Need Advice...Need to know how to get along with my 10 Year Old Daughter

[alexquin10]

Heres the Background...My Daughter is now 10 years old, we hardly have any relationship. I can barely stand her..I feel as though

she's lazy never does what shes told to do, she still talks like a baby or so low i can barely understand a word she says, never follows the rules ive made for her, shes sneaky and is starting to lie about the dumbest things. I dont think there is a day that goes by that I am not upset with her. It feels like everyday is a struggle from the time she wakes up until the time she goes to sleep. I make plenty of rules for her, easy able to follow rules more like routines but she doesnt ever follow them for example every morning its the same thing, get up get dressed, put your shoes on, brush your hair, wash your face, brush your teeth, eat breakfast...its the same thing every morning, but shes never ready on time ever. We argue every morning because she cant be ready on time, and there isnt much she needs to get done. It drives me up the wall. I even ask her what can I do to help you be ready she says nothing, I ask her why it takes her so long, she says she doesnt know. She nevers know anything. I cant seem to understand her. Since I cant understand her I was hoping some of you teens can tell me figure out what I can do differently to change this horrible relationship we have. Its a constant struggle and I dont want to be upset with her all the time. I want things to be easy. I just dont know how to get them that way.

Please help

[jdsf]

OP, you should look at the thread from my post about 11 year old a few days ago, I think some of the responses may be helpful in your situation, as well. I don't know what to tell you besides I'm in a similar boat, and I have raised an adolescent girl into young womanhood and seen the other side of it. While she was challenging in different ways, I feel like she came into herself around 14 and mostly acts like a "real person" now, just recognize that she's changing a lot right now and trying to figure out who she is.

[neonalee]

DSD just turned 13. 11 & 12 were the worst. Rules that are not arbitrary, logical consequences, & consistency are very important.

sent from my phone using tapatalk, please forgive typos

[tangledblue]

Haven't raised a preteen yet so this is coming from a place of ignorance...but are you spending social time with her that doesn't involve rules? Just talking, letting her show you what she is into, doing something fun...? Might be easier to get her to "buy in" to house rules if there is more balance with fun stuff. (Not saying there isn't, just isn't clear from your post.)

[journeymom]

How to get along with her...Aside from her magically doing what needs to be done without reminder or complaint? :-) Is she pushing some personal buttons that interfere with your perception of her, or amplifies your anger? For example does she have a certain posture that reminds you of some one that bugs you?

Agreed with the above, make sure you regularly do something stress-free and pleasant with her, something fun. An opportunity for you two to interact when you're not under pressure to get some where, or whatever. Something that builds good feelings and strengthens your relationship.

This doesn't magically make her do all her chores without reminder or complaint. That's partly another issue from 'how to get along'. You just want to have some good feelings to draw on when you are angry with her again.

Share with her about your 10 y.o. self. She will really appreciate knowing that Mom was there once.

I think the "I don't know why" thing and the lying (what is she lying about?) are passive aggressive because she can't straight up say, 'because I don't want to do that".