Taking the Scenic Route...to a BFP - Page 93

[lucillelove]

Shell: we cross posted. You might actually be feeling the way you are cos of all the bloatedness and the meds you are taking. It does work wonders when you visualise, I hope it works for you. What do you say to having quads eh eh?

[indie1976]

skj - excitedly awaiting an update... 

[SKJ2011]

FML

My hcg is 36.1. I'm 13 DPO. Nurse was concerned. SO, this is off to a great start. Progesterone was 14.5. My gut is telling me this isn't going to work out again.

[indie1976]

oh, skj. i hate that you have to go on this roller coaster again. from the beta chart i'm looking at your hcg is lower than the median but it doesn't mean that this won't be a successful pregnancy (the lowest betas posted at 13dpo that resulted in a successful pregnancy was 1) http://www.betabase.info/showBasicChart.php?type=Single (I'm sure you already have this link but just in case...) also, your progesterone is way better than what it was last time! I know I'm not a medical professional by any stretch but this early in the game I'd be more worried about the progesterone than the hcg. I guess we just need to hang in there until your next beta. Will be visualizing you posting a pic for us of your baby in that onesie your MIL bought for you...

[SKJ2011]

My acpuncturist told me not to do serial betas. She was totally right. The only reason I went was b/c I wanted to make sure about the progesterone and to see if I needed to change the dose or something. I know this can go either way. I just hate this limbo. And, DH is out of town all week, just like last time. I've been thinking that if this isn't meant to be, I don't think we will try again. I feel so devastated even thinking that, but 3 losses in one year is just too much. I know I need to stay positive, but last m/c, my HCG was 53 on 13 DPO, so it's not looking great.

[indie1976]

let me know if you want me to stop with the pep talks... i don't want to overwhelm you. but i really, really don't think you need to worry just yet. with just a little googling i've already found a bunch of women who had lower hcg than you at 13 dpo and went on to have a healthy babies. http://community.babycenter.com/post/a26330273/low_hcg_at_13dpo

yes, your last hcg at 13dpo was higher... but obviously, that was not a measure of success. it is absolutely possible that this will work out. but with that said, i just want to give you a big hug. it's so unfair that you even have to worry about numbers at all. and i can totally see where your acupuncturist is coming from on serial betas... i think that's great advice for someone who has never had a loss, but after having two losses, i can totally see wanting that information. 

[SKJ2011]

Thanks Indie. I don't know what to think or feel. The nurses voice/attitude was just so negative. I want to cry, but I"m scared that crying is going to hurt my chances and I have to stay positive, etc. I've read many, many stories of women with low-ish betas that had babies from them. I just wonder how my test was + two days ago b/c when my hcg was 18 last time, the test was already negative. SO, that makes me think the hcg isn't doubling every 2 days. Or maybe the test I took last time was just less sensitive. This is such a mind-f*ck.

[indie1976]

tests vary in their sensitivity. even among the same brand. and, well, you know how i feel about RE staff. the nurse knows you just went through a miscarriage and this is the first cycle after the m/c, right? i'm guessing she is being negative based on that info... like... don't get your hopes up, kid... but objectively speaking, you have as good a chance as anyone as of today. have you taken anymore hpts?

[SKJ2011]

Headed out to pick up more HPT's now

[jpack]

SKJ - I'm so, so sorry that you are looking down this rough path again!

** OK, I totally wrote out the whole following post having misread your beta as 13.6, not 36! But the message stays the same, I guess!**

FWIW, I don't think the first beta matters, just the rise. With my first miscarriage, (it was an early one) my first beta was 20. It was 12 DPO. I knew in my gut it was a gonner, and I was traveling so couldn't do a follow up. I tracked with wondfos, and knew it wasn't getting darker over the following week. With the second, I went in (maybe 12 DPO, don't remember) but it was 13. I was heartbroken, because I didn't think I had a shot with a lower beta. But it more than doubled, over and over. I had low progesterone, and started, eventually, suppositories. It was a blighted ovum, so, take it all with a grain of salt, but from what I know about blighted ova, there is no difference between that and a health baby from the blood standpoint, only that no fetus develops. So, not that I'm suggesting that you'll have a blighted ovum, just that my midwife though everything would be fine based on doubling HCG even though it started at 13. (It went way up and was right on track)

Also on my mind, a friend of mine had a stillbirth, a later-term miscarriage, and an early miscarriage, all after her son was born. She didn't want to get her hopes up with this last one (around the time of my last m/c) and I remember telling her some thoughts from a midwife I had just read -- it was generally to celebrate now and wait to mourn. I felt badly about the thoughts I shared after the fact, worrying I was less than supportive of her and her reticence. I had forgotten about that interaction until reading your post today, and I remembered it - my friend is about to give birth to a baby girl!  I'm not trying to say that the positive thought made any difference, or even to direct that advice at you or anything like that. I know how easy it is to let yourself expect it all to work out only to have it taken away - way more painful than protecting yourself from the beginning and possibly being pleasantly surprised. I just wanted to share her story with you and try to share the positivity of my friend's experience with you. I'm so, so sorry about all this, and again, I hope you stay distracted with [ insert those things here that take your mind away from this TTC nonsense]. All the best and a big cyber-hug, my dear!

Indie - you're great!

Silla - I love your avitar, and look forward to getting to know you!

[bebelove]

SKJ, just a quick note from work to tell you do not lose hope! My first beta was in the low 20s, and clearly things have continued to work out! I know it's nearly impossible to not worry, but still keep the hope! xoxo

[SKJ2011]

You gals are the absolute best. My new attitude is that I want this to work to prove the stupid nurse wrong!

