my belly, so that is very sweet.  I still feel like there's a new distance between us though.

fruitfulmomma - I had always imagined tandem nursing too.  I think I'll offer dd breastmilk after the baby's born and my milk is back to see if she's interested.