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Taking the Scenic Route...to a BFP - Page 79

post #1561 of 2219

bebe- My mom was just telling me (probably for the thousandth time) a story about her pregnancy with me that may put you a little at ease. She found out she was pregnant New Years eve, the day after New Years she fell down our outside front steps. She started bleeding and her doctor told her he was so sorry but she had lost me. In April she started to feel me move (she had irregular periods well before I was conceived so didn't think anything of not having one). I think if sticky babies can survive all that, a little jumping for a box and a little fight with your boss can't shake your little clinger out. Enjoy the nausea free day, it will be back tomorrow :) Also, you may have just eaten something that settled your stomach yesterday- they say B6 (i think) can fight nausea... who knows?


SKJ- Your DD is beautiful! Someday we will have more gratitude for this journey. Sometimes IF makes me feel sad for people who have it so easy because they never get to understand the pure joy of becoming pregnant. IF is a strange thing. I can't believe the reaction of your co-worker. It amazes me really that someone could be so insincere. It reminds me to be grateful for my co-workers who really are so supportive. It is one place I can be open and honest and they still treat me like me instead of walking on eggshells to talk about it. Your business partner does sound like he gets it but man, I think having that reaction when you try and open up about your journey and expecting a different response really sucks. 


indie- I like that quote. Thats why it is important to have this kind of group, to lift each other up with we feel down and to be reassured that feeling down is just part of the process. It is nice to be reminded that we are normal. 


With that said, I'd like to acknowledge to removed post from whoever that was. We of course understand that being on a public website means that anyone can be reading along and following our journeys and I'm sure that there are people who may find us at times whiney or ungrateful or whatnot. However, please respect that if you choose not to participate in our journeys or have nothing nice to say please just leave us alone. It is completely unnecessary to say hurtful, mocking, or rude things to people who are just trying to live their lives. Of course, anyone who may be reading along and wants to chime in and join us we are more than welcoming to helping you through the long process of infertility (whether seeking medical treatments or just taking longer than you thought). It is a shame that on top of everything we bear as women who struggle to conceive that we should also worry about who might be reading along and laughing at us.


Now onto my AFM- I think part of my 'feeling down' comes from just being bored with this whole process. The energy I used to have to try this  or do that ... ie. exercise more, eat healthier, add this food or subtract that food, take this supplement, go to acupuncture, choke down herbs, have sex this day or that day. All of the things I used to do to optimize my chances that didn't work I just don't want to deal with it. I know that it could happen this month and I should be eating fruits and vegetables instead of milkshakes and oreos and I should be going to yoga or taking a walk instead of watching all my DVR shows from vacation, I should be meditating and staying centered and calling my acupuncturist or getting a massage but I just don't have it in me. I feel like I've paid my dues, I gave up gluten and dairy and stopped eating sugar... I had surgery... I took all the pills and the injections and had the ultrasounds... I prayed and I meditated and I got myself into a good mental state... I spent thousands on acupuncture and herbs and massage and none of it has worked. I'm young, I'm healthy, I'm happy (even though right now clearly I am bitchy), I have a good attitude (really, I do!), I work hard, I'm smart, I love God, I have a wonderful family and husband and dog. I mean, if none of those additions and subtractions worked then why bother? So I guess my point is I'm just not trying this month, IVF will come when it comes and until then I'm not feeling guilty about only having 1 serving of veggies a day (I had sweet potato fries at lunch--- and actually I made beef stew with carrots and green beans for dinner, so THERE), and drinking cold drinks (yes, cherry coke, I'm talking to you), and watching whatever TV I want. I will do a cleanse after Thanksgiving and will start eating the avocados that I despise (yes, I hate avocados and eat them anyway) and get ready for IVF (and yes I know it takes 3 months to make an egg and all I'm doing or not doing now is detrimental to my IVF cycle but I just don't have the energy or interest in TTC anymore to give a caca). Whew. I hope this funk lifts. Entertained by my banter yet? 

post #1562 of 2219

So worried about everyone on the east coast !!!