[Shell77]

SKJ: I know this is going to work out!! remain positive!! I have been reading this Joel Olsteen book and he basically thinks we can tell / will our body to do what it needs to do.... but you have top believe in the possibilities.... I'm remaining positive for you!! I really think this is going to be a sticky baby... and SHAME on those nurses for being so negative!!

[bebelove]

SKJ, the RE that did my beta was not impressed with mine at all and the sweet nurse who delivered the results was trying to hide her worry so much. So basically, yet another point to tell you that it's good to stay positive, girl! Also, who did your beta? Most offices are not at all prepared for people who get betas as early as we do. They are used to people like those who come into our clinic 6 weeks in to their pregnancy requesting a test. Of course the beta would be huge by then, regardless of where it started!

[SKJ2011]

bebe - Thanks for your reassurances! What DPO were you when your beta was in the low 20's?

I took some more HPTS. The wondfo did not show up right away and it looks about the same darkness as the one from two days ago. It's hard to tell b/c the old ones are dry now. I also got a Walgreens brand and a digital. Those were both positive quickly. I was hoping they were less sensitive, but looks like they are 25 ones. It's also comparing FMU to after work U

Shelly - Thanks for the reminders. There is this one meditation from Circle and Bloom that says to imagine your body sending out more of whatever it needs. I'm going to do it and imagine the HCG going up, up, up.

Jpack - Thanks for the thoughts and your friends success. It helps to know that things can work out. With DD, I got a negative at 10 DPO and a positive at 12 DPO. I don't know what test I used b/c that was before I was obsessed with TTC. But, I think it could have been a FRER b/c I think I remember wanting the one that said it could tell me the soonest.

So, I guess the bottom line is that this can go either way (again) and I just have to wait and see.

The RE wants me to go in again on Wednesday and Friday. But, I can't go in on Wednesday b/c I'm home with DD and dont't want to get a sitter. So, I set it up for THursday. I'm considering calling my PCP b/c the bloodwork is free there vs the $40 copay at the stupid RE.

Also, I am pretty positive I have BV - odor, LOTS of discharge and some intermittent itching. I told the RE's nurse and instead of testing me, she told me to get some OTC itch cream. Um, that's not going to get rid of an infection! And, I've had BV with two of my three pregnancies. So, I'll be visiting my PCP tomorrow for that.

[SKJ2011]

Me again So, my PCP said I can get my beta at her office. It would be SO much easier to go there on Wednesday with DD, and it will cost way less. So, do I do the beta on Wednesday at my PCP, or should I just stick with my RE? I'm not sure what to do. Ugh.

Also, I did a little experiment. I have two batches of wondfo HPTs. I've been using both batches in no particular order. I just dipped one from each batch and one is clearly darker than the other. Both lines showed up around 2 mins in. So, I think I can't trust the darkness. The one that was darker was the darkest test I've taken so far. Anyways, I"m totally and utterly obsessing. Gonna try to calm down and go to bed early.

[bebelove]

SKJ, I would get the beta from your PCP whenever you can make that happen (Wednesday!!). Also, do not go off the darkness, because the concentration of your urine is not the same every time, and the HPTs are from different batches anyway, so there would be inconsistencies. Can't wait until Wednesday to hear about your beta! When I was in the low 20s I wasn't exactly sure where I was, but I think it was 12DPO. I remember spending hours on the internet looking for reassurances, and I found plenty of them! The initial beta really isn't as important as the doubling. Come on Wed!!!

[indie1976]

skj - how interesting about the wondofo experiment! you were able to prove what everyone is always experiencing... i know it doesn't mean much but i am just so sure that this is going to be successful. i say go to your pcp for the beta.

jpack - celebrate now, wait to mourn. very wise words!

lucille - nigeria! seriously, what a cool group of ladies we have. looking forward to hearing about your next steps...

shell - you seriously made me LOL with the national geographic boobs comment... wow, going from an a to an f sounds painful! i've never heard of that happening... how you feeling today?

[SKJ2011]

So, I think I'm going on Wednesday to my pcp for another beta. I might just move my Thursday appt for the beta with my re to Friday.

Here are today's wondfos. Two different batches. Also, 2 were done with fmu and the other 2 with smu. I didn't mark which is which. They are for sure darker than a few days ago. Similar to last nights with the exception of the one really dark one from last night.

[SKJ2011]

Hi ladies.

Sorry I've been so self-absorbed.

Shelly - How are you feeling? I hope your u/s shows lots and lots of big follicles!!! I'm thinking good thoughts for you today (and everyday)!

Indie - Any call from your PCP? WTF is up with doctors who just blow you off? As for the boobs, after pregnancy, mine are in a sad state of affairs. They would be nat geo boobs, but there isn't enough to sag that far, though the little there is, is now saggy. That's my biggest motivation for a boob job. Though, I do like that it makes my upper body skinnier.

Lucille - I'm so sorry for your difficult path to #2. It's a very unfun road. But, we will make it to the other side one way or another.

TF - How are you doing?

Chrissy - Boring life sounds good right about now

AFM - Seriously, you ladies are the absolute best. I don't know what I would have done without you. I decided to get my beta Wednesday with my PCP and then Friday with the RE. I also have decided that if this doesn't work out, I'm going to try out a different RE. I am really unhappy with this place and I was talking to my psychiatrist this morning and his suggestion was to go to an academic center. There is a doc at a university here that has the reputation of trying to find the root cause of the problem vs. putting a general bandaid on it. This whole process has been so emotionally draining that I think it would be good to just take some time to see what the best course of action is. I called the new RE and I'm waiting to hear back on when I can get in to see her.

And, of course I bought some more FRERs this morning I tested the difference b/t holding the stick in for 15 v 5 seconds. Not any difference. The second line came up at the same time as the control. Here are the two from this morning and the one from two days ago.