Taking the Scenic Route...to a BFP - Page 7

[MindlessChrissy]

Lots and lots of hugs, sherry!

[indie1976]

oh sherry! what a mind f*ck! i'm so sorry... i'm here (we all are!) for you if you need to vent/cry/process this... families come in all kinds of wonderful and varied constellations!

cbaa i think you will be more than fine to horse back ride 2 weeks after surgery. my belly button is still a bit sore but i haven't had any real pain since 4 days post surgery.

afm: yes the bleeding was bright red. still spotting some. i think i must have jarred something... kindof an awkward interruption to sexy time! lol

i have an appt but will check back in a little later. hang in there sherry!

[CharleyInVT]

Oh boy - I want to get some personals in, but I've only had the time to write up my own story! Sorry for now - thank you so much for the warm welcome. I knew this thread was the right one for me.

So here goes:

Hello! It took me much longer to write my story out than I had anticipated. I did find creating a record of this to be highly cathartic and I’m glad I did it.  I apologize for it being so long. If any of you are anything like me though, you like reading people’s stories, so I hope you don’t mind.

I’m 38 and my DH is 37. We’re trying to conceive #1.

While I haven’t exactly been diagnosed with any kind of fertility issue, and neither has my DH, we do have some challenges and I’ve always known that becoming pregnant would be a little difficult.

I’m not really sure where to begin… I’ve never participated on a message board before.

So my story is this: I have never been pregnant, even though I had plenty of opportunities: 8 years of unprotected sex with my DH. We haven’t been trying exactly, but not not trying either.  Even though my cycle has always been normal, I’ve always been suspicious that I’ve never conceived.

In 2011 I decided to get serious about getting pregnant, so I went to my primary care doctor and told her that we had been trying to conceive with no results. Because of my age, I wanted to get fast tracked into testing and was worried that she would tell me to try for real before seeking any help.

She sent me to an OBGYN and I began testing – this was in September of 2011 – it turns out that my levels were good, my eggs and egg reserve looks good, and so she scheduled an internal ultrasound. Turns out I have a polyp in my uterus.  At this time I was told the polyp was 1cm long and located in a tricky spot. I was advised to get it removed right away.

That involved a lot of other appointments – and through them it was discovered that I have a very tough cervix. In fact, 2 different water ultrasounds were unsuccessful, the surgeons just couldn’t get the catheter in my cervix, then into my uterus. So we went ahead with surgery anyhow, with the thinking that if I was under, they could force their way in and take care of the polyp and do a D&C. That didn’t work. My doctor got in and immediately poked through my uterus and she had to stop the whole operation right away.

This sucked on a lot of levels. I still have the polyp, I had a hard time recovering and I have crappy insurance, so I know owe a couple of thousand dollars for something that I have to have done again.

***Meanwhile, my DH had SA done. Turns out he had a low count about 8million. We put him on a high dose of Vit C, Zinc and Selenium and when he retested 2 months later his count was 38million. So good news! He was in the normal range, but the bottom of the normal range. But we’ll take it!***

So, after the failed polyp surgery, we decided that we would try one IUI with Clomid. That was this past January. I took the 100mg of Clomid cycle days 3-9 and on CD14 I O’d per an OPK and then we had the IUI on a Tuesday.

I hope that was the right day – but I did my best. I was OPK testing twice a day, and I got my positive on Sunday night. I called it into my doctor on Monday morning, and they set the IUI for Tuesday. When we got to her office, I told her that I had tested positive on Sunday night and again Monday morning and she said they only counted the morning result and that if I had been testing only in the morning like her office recommended, then I still would have come in on Tuesday, without the worry of the Sunday night positive. Make sense?

Before she began the IUI I asked her to be as aggressive as possible – and she was. I ended up needing shots of Novocain next to my cervix and she had to really force the Cather in. She asked me if I had ever had surgery or any procedures done on my cervix – and all of the sudden, I remember having cyrosurgey/cyrotherepy on my cervix when I was in my early 20’s at Planned Parenthood! I had irregular cells at a routine pap smear – and it’s possible that I have some scarring at the opening of my cervix! Which would explain a lot.

