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Taking the Scenic Route...to a BFP - Page 103

post #2041 of 2219
I'm back at a computer...

Sila - Yay for a hobbit hangover. I hope you had a blast. And, I hope you get a temp rise in the next day or two. Come on eggie!

bebe - sorry you are feeling crappy. I hope you are able to rest this weekend. That's so exciting that you'll be telling your dad in person. So great! I cannot wait for the gender announcement from you! So, so exciting! Are you feeling any movement yet? It's probably still really early for that.

AFm - Caution, the following may be very long.

Meeti with the RPL specialist. I LOVE the office. It's tiny compared to the other place. I was the only person there! The doc is this cute grandmotherly lady. She was very nice and asked all about my previous pregnancies. Then, she explained that there are 4 treatable categories that could be causing my losses. I don't remember them all, but the usual suspects like natural killer cells, anti-phospolipids, etc. And if none of those are to blame, it's crappy eggs. I'm sure I just butchered that list. So, she is having me and DH tested. I can't do the testing until my hcg is down to zero. She also wants to do a test where she'll check blood flow to my uterus. Then, once all the tests are in, we'll talk about what to do.

She did an u/s today to see if maybe I could have a D&C to test the embryo. I got to see my little bean on the screen. It was pretty amazing. It only measured 4 weeks and 4 days vs. a little over 5 weeks. So, it was nice to have some visual confirmation and closure. She said it only measured a few mm, so there wouldn't be anything gained from a D&C b/c the lab wouldn't be able to test something so small. I thought it was cool that she even investigated. And, their equipment is top of the line. Oh, and she said my ovaries don't match my low AMH. So, she's re-running it. But, I figure better that my AMH is low and my ovaries have a lot of follicles vs the other way around.

I had two test done - a cheek swab and a blood test. I'll have the blood flow u/s an rest of the blood work in a few weeks, assuming my hcg is down to zero.

Then, I went to see my RE. He said he wants to do the RPL panel on me. I believe that it is not as extensive as what the RPL doc suggested. I know if was only a blood test and not a cheek swab (DNA test). And, he didn't seem to care that my hcg wasn't zero, which made me suspicious. Then, regardless of the results, he thinks I should do a cycle on injectibles. Obviously if something is found with the RPL tests, I'll be treated for it, but he thinks my problem is that I have been having bad luck with crappy embryos and if we do injectibles, we'll have more targets. He did say that it would be reasonable for us to try on our own too, given our success. He thought my pregnancies were a great sign and said we can always do IVF with PGD, but he thinks that's more of a backup plan at this point.

So, I am totally confused on what to do exactly. I emailed the nurse at my RE's office to say that I want to hold off on the RPL testing b/c I don't want to think about all this over xmas (thanks Indie for the suggestion). The RE is ready to go with injectibles as soon as my hcg is zero. I think what I'd like to do is give my body a month off and do all the testing with the RPL specialist. This will allow me to gather all the information from the RPL doctor and determine if we should go for injectibles or just keep trying the old fashioned way. The down side to injectibles is the high risk of multiples. DH and I really don't want twins. I was so lured in by the idea of cycling again right away, but I think I really need to take a break. I also don't want a September baby b/c DD will be starting a new school then and I want to minimize major upheavals if I can. So, I think we will be on hiatus until January. I'm not sure if we will just NTNP or what.

Sorry for the novel smile.gif
post #2042 of 2219
Just saw the news. Horrific.
post #2043 of 2219

Phew - super busy day for me!

SKJ I think that makes sense. I think taking a cycle off makes sense. That's so great that you got to see the bean, I think that's a great way to let it go ( I mean, no great way, but somehow helpful).

The news is so dreadful. Inconceivable.

 

Also, I'm not pregnant, really bummed over here. Indie, I'm with you on early spotting -- just takes the wind out of your sails!

post #2044 of 2219

SKJ - I'm glad you like the new doc and she's willing to go far and above to help you and DH figure this out. So sorry for the slow beta drop.

 

AFM - I read the news about those poor kids a few hours ago and I cried. One of many reasons I'm happy ds is homeschooled. I told dh that if DS was in school and something like that happened, nobody would stand in my way to find out if ds was hurt or not.

 

Anyway, thinking of everyone and wishing I could take the bullshit out of y'alls lives and make everything work. I can't say where at I am in my cycle as I haven't checked and I'm trying my best to just forget it this month.

post #2045 of 2219

Hi everyone, ... again i want to thank everyone for being here for me to vent too... I know i was rash, harsh and irrational.... among other things...