Bebe: I think you are fine... no bleeding right? I understand its scary though NO MORE JUMPING!! I would just not let your boss bother you anymore!! whats the worst thing she can do to you? fire you? well that might be a blessing in disguise... I have refused to be walked on by people anymore and me and my boss are actuallly getting along rather well... he even gave me a 5 dollar an hour raise !! Crazy huh? i guess I just told him everything that was bothering me and the amount of pay for what he wanted me to do was not worth it... so he up'ed it!! and stopped being such a ass.... he still has his asshole moments though lol ,,,, If your nervous I would call your doctor and maybe get to hear the heartneat... i think when i get Pregnant I am going to buy a doppler that Ican listen to my babys heartbeat everyday lol.... Stay strong bebe you got this!!


SKJ: OH HOW ADORABLE!!! your DD is so stinkin' cute!! how blessed you are!! coming home to that little angel everyday must make you so happy!! i bet you already are a amzing mommyand someday soon you will be blessed with a baby boy to make your little family complete... sorry for all the sticks.. I hate needles too... I am sorry that coworker is such a witch... don't you just hate the smugness of some people?? I have a nosey "friend" that always wants to know my next IF move... then I secrectly thinks she does voodoo on me HAHA I know that is crazy but I just stopped talking to her cause she always seems so negative.


Indie: are we the same person or what?? I swear I feel the SAME exact way as you.... My inner self is always rolling her eyes at me... everytime i try to positive something knocks me back to reality ... or others peoples reality... Like not that many get pregnant first IVF.... its frusterating cause I can only have 1 shot!! i always fear about the "right" supplements also... I mean I already screwed up once by using soy isoflavones that 1 time.... ugh... and 3rd i DISAGREE with you on this one... You are going to be a fantastic mommy!!! you already are a fantastic wife and friend!! we will both get our little bambinos... even if its through IVF :-)


TF: I am glad you are ok storm wise.... Sorry you have not had a good start to the IVF process... i  know its going to be such a struggle... I hear you on the ski mess... ugh Mine is finally clearing up... I can't wait till all those meds are out of my system, and i can feel normal again.... of course only to start again with the even stronger ivf meds ugh ... its a battle struggling IF ... I sometimes wish i was the man so I didn't have to go through all this and just got to celebrate the outcome... but then I would miss carrying that little human being in my belly and feeling the m,ovement of the life I was growing.. UGH I guess it will be all worth it in the end after all :-) Cheer up... your still YOUNG you have plenty of time... you could be 40 like me lol


Chrissy : I hope you have power now .... how scary for you :-O


GreenMum: How exciting about your sono ... POST PIC's and i am glad your safe :-)


Sherry: are you safe???


Gtree: how are you ?? I really hope ya'll are safe!!


everyone else.. HI I hope ya'll are safe and sound and in babymaking mode!!!


AFM: well I had the weirdest AF  I had just brown yukky old blood spotting for 3 days then 2 days of medium flow and 1 day super light flow then just a tiny spotting yesterday then today absolutley nothing... so really a short light cycle.. i didn't count my cd 1 until i had a bright red flow so i am on CD 5 today .. tomorrow is my IVF consult!!! YAAAY :-) I am so ready to get this ball rolling!! and I feel really happy about it,,, yet I am still scared as heck !! I will let you all know my protocol as soon as I get it... as for me I have been enjoying a few drinks here and there.. some pumpkin beer and red wine and taking baths and a little sushi ( only the low mercury kind) I have been working out a little more and no more fat foods or fast foods... which makes halloween hard cause NO CANDY ( maybe i will have 1 peice) lol ... DD is dressing up as a vampire pirate she is so cute, she wanted to wear 5 inch heels trick or treating tonight.. UMMMM NO your 12 and will break your ankle!! haha goofy kid!! I will post a pic of her... So also I had a eventful day.. My dog sooky got her paw attacked by the neighbor dogs and omg it sounded like she was being killed so I ran out and reached under the fence to grab her paw out and my hand got attacked!! so her paw and leg was all bloody and my hand is all bloody... DH is fixing  it today when he gets home so no paws can go under the fence anymore and he will be talking to the neighbors about the devil dogs they have!! I think they are renters and ever since they moved in our dogs have barked through the fence at each other... now this attack :-( i have tiny dogs little shih-tzus and yorkies... I think there dogs are muts medium sized... I do know that they are not good dogs!! anyway as I was typing this my RE's office called to confirm my appointment for tomorrow :-) Yaaay I can't wait.  

post #1563 of 2219
I promise to catch up when I can. We're on day 3 with no power and I'm barely keeping a charge on phone. Hope everyone out this way is safe!!
post #1564 of 2219
124 bpm, measuring 5 weeks 5 days Dr was very happy!!!
Photo later, phone and tiny internet its hard..