Well, that IUI was unsuccessful. The thing is, I FELT pregnant. I know I was. Around DPO 12 or 13 I began to feel un-pregnant. This was an awful feeling. I lashed out at my husband and my mother and felt like I wasn’t in control in general.

My OBGYN refuses to see me for other treatments and said that from here on out I needed to work with an RE. SO I made an appointment with the one my OBGYN recommended and my husband and I went to see her. This is when things began to change in my treatment.

Although I was somewhat disappointed in the RE’s lack of knowledge of my story thus far (no records had been sent over to her office and she went ahead with our meeting knowing nothing about me in advance), she did give me an exam, including an ultrasound. She was able to get a Cather in no problem. I couldn’t even feel it going in! Amazing! She said her office probably used smaller ones than the OBGYN.

During the ultrasound she said it was quite possible that I have endometriosis and that it looked like something was covering up my right ovary. She also said that what looked like possible endometriosis could also be stool. She also told us that the polyp was 2 cm (not the one we had been told before) and that is was located in the worst possible place.

I asked about having an HSG and she told me that I could have one my next cycle or if that didn’t work out, when she did the surgery to remove the polyp she could also do a lap and take a look then. The surgery for the polyp removal is set for April 13^th.

However, the dates for the HSG did work out, and last Friday I found myself in the radiologists office have it done. My left tube is clear and beautiful, but it looks like a sausage maker has had their way with my right tube. It is deformed and full of fluid. I know this may be way too much information, but I have a picture of it if anyone would like to see what it looks like.

So now I’m just waiting to hear from my doctor as to what this means exactly. We’ll see her on Wednesday morning. I’m so nervous. Our insurance doesn’t cover any fertility treatments, only diagnosis of a problem.   So while I don’t know much for sure, I have “hydrosalpinx” in my right tube and I have a big polyp and I may have endometriosis and I guess this explains why I haven’t been conceiving.

Another big kink (har har, pun intended) is we are set to move in June of this year. At that time, both my husband and I will become self employed and thus lose our insurance. (I am currently self employed and my husband is employed by the federal government.) I have to have as much of this taken care of as possible through April and then hope that I could get any follow up care that I might need in May so that in June we could be on our merry way to Vermont with as much done as possible and be in a good position to conceive on our own.

So this is where I’m at as I begin my journey with you all. I feel scared, hopeful, and lonely. I’m glad to be here.

[bebelove]

Charley, thanks do much for sharing your story and I'm sorry you've been through so much! I can't believe you were charged for that polyp removal surgery despite injuring you and not removing the polyp! Really, I feel for your situation so much.

At least you know that one tube is open, which is good! Overall, how was the HSG? I need one next month if i don't get pregnant this next month. So diid the RE place the catheter to do another IUI attempt or just recon?

It's such a safe place here to share your story and be heard, so I'm so glad that you did. Maybe I'll share my story, too.

I'm hoping everyone can be speedy in getting your tests done before insurance runs out. Just keep pushing them to move forward and make sure they know that you are up against the clock. Overall, just don't lose hope!! xo

[bebelove]

Sherry, seriously that's hard news to get because it's such a mixed bag of emotions! I'm so sorry.

[indie1976]

charley! you have been through so much! my jaw dropped reading your story... how have you held it together through all of that? i'm so glad you shared with us and i can totallu relate to KNOWING you were pregnant with no bfp to prove it. i think it's very possible that iui was successful but the polyp got in the way of implantation. i hate being pushy, it's so against my personality, but if i were up against the clock with insurance coverage i would be on the phone every day pushing people to get this stuff scheduled. yay for your open tube! that's very good news. i think i can speak for us all when i say hallelujah for medical science... even though it can be a pia much of the time.

bebelove i would love to know your story, too. please share!

cbaa i didn't get a chance earlier to give you an internet hug for your cat. i know that's probably a mixed feeling of sadness and relief. it's great that you can visit the kitty though! i often wonder how crazy we are for having four animals and wanting to add a baby in the mix! dh and i babysat a 4mth old on saturday at the momma's house and i realized as we were playing with the little one on the floor that that would be pretty much impossible at our house with 4 animals and all hardwood floors! so many things to consider when adding a bambino to the family... i know i haven't even thought of the half of it! let us know what you choose for the IF soundtrack, i'm curious! i don't have any suggestions but am super interested in what you come up with.

sherry - how you holding up? where's your head at? how is your dd dealing with this surprise? hoping you are ok. check in please!