 

I am so sorry I can't remember how everyone is doing... I tried to read along everyday even if I couldn't say anything...

 

Indie: I find it interesting that they have a IVF class... I mean that is good, but WOW 75 couples??  I am very excited for you ... and I am sooo sooo sooo sorry If i scared you ;-/  But I guess that is the harsh reality, I hope it is only my reality and not yours!!

 

TF : I hope I didn't scare you either or stress you out!! UGH I just feel horrible!!

 

SKJ: The RPL specialist sounds amazing!! I am glad you liked her. I think taking a month off to get testing done is very smart... and just be able to relax a little... still sucks that you have to go through this!!

 

Hi everyone... Thank you for supporting me... I apologize to everyone I stressed out, or scared to death!!

 

AFM: so i went to my "options" appointment today... they had a cancellation and got me in earlier :-) So my RE is the best... he came in and gave me a hug and was so very sweet... of course I cried UGH I tried real hard not too... anyway... So the fact is I really only had 1 egg that was even remotley good... and well it just was not ripe enough...  and he said we can try again... but still only a 40 % chance... and I just emotionally cannot take another let down. SO OPTIONS... embryo donations.. I could possibly afford to do that now... But DH is not to keen on the idea , he wants to have at least his DNA ... so onto the other OPTION... which is egg donation, WHICH IS WHAT MY GUT TOLD ME TO DO THE FIRST TIME!! anyway I willl kick myself in the butt for a while about not going with my gut instinct!! So we just have to come up with about 15,000.00 and we have a 80 to 90 % chance of getting pregnant with a donor egg... So anyway  that is where I am at in this TTC process :-/ ... Still paying on the 20,000.00 and needing 15,000.00 more.. UGH I wish DH was ok with the embryo donations... cause we could possibly have a baby soon !! the success rate for that is 60 to 70% .. Ugh the more I think about it the more stressed I get!!  I wish the LOTTO would fall in my lap hahaha  anyway we are still in the game errrr Kinda I guess saving money and ttc naturally .

post #2046 of 2219

I do a pretty good job of being patient for a while, but there just comes a point when I'm over it. Where I just want the drugs so I can make this happen. I'm frustrated. Disappointed. I'm tired of making sure we have sex at least every other day because I'm trying to be hopeful that one of those days I'll eventually ovulate. It's CD27. Past the "normal" ovulation range now, and I'll be way past the "normal" cycle length. Heck, most people would be expecting AF tomorrow! I'm just over it. Why the hell can't I grow normal follicles!!!???

post #2047 of 2219

Sila, I hear you! I broke down last night. I mean, I do it every month, but last night was bad. I am so angry! I don't know why you can't grow normal follicles. Why can't I get pregnant when I have decent looking cycles? We all have our own unanswered questions and it's so frustrating! hug2.gif

 

Shell, I'm so sorry again for the cycle, and that your eggs aren't panning out. It's great that you're not at the end of the road, though, and I'm glad that you are feeling a little better! thumbsup.gif

 

I guess I'm in the mood for silly emoticons!

 

Well, I'm trying not to dwell, I'm over the depression "hump" and have a master bathroom to finish (yeah, that is still going on) and a GINORMOUS Christmas tree to trim. Like actually trim - I told DH I wanted a tall tree - he got like tree-of-the-year. It's waaaaay to big for the room, but it'll be a blast. I'm hosting a big partly next weekend, and we've got a TON to do...

post #2048 of 2219

There is always so much to catch up on.

 

First, I am heartbroken by the shootings in Connecticut. Every time I watch or read about it I'm crying. I just cannot imagine that kind of horror or what can cause a person to do something so awful. 

 

Sila- Was the movie great?? Not ovulating on time has to be so frustrating, I'm sorry your little egg won't just pop out and make a baby (for all of us really). Every other day BDing sounds exhausting... I hope that temp rise comes soon so you can get a break. What does your acupuncturist have to say? You go back to the RE in February, right?

 

jpack- Have fun with the bathroom and trimming your tree... the best distraction from TTC is just having something to do. 

 

bebe- Your dad is going to be so excited. It is really nice you waited to tell him in person, that is really special. AND you are going to find out for sure that you're having a baby girl so soon! Exciting times!

 

gtree- Hey lady, hope the boys are treating you well. What is your due date?? 

