Taking the Scenic Route...to a BFP

[sherryvhkb]

Hello Everyone. This is a "grad thread" of sorts for us 1st cycle on Clomid ladies.....who are no longer on our first cycle of Clomid but have enjoyed each others company and support. It is also for all those who have neen lurking, following, chiming in and cheering us on. It is for a group of women all trying to get to the same place by taking the roads less traveled. We all have a journey here- some longer- some harder...we all at different times come up against obstacles and uphill climbs...and in between it all we share our fears, choices, hopes, frustrations, and accomplishments, and throw in a little bit of everyday life too.

Afm: spending the day in dd hospital room while they try to figure out what the heck is going on in her tummy. 9dpo...you would think this would distract me from the 2ww...but there is a fairly young babe next door...i can hear her and her mama talking to her...and it smells like johnsons and johnsons baby bath in here!!!! I need to go to my FRER!!!!!

I HOPE TO HEAR FROM ALL OF YOU!!! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

[indie1976]

sherry! i'm so impressed - you get things done, girl! happy to join in and hang out! i'm so sorry about your dd... i hope you get some answers (and she gets some relief) soon! keep us posted. and 9dpo... i know you are itching to test hehe. i don't think cbaa and i are sending you the surgery vibe... i think you sent it to us! lol

cbaa - can't believe we are both going down the endo/lap road at the same time. i think we are both going to be preggo by this summer!

afm: got my surgery date today. march 1. they tried to get me in on feb 28 (the doc does his surgeries on thursdays) but the surgery center was already full with cases so i will have to start birth control pills (so weird. haven't been on those in years) to keep my lining thin since it will be later in my cycle. but i'm feeling good about march 1st. seems like a good date, 1st of the month and all... and i will be the 1st case of the day, so that's good too. i won't know much else until i get my pre-op appointment (they will call me on monday to schedule that). that's where i will find out how long we have to wait to ttc again. from everything i'm reading it seems that you are advised to hold off on sex for about two weeks and can start ttc as of your following cycle. those who have to hold off for a couple of cycles seem to be ones who have their uterus cut into, which shouldn't (fingers crossed!) be happening for me. so... i'm fully expecting to have a january or february 2012 birth! (i'm back on the positive thinking train... woowoo :)

[indie1976]

oops... make that january or february 2013 birth. haha

[sherryvhkb]

10 dpo- bfn. Starting to feel pms bloated, little crampy. :-( still a pediatric unit captive, but dd is feeling better.

Indie- i like the polyp diagnosis. I makes sense and is easy as plucking some grapes- then. Vuuu-alahhh you're good to go. I will still bet you do NOT!! Have endometriosis. If you do i will not poas in March!!!

Cbaa-

Msd.

Gtree is excused as she is doing the hustle south of the boarder.

[toothfairy2be]

Hi all - thanks for getting us started with a new title, i lke it!

9dpo, not feeling symptoms, not feeling like POAS...

Sherry i hope youre released soon & your little girl gets some answers!

Indie- my consult isnt til march 14 so hopefully by april 1 ill be joinbg you!

[sherryvhkb]

10dpo pm edition: bfn. But we are home at last. Showered pajamed and hiding in mr 3rd floor bedroom as mil is here and there could be blood shed if i get criticized right now. I am also smell senitive and nauseas as can be right now. Like an awful hangover with bed spins....if i remember back that far.

Glad to be home and in bed though!!!!

Trying to decide about testing in the am.....

[MsDolphin]

Hey ladies!

I had a "play-date" with 2 old friends this weekend, they each have DS's 8 mon and 2.5 years (she is expected #2) and me with my DS 17 mon. It was nice to hang out with mommies with LO's close to my DS age. We talked about the challenges of getting PG. My one friend said she got her BFP on Clomid. She also said she used the O sticks, so I went out bought a box. I guess it won't hurt to try to be more accurate on the timing this cycle.  I am going to talk to DH about the Clomid causing weight gain, just so he knows.

Thanks for creating us a new thread to keep up with everyone. Looking forward to contining this journey with you all.

[sherryvhkb]

ugh- most post disappeared!

ok

Indie- it sounds like march will be a clean slate- cheers to fresh starts

cbaa- wow- i am sending you NOT endo waves...you haven't been complaining of anything...are you STOIC???? probably since you have all that willpower not to test!!!