[toothfairy2be]

Ohhhh Sherry- that is such a tough situation... How are you and your daughter holding up? Two personal experiences: my good friend's husband has a brother that is younger than his oldest niece (daughter and mom preggo simultaneously) and a friend growing up who had 2 nieces/1nephew older that she was. All of them are very happy/healthy etc and there is no strangeness in their lives. I hope you will continue TTC, you are still so young and you DESERVE this! What better way to bond with DD!  I am sure she is freaking out though... how is the boyfriend, committed? honest? reliable? supportive? So tough... for you both. I am definitely thinking of you, big hug that you weren't 'feeling' it today and you are feeling the gluten side effects- I ran barely on time with my patients today and had to stay late to finish notes/cards etc that I usually do during the appt. I just couldn't get my act together, cheat week overload!

Charley- Wow, just wow. You have been through so much. I am glad you are finally looking out the other side, in just a few short weeks you will be on the mend. It sounds like you are ovulating on your own so hopefully after everything is fixed up in there you will be in a good spot to conceive on your own. I can't say enough good things about it, so I will give my 2 cents again. When you get to Vermont- see if there are any local NaPro Tech providers- as long as you know then that everything is 'cleaned out' they will monitor you with different methods to help you conceive without artificial reproductive technology. It is actually quite inexpensive even out of pocket. I am so hopeful for you getting your procedure done in a few weeks. The 13 is my DH birthday, it is a lucky day :) My Lap is next Thurs 29th and Indie had hers 2 weeks ago so we will be as helpful as we can to get you through it. I am so glad you finally joined us! Also, yay for moving to Vermont! I am in Massachusetts- we will be New England buddies!

bebelove- my HSG was completely uneventful. They were 30 mins late taking me in and I desperately needed to get back to work. It all took about 15 minutes, pants off, onto the chair, lay back, insert speculum, insert cath, inject dye, cramp cramp cramp, snapped a few pictures, cramps stopped, glanced at the result, pants on, fly back to work. I know it can be more uncomfortable if something is blocked but I was lucky to be all clear- of course, I am still TTC 6 mos later... sooo.... what does it matter?!

Indie- another Lap question- did he use laser for you? My doctor is literally cutting it out of me... he said he does that to be sure no cells get left behind. It makes me nervous that it is going to take a longer time to heal if it isn't cauterized from being lasered. Thanks for the hugs for the kitty, it is a mix of emotions but I just remind myself it is for the best.

My songs so far:

Oasis- Stop Crying your Heart Out

Kelly Clarkson- Stronger (what doesn't kill you)

Michael Buble- Hold On

Coldplay- Fix You

Sheryl Crow & Sting- Always on your Side

Israel Kamakawiwo'ole- Somewhere over the Rainbow

Sanders Bohlke- I'm Gonna Make It

Dixie Chicks- Lullaby

Dashboard Confessional- Hell on the Throat

Dave Matthews Band- You and Me

Kermit the Frog- Rainbow Connection

Then there are other songs that just remind me of my own journey and give me a peaceful feeling so I havent decided whether to include them:

Adele- One and Only

Des'ree- I'm Kissing you

Santana- While my Guitar Gently Weeps

Snow Patrol- Set Fire to the Third Bar

Damien Rice- The Blower's Daughter

Wow- this is a long post. My AFM- I bled through my tampon today, right through my undies, pants, and onto my labcoat. SWEET way to start the week! My RE's office called to tell me I missed my beta. Thanks, it's because who needs to waste time on beta when you are bleeding through your pants.. jackholes... Sorry, had to get that out! Anyway, AF is here- woop di do. Surgery in T-9 days... is that right?

[toothfairy2be]

Indie- I forgot to add, I lol'ed about your pets and hardwood floors- same story here! Only 1 doggy now, but we have the hardwood floor/sharp sided coffee table/giant flatscreen/alcohol cabinet without doors or locks, decorative vases, unanchored bookshelf etc combo going on here. SO not baby proofed. We will get there!