 

shell- Your honesty through this whole process has been completely helpful actually in keeping my expectations grounded. It is terrible that everything went opposite of what you and all of us expected for you. It sounds like you still have some options and will certainly be able to try again in the future. I hope you are taking care of yourself and your husband. Did they offer you any type of refund because you didn't get to transfer? I know you can't do much about the meds but something back on the procedures.

 

indie- Very eye opening that there were so many couples at your meeting. Makes me wonder how many people would be at an IVF meeting at my clinic if it were required. Bebe's advice on how to present yourself at your appointment was very good. Hopefully if you let your doctor know your expectations from the start they will be forced to work with you and remember you so that you get the best experience possible and success. I don't have any answers to why your cycles aren't working right since you've been off ovulation meds but I'm really hopeful that IVF is the answer. 

 

SKJ- Sounds like the RPL specialist is taking you seriously and is invested in finding out what the problem is. So the RPL doctor is not an RE, right? So you will stay with your current RE once your work-up is done? I know that no doctor is perfect, they can't all read and be invested in everything but it would be nice if they could work together better so you could get the best care. Good thing we have each other to remind us to take care of ourselves when our guts say something needs more attention! I'm so sorry that this baby couldn't make it and it does sound like some degree of closure to be able to see your little bean. 

 

 

AFM- AF started late last night and my suppression check is on Monday morning. I went to acupuncture this morning and have been going to yoga. I started the Circle + Bloom IVF meditations (just the pre-cycle ones so far). I feel very relaxed actually. The other night I had a dream about two babies. The one I was picking up was Matthew and I didn't catch the name or gender of the other. I can only assume it was another boy as Matthew is our second choice for a boy. He was a very chubby baby. Yesterday was our work Spa day Christmas party so I had a massage and facial and manicure. I wish there were places open next weekend so I could get a massage while I was doing stims. Seems unlikely with Christmas that I can find an appointment, especially to fit in around all the other appointments I will have coming up. 

post #2049 of 2219

TF - I am so excited for this cycle!!! I feel like we have been waiting FOREVER. Do you have any timing predictions yet?

 

Jpack - I love big trees.  Do you do colored or white lights?

 

Sila - I didn't ovulate ONCE for an entire year while TTC.  I wasn't charting, and was forcing dh to BD like every other day.  Hopefully you'll get an O soon, but I totally am on board for injectables if that would help!

 

Shell - You don't have to apologize.  I cried when I read that it wasn't successful for you.  I just want it so bad for all of you.  So, now we focus on egg donors for you and in the meantime, you keep trying!

 

SKJ - I agree that you take a break and do all of the RPL testing.  It would be so comforting if you could get some answers.  I think it is great that we know you can get pregnant, but if you could find out why they are not working out and fix it, that would be amazing.  I am surprised that the RE is suggesting injectables.  Is the thought there that you will get pregnant with multiples and then the best egg will stick and the others won't?  

 

Chrissy - Great to see you on here!

 

Indie - Your clinic sounds like mine.  We were all cattle.  Don't be worried one bit about a wonky cycle before IVF.  They will have you so beyond regulated and monitored before you do the procedure.  I didn't ovulate at all before IVF (except for the cancelled IVF) and spotted, had like 3 periods in 45 days, etc.  Focus on that baby. :)

 

AFM - Doing great! I love looking super pregnant after a big meal... let's see how I feel about that in another 3 months.  I can also feel them move.  So amazing.  

post #2050 of 2219
Hi, everyone! I promise to come back soon for personals, but just had to give a quick update.

It's a GIRL!!!!!!!

We are thrilled. smile.gif Shell, you were right!!!!
post #2051 of 2219
Yay!! Baby girl bebe! Does she have a nickname??
post #2052 of 2219
Congrats Bebe!!

Gtree - feeling them move is so surreal, until they kick the heck out of you. Lol DS was so long he was able to wedge a foot in my ribs. OMG did that hurt.
post #2053 of 2219

A girl YAAAY Awesome :-)  So far our little group has 2 boys and a girl .... joy.gif

post #2054 of 2219
Bebe - That is awesome news!!!!!! Hooray! I'm so happy for you. Do you have a name picked out? We knew right away what we were naming DD as soon as we knew it was a girl. We actually referred to her as that in utero. It was a big mistake b/c when she came out, it was hard to adjust to calling a little human the name we chose vs. calling this idea of a baby the name we chose, if that makes any sense.

gtree - So awesome that you are feeling them! It's such an amazing experience. The idea behind injectibles is that 1) they will help boost my hormones and hopefully increase the chances of a sticky embryo; 2) there will be more follicles to aim for; and 3) if I do get pregnant with more than one, hopefully one of them is a keeper.

