Broken Tooth, Broken Car, Bad, Bad Day... « Back to Group Discussions

[Sarasyn]

So, yeah, as the title implies, we found out the van we're trying to fix is broken in a serious way.  Our options are to sell it and hope that we can get the money together for a downpayment on something else or save up enough to fix it.  One of the piston arms in the engine is bent, so we're talking $2600 to fix it.  Mind you, it's a nice van and I totally wish we could come up with the money to keep it, but unless my boyfriend gets a full time job or I find a way to make a good deal more than I've been making, it's just too much for us.  I'm not sure car payments would be much better right now.  That was our big bad news of the day.

Then there was my other bad news.  I was snacking on a Starburst (I know...bad to eat candy, but when my blood sugar drops...) and my tooth broke.  There's a big chunk missing from one of my molars.  I thought I had insurance to cover it, but my soon-to-be-ex husband failed to file the insurance information in 2007 when he said he did.  Now I've got a broken tooth that thankfully isn't painful, but no insurance to cover getting it taken care of.  Given that we're having transportation issues, we really don't have the money for me to get it taken care of at the dentist.  We're in a bit of a bind.

There's a good chance this is going to be my last pregnancy and I don't want it to be filled with depressed memories over how huge I am, having to struggle to get our bills paid, having no transportation, and quite possibly not having a vehicle of our own that will transport all the kids by the time I go into labor.  Our birth plan has gone from a home birth to a hospital birth because we don't have the money for a midwife, and honestly, the only homebirth midwife I can find is someone I really don't want to go back to because I felt like she just didn't give a damn come time for labor.  She just left me alone and walked away when the other midwives I've talked to asked why she didn't pursue a lot more options when labor stalled.  I'm just feeling really disheartened about the whole thing and I don't want this to be the way things are at the end of my last pregnancy.  I'd love to at least say, "Hey, at least it ended well."

I don't know...there's just so much going on with my whole situation right now that I feel like I'm falling apart.  I hate to say it, but I've had more than a few occasions where I really wished I never got pregnant in the first place.  I'm having a really hard time being happy or excited for this baby.  I just don't know what to do.  It just feels like no matter how hard I try, things keep falling apart around me.  I can't enjoy my pregnancy.  I can't enjoy this baby.  I'm terrified of giving birth after the last experience.  I wanted to take a hypnobirthing course to help me through it, but I can't afford the home-study stuff and can't get to class.  I can't even get my kids to the homeschool co-op.  I just can't kick the feeling that I should just stop getting my hopes up.  I feel like I should just resign myself to the hospital birth I know I'm not going to have, and the c-section it'll probably turn into because of how much the stress has gotten to me.  I can't even eat my favorite comfort foods because I'm too afraid the sharp edges of my tooth that are all but bound to break off as a part of this process will come off, be crunchy in my mouth, and totally turn me off from eating again.  I couldn't eat lunch because of that.  I don't know...I'm just at a loss of what to do.

I don't really expect any kind of advice or even sympathy.  It's been a long road getting to this point and I can see where all the mistakes were made.  I just want to find a way not to take these negative feelings out on the baby, and to try and enjoy as much of this pregnancy as I can from this point out.  My other pregnancies had a lot of stressful things happen during them, but mentally I was able to maintain my balance, feel pretty zen.  This time I think it's just been too much all at once.  I just wish I knew how to get that mental peace back again, if not for me, then at least for my baby...

[Nicole730]

Oh man, that all really sucks.  Hugs to you.  That is a lot to deal with and stress over.  :(  I hope just writing it all out helped you get to a better place mentally. 

[KristaDJ]

(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) Have you ever tried EFT? It won't fix your tooth or your car but it can sure help with the emotions. <3

[wanderinblues]

wow, im really sorry to hear all that. i totally feel your pain with the no car, broken tooth, no money and change in birth plans from homebirth with midwives to (probably) hospital. im right there with you. if it makes you feel any better, my tooth has been broken for at least a year and i have never crunched on a piece of it, though it has broken by small amounts over that time. 

things will look up, im sure :) 

[PrincessSputnik]

I'm sorry. That all really does suck. I can totally relate to everything just not going right, and (for me) anyway, it all being a result of getting knocked up at this particular point in time. I know how overwhelming it all is, but if it helps at all, I do have faith that these things have a way of sorting themselves out in the long-run. The car will probably lead to a better car that you like even more, the tooth will probably last you until you can have it fixed, and all you can do about labour (homebirth or hospital) is prepare as best you can, be confident in your choices (as I'm sure you will be) and let baby do the rest. :)

[MovnMama]

Originally Posted by PrincessSputnik 

I'm sorry. That all really does suck. I can totally relate to everything just not going right, and (for me) anyway, it all being a result of getting knocked up at this particular point in time. I know how overwhelming it all is, but if it helps at all, I do have faith that these things have a way of sorting themselves out in the long-run. The car will probably lead to a better car that you like even more, the tooth will probably last you until you can have it fixed, and all you can do about labour (homebirth or hospital) is prepare as best you can, be confident in your choices (as I'm sure you will be) and let baby do the rest. :)

This is a great outlook to take. I'm so sorry to hear your string of bad luck. But that's just what it is - luck. When stuff like this happens to me, I think about how I have no control over what happens, but I can control my response. Usually that's all I can I can control, and being mindful of my response helps me feel more in control in general.