[bebelove]

Isn't it so amazing how much we have all been through, and will go through, to try and have a baby? Ahhh . . . I wish I had known more when I was in my 20s . . . I wish I understood that I might be dealing with all of this later. I would have made a lot of different decisions along the way! But alas, I just have to keep moving forward!

Fairy: Thanks for the info about the HSG - I'm hoping for an uneventful experience, too!

I'm thinking of y'all, and hoping for some very good news from at least one of us soon!! It just has to happen!!

Oh, and since we're talking about pets, I told hubby that when we return from our vacation in June, if we aren't pregnant, we're getting a puppy!! I need something cute to snuggle.

[indie1976]

cbaa (sorry I keep calling you that, it's just in my mind that's your name... like, i would see you in person and i would call out "cbaa!") - what a great list of music! love pretty much every artist you have on there! also, dixie chicks lullaby is one of my favorites... surprised that didn't come to mind immediately! so... the countdown is on... operation clean cbaa out is upon us! bebelove - what kind of puppy?! do share! sherry - where are you, love? afm: ok, TODAY is definitely cd1. i was worried that i wouldn't know AF when she showed up because of the random spotting/bleeding since surgery but this is definitely her. guess i need to get that femara prescription filled! and get my thermometer out! and line up the opks! game on.

[sherryvhkb]

hello:

toothfairy & Indie- 1 word- nesting- when that kicks in you will be a babyproofing force to be reckoned with.

Toothfairy: i have 2 very different and kind of...odd songs- R. Kelly worlds greatest.  and when i went down to the river to pray from the oh brother where art thou soundtrack.....oh and also oh happy day from sister act the movie.  i guess two are lifting and one is rather meditative- they river song i put on repeat.  I love your over the raiinbow and Kermit. 

         I have to add that most surgeons use lasers to zap the implants.  sometimes with a combination of manual scalple or cutting of adhesions.  They will "burn" it even after they cut with a cautery device that goes in through a port.  I have seen some old school guys who just don't get the hang of the laser- and shouldn't use it because they overburn. it is also easier to zap into a bad spot with a laser- like a ureter.  The main drawback that I see is time- unless you have an open incision.  you will have ports in (giant straws) through your belly button is usualy the biggest for the camera and to fill you up with gas- the assistant often controls the camera while the doc uses 1-4 other ports to inset various tools etc.  it takes time to get each tool in and in camera view.  the doc is actualy looking up at a tv screen and its kind of like tying your shoes with bbq tongs but you have to watch on tv.  so you put in the scissors and grip- like pinchers- cut- pull out- send in a different tool to cauterize- or sometimes the grippy thing does it- then- wait for the smoke to clear- literaly.  then rinse it with saline- then drain the saline and move on to the next one.  It can take awhile to do a thourough job.  They are usually very meticulous.  There is a definate difference in waking and recovering from a 30 minute vs. 4 hour procedure.  The healing from lasers and cautery is similar- burn wise.  I would think horseback riding is safe.  Thank you for saying "jackholes" i haven't heard that phrase in forever and laughed.

Indie- haha - don't let a little mess get in the way of good non obligatory bd-ing- throw down a towel- . 

Charley- wow- SHOW ME THE PICTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  that stinks about the cryotherapy.  Where you also treated for any kind of Pelvic Inflamatory Disease- or other type of infection.  Some of them can act almost like endo- only they are "silent" no symptoms while they are scarring up your tubes and making a mess of things.  I can see the cryo making your cervix tough but often thats after multiple times or after a LEEP or Cone biopsy- where they actualy take a slice off.  It shortens the cervical length a bit. like cutting the top layer off a donut.  it is possible that success happens at a time in your cycle when your cervix is softer?   I understand why they didn't take the polyp after the poke through!  you are then at a high risk for infection.  making a breech or opening in the uterine lining could lead to uterine infection and increas the risk of a hysterectomy.  That is an awful thing to have happen.  Unfortunatly not too unusual.  When you say stool i am guessing you mean in your intestine that blocked a good view- or do you mean in your pelvic area? was it a vaginal ultrasound?  did they also poke into your intestine during the surgery????  Where is your polyp???? im guessing down low by your cervix. 