Ms.D- sound like a nice day.  I'm glad you found some friends to conect with an the ttc.  and may i repeat- don't let me come over there- for any ounce you gain dh needs to drop to one knee and say thank you thank you for using your body to make our life what it is....grrr guys.

afm

well- i think i have a touch of flu.  My temps for two days have been in the 99's.  So i guess inaccurate- i will not like taking my chart to the re this month.  it's kind of useless.  soooo i was trying to decide about testing today 12 dpo.  i decided to compromise and use a cheapy...that came up faint positive...then i used 3 more....all bfn....then i broke down and opened next months box of frer...BFN.  now i'm just sad.  ugh.   and may I...not rant...not vent or bitch....just share i guess- softly because i know you guys understand...last february we made our april break vacation plans and decided to do some more rugged things as my surgery for tr was right after and we figured that this break we would have a newborn in tow or be hugely pregnant....and when we though that the world seemed amazing somehow- you know----just- kind of "WOW" ....and here we are- i guess it just really hit me yesterday as we were talking about dates for break....that we were so innocently optimistic...and now here a year later...well...i know there are no words for it- and that you ladies understand without them. 

I will restore my optimism...but today...i think will just be a quiet "feeling it" day.

[MsDolphin]

Originally Posted by sherryvhkb 

well- i think i have a touch of flu.  My temps for two days have been in the 99's.  So i guess inaccurate- i will not like taking my chart to the re this month.  it's kind of useless.  soooo i was trying to decide about testing today 12 dpo.  i decided to compromise and use a cheapy...that came up faint positive...then i used 3 more....all bfn....then i broke down and opened next months box of frer...BFN.  now i'm just sad.  ugh.   and may I...not rant...not vent or bitch....just share i guess- softly because i know you guys understand...last february we made our april break vacation plans and decided to do some more rugged things as my surgery for tr was right after and we figured that this break we would have a newborn in tow or be hugely pregnant....and when we though that the world seemed amazing somehow- you know----just- kind of "WOW" ....and here we are- i guess it just really hit me yesterday as we were talking about dates for break....that we were so innocently optimistic...and now here a year later...well...i know there are no words for it- and that you ladies understand without them. 

I will restore my optimism...but today...i think will just be a quiet "feeling it" day.

I understand how you are feeling ((hugs)) and hope you don't have the flu, being sick sucks

[sherryvhkb]

Hey!! OUR thread is sinking! Where is everyone.

I'm sulking...but there are no posts to read.

Thanks for the hugs msD!

Cbaa...you are 12dpo...but knowing you no test!! I hope that disrespected pipsqueak follicle is getting busy in you right now!

Indie...waiting...you never told us if your dog was ok- im guessing so.

Stasi...?

Gtree- excused.

I have for the first time in 9 months an aversion to poas. I'm 13 dpo- i know af is coming- day nefore i always wake up with energy and a spike in...libido. check and check. But usually i test until the last minute. Today..i saved some fmu, yeah in a dixie cup- yeah on the sink, but AFTER dh had left since ive been banned from doing that. And i dumped it an hour later. I think because this was my first professionaly confirmed: ripe follicle, right side, timely bd, positive opk to go with temps....it just is hotting harder- i think indie and cbaa- youve been here- where the unexplained meets the word infertility.

So 13 dpo- and big fat...nothing.

Looking forward to getting somewhere with Re and bloodwork. One step at a time

[indie1976]

oh sherry, i'm so sorry. i know what you are feeling... both the disappointment about thinking you'd have a baby or at least a belly by now and the frustration with have all the ingredients... timing, follicle, etc etc and still not getting that bfp. it sucks. and yet, it will definitely make the moment when you do get the bfp that much sweeter. and that baby is going to be well fought for :)

not much going on here... ii have my pre-op appointment on friday so i will definitely check in and let you guys know how that goes.

baby steps for all of us! literally ;-)

[sherryvhkb]

Ummm i think i must have some clomid lingering somehow- i'm sure feeling emotional...
trying to look forward to re appt. Day 3 labs coming u so i'm reviewing....also reading around the boards and kind of wondering how far I will go...i mean this desire sure does have a way of eating up your sanity if you let it. I guess i'm the type of person who says - heck who needs sanity if your going after what you want!!! But being part of an us with an overselfcontroled plodder...(besides making each other crazy!) Means taking that veiw into consideration as well. Is everyone else on the same page as dh- or are there differences in how far your willing to go to "conceive". I dont mean to pry and no one need answer- just wondering. I think i would draw the line at donors- i think if i could get him to do it himself dh might go as far as iui...perhaps...if i seem really sad and he feels guilty...but those things are miles apart.

Afm! I have placed myself in isolation. Guest room. Dh doesn't know- yet- he came home late grouchy and with a pile of papers he is spending quality time with. He grouched about what i had out for dinner after ive been running around all day! It's one of those nights that im just wishing hed come home and gently hold me- and not talk- haha- do they EVER get those things- well he could talk only if he would say all the right things...but if i wrote him a script he'd be offended-
so- waiting out AF in isolation. Temp was still way above cover but im reslly dehydrated from that bug. I did break down and test with a cheapy tonight- negative as expected.
hey- thanks for keeping me company!!