TF - Good luck this morning! That's an amazing dream. I hope it is indicative of things to come! Do you want boys or girls more? Awesome that you feel so relaxed! I'm so excited for you!!

jpack - hug2.gif it sucks every time it doesn't work. There is no getting around it. And, I think it only makes sense that we get our hopes up. Otherwise, why are we even trying? This is why this process is so difficult. You can't not want a baby and be TTC. I'm so sorry. It just sucks so bad. Hope you are having fun with your decorating!

sila - I'm about to go stalk your chart...Grr! WTF! Come on already egg. I'm seriously yelling at your ovaries. Stop messing with us ovaries. Not cool. I'm so sorry this is taking so long. That must be so f*cking frustrating!

Shell - I'm so sorry for all you've been through. I really, truly hope you are one of "those" people who gets knocked up after a failed IVF. It can happen, and I really, really hope that it does for you. If not, sounds like you have some options. Have you done acupuncture? Does your acupuncturist have ideas? I feel like acupuncture and herbs have success with situations like yours. Man, I'm just so sorry the IVF didn't work out. I was so sure it would.

Chrissy - Thanks. Man, I really dont' know how you keep going after so many losses. I mean, I'm over the emotional hump of this last loss, but the temptation of just not trying any more is real.

Indie - Thinking of you. Can't wait for tomorrow!!

AFM - The loss has started. It took a while to get going this time. I stopped the progesterone on Thursday morning, had my acupuncturist try to get things started on Saturday, and drank parsley tea all day Sunday. By Sunday night, things had just barely started. I had a dream that I saw the embryo in the toilet. It was really graphic and I couldn't really look at it in my dream.

Just had another hcg blood draw. Hoping for a low number. I'm tentatively scheduled to have all the testing done next Friday, so I"m hoping my hcg is back to zero by then. If not, it's going to suck to have to wait longer. My 35th birthday is at the end of January and I really want to be trying again by then.

DD's daycare is closed for the rest of the year, so DD and I are staying at my inlaws. DH is at home b/c his work is way closer to home and mine is actually closer to my inlaws. Anyways, they know nothing of what is going on, so it really sucks to be having a miscarriage away from home surrounded by people that are clueless. I had a hormonal breakdown last night and started crying for no particular reason. It sucked.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I told my acupuncturist that my ovaries looked way better than my AMH would suggest. She said she wasn't surprised b/c that what the herbs she gave me are supposed to do. I was shocked. I hadn't really considered that acupuncture + herbs could be making so much of a difference. I started seeing her at the very end of August. I was pregnant by the next cycle. Interesting...
post #2055 of 2219

Bebe super cool about confirmation it's a girl! Congratulations! 

 

Gtree white lights - it's what we had. We used way more than usual. Seriously - the tree is out of control! It takes up a quarter of the living room! It was a blast to decorate, and it looks so nice all lit up. We don't have anything for the top, though, and I don't think we have a ladder that would even let us reach up over the top, so...

 

TF I am a big believer in dreams, I think that's a super great sign! That's amazing that you even knew the name!

 

Sila I hope hope hope that your follicles popped! By the way, I hope I didn't sound weird in what I said last time. I just re-read it, and thought, hmmm, she could take that the wrong way! I was just commiserating and trying to say, I don't know why things are the way they are and it DRIVES ME CRAZY!

 

SKJ I just reread your post, and I just think that RPL specialist sounds fantastic. I'm not sure if you're looking for advice or anything on what to do going forward, and I know I said a cycle off (that's because I'm still influenced by my acupuncturist who feels strongly that losses are a big deal and need recovery), but I think if I were you, I'd put the RE on hold until you fully explore all the possible causes with the RPL expert and are under her care for a couple cycles. It sounds like she really want's to get to the bottom of it -- great, unless she can't figure it out -- in which case you could go back to the RE and take more blunt-but-effective-action. That's just my two cents. I took a two-cycle break from the RE for acupuncture and ayurvedic stuff, it was pleasant but not successful and now I'm back to the RE. It has been helpful for me to rule out those things that didn't resonate with me, hang on to the things that did, and move on. Again, just my two cents! 