I'm staying optimistic for you... Hugs.

[Sarasyn]

Originally Posted by KristaDJ 

(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) Have you ever tried EFT? It won't fix your tooth or your car but it can sure help with the emotions. <3

I've never even heard of it.
 

Originally Posted by PrincessSputnik 

I'm sorry. That all really does suck. I can totally relate to everything just not going right, and (for me) anyway, it all being a result of getting knocked up at this particular point in time. I know how overwhelming it all is, but if it helps at all, I do have faith that these things have a way of sorting themselves out in the long-run. The car will probably lead to a better car that you like even more, the tooth will probably last you until you can have it fixed, and all you can do about labour (homebirth or hospital) is prepare as best you can, be confident in your choices (as I'm sure you will be) and let baby do the rest. :)

The whole being knocked up at this particular point in time, that's a lot of it too.  I really didn't want to be pregnant right now and I've had a lot of problems actually accepting this baby.  It's been really hard for me.  When things get bad, that's always one of the thoughts that crosses my mind, that I don't even want this baby right now, and then I feel really guilty because I don't know what I'm doing bringing a life into the world that I don't even want.  I know once he/she is born all my doubts will go away, but until that point?  It's just not easy.

The car, I've been trying to stay positive about that.  I've been telling my boyfriend from the start, but he's been doing his best to make me feel bad about wanting to give it up without even trying to.  He's in love with that van.  Personally, I'd rather have an SUV that's big enough to fit our whole family, but in reality it's going to cost us as much if not more to get a vehicle that will work for our family than it will to replace the engine and fix the power steering pump in the van.  The only difference there is getting slammed with payments we can't really afford.  At this point we're taking some time to seriously assess what we need to do and are looking at our options.  The way I see it, we're going to have to sit around and wait before we get a vehicle anyways, so we may as well take our time to make the right decision this time.

I may have gotten the insurance thing taken care of, but it's all on the gamble that they'll let me pull money out of my account when it was already negative.  We're hoping it won't go through until we can put some money in the account.  My ex is supposed to be paying the insurance premium, but all he did is whine and complain about how he has no money.  I'm going to have to contact his command to get him to pay me back for it.  I'm really hoping that everything will go through alright because then I'll be able to get my tooth fixed after the 1st.  It's a pretty big chunk missing and I have to be careful about eating, which is putting me off eating all together.  I just don't see me being able to hold out until April if the insurance gets bounced.  I'm still pretty tweaked out because I actually bit into the piece of tooth that came off, then bit into a sharp edge that broke off after.  I'm seriously debating my ability to eat only foods that require little to no chewing until this whole thing is fixed.  I'm just glad it doesn't hurt much most of the time, only when I forget and bite down on that side the wrong way.  I'm pretty sure the constant dull ache is all in my head, but we'll see.  I'm just really keeping my fingers crossed that the insurance goes through.  I'm not sure I can keep up this way of eating for just over a month, but for a little over a week, I think I can manage.

The hospital thing, I think I'd feel better about it if it were really a choice.  True, I really don't want to go to the local midwife, but even if I did, my insurance won't cover it.  I don't exactly have the extra money laying around to pay out of pocket, so hospital was really my only option.  Due to a lack of transportation, I'm stuck going to the local hospital, not the one that's 45 minutes away.  Truth is I don't really want to drive 45 minutes while in labor to get to the hospital, but when it's that or go to the hospital down the street, I'd drive 45 minutes.  Unfortunately, the hospital here has a VERY bad reputation for newborn services.  All newborn procedures are done in a locked room that the parents of the child can't even see into.  Last I heard they also didn't allow rooming in with your baby.  The part that bothers me most is I keep hearing really bad stories about the place.  I've never heard of a single good experience at that hospital for anything from childbirth to emergency and everything in between.  The only possible saving grace is my friend's husband is my OB/GYN, but she really likes their whole childbirth department there.  It's hard because I don't even know how to tell her it's really not for me.  It's partially because I'm just really uncomfortable with hospitals in the first place.  Even the hospital I'd prefer puts me off.  Unfortunately, if I had it my way, I'd go to the hospital that's 45 minutes away because I'm at least more comfortable with that.  I just don't have the ability to get there for appointments.  The plan was to change to where I wanted to go after the car was fixed and I could make my appointments out there on the days I'm supposed to go out for the co-op anyways, make the most out of my trip, but all of that's likely not going to be an option.  The place I'm going to now, I can walk to my appointments if I have to, not that I really want to make a six mile round-trip walk.  I could walk to the hospital in labor if I had to.  I walked almost twice as long as that while in labor with my older son just because we were waiting for me to dilate enough to be admitted.  Most of the people here also don't mind giving me a ride right up the street.