Cbaa- you are on my mind!

The rest of us.....waiting:eyesroll

[indie1976]

sherry... it sounds like you are where i was last cycle. it sucks. i'm sorry. this ttc business can make you question everything. and i do me everything. you might be going thru post clomid crazies... it was worse for me than the clomid crazies. ugh

[MsDolphin]

Originally Posted by sherryvhkb 

... Is everyone else on the same page as dh- or are there differences in how far your willing to go to "conceive". I dont mean to pry and no one need answer- just wondering.

 

 I am finding myself surprised how much DH has been willing to do so far. I may have already shared some of this...

DH has 2 LO's that are with us 50% of the time. We decided to TTC right away in our relationship, because we (I) figured it would take a long time, as I was over 40. We were blessed and got a BFP the first 2 months. I knew from the beginning I wanted 2 LO's, but soon after I gave birth DH said he didn't want another and was going to get snipped. I had a good cry about it, but accepted it. After a few months he came to me one day and asked if I still wanted another, he had re-considered and wanted one more. (Happy dance for me).

As easy as it was the first time for us, I figured it would happen again. Now 1.5 years of TTC - here I am. We originally said we'd try for 1 year and if didn't happen naturally, so be it. But I found myself still wanting to keep trying for one more year (due to my age) and started looking into fertility options. I always felt like it was more me that wants another baby and DH was just going along with it. I felt like anything "extra" would be on my part, ie the tests and taking clomid, etc. I was surprised when my OBGYN wanted to have DH do a SA test, he went along with it.

Even last night, DH commented that we need to do BD soon/now. I was surprised he realized it and brought it up.

My OBGYN suggested we need to start considering IVF. We both said no, we weren't willing to go that far, but now I am having second thoughts. I probably need to find out how DH feels about it.

That might be TMI, but gives you a glimpse of where other couples are.

[indie1976]

ok, i guess i'll chime in too ;)

dh has always been in the "sure-i'd-like-to-have-kids-but-no-biggie-if-it-doesn't-happen" camp. me on the otherhand... i've always been in the "i-may-not-be-a-holly-homemaker-type-but-i-want-babies-dammit" camp. he actually surprised me when i got pregnant the first time... he was super excited (i was panicked that he wouldn't be even though we decided together to start trying) and he was very disappointed when we m/c. he's been pretty good about participating as he is needed (bd, SA, etc etc) but he DOES NOT deal well with me getting upset over pregnancy not happening. i was actually pretty disappointed in his lack of empathy towards me recently when i had a two week stretch of being an overwhelmed/scared/devastated/anxious mess and his response was to get pissed off at me. it took a couple of days of working through it for me to realize that while my bigget fear is finding out we can't have biological children - his biggest fear is that i would be so devastated by that that our marriage would end up being an awful, depressed failure. and once i understood that, i could better deal with his lack of ability to comfort me when i needed it... he just didn't have the ability to because he was more scared that i'd just never be happy again. after going through all that, i am better able to accept that while he will be a fantastic father when the kids eventually do get here, he would be just as happy if we went childless. and on some level that is comforting to know.

as far as how far we will go... i think we'd go as far as ivf (but not egg donor) though i pray that we don't have to.

[indie1976]

Pre-op update... the doc did another ultrasound to double check my ovaries to make sure there isn't any deep endo (which would affect the way surgery is performed). they look good! he said that doesn't mean there might be some superficial endo on them but nothing that is going to require invasive procedures (which is a relief... didn't want to end up losing an ovary out of all this). weird: i will be getting a narrated dvd of the surgery. didn't see that one coming. i will have two incisions - one below my navel, the other in the pelvic area. i can stop bc pills as of the surgery (or after, whenever i choose)... should get my period three days later and will need to wait a cycle before ttc. only have to take one week off for sex. that's going to be tricky being able to have sex over my fertile period but not ttc...

overall, i feel pretty good about all of this. i'm guessing the doc will want to do iui next (will have a post op appt about a week and half / two weeks after surgery to discuss). i need to ask them about how much that will be out of pocket since my stoopid insurance doesn't cover anything infertility related. i don't really know what to expect between paying for drugs, sperm washing or whatever they do, and the iui... hoping it's not outrageous. and i know i will start toying with the thought of trying naturally since i will have a nice cleaned out uterus... not exactly sure what to do...

how is everyone else doing?

