Hello all and HELP?!!
I turned 44 in November...and much to my surprise also got pregnant. So I'm 11 weeks. We were trying but not TRYING, if you know what I mean. This is my first ever pregnancy. I was adamantly childfree for years but then things changed, I met Dan, and we thought we'd see what happened. To be honest I thought I was way too old to get pregnant and never really held out much hope.
So now I'm ... sort of freaking out. I was amazed / pleased for the first couple of weeks, worried about miscarriage for the next couple of weeks and now I'm... sort of in a state of complete shock. And really depressed. And so very horribly anxious. I know how awful that sounds, but I am going through such a maelstrom of feelings and terror about how my life will change, loss of freedom, loss of friendships, fear of isolation and loneliness, just general panic about how different my life will be. I can't seem to stop focusing on the negatives. I am wondering if this is just a horribly bad idea and that maybe I'm just too old to do this (although I feel so incredibly young).
I just feel trapped, and I hate myself for feeling like that. I've suffered from anxiety and depression before and i am currently on medication. It doesn't seem to be helping much. I've also just started seeing a therapist. I just don't know how to think about the pregnancy and myself. I am suddenly aware of what a HUGE responsibility this is.
I have a loving and supportive OH who's calm and happy but worried about me.
I have no idea whether or not this is normal. I think I should be happy. I just can't get there and can't feel any kind of bonding going on. I have scans and tests to go through. I'm just SCARED.
I would love any advice or helpful words.
Thank you so much for reading.