I guess the hardest part about the hospital is it doesn't feel like a choice.  I do feel pretty good about having a choice in my OB/GYN, but it's like choosing between the lesser of two evils in a way, not that I really think of them as "evils".  I've got the choice of seeing a midwife at the hospital with the really bad reputation, but at least I'd get to see a female, or I can see an OB/GYN at the branch of the hospital I want to go to, and while I'll still have to deal with the hospital staff there, at least my doctor is someone with a good reputation and supportive of holistic options, but he's male.  I'm not sure how this is going to go over because the last male GYN I saw I nearly kicked in the head.  For the longest time I used to tell people I can't see a male doctor because of the residual issues that caused that reaction, but of my options, I'd rather take the risk of not being comfortable with a male doctor that's at least supportive of making my own choice than going to a place where the midwives have a reputation for making you feel guilty for not making the choices they want you to make.

I don't know...  I know this is long, and I want to thank everyone for being supportive and encouraging.  I think more than anything, that's what I need right now.  I'm trying to feel the best I can about the decisions I can make.  I'm really trying to make the best of my situation.  I'm trying not to let it get me down or frustrate me too terribly much.  It's just getting frustrating because every time I get my hopes up and try to think positive, yet another bad thing happens.  Like yesterday, the van's electrical was fixed.  She runs...but she's going to need the engine replaced or she could just as easily die again in a mile or two...oh, yeah, and my tooth broke.  I've just gotten worn down from being positive and optimistic, thinking that everything will work out just fine, just the way it's meant to, to constantly wanting to be ready for the other shoe to drop, no matter how positive I try to be.  I know it's all just luck at this point, but I'm starting to think I'm just jinxed.

[kjourdan]

Since you have a connection to the OB/GYN who works there, can you ask about how flexible things can be?  Meaning, is it possible to have your baby room in, even though that might not be the "norm?"  Maybe there will be the possibility of giving more input, if you ask?

But I totally hear you on how it makes a big difference whether or not you are doing something by choice versus because it's the only option.  That's never fun.

[mudhugger]

I'm feeling so sorry for you over here...:(  Blagh-- you're dealing with some really sucky stuff.  I guess my bit of optimism is that maybe the universe is dishing this all out before the baby comes...maybe? 

And I just wanted to give you a virtual hug and nod of understanding on the fetus negativity.  I've felt the same thing on several occasions...I wasn't quite ready for this baby, but I hate to think that s/he can feel any negative emotions from me.  It's crappy to feel it in the first place, and then there's the self-imposed mama guilt on top of that.  Not sure if this will help you, but the best thing someone said to me-- we're all born into what we need.  Meaning that we're born into the best places and families and times that can make us better and stronger...that resonates with me and my spirit, but I completely understand if it doesn't fit your beliefs and don't mean to overstep.  So, for me, when I feel negative about this pregnancy, I try to remind myself that whatever my best is, is all this baby will need.  With mama-guilt, I think that's a really good mantra anyways... I mean, we all try to do our best especially for our kids.

You don't happen to have any dental schools around you do you?  I've had to go to one a few times-- it's ridiculously cheap as long as you're OK with the fact that students are working on you. 

You can get through this-- just keep posting here.  Get it out of you...verbal vomit away.  Hopefully that will help and I doubt anyone here minds...most of us probably identify really closely. 

[Sarasyn]

Originally Posted by kjourdan 

Since you have a connection to the OB/GYN who works there, can you ask about how flexible things can be?  Meaning, is it possible to have your baby room in, even though that might not be the "norm?"  Maybe there will be the possibility of giving more input, if you ask?

But I totally hear you on how it makes a big difference whether or not you are doing something by choice versus because it's the only option.  That's never fun.

I hadn't even thought about that.  I'll be going in for my first appointment tomorrow.  I have no idea what tests they're going to expect to do to "catch me up", but I'm definitely ready to deny a whole bunch of stuff, like the glucose testing unless they think it's a serious risk.  Of course, keeping my blood sugar levels down should be pretty easy as the broken tooth has me put off eating candy for a while, so there goes the sweets that cause the biggest sugar spikes.