[toothfairy2be]

sherry- sorry you are feeling down... I'm having mixed emotions too. I know it has been a few days so hopefully things are looking up! When are your day 3 labs?

indie- glad you got a good pre-op! I think the lap brings a lot of unanswered questions... I have been feeling the 'same' way about what comes next... at a loss I guess. I dont have a boat load of advice about the cost of IUI/sperm washing/monitoring as our insurance covers it... but I will say, I'm floored by the cost of injectables, more about that in the AFM. When is your surgery date again, must be soon, right?

ms.dolphin- I'm glad your hubby has been so on board with everything. It sounds like you are both caring of each others feeling and that is how you make things work. The IVF talk will be tough, but you will feel better once you know where DH is at.

AFM- My beta was negative and AF is here... not very much of her, but enough... I picked up my gonal-f yesterday, it cost a small fortune... I feel torn- on one hand- we were preparing for this to be our 'last shot' before DH is gone for work til August, but now that I have a plan with a new doctor, who believes without treating the endo- who knows if we could get pregnant. So now, I don't know how to feel positive on putting all our eggs in 1 basket this month when I'm all lined up for surgery. So... it is too late now anyway, I paid for the meds so they can't be returned... I can't save them because my new doctor doesn't use ART. So, one last go. Hoping for the win.

[indie1976]

cbaa: my surgery is this thursday! so soon! so looking forward to getting it out of the way... and yes, i've heard injectables are horrendously expensive. dh and i were talking over the weekend and i think (unless iui, etc ends up being surprisingly affordable w/o insurance... which i doubt...) we will likely just do femara or clomid and try on our own at least for two or three cycles. i need to do some more research on iui but anecdotally i don't know that i know (in real life or online) of a person who it has worked for so i'm really trying to determine if it's worth trying on our own for a bit before shelling out the additional funds. i totally know what you mean about not feeling positive about a cycle... i'm hoping for the win for you!

sherry... where you at, girl? hope you are starting to feel better? check in with us please!

msdolphin... how did your ivf conversation go with dh?

me... nothing new here. just waiting to get on the other side of this week!

[sherryvhkb]

hello everyone.

I'm here....CD4 blah! grrrr

to catch up:

we are definatly not on the same page as far as how far to go- me: gon.tropin me!!! IVF me- yesterday please...but ive started to softly mention the iui thing....i guess we will see.  I did my day three labs monday, although it was closer to day 4- AF showed Friday- LATE!(CD33)  now i think my RE appt (3/5) is thrown off as she was going to survey follicles...they will only be mini's by then.  My cycles are still off post clomid- and getting longer.  I hope that is a positive of metformin.  I guess i know I am out this month as i will likely O on the left- so- less stress- unless she wants me to opk anyway... i hope not i'd rather just forget about it all right now.  I am feeling that this is impossible- and i should have probably known it would be a slim chance instead of being so sure it would just happen.  I am thinking of my next hsg in April and seeing if that right tube is still even open. 

@Cbaa- exciting!!!!!! I would love some injectables- even if it means i psych admission- man even Clomid made me sooo emotional.  One of the girls i work with had injectble stim, trigger and iui with both of her pregnancies- 1st round both times, now she is thinking about #3 and saving up $$$.

@ms. D it is good to be on the same page, or at least willing to explore each others feelings.  I have threatened to drug DH and steal his swimmers- haha and run off for ivf.

@ Indie- wow Thursday!!!! so exciting!!!! OMG- my bet stands- i will not test if i am wrong about that endo.  I am so excited for you to get past this.  I am convinced that your polyp was acting as an iud and once gone- BAM! that will be it!!!! I think i would wait the 3 months and see what happens- i bet this will do it.  IUI costs vary so much.  I hope you have an office that will work with you on the prices. 

@gtree...back yet?

[indie1976]

sherry! i'm sorry you are going through the valley of disbelief (that's what i called my feelings of impossibility, anyway) what is you dh's issue with ivf? i would have thought being an MD he would be more open to going that route than the average dude. do you always alternate what side you ovulate on? i know of someone with one tube who got pregnant the cycle that she ovulated on the side with no tube... that egg made it's way over to the other side! the possibilities are endless... though i know sometimes you do have to sit with the feeling of impossibility. your RE appointments will likely help you to get your hope back. it's nice to have someone who is invested in your success other than ourselves and our dh.

also... i'm quite sure you will have to make good on the no testing this cycle... i am convinced i have endo (may or may not be an issue with getting pregnant... i would be the polyps are more likely the issue) but i do have plenty enough symptoms to suspect it. but i would totally love to be wrong!!

so tomorrow is the day. which means getting to the hospital by 6am. luckily it's just a few minutes down the road. send me happy thoughts, please!