Xox all
post #1565 of 2219
TF - I think that the whole positivity/believing in your body thing should really have been about letting go. I think everything you are doing is going to help you with ivf. It's like you put all your chips on the table and are saying, fine, I give up! You always hear that that's when people have success-when they've moved on to adoption or stop trying. I think we all just put so much pressure on ourselves and the cost and time invested just makes it worse. But, it's not like we can help it. So, I think you are in a good place actually, if that makes any sense?

Bebe- sorry about our scare. I'm sure all is well in your belly, but I totally understand your concern. Man, getting pregnant is stressful and so is being pregnant!

Shell - good luck tomorrow! I can't wait to hear all about it. And thank you so much for the kind words about my dd. that really made me smile. Sorry about your doggie and the idiot neighbors!

Chrissy - so sorry the power is still out. Hope it comes on again soon.

Afm-waiting on the call about blood work. Started spotting. Glad to see things moving. Nothing like being pregnant when you know it's to working out.
post #1566 of 2219
Yay!!!! Green mum thats fantastic!
post #1567 of 2219
Hcg is 180 something. Have to go back on Tuesday. Nurse said the bleeding will only start when the levels get back to zero. With my last mc, I ovulated twice before my hcg was zero, so ignoring the nurse smile.gif
post #1568 of 2219

TF, thanks for that very amazing story!! Wow. It's so important for me to remember that preggy symptoms are not an exact science. I always assume I'm supposed to be like "everyone else" but there is no standard for everyone else, and besides, I think my TTC history proves I'm special. ;) I really appreciate you sharing your mom's experience! Oh my gosh, I just so completely understand everything you said about being bored with TTC . . . I was so completely right there, and that's why I stopped doing everything right before getting my BFP. I was just done. I ate whatever the hell I wanted, I went to bed when I wanted, I drank as much wine as I felt like enjoying, and just did everything I wasn't supposed to do. I don't know if it's related to my success at all, but I do find it interesting. I think it's good to be bored actually - then you start living your life and just working towards your new IVF goal without so much pressure on yourself. I only think it will help. Think of all the women out there with IF who get pregnant by IVF and never consult a forum, or take supplements, or anything!


Shell, seriously, no jumping!! No bleeding, so that's good and fingers crossed it stays that way. Pregnancy is scary! I was just looking at dopplers last night, but am hesitant to get one because I don't know how obsessive I'll get, or how much I'd freak if I couldn't find a heart beat. Then again, I'm not really happy about waiting until 11/12 for my next OB appt to get another U/S! I guess I'm just a nervous nelly these days! YAY, YAY and more YAY for IVF consult tomorrow!!! BOO, BOO, BOO for mean dogs! So sorry about your doggie's paw and your hand! Ouch! I'd be very sure those dogs do not have rabies and get a tetanus! Can't wait to get the update tomorrow - triple good luck!


Chrissy, poor thing! Sorry you don't have power yet . . . thinking of you and hoping it comes back sooner than soon!


Greenmum, awesome!!! Congratulations!! What an amazing result. Enjoy every minute of this.


SKJ, I'm praying for a quick recovery from this ordeal . . . hang in there, honey!

post #1569 of 2219

wow, so much to catch up on! 


bebe - how are you feeling today? i know you and bebe are FINE but i know i'd be scared too. LOVED toothfairy's story and response! i'm sorry you have such a wicked boss :( thank you for your sweet words! i love you ladies!


