I am irritated by my daughter's situation. She has cystic fibrosis, and has just gotten her first bad chest x-ray and been put on a bunch of twice-daily, lengthy, unpleasant medical treatments - you can imagine how easy it is to explain that to a 3 year old. And then on top of that, she's just been referred by her preschool director for assessment by an SLP and a PT, and the SLP says she absolutely has some sort of hypersensitivity issue and must been assessed by an OT ASAP.
So I'm irritated, deeply offended at God, pissed off, because I was resigned to being in the MEDICAL special needs bucket, I grapple with it, I fear it, I hate it, but I also own it, and I'm good at parenting a child with medical special needs. So how dare God go and put me in the developmental special needs bucket ALSO? I rage. I take great offense. I border on despair. I am irked. I am petty and annoyed. I am shallow and privileged and entitled and recoil at having to take on a second burden.
And so I come here to post, full of piss and vinegar, and a noticeable dearth of good sense. And I read the current threads. And they're from parents dealing with much more challenging things than I am dealing with. Much more serious medical conditions and much more serious developmental conditions. And I feel awful - ashamed, petty, shallow, wrong, bad. I came to complain to the bleeding about my hangnails.
But. But. But. I have not conquered my vitriol, I am not master of my emotions. I just now also despise myself for having them. "I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet", is the quotation - but I cannot rise to the occasion. Or I won't, which is despicable.
So. I don't deserve support. I need it anyway.
I am so. so. so. sad.