Lastly- some unsolicited advice...the hsg gives you an exray quality picture of your uterus and tubes it does not give a good or detailed image of the structures themselves like a lap does.( I recomend google image searching them both so you can see.)  You should find out for sure if its endo or just adhesions- and what to do with it!!! Neither will removing the polyp as that is from inside the uterus and you cant see the ovaries bladder tubes etc.  I think as long as you are going in- going under and gonna be right there- with insurance running out and a move ahead- that you really should- push for- insist on the lap- or give indie the number and she can call and pretend to be you. - you need to get it ALL done NOW!  You  win the long haul award as far as I'm concerned. 

Bebe- good luck with the hsg.  I had a blocked tube but it didn't hurt.  It felt like a mild contraction. 

CHRISSY! if you read this thanks...I'm still thinking of you.  I saw you on the only child board.  I can understand that...you've been through so much it makes my heart squeeze and ache.  I am still hoping for you- so HUGS right back. 

gtree- are you back yet or did you defect to sunny Cali?  we are supposed to hit 80 on thursday so come home.

afm:          10 dpo bfn confirmed with a FRER of course.  DH is an ASS- he doesn't know how to offer comfort or affection as none was ever shown to him because he is a boy/man- so he gets defensive and argues and just mean whenever i need him most as he can NOT get how to offer comfort...but he knows he should do something..i give up, but it feels lonely right now.  I'd love to have a good long chat with DH#1 but we aren't telling him yet ...sooo.  my head is spinning and i would prefer to pull the covers over my head but it's dd#4's last full day here- so pasting on my smile so we can head out to China town...dd#2 first ob appt in one week.  then im off to Dominican Rep if im able to forgive dh-well,  we do have 2 rooms booked. 

[aHikaru]

Originally Posted by sherryvhkb 

afm:          10 dpo bfn confirmed with a FRER of course.  DH is an ASS- he doesn't know how to offer comfort or affection as none was ever shown to him because he is a boy/man- so he gets defensive and argues and just mean whenever i need him most as he can NOT get how to offer comfort...but he knows he should do something..i give up, but it feels lonely right now.  I'd love to have a good long chat with DH#1 but we aren't telling him yet ...sooo.  my head is spinning and i would prefer to pull the covers over my head but it's dd#4's last full day here- so pasting on my smile so we can head out to China town...dd#2 first ob appt in one week.  then im off to Dominican Rep if im able to forgive dh-well,  we do have 2 rooms booked. 

HPT accuracy DPO 
10 dpo : 35% 
11 dpo : 51% 
12 dpo : 62% 
13 dpo : 68% 
14 dpo : 74% 
15 dpo : 80% 
16 dpo : 88% 
17 dpo : 92% 

18 dpo : 99%

[indie1976]

cbaa... totally forgot to answer the lap question... yes, he lasered. i don't know if it's a longer healing time for cutting... but sherry has a very nice explanation of the procedure (again, YAY! for our own nurse!) sherry... the part about tying your shoes with bbq tongs cracked me up. i'm sorry dh is being a jackhole (stealing cbaa's phrase). i'm glad you have the dominican trip coming up... you are going to need some healing sunshine and ocean sounds after all of this!

[sherryvhkb]

NYC twist- friggin jackhole! Haha

And thanks for the stats but they dont apply to Frer which have been handed down from God.

[sherryvhkb]

my message got cut off on the subway....

ps ahikaru- love your style- you popcorn munching statistician lurker!!!!you crack me up.

[aHikaru]

Originally Posted by sherryvhkb 

my message got cut off on the subway....

ps ahikaru- love your style- you popcorn munching statistician lurker!!!!you crack me up.

hah! I'm just so proud of all you ladies for TTC through all the rough times and the knowledge you all have, I definitely like to "lurk" and see how y'all are doing.

*also posted the statistics because 10dpo is kinda early, srry if it may have came off differently. 

[CharleyInVT]

Hello Ladies! Thanks again for such a warm welcome into your group. I really appreciate it. It’s hard to open up like this, but I’m already so glad that I’m no longer lurking.