skj - your daughter is OMG ADORABLE. you lucky lady! i can't believe you ovulated twice before your hcg was zero! that's wild. i hope your levels drop a lot faster this time. also, i can't believe your coworker's response. i am sure it could be tempting to shed any thought or association of being "infertile" after getting pregnant but i have vowed to myself to not forget so i can keep others company on their journeys. i think it was very thoughtful of you to reach out, regardless of her weird response. thank you again for getting us into this current conversation. i love that we not only talk about the mechanics of ttc but also the deeper/philosophical stuff. i do agree that letting go is an important part of the process. as for things that i'm grateful for that has come as a result of IF...


i think the biggest gift is time. i know for sure my marriage is stronger and we will make a better parenting team than if we had succeeded right away. we made the decision to stop preventing pregnancy at about 6 months into our relationship, even before we made actual plans to marry. we knew we wanted to get married and we knew that at 34 we needed to be serious about starting a family. then the pregnancy happened almost instantaneously and ended shortly thereafter, we got married, and we were ready to try again. in january we will be celebrating our 2 year anniversary. it wasn't planned that we would still be childless but i can say without a doubt i am grateful for the time we have had to adjust to married life and grow together in all the little ways that are hard to even articulate. i had a friend tell me after our miscarriage and when i was talking about trying again that i should wait... her and her husband had dated on and off for years but then started their marriage with her being pregnant. she felt that even though she had this long history with him, they never had time to grow as a team before having children and that it caused a lot of problems. i knew she was right but i also knew that it wasn't a good idea to prevent either. i guess the decision was made for me :)


greenmum - hooray for a strong heartbeat!


shell - excited to hear about your consult! i kept thinking yesterday was thursday... will be watching for an update! thank you so much for your sweet words... you brought tears to my eyes! 


toothfairy - your rant felt so good to read! i know out of all of us, you have been the most disciplined with your efforts and i think you deserve a break and to be fed up and bored. and i really don't think you are doing any damage to your eggs with giving yourself that break. in fact, i think it will help! i'm ready to give the middle finger to monthly ttc. i'm just pretty much waiting for IVF now... i keep thinking about this response from dr. levine on the SIRM discussion board about endo/ttc/ivf and i keep focusing on this phrase: 


As mentioned above, toxins that impair fertilization are present in the peritoneal secretions of most patients with endometriosis. Impaired fertilization is a feature of endometriosis regardless of its severity. This explains why women with endometriosis are three times less likely to conceive per month of trying and why procedures such as intrauterine insemination do not increase the chances of pregnancy over no treatment at all. It also explains why in vitro fertilization (which relies upon removing eggs through aspiration of the ovarian follicles before they can be affected by peritoneal toxins), by bypassing this handicap improves pregnancy rates dramatically and accordingly is the treatment of choice for most endometriosis patients with infertility.


i'm clinging to this. i think my visualizing is going to be centered around pulling out pristine eggs before they have a chance to get all toxified. THAT is how we will get our babies.


chrissy - hoping you get your power back soon!


gtree and sherry - still missing in action! check in ladies!


afm - halloween was so much fun. hope yours was, too. had a bunch of family and kiddos over and even though the whole affair lasted only 2 hours it felt like 5 with all the crazy activity going on at our house! it was a nice change, though. have my pcp visit today to get my thyroid antibodies checked (hopefully it will be that easy). will check back in later...

post #1570 of 2219

Indie, good morning! I'm feeling nauseaus today . . . although now my breasts are a lot less tender. I'm not reading into any of this anymore or I'm going to wind up in a looney bin! Glad the nausea returned, in a weird sick way. Now I just wish I enjoyed my nausea-free day a bit more! Wicked is the perfect word to describe my boss (who btw, I refer to in type as ABD). ABD is wicked and I think she has bipolar disorder but is not medicated. I'm so not kidding. Anywho . . . that's so interesting about endo and why IVF is successful over other fertility treatments. Makes so much sense!! This is going to be it for you -- I know it. Happy to hear you had a great little Halloween party! Good practice for the future. :)


So does anyone have any good journal articles or charts that show why symptoms come and go so quickly? I know it's hormonal shifts, but yesterday was so dramatic. I guess it would just be helpful to have something to cling to in those times when things take a big shift again. On the upside, DH commented that my BBs looked quite big this morning. Ha!


Happy day, everyone. Wish we could all meet for tea! Oh, and I made an OB appt for 11/12 with the only other OB in town who is more holistic about birth, just as a comparison. We shall see! At least I know I'll get another U/S. Now if only I can wait that long!

