How Important is a Doula? « Back to Group Discussions

[kelantan]

So here is a question: How Important is it to have a Doula? Especially with a hospital birth.

I know it may seem like a silly question, but around here Doula's run in the $1500 range which is huge. If my insurance covered correctly a homebirth might only be like $2,000 to $2,500 which makes me really reconsider doing a homebirth...

Other considerations. My husband and I need to buy a new car. We are trading in our current car (or private selling) and are looking to buy a car in the $15,000 range with CASH (it will be a stretch). We are the no debt, no credit, all cash kind of people and i am just not sure i can swing the $1500.

So what i really hope to find out is IS A DOULA REALLY WORTH THE MONEY!?!? Because if they are we will figure it out, but i hate to spend unnecessary money!

Thank y'all!

[beans]

Disclaimer, I'm a non-practicing doula!

I had a doula for my first two and opted to not with my third. While my mom and husband were there and really supportive, that labor and delivery ended up being the most difficult, challenging, painful labor of all three. I thought with my third I had it figured out and would be totally fine. While I KNEW (cognitively) what was happening and that I'd eventually be ok and have a baby, that part of my brain was mostly shut down. All I considered was PAAAAAAIIINN and had a hard time getting ahead of it. I was still able to have a natural, vaginal delivery, but I was frantic and couldn't calm down. In hindsight, the services of a doula would have been really helpful.

I believe (and this is also evidence based) that having a supportive person available who is only focused on YOU (keep in mind that family members are also going through their own transition into new/another daddy/grandma/auntie-hood and also get stressed when you are in physical pain/under duress) is extremely helpful. They can support you in a way that you need support and either hang back or help take charge and encourage you.

Now $1,500 is SO much money. I wonder if you'd be comfortable having a non-certified doula, one who is still working towards certification , or a NEW doula? They might have significantly reduced fees. Google led me here: http://www.bestdoulas.com/faq.htm#cost

It looks like newly trained doulas are around $600 on that site. I'll bet there are dozens, if not hundreds of doula sites worth looking at in your area. Time consuming to dig, but you might find some good matches!

[domermommy]

I didn't have a doula for my first birth because I was going to be in a freestanding birth center, my husband had taken Bradley classes with me, and overall I didn't think I'd need anyone advocating for me since the birth center midwives would follow my wishes anyway.  While I was successful at having my natural birth, I felt that there was something missing -- someone to get me to move into various positions, someone to tell me not to push as hard to avoid tearing, etc.  While I love my midwives, they weren't there to be my coaches, and my husband was well-intentioned but clearly he's never had a baby before, so he wouldn't know if there would be a better position for me to be in, you know? So we're seeking out a doula this time around.

Granted, ours will be half of what yours charges, so I would have my doubts, too.  I would definitely look into a student doula or one working towards certification, etc.  I know that I'd want one in the hospital -- particularly one that was good at negotiating that particular hospitals quirks. 

Good luck on making your decision!

[jodieanneanton]

I have not had a doula and 2 great natural births.  I never felt like anything was missing.  Each time I had my mom and my husband with me.  The first birth, my mom and hubby shared the load of caring for me and did great (Disclaimer, my mom did take a class about being a doula before hand).  The second, my DH really was the only person I wanted around me.  He was the only one who knew what I needed to feel/hear/etc.  Anytime anyone else would enter the room (with the exception of my midwife who came in at the very last minute), my contractions would stop completely...this would happen to the point of the nurses not really thinking I was in active labor...telling me to wait on getting into the water cuz I was probably not going to go really fast since I didn't seem to be in labor.  I am just very private while in labor (opposite of how i am in real life, funnily enough) and if I don't have a very close relationship with the people there, labor stops! 

I think that doulas can be a great tool for a lot of women. Studies support their use, and I would like to do it for other women one day... You know, when the children are grown and schooled and I have "nothing to do" again! (haha.  I feel like that day may never come!)  I do think it is a very personal choice, though.  I know it would hinder me (I wouldn't have known this until I had been through my first labor, though).  How were you in your previous labors?  How is your DH in the delivery room? (For example, my friend says her DH really shuts down when she is in pain and a doula is of great assistance to her.)  I think it is a very personal choice and depends on the personality of the woman, her husband and the other support people she has available to her.

On a different note, it is nice to hear that "no credit" people actually exist!  My husband even has the very strange (to me) idea of not buying a house until we can afford it in CASH!  CRAZY! 

[Lauren82]

I think that a doula is extremely helpful, especially in a hospital setting. They not only help with relaxation and pain relief but can also be an advocate for you and a voice of reason when things get intense. I'm having a hospital birth this time and here are my reasons for hiring a doula:

1: A good doula has many tricks up her sleeve for relaxation and pain relief. It's also nice to have some reassurance. As much as I love my husband  telling me I'm doing a good job, it just doesn't seem as sincere coming from a man who really has no idea what it feels like to birth.

