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For those with infertility issues..... - Page 2

post #21 of 25

Hugs to you for what you have been through. I have had three losses and the third was so hard that I knew I never wanted to go through it again.

Everyone's decision of when they are done and not done are their own personal decisions. Some people would probably judge me for going too far and some for not going far enough in assisted reproduction.

I will answer your question about how I knew we were done.

I had a DS with a picture perfect pregnancy aside from maybe gaining a few too many pounds and a perfect delivery and very healthy adorable kid. winky.gif We didn't struggle to have him, but I did have endometrial scar tissue removed as I had complete blockage of both tubes and adhesions on bowel, bladder, uterus, tubes, and ovaries. Once we got pregnant and delivered the doctor assured us that we wouldn't have issues having another child. I nursed until he weaned and then started trying for number 2 when he was 2 years old. We struggled and took clomid and tried other interventions until finally we were convinced to do IVF as we were "perfect candidates". Healthy, no reason for infertility, healthy previous pregnancy and we were only around 30 years old and had great AMH and great sperm count, though slightly low motility. My first IVF resulted in twins that I lost. I then had a saline ultrasound later that year and got pregnant on our own that cycle and lost that one at 5 weeks. We started another cycle (my DH was probably done at that point but I wanted to give it one more shot). That cycle I was overdosed on a med due to pharmacy error and cancelled cycle several days into stimming. We waited and started again right before Xmas. I again got pregnant and again lost the baby. I then spent over $1000 on genetic testing and to see a miscarriage specialist only to not be given any answers. We still had, I think 12 embryos left from that IVF but we decided not to pursue a transfer again and donated them.

My DH and I made a deal before the second IVF that we would pursue both options at the same time, foster care/adoption and pregnancy knowing that we wanted to adopt eventually anyway no matter the outcome. We were going to do foster care adoption so we had assumed it would be likely to get a 2-5 year old so if we had gotten pregnant we still would have done foster care. A year after my third loss we had a beautiful baby girl placed with us through foster care that we adopted. Another year later another beautiful baby girl that was placed with us that we are adopting.

My husband and I always wanted to adopt, so it was a decision we would have made eventually anyway. I, like you, have an adopted sister so it pulled on my heart and I knew that bio/adopted is no difference in love.

Good luck in your decision and your path forward. No one can tell you when it is the right time for you to step away but hopefully with others stories and experiences you can settle on YOUR best decision.

post #22 of 25

I don't really know how you know... I knew when I realized we'd gone way beyond my comfort zone in terms of attempting to get pregnant. We saw a specialist just to see if there were any issues and that snowballed quickly into IVF, frozen embryos and lots of drugs and shots that just weren't what I wanted to be doing. But frankly, I never really cared to get pregnant to begin with, til we started on that path. Then I was desperate to succeed. But DH and I had already talked about adopting ages before that, and I was fine with that plan from the start. When it was time to start talking kids, DH got freaked out by the stories of $50,000 adoption fees and decided to TTC first. Then it snowballed and we hit bottom and realized that we had the right plan all along and went with that. And it wasn't anywhere close to $50,000.

post #23 of 25
Thread Starter 

I feel so hopeful and pissed off at the same time. I think I will need the next couple months to work through some things. Thats for sure.

post #24 of 25

You asked how we know we're "done" TTC and ready to adopt... Obviously that's going to be very different for everyone. For us it went like this... I wanted at least two children, one adopted and one bio. After a few years of marriage without conception I pushed for adoption. My husband is very easy-going and open-minded so I didn't have to push hard. Lucky me :) While going through that process and realizing it was more difficult than we anticipated, we decided to figure out our fertility issues. It turns out that I might be able to conceive but either I'd need a sperm donor or we could do IVF. Neither are very appealing to me. Looking into it a bit and discussing it with my husband we don't think we're going to go any further. It would be difficult to find a good sperm donor for me (a few medical issues that make it a little trickier than usual) and we're just not that comfortable with it. And IVF... well, I explained to my friend "you know how difficult this adoption has been? Well imagine going through that kind of emotional difficultly while being injected with a bunch of crazy hormones! I don't want to do that. it will land me straight into the mental hospital."  So... We're going to go straight away into a second adoption instead. It's been a roller coaster of emotions and I'm probably still grieving the loss of pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, and seeing my and my husband's likeness in a child. But at the same time I ache for the children waiting to be adopted. I feel a tremendous guilt at even wanting a bio child when there are so many needy children without homes. I might grieve the loss of a bio child just a little bit for the rest of my life. But I look forward to our second adoption. And I know in the long run my children are all that matter - however they come to be my children.


For us, the issue wasn't really a linear TTC -> fertility treatments -> adoption. The issues were: first, how many children? then, what family planning method makes the most sense for us?

post #25 of 25
Thread Starter 

Thanks so much for all your stories. I really appreciate them. 

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