I'll come up with a list of questions tonight.  I'll have my boyfriend do the same.  Given the doctor is very holistic-friendly, I think I might be able to work with him there.  I don't really know him.  I think I met him once or twice, but I know his wife and she seems to think it'll be a good match knowing how earthy-crunchy I am, so it's worth asking.  I guess you're right, you don't know what can be done until you ask.

Originally Posted by mudhugger 

I'm feeling so sorry for you over here...:(  Blagh-- you're dealing with some really sucky stuff.  I guess my bit of optimism is that maybe the universe is dishing this all out before the baby comes...maybe? 

And I just wanted to give you a virtual hug and nod of understanding on the fetus negativity.  I've felt the same thing on several occasions...I wasn't quite ready for this baby, but I hate to think that s/he can feel any negative emotions from me.  It's crappy to feel it in the first place, and then there's the self-imposed mama guilt on top of that.  Not sure if this will help you, but the best thing someone said to me-- we're all born into what we need.  Meaning that we're born into the best places and families and times that can make us better and stronger...that resonates with me and my spirit, but I completely understand if it doesn't fit your beliefs and don't mean to overstep.  So, for me, when I feel negative about this pregnancy, I try to remind myself that whatever my best is, is all this baby will need.  With mama-guilt, I think that's a really good mantra anyways... I mean, we all try to do our best especially for our kids.

You don't happen to have any dental schools around you do you?  I've had to go to one a few times-- it's ridiculously cheap as long as you're OK with the fact that students are working on you. 

You can get through this-- just keep posting here.  Get it out of you...verbal vomit away.  Hopefully that will help and I doubt anyone here minds...most of us probably identify really closely. 

You know, that whole thing of babies being born to what they need, that almost made me cry, in a good way of course.  It's just been so hard with negativity being piled on negativity.  My boyfriend really doesn't seem to be connecting with this baby as well as he did the last.  Then again, the last baby would only kick when Daddy was around or talking to me on the phone.  It meant he was kept awake at night with the baby beating him up as much as I was!  This one tends to stop kicking as soon as Daddy decides to put his hand on the belly.  He's also not going to be able to go to my appointments with me so he won't be able to hear the heartbeat or see the baby on the ultrasound, which I really don't want, but they're already kind of encouraging it given how far along I am and their need to confirm my dates.  I don't know...maybe an ultrasound picture will help him connect better.  He'es not negative about the baby at all, just less involved than last time.  Actually, he's pretty positive about it, though this time it's me that kind of wants to know the gender when last time it was him.

I'll have to look into a local dental school too.  I honestly don't care if it's students or seasoned professionals that work on my tooth, as long as it gets done.  It looks like I may finally have my insurance taken care of though.  I had to pay the premium, but it wasn't that expensive, certainly cheaper than it would be to get my tooth fixed.  Now I'm just hoping everything went through well enough because if it all went through without a problem, I'll have coverage as early as March 1st!  That's barely over a week away.

I think a lot of what I'm going through right now is just the need to resign myself to the way things are.  We'd thought about selling our van since it's not running right now and needs the engine replaced, but now we're just talking about sucking it up and getting the work done.  In the long run we'll have a better car for cheaper and without payments than to try and sell it for a downpayment on something else.  Seeing as the car was just given to us, it's not like we're going to have to spend more than the car is worth between purchase price and everything else.  It'll be close to what the car is worth if we fix everything that needs to be fixed, but it'll still be a lot cheaper than if we were to buy the same car from a dealer, and it's really the ideal car for us.  As my boyfriend puts it, this car fell into our laps for a reason, so we might as well fix it.  It's worth it.  He says the same thing about me having to give birth at the hospital, it's probably happening that way for a reason, so I can't feel too bad about it.  The thing with the tooth, his reasoning is now I know that the kids don't have dental coverage, which means I can get that handled before the divorce is done.  Once the divorce is final it's going to be a lot harder to track my ex down and get him to hold up to his end of the bargain on all of that.  He says this baby is happening for a reason too.  Once it's here he knows I'll feel a lot better about it, and it still gives me time to think about having another one before my official self-imposed cut off date of 35.  The way he sees it, this gives us plenty of time for me to have just one more if we decide to.  He knows I originally wanted to have 5 kids, and his joke is a friend of mine has 5, so I'm going to have to keep up.  I doubt we're going to be able to afford one more in the next four years, but it really does help that he's thinking of it that way.

I keep hearing lately that everything happens for a reason.  I've heard people tell me this is God trying to teach me a lesson, though what lesson that could be aside from patience and faith, I don't know!  I've had my Pagan friends tell me that this is the Goddesses way of preparing me for some great good that's coming my way.  I'm not terribly religious these days, more spiritual, but I guess I can get that.  I just wish if all of this had a reason that the reason would present itself so I could stop stressing out over it all!  I'd really be much happier to go along for the ride if I could know with certainty that things would turn out alright in the end, if that makes any sense.