Typical aspergers behavior?

[souperhero]

So, I posted in another thread that ds is currently being evaluated and most likely has aspergers. He is 6 1/2.

He has always had more intense tantrums and melt downs than other kids, he has always had sensory issues (threads on clothes, doesn't like his clothes to even have a drip of water on them) has difficulty transitioning, can get aggressive, nightmares (use to be night terrors), constant rude behavior (calls me names for no reason), does not pick up on social cue's or situations and cannot put on the breaks when playing or upset.

So, we have always dealt with these challenges. In the past they seemed to come in waves. Like we would have a bad day, few days or week or two, but then we would have a week or two of really great behavior where he didn't melt down, much more flexible on issues, not aggressive and very kind, sweet and loving and no nightmares.

For about the past four months (pretty much as soon as fall and winter started to set in) his behavior has been very challenging. Major melt downs every day, very aggressive towards me, dh & his 5 year old brother (not so much towards his two year old sister), nightmares almost every night, very rude behavior, constantly calling me names (fool, idiot & stupid are his favorite these days), pretty much everything we have always dealt with, but magnified and now on a daily basis for months and months. We are so burnt out and heartbroken. It feels like our funny, sweet, quirky boy has slipped away from us.

I think a lot of the problem has been winter. We now live rural where in previous years we were in a neighborhood with other children, our new house is much smaller so we are all on top of each other all the time. This mild winter is worse than one with lots of snow for ds. He will play in the snow for hours, but won't go outside when it is cold and everything is dead and muddy. So he has a lot of pent up energy that he is not getting out. 

I'm certain that all of those things are contributing, but I also don't want to continue to make excuses. His brother and sister have been fine in this house this winter.

My question is, is this typical in autistic children? Do the challenges come in waves? Is he just to an age where it is developmentally challenging? I'm terrified that this is the new ds. I'm worried that the challenges are going to overshadow his strengths from hear on out. 

[christinelin]

I really hear your sadness and frustration. I don't know that there is any typical aspergers behavior exactly, but I do think that both NT and ASD kids have waves of challenging behaviors. It sounds like your DS is in the midst of a whopper of one of those. Feeling housebound and having two littler ones to care for must make it particularly challenging.

I can definitely remember phases where I feared that it would be this bad forever -- when you are in the midst of getting a diagnosis is a particularly hard period. My guy is now 8 1/2 and we are in a really nice period now, but when he was diagnosed (around 5) was really awful. I could only see the hard parts and felt like that was what it would look like forever. Are there things you can do to nurture and take care of yourself in this midst of this?

One thing that I read in your post that I might work on targeting specifically is his use of mean language towards you. Everything you describe can be normal in a child with ASD, but I think it is reasonable to work on him finding other ways of expressing anger. Is he getting any sort of therapy yet? I think I had the impression that you homeschool -- is that right? Are you seeking any school district eval for additional support? ABA might be able to target a specific behavioral issue like that.

One more thought: A book you might check out is Transforming the Difficult Child. It is really loving and appropriate for what you are facing. Hugs to you. Please come back often so we can support you.

[Qestia]

I dunno but I wanted to chime in and say my DS's problems have really grown over the winter. At the beginning of the school year he was so much better, he could walk down a hallway without touching it. He's not diagnosed yet but probably has ADHD. In the fall he could talk to me without walking in a circle around the room, he could watch TV without simultaneously climbing all over the furniture.Not anymore.  His behavior has steadily downward spiraled over the last couple months. Now over the past weekend he's added thesse vocalizations. And tantrums every day. I'm in a bad place about it right now. Anyway I hope you and I get some answers soon.

[HarperRose]

Quite typical. I'm sorry. I know it isn't easy. :(

Is there some kind of mom/kid group you can get involved in? He's probably mourning the loss of his friends and his routine. He needs a routine. Create one for him and make sure it involves interaction with other kids.

[fiddlefern]

I identified with a lot of your post.  My ds1 age 7.5 just got his Aspy dx a few weeks ago.  It is definitely my experience that behavior comes in waves, and that it gets worse when ds doesn't have structured alone time that he can expect.  And changes in routine definitely make things worse.  We do public school, and around October when I started working more (I'm a substitute teacher this year) and our routine became less predictable, things got BAD.  Mooning kids in class.  Following them around and poking them making teasing sounds.  Laughing hysterically and wandering around the classroom.  Tantrums at home.  Teasing the cat (which he hasn't done in years).  Teasing mom and dad by laughing and poking and putting his face/ hands in our faces, especially the more frustrated we get.

It's better lately.  Getting the dx and talking to him about it has been really empowering for him.  "There's nothing wrong with you, you're not sick, but your brain works differently then a lot of other people.  We're making a plan to figure out how to make things not bother you so much- like how you hate it when you have to wash your hands or get wet in the rain, or when it bothers you when too many people are around."  My son definitely has the water avoidance thing like yours. 

Another thing that has helped is making sure he has some time alone each day to do legos/ take apart erasers/ etc- things that meet his sensory needs.  But there are definitely still difficulties, and sometimes I get SO FRUSTRATED that he can't just let something go, or stop a behavior that is so clearly (well, clear to NT me) distressing to the people around him.  Sometimes he will be calm and loving and able to make eye contact and able to talk about his day, and sometimes it's all crazy laughing and getting in your face and repeating "AAAAAAAAAAAANNHHHHH!" over and over and then switching to major anxiety about some little thing that can't be changed.

So yah, I hear ya.