Edited by bebelove - 11/1/12 at 9:08am
post #1571 of 2219

bebe - i wish i knew of good articles off the top of my head but i will do some searching and see what i can come up with. all i know is that everything i've ever read says that symptoms come and go. i liked what toothfairy said about perhaps something you ate settled your stomach... and i know i've read every combination of breast soreness when it comes to pregnancy from zero soreness to constant soreness to back and forth in soreness to the soreness disappearing all together as the pregnancy progressed... i am totally with shell... i will be renting/buying a doppler when i'm pregnant because i know i will be nonstop obsessing. have you thought about doing that so you can listen in and hear the heartbeat for reassurance?


also, i so wish we could all meet for tea! that would be the best!

post #1572 of 2219

TF- I love the story of your mum and you, I love that.... Thank you for sharing! My mum actually was hit by a Drunk driver in the middle of the day on her 7th month of pregnancy and has never had a U/S before, didn't know what she was having, and the women at the hospital had to do a U/S to see if I was okay, she wasn't really hurt but she need to know, and they were like, congrats on your Little boy!..... Needless to say I'm 100% women... Mistakes DO happen, even my friend a year ago, had an emergency C-section because of Placenta Previa, she didn't find out what she was having the entire pregnancy and when the Dr delivered, he was shocked to see a Little Girl, they had noted from 18 weeks on Boy on the file! She ended up have an emergency Historeck and this was her last and 3rd and would have been her 3rd boy, and she was blessed with a little girl! We almost lost her, but I so glad she is okay and muma and baby are great, baby is 1 now!


Bebe- How you doing? OB search is hard, I have a great one but I have gone through almost 3 now in 4 years.....


SKJ- thinking quick healing thoughts... ox



And a photo for you all... baby



post #1573 of 2219
bebe - I'm glad the nausea came back (you know what I mean). I really don't remember my symptoms with DD, so I wish I could offer you some reassurances. I do remember being very anxious during the first trimester. It's such a difficult time, but I think what helped me the most was realizing that there was nothing I could do and trusting that my body would do what is right. Worrying isn't going to change the outcome for the better or the worse, so it's ok and normal to worry. I hope the next few weeks speed by and you are in the safer second trimester.

I would so love to get tea with all the ladies here. That would be a wonderful treat!

indie - thanks for the understanding about the coworker. I was just so astonished that she would be so smug about everything. I'm glad you shared your IF "benefits". Time to cultivate your married relationship is a really good thing. Glad you had a good halloween too! Good luck with the doc today.

AFM - Feeling blah. Spotting is barely there, so it's gonna be a while before the bleeding hits, I assume. So, my business partner asked if I could travel next week and I basically had to explain how the miscarriage hadn't happened yet and I didn't know when it would and that I didnt' want to be away from home during it. It was awkward to say the least. So, he tried to get the meeting moved, but no dice. So, I'm not going, which isn't the greatest, but it's not like I planned for this to happen.

So, yesterday, I was leaving daycare at the same time as another mom. The other mom has 2 kids, one the age of my DD, and a 5 or 6 month old baby. My DD grabbed my hand to walk down the street and the other woman's DD also grabbed my hand. Then, my DD got upset that her friend was holding my hand. She's very jealous and possessive like that smile.gif I laughed and said to the mom that it was surprising which girl was crying. The mom said, Just wait to you have another. When are you planning on having more kids? So, I just blurted out, I'm actually having my second miscarriage right now. She didn't know what to say. Said sorry and then abruptly changed the subject to halloween costumes. It was awesomely awkward. It felt great to point out that not everyone can just choose the perfect time to have kids. She's said ignorant things about child spacing in the past. I haven't seen her sense, but I wonder what she thought of the conversation.

ETA - Let the games begin...
Edited by SKJ2011 - 11/1/12 at 12:47pm
post #1574 of 2219
Greenmm- what a precious sight. Snuggle in baby green.

SKJ- good for you! People just dont get it, sad really that she couldnt even give you an empathetic response. I hope it taught her a lesson but in my experience she probably thinks you are the one who was inappropriate. Does you ETA mean the bleeding started? I'll be praying it goes as well as possible... I know that isn't much to offer but my heart just breaks that you're going through this even if you're feelng strong. It jyst isnt fair.

