Taking the Scenic Route...to a BFP - Page 38

[bebelove]

Indie, I have five 5mg tablets of Femara laying around too -- I'm keeping it for an emergency. ;) Interested to hear what you decide to do this cycle!

DIY: Ha! Years ago I think my DH would have loved that idea, because let me tell you -- he's always had the sex drive of a, well, I don't know, what's an animal with a crazy sex drive? Rabbit? ha, anyway . . . now with the pressure of sex all the time, he is no longer molesting me in my sleep! He's like, really, we have to do it again?! Too funny, and just about the last thing I would have ever predicted.

Tooth: So awesome about that study!! You've motivated me even more to make an appt with a NaPro Tech -- I found two near us.'

AFM: Well, FF gave me crosshairs again, and apparently I'm DPO11. Not exactly holding my breath on this one, but will definitely be interested in tomorrow's temp!

[indie1976]

toothfairy - thanks for the info! i'm sitting on the fence about whether to do it 3-7 or all on 3... honestly, the only thing holding me back from trying the all on the cd3 thing is the thought of having to go out and spend more money on yet another supplement! i have bcomplex but i do not have that high of dosage of b6. i might just do it the old way. it's the lowest dose, anyway. i can't wait to read the NaPro study!! the last i looked into napro docs there were not any near me. that's why i'm always pumping everyone i know for information ;-)

skj - the red/green dot sounds like a brilliant plan. your dh should market it! that's interesting about the clomid starting on cd1, i've never heard of that! i can't imagine if the internet didn't exist. i would have no information, whatsoever!

bebe - i can't imagine how frustrating it must be to have so much confusion over when you O'd! but then again, that's kinda cool to already be 11 dpo! you go to skip all those days of obsessing over every little symptom! fingers crossed!

afm: cd2 today. absolutely ZERO endo-type pain this cycle. this really makes me wonder if the pain has something to do with ovulating (or attempting to ovulate) from my right ovary? i have confirmation that i did ovulate and it was from my left ovary this time... and no pain... so i guess this month will be very telling... 

shell? sherry? gtree? news??

[toothfairy2be]

Indie-Lol- i think my B6 was only $5, one of the cheaper of my supplement arsenal! Speaking of, I need more Pycnogenol & that ish is expensive!


AFM- still having hot flashes & crying uncontrolably. Just read a book with a sad ending & I'm all cried out. Didn't help that I had lunch with my former coworker who told me shes due Feb 1st with #2. FML.

[gtree]

Howdy!

I'm here, just quiet!

SKJ - I love brazillian bbq and think we should have a red a green circle for everything. 

Toothfairy - sorry about your cousin, I knew you were upset when I was getting one sentence at a time over our draw game. ;)  Hope you feel better.  I cry constantly watching the olympics.  Except for water polo.

Indie - Do you have one of those giant day of the week pill things? 

Bebe - Great that you are starting injectables.  I think insurance covers iui, so if you switched mid cycle to ivf, this first part would be covered.  Which kind of makes me think that is what I should have done...  Let us know what your protocol will be!

Shelly - hey girl!

AFM - I feel like this cycle is in slow motion.  The LUPRON is bad.  I wake up angry at the world and stay like that all day long.  I miss the clomid mood swings, they seem mild in comparison.  DH is being as sweet as he can be, but I seriously hate everyone.  (except for all of you).  Monday is my first bw and u/s this cycle.  I'm actually looking forward to being monitored again at least it will feel like something is happening.  Did I mention that I am in a bad mood?  And BLOATED like a cow.  Two weeks from now I will hopefully have lots of eggs growing in a lab somewhere.  Eye on the prize.

[gtree]

Oh, PS. I met my new neighbor who is 9 months pregnant after trying for 10 days.

[bebelove]

Indie: yeah, it's nice to not have known I was past ovulation in a way, although I'm still not totally confident it's true. Time will tell I suppose! I also think it's possible that I'm only a few days past ovulation, opposed to DPO12 according to FF. That's so great that you do not have any endo-type pain!! That must be such a relief and give you much more hope! That's what we all need - HOPE!

Tooth: sorry for the co-worker. That exact scenario has become my permament nightmare. Anytime someone asks me to lunch or dinner I think, "F$*@, another one is pregnant?!" Oh what an uncomfortable way to find out too and then have to sit through lunch and smile. PAINFUL. I've been there. So sorry :(

Gtree, ok now I get it! Thanks for the insight. I think this is what I'm going to do in the next month or two. My only hesitation is that once we do it, no more insurance money left, so I need to feel physically and emotionally ready to make it successful!! Gosh, so sorry about the Lupron!! I hope that U/S tomorrow shows that it's all worth it! That's right -- eye on the prize!! P.S. Super annoying about your neighbor!!! It makes me want to scream.

