This is just a vent because I realize there's nothing I can do about it. Since I have no confidantes I felt a need to vent it somewhere. I know this is going to make me look shallow and low and I should anonymize it. This is a huge whine fest over nothing so you've been warned. No snarkiness please... I am anything but superficial.
So my dh got me a really expensive necklace for valentine's day/birthday. It was the day before when he went out grocery shopping and they have a jeweler attached inside. I had already told him to PLEASE do nothing for valentines. I was not being coy. I am just so over buying a card every month for something so silly after more than a decade. It wears me out and he usually forgets anyway. Well, that day we (I) had an argument because he is never around etc etc so he went out and bought this. Now keep in mind we are dirt poor but he lives like we are not. I'm scrounging for coupons and trading clothes for food while he shops. HOW I don't know because he makes pretty much next to nothing.
I would have been happy to have gotten the $500 in cash and put it on my maxed out credit card.. or to hire a teacher for our disabled child.. or put it in savings or to take me for a trip somewhere and go camping or sightseeing whatever. And to be honest I would have been happy with a cheaper $100 necklace with a heart or mom on it. I always dreamed of someone buying me a necklace with the word mom on it.. of course he never hears what I like or want.
This necklace.. is the ugliest thing I have ever seen in my life. It looks like it came out of a cracker jack box. I know I'm mean but I don't understand why this makes me so livid. It's a blob of two squares put together with diamond dust around and one in the middle. When I say blob it's like the jewelery maker didn't care enough to even try to make a shape and just squooshed it down. It says only 1/5th ct and they were trying to sell it for $1200 which to me sounds silly. It came with the necklace that wraps your hair up in it and pulls it out. I'm not sure what you call it.. snake? But it's super painful and I don't have much hair left!
I tried to tell him it's too much but he's like naw you deserve it.. well yes, maybe I do.. I do everything around here.. but it's so dang ugly it makes me want to cry. I haven't even taken it out of the case. He said they were two circles... You know it might not be so ugly if it looked like I got it at the olympics but no it's squares. Did he even look? How could he not know. And here is a problem with him. He lies constantly.. about every single thing he does. He honestly doesn't understand why it's wrong either. It's frustrating.
I do NOT want this ugly necklace and I do not want it yanking my hair out! I guess I'm mad because.. this is what he thinks of me? That I'm so ugly only the nastiest ugliest thing he could find would do? Like.. I don't even know of anything uglier that could possibly be at a jewelry store.
he just cannot have anything in his pocket. I think he got his tax return but he won't even tell me that anymore. It's not like I ever take a dime from him. I never get anything for myself and I buy his clothes with my own earned income and things he needs.
I am just so emotionally distressed over something that is a bygone.. nothing I can do about it. I should just let it go but it like makes my chest tighten. I would LOVE to take it back and have said everything to try to convince him but he won't let me and hid the receipt even. (yes he really bought it for that much where he said he did)
We need a new couch badly, a new bed.. I can't even walk in the morning I'm in such pain.. we NEED many things.. but not a crappy necklace.
I know in general he makes me extremely unhappy and has no regards for my feelings. And I'm sure this is his way of saying sorry and taking off feeling better about himself but it doesn't work for me. When I cry that he hurts my feelings he goes and buys me a candy bar or dinner and goes off to do his own thing for me to wallow in my pity food. I've gained a lot of weight suffice to say.
Man.. I just keep thinking.. $500! I could have bought new underwear even! or a new shirt or I haven't had a new pair of shoes in 3 years... how about a house payment??? *sigh* I cannot explain how atrociously ugly this thing is. I'm not a pretty girl and I feel like it's a blinking blob of light to look here at how even uglier this person is attached to me!