I just got engaged to a wonderful man with two children from a previous marriage. I have a really good relationship with his kids -- they are 6 and 9-- and pretty decent dealings with their mom (who is also engaged to someone). The kids live with their mother (and her fiance) and they stay with their dad every other weekend. While we live about 45 minutes away from the kids, we do our best to go to all their school recitals, sporting events etc. (we had to miss 1 basketball game this season because of weather).
Anyways, I was talking with his 6yo today and she said that she sometimes calls her stepdad "dad", and that when he and her mom get married then he will be her "real dad". I tried to explain to her that 'no, you already have a dad, [stepdad] will still be your stepdad. when your dad and I get married you won't call me "mom", right? because I will be your stepmom." she said no, she will have two moms and two dads, and there was no convincing her otherwise. Well, that's all very nice coming from a 6yo point-of-view, but it sounded like she was still going to call her stepdad "dad".
Now, their stepdad is a nice guy from what I know of him, and I don't really hear many complaints about him from the kids (although I haven't seen him at many basketball games). The stepdad lives with them, so he is a big part of their lives. He recently took the 6yo to a Father-Daughter dance, which I thought was really weird, but maybe he is just trying to build a better relationship with the kids?
I guess what I am trying to say is that their biological dad/my fiance is a good dad who does the best he can to maintain a good relationship with his children even though they don't live with him. And, while their stepdad is a nice guy, and I'm glad he is good to the kids, he is NOT their real dad.
Maybe I am just overreacting...