Also, my doula has already proved that she can be my rock when things get extremely intense. My last labor (home birth) was very fast and painful and she found a creative way to deal with me freaking out and I give her huge props for that.

2: A doula will be aware of my birth plan and my wishes. If I'm hurting or preoccupied, I might be easily tempted or pushed around by hospital staff. My husband is not good at arguing and being assertive. My doula will be my voice if I need her to be.

3: If labor ends up being long, my husband will be able to get himself a bite to eat, use the bathroom and such without worrying about me being left alone. I won't feel abandoned.

4: It's nice to have someone there just for ME.

That said. $1500 is A LOT. Most doulas do seem to accept payments though. If spending that much was my only option, I would find a way to make it work with my budget somehow.

[kelantan]

I would really love for it to be just me and my husband, but our past experience seems to negate that. I love love my husband but he does shut down some. I really think we need a doula.

I am scared about inexperience because with my last birth my midwife was inexperienced and you could tell. That is one thing i like about my OB (if i go with him) is that he has been around for over 50 years and backs the homebirth midwives. It's not as personal, though, so i think i need someone removed from me who can just kinda hover and help me out with hip press and hypnobabies stuff while still making sure everything is running fine with the nurses. 

It's definitely hard to swallow... i think i might up our budget to $1000 and just have to get $1000 less of a car. Or maybe we can penny pinch a bit more and squeeze out $1000 in the next bit. ????

[Lauren82]

You could always ask a doula if she would accept $1000. Sometimes doulas and midwives are willing to adjust their fee.

[MelindaCPC]

Wow! That is seems really high for a doula! The last time I checked around here it was only $300!

[Bena]

From this, it sounds like you really want a doula, which to me, is simply a good enough reason to have one, you know!!

It's just a question of figuring out the finances....I'm sure you can figure something out!!!! 

good luck!!!

Originally Posted by kelantan 

I would really love for it to be just me and my husband, but our past experience seems to negate that. I love love my husband but he does shut down some. I really think we need a doula.

I am scared about inexperience because with my last birth my midwife was inexperienced and you could tell. That is one thing i like about my OB (if i go with him) is that he has been around for over 50 years and backs the homebirth midwives. It's not as personal, though, so i think i need someone removed from me who can just kinda hover and help me out with hip press and hypnobabies stuff while still making sure everything is running fine with the nurses. 

It's definitely hard to swallow... i think i might up our budget to $1000 and just have to get $1000 less of a car. Or maybe we can penny pinch a bit more and squeeze out $1000 in the next bit. ????

[kelantan]

Bena, I guess you're right. I really want one and when i think of having one i am so much more comfortable and the birth in my mind seems to go perfectly. But if not i get anxiety. I guess that is reason enough.

[MissE]

I can only recommend a doula. Now that I'm faced with another upcoming birth I keep thinking back at how she talked to me, she kept me 'relaxed'. I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know how to relax and she was right there and just told me to deal with one contraction at a time, to keep my shoulders and hands relaxed (I was induced with a slight pit drip and the OB ruptured my waters. I went into full blown labor right away, 6cm and 100% at the time of AROM, it was intense) and to just breathe...I ended up humming cause it felt good. She knew it was time to push even before I felt it, just by the way I sounded. I am so grateful she was there, and I can't wait to reconnect with her, catch up and plan this birth. 

Oh also, she took all the pressure off my husband. She just told him to keep the icechips and washcloths coming and that was his job, other than holding my hands. He was perfectly content with that, not having to 'worry' about my well being. He knew I was taken care off and could somehow just take in the whole experience. 

[Brambleberry]

Do you have a relative or friend who shares your values for a natural birth and would get excited about studying to be a doula for your birth?  Right now they would have plenty of time to start learning!  A friend and neighbor of mine who is also an OB nurse at our local hospital was my doula.  She had studied midwifery and had plenty of experience with birth through her job of course.  It was super helpful that she worked at the hospital that I delivered at because she was able to do some of the tasks that the nurses on duty would have, which gave me more privacy during the earlier stages of labor, and she had some authority to see that my birth plan was respected and carried out by the other nurses.  As a friend she wouldn't accept payment, but we did give her a small gift to say thanks.

[MadiMamacita]

If I were delivering with only an OB I would for sure 100% want a doula. My last birth was a planned homebirth, but I was transferred to the hospital at 37 weeks for an induction. My midwife and her assistant were with me the whole time, even though the OB actually delivered. My midwifery team essentially acted as doulas in that setting. I would have been lost and scared without them. This time we are planning a birth with the same team in the free standing birth center, and I won't hire a doula.