AFM: Forgot to temp this morning before getting up to use the restroom, so hard to say if temp was at all accurate when I laid back down to take it, but it's still elevated. FF says I'm 13DPO today. Looking at my chart, that's either correct, or I'm DPO5 today. I did have some sticky CM yesterday, and it has the slightest brown tinge to it, so either I'm starting my period, or maybe it was implantation spotting. Glass half empty vs. glass half full, I suppose. My chart is crazy though: 

[url=http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3a3c26/][img]http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3a3c26//thumb.png[/img]
My Ovulation Chart[/url]

[Shell77]

Hey ya'll ....... I started AF last Thursday ... and I have been crying every day since then... Me and DH are giving it a break this month no drugs , no RE, no acupuncture, I am however taking my vitamins and BD'ing and temping and opk's.... But the stuff that cost a lot of money i am staying away from and saving up for next cycle... or if my amh comes back ok I am thinking of doing IVF .. I will find out wednesday. My face is a mess and my I feel like a bloated cow... so i am making the next 25 day's all about ME !! working out, tanning , bubble baths and wine!! i might even allow myself to eat sushi one day. .. my question is how much more can I take? its so expensive.. and I feel like there has been a death every month when my af comes... Its so hard.

I promise I will come back for personals PROMISE!! I am feeling so negative right now I just don't want to say anything... Love to you all!!

[toothfairy2be]

Ohhhh Shell I'm so sorry :-( take th time you need to pamper yourself & feel whole again. This process is exhausting. Drink some wine for me!

Bebe- wow your chart is onfusing! Wait & see I guess... I can't really even speculte :-/

Gtree- have you been emotionally sobbing at the Olympics like me?! Dang hormones! Ugh to the neighbor, 10 days, must have felt like a lifetime. Ugh again.

AFM- hot flashesar improving, they are mostly at night nyway. Praying DH gets hme in time. Can't wait to see his handsome face... & jump him, or course.

[bebelove]

Shell, I'm so, so sorry. I really do understand the depths of your disappointment, and I wish there was something I could do or say to help right now. I am just so sorry, and I'm here with you, giving you a big hug from afar! Doing all those nice things for yourself is well-deserved! Eat that sushi! Taking a month to not have to do all the meds is actually nice . . . two months now I haven't done too much, and it's been a good break. At least a slightly lesser level of stress. After a month off, you'll be ready to tackle this all again!

So today I went to the hospital to visit my friend who just had a beautiful baby girl. I held her for an hour, and had to force a smile the whole time. I wanted to cry so much. Just the feeling of that tiny little creature in my arms, in all her perfection, it was almost too much. I'm glad I was there to congratulate my friend, but it has hurt me. Then of course I feel guilty that it hurts me. But tonight I'm just quiet, and trying to hard to keep moving forward. I read an interview with Deepak Chopra this morning, and it kind of encouraged me to really try to understand life in a deeper way, and make sense out of all this struggle. If I only knew there would be a light at the end of the tunnel, I could do as much easily. It's so hard when you just don't know. Anyway, that's where I'm at today, DPO13 or DPO5.

[indie1976]

oh, shell. my heart is breaking for you. i'm so, so sorry. i think taking a month off to focus on you is such a terrific idea. do whatever you need to do to feel whole and beautiful inside and out. this stupid process can makes us feel like broken machines so quickly. does the start of your AF line up with ovulating 2 days earlier than what your old RE told you? i know you probably don't have the strength to fight right now, maybe your dh does, but i would seriously start to pressure your old RE for a refund for the entire cycle. i would threaten negative reviews on the internet, everything. you absolutely deserve to get your money back so you can put it towards your next steps. i look forward to hearing all about your month of shell!

toothfairy - lol, you are right. b6 is not a huge expense. i swallowed all my femara last night and have the megadose of b6 at the ready for cd8. glad you got some good cries in. sometimes i wish dh traveled for work (but a just a little bit, have to be careful what i wish for!) so i could have some girl-space to do things like cry or talk endlessly about girl stuff with friends. here's hoping everything lines up for you with ovulation!

gtree - 10 days. sigh. i guess that would have been me had my first pregnancy lasted. sorry you are angry at the world! maybe you should take on shell's fight with her old RE since you have some anger to spare! lol. look forward to hearing about your growing embies in the near future!

bebe - isn't that fun? feeling hurt and then feeling guilty that you are feeling hurt? SO. FUN. i'm hoping there is a little bambino snuggling into your uterus right now... also, i love deepak. 

afm: blah. cd4. august is my least favorite month of the year. it's also nearing my two year anniversary since my first/only/failed pregnancy. life just feels kinda dull and boring right now. that's probably because i feel dull and boring. i need to get interesting, i guess!

