I'm catching up on posts in this thread, and this one caught my eye. Take a look at the words that I've emphasized.....all extremely subjective terminology!
Your impressions seem to be based not on evidence or actual things that women have said, but on "what I see," "insuations," and a "vibe." A woman describing a personal birth experience that she considers beautiful and idyllic is "gloating" (even though it's impossible to prove that that was her intention!), and from the phenomenon of orgasmic birth, you've somehow gleaned that it's considered a "requirement." What I'm trying to say--as delicately as possible--is that these messages are coming from within yourself--your own perceptions and projections--and not other women.
As has been reiterated in this thread, we each experience something unique during childbirth. And we each are the judges of our own experiences and authors of our own life narratives. We have no right to step in and write other women's narratives for them. This means that we accept a woman's story at face value for its validity. This means that we respect and honor every lived experience from the traumatic birth to the orgasmic one!
A woman who has a great birth and feel that her own diligence paid off is sharing her personal experinece, not super-imposing it on everyone else. I'm pretty damned diligent and had an excrutiating first birth, but I'm not going to take it out on other women or accuse them of demeaning me just because they had better experiences.
We tread into murky territory when we start accusing women of saying things they didn't say and doing things they didn't do. If anything is going to fan the flames of what you call a Mommy War, it's going to be our personal sensitivities, defensiveness, and projections.
I no longer post much about my personal experience because I no longer feel that this is a safe and supportive place to do so. I really don't want to be judged as "whining," "First World," and "wanting a Perfect Birth" if I write about a bad experience...or "gloating" or making nasty "insinuations" if I write about a good one. If more people listened with non-judgmental ears and responded with non-judgmental keystrokes, I'd probably be a lot more active in this forum.
I have to say in all fairness, however, that I'm impressed with the direction that this thread has taken and the overall civil and insightful dialogue that is ensuing here.....
I'm not going to go back through old threads and post examples, but I have seen women here directly challenged when they've stated they needed a cesarean. I've seen it said here that there is nothing natural about a hospital birth. I could go on, but there is proof in the archives here that the things DoubleDouble brought up are not all just her perceptions or projections. Maybe things have changed recently, but there were some very outspoken members when I was here last. Given how long you've been a member, I'm surprised you never saw any of that.