Indie: I’m spotting too! Mystery spotting. I started taking the pill on the first day of my cycle, and will continue to take it through my surgery date. It seems like my period has never ended. I’m not liking it. Also, I am jealous of your DVD. I plan on asking my RE at tomorrow’s appointment if I’ll get one. I’m also glad that you can believe that I KNOW I was pregnant in Jan. I have only ever felt that way one time before, oddly also in a January. It just felt so different. I was so in tune to it, that I knew immediately when I was no longer pregnant. I’m worried that my blocked tube is releasing toxic liquid into my uterus or that dumb polyp is really mucking things up. Yay for gearing up for a great cycle. Game on! I love it. I am a positive thinker and truly believe that it goes a long way.

Toothfairy: I live in MA too! In Northampton. I love it here, but I’m very excited to move to Vermont. I sort of feel like when we get there, my “true life” will begin. I hope our more relaxed lifestyle will help with getting pregnant. I have a lot of worries about it too – like the insurance thing, but I feel good about it too. May I ask why you’re sometimes GF? I’ve been thinking about trying it more and more, as I’ve heard it can help a lot with headaches. Sorry to hear about your kitty. I’m glad that you were able to make sure she went to a family member though, that must be a relief. We have one cat and two small dogs – and I too worry about a baby being around that. We’re not the tidiest of tidy home keepers, much more of a go with the flow type of couple, so I sometimes worry about how that will have to change. But I’m definitely putting the cart before the horse here! As for songs, I always think of “What A Day For A Daydream” by Lovin Spoonfull. That song feels so happy. And also, “Stay Up All Night” by Talking Heads. “Little Wonders” by Rob Thomas.

bebelove: Good luck with your HSG. Mine was painless. I was told to take antibiotics a few days before hand, and I’m glad I did since I had that toxic fluid in my tube. That puts one at a higher risk of infection. My HSG took about 20 minutes. I went into the room (my mom was with me) and changed from the waist down. I hopped up on the table and the doctor inserted the Cather. It went right in, btw. He started to insert the dye. I could feel it, but it didn’t feel like much. Then the radiologist came in, and he is another story all together. Anyhow, he was saying what he could see to the RE. It was obvious right away that there was a problem, but I couldn’t understand what. My mom took pictures as it was happening – I mean, she took pictures of the screen, because I wanted to study the images later. So anyway, they weren’t sure what the right tube wasn’t filling up, so several times they had me lean to the left and lean to the right and at one point, they had me roll onto my stomach and then back onto my back, in a complete circle. I guess this helped disperse the dye. I wasn’t uncomfortable at all really. No more so than a having a pap smear. In fact, it was more comfortable than most routine exams I’ve had. Mostly because the doctor wasn’t constantly down there, doing things. Once the dye was in, he sat back until it was time to remove the Cather. I did take 800mg of ibuprofen before hand, as they recommended. I bled a little afterward, but I’m not so sure how much of that was from the HSG or how much is from me being on the pill. I feel like my last period never ended. Anyhow, aside from getting the bad news about my hydrosalpinx, I could have gone by myself and been fine. I am glad I have the photos of the screen though.

You mentioned that maybe you would share your story – please do! I would love to know more about you.

Ms. Dolphin: I too feel like I’m low on the knowledge scale. I mean, I can barley figure out temping! That is partly why I feel so drawn to this thread, everyone here is so free with their knowledge and so quick to respond to one another. I like Sherry’s idea of keeping the thermometer under my pillow, but I don’t sleep well and often wake up around 3am and temping has never quite worked out for me because of that.

Sherry: One thing I know for sure about reading this thread since last year, is you are one smart and sassy lady. I have no doubt that you’ll see your way through this situation with DD#1. It’s tough though. It must feel very confusing. I’m glad you have this group of women to support you. Does your daughter live close by?

I don’t think I’ve ever had PID. I’ve asked to be tested before, and I’ve never come up positive, but I do know that it can go away. Truthfully, I have had a sensation on my right side for the past few years. I truly thought it was an obstructed bowel or something. Or maybe a cyst that kept reappearing. A lot of what has been going on with my body makes more sense now. I am really worried though. I heard that having a tube removed can lower your ovarian reserve. I’m 38 and worried. May I ask why you had a tube removed? Also, why are you GF? I tried to send you the photo of my tube privately, but it won't go through! Do you know how I do that? I guess I could post it on my profile and you could go and look.