[BirthinMama]

Having continuous support from a woman who is focused entirely on your comfort is significant.  Even with the most experienced and kind homebirth midwife, her focus is inherently on the health and safety of you and your baby.  Granted, a homebirth midwife likely approaches birth with a faith in the wisdom of your body and baby, so the role of your doula will be different than if you were having a hospital birth.  

There ways to receive high quality labor support for less money than the going rate in your area.  Trained doulas must perform many hours of labor support before they can complete their certification.  You may contact DONA for referrals.  I'm another example.  I am a Birthing From Within mentor, and to remain in good standing with BFW I must attend at least two births a year.  I help couples prepare for birth, but am not a birth doula because my family life does not allow for me to regularly attend births.  Women in either of these positions are grateful for the opportunity to attend your birth, are well trained in labor support (though likely less experienced than a certified doula), and often charge a nominal fee to cover the cost of babysitting for their own children. 

There is great value in having a woman present to support you in whatever way you need.  My doula attended both the hospital birth of my first son and the homebirth of my second.  Her role in each setting was very different, and valuable in each case.  She was able to recognize when I may benefit from a shift in position, or setting.  Her knowledge of massage and the tools in her kit brought comfort and relief.  Her continuous presence and firsthand knowledge of what is "normal" in birth reassured me that all was well, despite being unfamiliar to me—and my husband.  When she arrived early on the morning of my homebirth, my doula helped my husband clear boxes out of the guestroom, set up the birth tub, and put clean sheets on two beds.  That was the help we needed during early labor.  Then she massaged my suddenly giant swollen ankles.  Her suggestion later for a nap and a bath were exactly what I needed (twice—it was a long gentle labor), but hadn't occurred to me.  In the afternoon I sent her home to check on her family, and she returned with dinner for my husband and helped make a protein smoothy for me.  Then she took pics of my son the first moment he was in my arms, the first moment he nursed,  the first moment his father snuggled him.  I was unaware of her presence when she took those pics, and am so grateful for them today.

A doula who connects well with you, will be exactly the person you need her to be throughout your labor.  I strongly encourage women to seek out labor support.  If you live in the NY area and would like to contact me please find me at www.BirthingFromWithinWestchester.com.  Best wishes for joyous birth.

[jadebutterfly]

Hi i just wanted to share with u my experience though i cant believe those prices, ( i live in Mexico, so its very good prices) my small birthing hospital was like1200 dlls and my doula was 350 dlls :) jaja i love that simplicity and thats what it should be, because birthing is supposed to be easy and the most common thing, and i would hate to pay one of those xpensive hospitals with all the unecesary routine, which in the long run could actually cause more complications.

I would have loved a homebirth but the nearest hospital was 40 min away so i didnt want to risk anything, but, if u have a nearby hospital and seem to be having a helthy pregnancy i would encourage u to homebirth, u dont need an aditional doula just the midwife would be all in one, but also if u could get the hospital to do your requirements, thats awesome, thats what i did, and it was the closest thing to a homebirth.

No ER, stayed in the room to birth, no IV, no epidural, oxitocin or anything like that, low lights, quiet respectfull atmosphere, no stitches in vagina, had a stage 2 tear, but didnt want stitches, and all did well, and have my doula present and husband and baby straight to mamas arms before anything and no taking him away at all jaja i loved it.)

So, anyway i was gonna tell u about my doula, for me i realized what a huge help it is specially if u start talking and knowing her, building a friendship before the birth, so she knows all u expect from her and birth and she know that and will do all that for you. 

But OMG they have such a soothing, relaxing, strength giving, brave vibe to help you through it all. they got experience :)

Because no matter how much your hubby loves you or your mother or friend or who ever will be with you at the time, they dont always know exactly how you feel and though they might try to help,  you are like in a very altered state in which for me everything seemed kinda annoying haha   Specially the hospital staff, they were just talking to me like so raw, no compassion, no nothing, just like one birth lady about to have all these routine procedures, asking me stuff, like why on earth i didnt want the epidural ? telling me those crazy cramps i was getting were just gonna get worse  and that is BS that does not help a birthing momma or experience at all !!! She was even making me consider an epidural... what a BUTT after all my preparing ... so then my doula arrived and she put her in her place ( practically told her u can tell shes never been a mom ) and since then she soothed me so much, encouraged me to hold up on epidurall like planned,  told me the contractions where it, they were not going to get worse... and they didnt just more frequent but  she literally was a huge relieve and relaxing motivation through out the rest. Its like a Shaman knows how to guide a trip, a doula will be great guidance through birth...

So good luck on your decision ... But whether u do it or not, believe in your birthing power from within <3