 

Hi everybody else! I hope you're all doing well!

 

AFM: I'd love advice. I just made an appointment with my RE for the 27th. I was hoping for something this week, because I'm feeling silly trying 50mg of clomid again. (Just to recap, we've been trying since August/Sept 2011. Opks, temping, and good timing. a very early loss in January, and then a blighted ovum in April (LMP Feb). Then I took two months totally off. then tried in June. July I saw the RE, and July and August tried with 50mg clomid. Then I took two cycles with just TCM and every other trick I could think of. This last cycle was just trying and HSG (which revealed nothing).)

 

 I'd just love any thoughts anyone might have as to what I might ask about, or whether it matters the dose of clomid, or whether it makes sense to just keep plugging along... hmm... anything else I should be trying?

post #2056 of 2219
Jpack - Thanks for your thoughts. I'm in agreement with you. I just don't know how much longer I can wait to have a real pregnancy that isn't going to end. We've been trying for over 18 months and I'm just sick of all the doctors visits and stuff. But, I don't want to move forward without answers. I think I"ll be able to make a more informed decision in the coming month, assuming my hcg drops quickly (did you hear that body?? I need you to cooperate!)

As for your questions, what is your diagnosis? Are you "unexplained IF"? I have low AMH and diminished ovarian reserves. So, I can tell you all the tricks I have done. I'm on a sh*t ton of supplements to help with egg quality and ovulation - L-arginine, MyoInositol, royal jelly/bee pollen/propolis, FertileCM, B 50 complex, vitamin D, RRL tea, decaf green tea before O, evening primrose oil, and herbs. I"m also taking fish oil. I think the biggest factor in my success was meditation. I did the circle+bloom meditation every day during both of my successful cycles. I think I really need to destress and let go of a lot of my expectations. I tend to really want to control things and the meditations helped me relax. There is another great one called "visualizing pregnancy". You can get in on itunes.

FWIW, I did three rounds of clomid (50, 50, 25). I ovulated each cycle and had multiple mature follicles. I didn't get pregnant. It was the month after clomid that I got pregnant.

I've never had an annovulatory cycle since I started charting and we've always had good timing. So, I'm not sure what to tell you. I think the supplements, my current acupuncturist and meditation are what helped me.

I hope the other ladies can add some good ideas.

Oh, and I totally changed my diet. I cut out caffeine 100% including chocolate. I stopped drinking alcohol and I eliminated dairy and soy. I tried to eat organic when possible and limited carbs. Since the last loss, I've gotten less stringent. I'm back to decaf cappuccinos and haven't been so great about dairy/soy/carb thing, but I'm trying to get back into it. I haven't had any alcohol in months.
post #2057 of 2219
SKJ sorry, we cross-posted. So so sorry about your loss and the being away from home!! I've been there, my first was when I was in FL with crazy family, and the second started on the way home from a conference in NM. It's the pits!! I hope it's quick and painless, my dear! So sorry and a big hug...
post #2058 of 2219
SKJ! Again!! Haha. Thanks so much!! I'm gonna take a look into those supplements! No, I have no diagnosis, and I think I'm gonna press for more answers on the 27th. It seems like we have so much in common! Back from a computer later!
post #2059 of 2219

hi friends, forgive me for jumping in with a question before catching up with everyone... but i'm confused and could use some help...

 

i know that you are supposed to count cd1 as your first day of "full flow". but i'm seriously confused this cycle. i had one day of what i know for sure was spotting but the next day i switched between bright red flow (that would indicate the start of AF) and consistent brown spotting... i had that same combination for two days (requiring me to wear a pad, so it wasn't just a little bit...) and then yesterday was my first day of all red all the time heavy flow. am i cd 2 or cd 4 today? how would you count it? when is it considered spotting and when it is it considered light flow?

 

help!

post #2060 of 2219
Hi Indie. Hmmm. That's tricky. Does the accounting really matter? I mean, are you getting baselines on CD3 or is this just for your own accounting? I think I'd go with you being CD 4. That is really freaking annoying. Actually, maybe I take it back and you are really on CD 2. A few months before I got pg with DD, I had about 5 days of what you describe before AF would finally show up. It screwed up when I started testing with OPKs, so the first month, I never got a +OPK. Once I started counting the first day of full red flow as CD 1, I got a +OPK on CD 12. Sorry this is so confusing!
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