AFM: My appointment with our RE is tomorrow to talk about the HSG. I have a load of questions and really hope she has enough time to go everything with us. I am so nervous that she’s going to say “No babies for you! You’re 38 dummy! Why you waited so long is beyond me. I’ll take that polyp out and maybe that toxic fluid filled tube, but after that, GOOD LUCK SUCKER!” So much for my positive thinking, huh? I’m (mostly) just joking here.

Today I was working at a coffee shop and a local midwife I know came in with her kids and mother to have lunch.  We met 2 years ago when a close friend of mine was pregnant and I sometimes went to her appointments with her. Turns out we had a friend in common from Colorado and we really hit it off. We made plans to make plans, like one does, but I’ve never followed through on them. I’ve seen her around here and there and we always say we’re going to go out for a glass of wine, but never do. When I saw her today it was all I could do not to burst into tears. I just wanted to sit with her and tell her all about my body and see what she thought. I wish now I had cultivated that friendship more. Anyhow, I’ve just been so surprised by my reactions to all of this. I am not fearful or negative by nature, and I just can’t seem to help myself these days. I hope as I get more information, I’ll feel more empowered.

Sheesh, I am a long poster. I hope that’s okay. I should tell you that I write for a living, and I guess I’m naturally long winded.

I hope you’re all having a great day!

Xo, Charley

[MindlessChrissy]

Originally Posted by sherryvhkb 

CHRISSY! if you read this thanks...I'm still thinking of you.  I saw you on the only child board.  I can understand that...you've been through so much it makes my heart squeeze and ache.  I am still hoping for you- so HUGS right back. 

I'ma stalk you now! lol Well, you know if ds ends up not being an only I'm okay with that. Still trying to find af but I think she ran away from me. Bummer on the 10dpo bfn. :( I still have faith for all of you!

[indie1976]

charley, charley, charley. i can identify with so much of what you've said! i know that overwhelming fear feeling of finding out some kind of awful news. i was so in the thick of that back before my surgery. my dh just didn't understand my reaction at all. he was annoyed and was all "it's not like you have cancer!" and i never wanted to punch him more than i did that minute! it's frightening in so many ways... but it is true that most of that fear is far overblown in our minds and once you get through the surgery i think you will be feeling much, much better. as for the sensation on your right side... maybe they will find some scar tissue binding "stuff" together (my ovaries were tethered to the side walls with scar tissue which explained weird sensations for me - and like i said... watching my ovaries get set free was awesome! hope you get that dvd!) update us on your RE appt! afm: cd2, first femara pill gets popped tomorrow.

[sherryvhkb]

Hey
charley. I hope your appointment went well. Do tell. I dont know about long winded but i'm impressed with yoir typing stamina

Indie- you rebel - count down to femera!!! WOOOOOOO!!

Chrissy- stalk away. Your af is waiting for mine so that we are cycle buddies again.

Afm: woke up. 4am. Restless all night. Threw up. Yuck. Back to bed. Sooo tired....hmmm fmu on a cheapy- negative. Work. Take dd4 to lunch and airport. Driving back. Racked with waves of nausea....pull over at target...feeling momentarily pregnant- i decide to mix it up- be bold- FRERS be damned!!! I buy a box of CB digi's shop a bit. Hustle into the ladies - gross public brooklyn bathroom. Ick!!" Poas....wedge it flat in my purse...scoot to car. " not pregnant" i HATE these things!!! Omg. I should say- dont give up- or you are a wonderful woman- or its not over yet or we wouldnt be in your car in a target parking lot with some guy drooling on your window asking for spare change.

So my question is: if a freer bfn at 10dpo gives you a 27% chance of still getting a bfp, and a cb digi gives you a 49% chance of still getting a bfp at 11dpo, if you used fmu not target afternoon pee, then what percentage chance do i have left??? Is it 27% of 49? Or 49% of 27??? Hmmm like 9th grade math word problem. Anyone, anyone, Bueller....

For the first-ish recent time in this quagmire i feel almost maybe could be...thats probably prometrium huh??

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