[SKJ2011]

Shell - I'm so sorry. This is just such an awful journey that no one should ever have to be on. I think you are smart for making this month all about you. You deserve it.

Indie - Hugs friend. Anniversaries are the worst.

bebe - That's really strong of you to go visit your friend's new baby. It's so hard to put on a happy face. Is it really possible to feel happiness for someone who has what you want so bad? I'm not sure.

Toothfairy - FIngers crossed that your O will hold off. Glad the side effects are improving.

Gtree - I so hope all these side effects end up with a baby for you. And, ugh to the neighbor. So not fair.

AFM - Had my u/s and b/w this morning, CD 9. I'm about to O. I triggered this am. I"m shocked how fast this cycle went. It can't be a good sign that I'm Oing on CD10 or 11, can it? I was checking my cervix and there was blood. Bleeding makes me totally depressed about my chances.

Question for you lovely ladies. I have a moms group baby shower tonight. Of the 9 women in my moms group, 2 already have #2 and 3 are preggers with #2. I'm debating whether or not to go to the shower tonight for 2 of the preggers. I would have been due a week after one of them if I hadn't had my m/c. I'm scared that if I don't go, I'll be sort of left out of future things. Do I just suck it up and go?

[bebelove]

Indie, I'm sorry for this anniversary. :( At least let it be a reminder that if you got pregnant once, you can again! I'm interested in seeing how things go with taking all the Femara at CD3 and a megadose of B6. I have a stash of Femara too, so who knows, might do the same things one of these times.

DIY, my first instinct is to not go. It's really hard to be happy and smile and see all those cute prego bellies around you. I really say no. I've had too much of that lately, which I felt obligated because it was a super close friend, but in any other case I wouldn't go. If they leave you out of future stuff then they are just a bunch of meanies!

AFM: DPO14 if FF is right, which I don't think it is because 1) POAS negative x 3 and 2) I have no spotting whatsoever. I think I'm either DPO11 or DPO6. The waiting continues . . .

[toothfairy2be]

SKJ- it all depends on how you are feelong today. I'm usually pretty good suckin it up from lik CD7- 10dpo... So in that window I feel hopeful & whatnot& generally fare well with my happy face. During AF or when I know AF is coming I can't bring myself to do it. Also I try & put myself in their shoes, how would I feel if someone did it to me. In your situatiin, with what you're going throug. Think you're justified either way. Also O'ing between 11-14 is optimal so hope for the best. Can't believe that little egg grew So quick!

[SKJ2011]

Thanks ladies. I'm going. I think I may be masochistic. I'm feeling all sorts of down after the trigger. I think the novelty of the whole IF treatment thing has worn off. I'm not confident about this cycle b/c of 1) my lining 2) my follicle size 3) my early ovulation 4) timing of the iui. Maybe this month will be it b/c nothing is working out right. all the other times everything worked out right, it didn't work.

bebe - I think you are more likely to be 6 DPO based on your chart. But, it's a confusing one! I hope you are and your BFP is just about a week away!

[bebelove]

Toothfairy, as always, excellent advice. Now that you mention it, there are times of the month that I can muster the ability to have a genuine smile in these circumstances.

DIY, thanks so much for taking a look at my chart and for your interpretation. It helps to know what you think! I hope tonight goes well for you! You might not ovulate until CD11, so it could be ideal!

[Shell77]

Thank You All so much... I cried reading your encouraging words.. taking off a month was/is a big worry on my mind... what if I ovulate on my right side? I will be so upset.. UGH I just need to let goooooo.

Toothfairy : I hope your hubby made it home in time... lol jump that man!!

Indie: Yes, I ovulated on late Sunday night early monday.. UGH I am so mad... I do plan on calling somebody or doing some type of research so these people can't keep acting this way to patients!! Its just horrible .. makes me sick to my stomach... we share so much.. I too lost a baby August 22 1996... a girl ( Alexia Dean) she was born at 21 weeks ... just too soon :-( I send out pink balloons every year for her. I am cd 5 one ahead of you... and I am cramping hard this cycle.

Gtree: I will give you my old RE's number and let you go to town on them.. lol I am so excited for your ivf..I am sorry you are mad and angry at the world.. i feel ya... I have been there.

SKJ: I would have gone... I have so many baby showers i have to attend soon UGH its horrible... and I get to go get my hair done next Friday by my very pregnant hair stylist and friend.... My luck she will go into labor while doing my hair hahaha

Bebe: I hope you get to be our August BFP :-)

Sherry: ?? what's going on with you??

