My dd is 1 year old and we have an open adoption relationship with her birthparents. I really like them alot and feel lucky to have the relationship we do.
That being said, I have some questions about how the dynamics b/w birth and adoptive families usually works out?
When we see BPs they are always respectful of our relationship with our daughter, but they also seem almost possesive of her in the sense that they spent almost the entire time we are together talking about how much she is like one or the other of them. Some things are relevant, of course, but others not so much and I feel like they almost spend all their time with her disecting every nuance of her and assigning it to one or the other and saying things like 'she gets that from her mom, or that comes from her daddy' etc.
The way I look at it is that she is our daughter, meaning theirs and ours, part of both sets of her parents; adoptive and birth. She is an amazing mix of their genetics and our environment. She has traits and characteristics from both sets of her parents and I happily acknowledge their role in that amazing mix and I just wish they would acknowledge ours.
They also seem completely disinterested in us as a family. I understand that their interest would be with their daughter, but she has sisters whom she adores and are a big part of her life. They don't seem want to know about what her home life is like or ever ask about our other children (even in relation to dd) when they picked us specifically becasue they wanted dd to have siblings. In fact they had requested it just be us and them (with dd of course) the last time we saw them, purposely leaving our other children out. I look at us as being a family unit and the idea of meeting them without the rest of our kids adds a level of complexity to our relationship. Our original agreement was to meet 3 times a year, but last year we saw eachother 5. I don't want to make the relationship complicated, if that makes sense?
I don't want to sound like I am complaining about our daughters birth family or that I dislike them... in fact it is very much the opposite. I am grateful for our relationship and I enjoy seeing them, I just don't know what normal is and how other families navigate these relationships in the early stages. I want to make sure my expectations are realistic!