Indie/bebe/shell- i'm totally getting a doppler too.

Indie- i like that quote, i hadnt seen that one. I know the facts there but reading it together gives me hope. 2 more months... I'm glad you had a Happy Halloween. My cousin posted some cute pics of us on FB, that place is good for something... I went out with my cousins 2 girls & my niece. It was more fun than I expected. I'm glad I went.

Bebe- glad you liked my birth story smile.gif i think i'm pretty lucky & you are too. Woohoo for the nausea being back! Now that yu are used to thinngs coming & going you can enjoy your next nausea free day!
post #1575 of 2219
Wanted to update- got a message from gtree. Her power is still out but they are okay. She's reading along but can't login to post rom the phone so send your well wishes! We miss you gtree!!
post #1576 of 2219
Thread Starter 
Getting ready to push
post #1577 of 2219
Yay!! I assume this means DDs baby boy is on the move. Praying for a smooth delivery joy.gif
post #1578 of 2219
Sherry - 1) Glad to "see" you. I hope you survived Sandy ok. and 2) joy.gif So excited to hear all about DD's birth story! Swift, safe delivery thoughts!

TF - Thanks for your kind words. The bleeding started while I was a work yesterday. It's way less than I anticipated. And, I have some minor cramps, but nothing too bad. Thanks for the gtree update.

gtree - thinking of you and your family. Hope you are doing ok.

Chrissy - Same for you my dear. Hope you have power back soon.

AFM - Bleeding and cramping, but nothing too terrible. I definitely expected much worse. My hcg never got too high, so hoping my cycles will bounce back straight away. I'm really hoping I get the post-m/c fertility boost, but who am I kidding? I had put all my supplements in the closest when I got the BFP. I had to take them back down today to start them all again. That wasn't fun.
post #1579 of 2219

happy friday!


sherry - woohoo! keep us posted! glad to hear from you and that you are safe. i'm excited to hear your dd's birth story, too!


skj - i'm glad the cramping and bleeding isn't too awful. is it weird that i wished i would have miscarried naturally instead of doing the d&c. i don't know... i think it would have felt like a more appropriate closure to a crappy situation. but my body just didn't want to get started on the process, even after taking medication to bring it on... i'm sorry you are having to deal with all this lack of empathy and understanding lately! people can be so rude? ignorant? disconnected? all of the above? ugh.


gtree - so happy you are safe! i can't imagine how hard it must be going through that storm while carrying around two little ones! i feel for you, girl!


toothfairy - thanks for the gtree update! glad you had a good halloween, too. i am in the weirdest, happiest mood with the holidays this year... i hope it lasts!


afm - well, AF arrived right on time yesterday morning. so strange considering the extra lp spotting and the fact that i am 99% sure i didn't ovulate. and yet... it still started exactly when it should've. so strange. what do you ladies have planned for the weekend? i'll be going to a prayer ceremony for my two nephews birthdays tomorrow (my in laws are hindu). my husband doesn't enjoy religious ceremonies being that it was pretty forced on him growing up and i am not a huge fan of religion in general but... i do love me some ceremonies. they always feel very special if you can lay aside the unfortunate baggage that comes along with organized religion...  maybe i should be catholic. or jewish. something with more rituals... anyway, all that to say. i'm looking forward to it.

post #1580 of 2219
Indie - Glad you are looking forward to the ceremony. I think you can appreciate things as an adult much more than when they were forced on you as a kid. DH's family is Jewish, but not practicing. We occasionally go to some of his distant relatives for some high holidays, and I do enjoy the ceremony of it all. I grew up catholic and hated going to church and whatnot. So, definitely have a different perspective as an adult.

As for D&C vs natural. I've now had both - lucky me wink1.gif How far along were you with your m/c? I was thankful to not have to go through the trauma of "birthing" the last m/c since the baby measured 2 weeks smaller than it should have and I just wanted it out of me. This time I feel very differently. If I had to have a D&C this time, I would be disappointed. It just feels like a normal period, which makes me feel like I'm moving on.
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