AFM: cd 5 cramping , broken out and bloated BLAHHH I have enjoyed my favorite red wine for the last 3 nights though and a nice hot bath... I am going for the sushi this weekend ;-) I am trying to enjoy things ... but my mind goes back to if I am making a mistake or not.. oh well too late now right? Oh Indie: I bout coQ10 400 mg... how many should I take a day? So far I am taking pre natal... B6 100 mg.... folic acid... melatonin @ night to help with sleep... and now COQ10

[sherryvhkb]

Good morning.
gtree....power surge...Lupron will do that for sure! I've injected many a woman who told me so! I hope it simmers down soon, but that means its working!

Indie...get interrsting....and tell us all the details...heehee

Tooth- sounds like you've been on a roller coaster! I am always teary during af...yes. jump that man.

Shell hang in there mama. Your limits sure are being put to the test! I really hate bad doctor situations! Please do share your experience- yelp, zocdoc, health graded. It doesn't seem to change them but perhaps you can save someone else the struggle. I am so sorry for your loss in '96. That is awful. They are so perfect by 21 weeks but only in the palm of your hand. That must have been an awful time. You are strong to be going back after that.

Oh Bebe...while there is wait there is hope.

Chrissy....waiting to o?

Me cd4, and glad it came...

Also, i have been wanting to comment but hate posting from my phone:
I had 2 sil that had blatent anger towards me having my first 2-3...one claimed they didn't want kids...but avoided us at all costs...she stopped speaking to us when we announced our name choices...it turns out she had been unable but NEVER went to even a gyn her entire adult life!!! We found out uears later as part of more serious health effects...sad...she chose to miss out in so much along the way. She still seems so bitter. My other sil (dh brothers wife) came at me with open hostility! She had wanted to have the first grandchild to secure her feeling of belonging in the family. She had 2 9 months after my #'s 2&3. I had such pregnancy guilt...even at a young age. Later before ttc dealing with infertility and losd in a small town clinic and hospital i often thought it was the worst affliction. Worse than cancer crazy as that may seem because it brings such pain. It takes over....that primal pull is so strong in us...
at times i even feel guilty being here. I've had 5 uncomplicated full term babies, no losses...and yet...i feel that pull so strong! I unfortunatly haven't felt angst zbout new babies and pregnancies unless they sre related to some of the awful things i've seen at work
I dont really have a point here...i wish i did....i just hope everyone can find peace along their path...if you can...celebrate the lives of people you enjoy as much as possible. This is such a strong and recurring theme...avoiding the showers and babies popping up everywhere...the hurt felt...while i think sometimes honesty would prevail i also understand the deep privacy associated with many of our journeys....it is a tough piece of this frustrating experience...just hang in there everyone!!

DH is flying back to the states and will be here tomorrow! Lots to do!!! 17 days worth! I sure wish i was Oing now!!!

[bebelove]

Shell, I so completely understand all the worrying -- what if this, what if that? You feel damned if you do, damned if you don't. What I always come back to is how many of my friends conceived without any supplements, drinking wine when they felt like it, doing whatever exercise they enjoyed, etc. I try to remember that when I start over-restricting myself from the things that I enjoy and keep me sane. Staying sane is a very important theme for me right now, and so I try not to deprive myself. I'm so sorry for your loss, Shell. I can't imagine the pain you have felt over this. This journey is one of the most challenging these I've ever experienced. I think this month off to think, read, pray, and enjoy your life will be so important to your continued ability to sustain the journey. Maybe it will be just the thing you need to get your BFP the following month!!

Sherry, thanks for your very wise insights. You are right, this is such a personal journey, and in the end, I do believe we're all doing the best we can. Here's to jumping your man for the joy of sex! What a concept. ;)

AFM: nothing to report -- didn't POAS this morning since I figure I'll get the same result. I'll do one tomorrow morning probably. Temp still up, so I definitely O'd at some point. Why do you guys think my chart is so crazy though??

[gtree]

Last night I started Gonal F (300) and low dose hcg and cut my lupron in half.  Then tonight after the hcg, I realized I USED EXPIRED HCG from my last cancelled cycle.  I freaked.  I was so worried that I might have screwed something up.  The Dr. called me back super fast and wasn't even slightly concerned and told me to start the non-expired hcg tomorrow.

My mood today was slightly better, but still not great, and I have the headache that comes with all of this and I keep thinking that it is friday and get all upset when I realize that it is not.  Not even close.

[bebelove]

Gtree, just want to say hi and that I'm sending you lots of luck this cycle!! Poor thing, I would have freaked, too! Glad to hear it's all OK . . . Friday will be here soon enough! So excited to see how this works out for you! Here we go!

So I took out the results of my fertility monitor (which had peak on CD10) and it totally changed my chart so now I'm DPO6. Interesting!