Depression and Anxiety Thread - Page 6 « Back to Group Discussions

[rebecca10]

Ithappened and wendipauline, I'm so sorry you are struggling. Sending lots of hugs your way!!   I hope things start looking up soon.  I bet it is not a coincidence that you are both having twins. That has to be incredibly anxiety producing for anyone, especially if you don't feel like you have the support you need. Hopefully the reality of the twins won't be as bad as the anticipation.  You'll be in my thoughts . . .

boots--how are you doing? I hope it's just the normal third trimester roller coster of emotions, and things are feeling better!

[iixivboots]

ithappened, we will totally support your in your quest for sanity in this crazy life-altering time, if it means meds, therapy, whatever. You have a full plate, lady. I really hope your doc is helpful. Please feel free to come here and vent whenever you want and we'll listen.

rebecca, thanks for asking!  I am doing pretty well. The week of the shower was rough but I had a pretty peaceful week last week. I do find myself on a rollercoaster and deal with lots of anxiety about the life changing/baby having stuff, as well as birth itself. Things are MUCH easier to deal with emotionally when I can sleep, though, I should focus on that.

How is everyone else? Penny, it's good to know that emotional fragility is normal thing for preggos, are most of your yoga classmates 3rd tri mamas?

[pennywhistle]

Originally Posted by bootsvalentine 

How is everyone else? Penny, it's good to know that emotional fragility is normal thing for preggos, are most of your yoga classmates 3rd tri mamas?

Of the people who mentioned emotional fragility, I think most were in the 3rd tri.  It makes sense - we're so close now!

[ithappened]

Of the people who mentioned emotional fragility, I think most were in the 3rd tri.  It makes sense - we're so close now!

Agreed. It feels a little like standing on the beach and this huge tsunami is coming at you and you can't run but just wait and watch for it to hit.. then hope you surface to the top ..
 

[pennywhistle]

I've been having crazy nightmares for weeks now, wherein my husband is cheating on me.  But in every dream, he thought it was okay to have another girlfriend or to sleep with someone else (like we had miscommunicated about being nonmonogamous?), so the focus of the dream is on me realizing he has someone else in his life and him feeling awful that he's hurt my feelings.  It's totally bizarre, but I still wake up feeling hurt & sad and my poor husband is so confused!

After talking to my friend, I realized that his affair is a metaphor for the baby - I'm worried about what having a baby will do to our relationship.  How I'll cope with there being another person in the mix, someone else who shares his love & attention.  So that's apparently one of the things I'm worried about these days!

[NewMumJoy]

Originally Posted by pennywhistle 

After talking to my friend, I realized that his affair is a metaphor for the baby - I'm worried about what having a baby will do to our relationship.  How I'll cope with there being another person in the mix, someone else who shares his love & attention.  So that's apparently one of the things I'm worried about these days!

Very interesting, and that would make sense!  I'd much rather re-focus on the baby metaphor and it's associated feelings than with the awful feelings of infidelity and betrayal from those dreams.....

Sending hugs and thoughts of support to those of you who are feeling badly and have anxiety.... I hope things can turn around for you soon!!  

[sarahdb]

That totally makes sense, Penny. And I, too, would rather see the nightmares through that lens, instead of a literal reading. I think it's a very real fear and worry. It's probably good to think about, but in some ways you can't really prepare for how various relationships will change. Everything is so unknown--it's so scary sometimes! I'm hoping we can weather the possible relationship upheaval just by communicating honestly and regularly checking in with each other's emotions and needs. But still... who knows if that will even work?!

I'm feeling strangely down and anxious lately too. I had a pretty rough weekend--can't even count how many times I broke down in tears! And I don't even know why exactly. Just feeling emotional and kind of freaked out. So in some ways I'm glad to hear that it's happening to others too, even though I don't wish it on anyone! I've been pretty upbeat and positive most of my pregnancy, so suddenly feeling this anxiety was kind of a shock to me. Feeling a bit better today--hope everyone else can pull through too! 

[pennywhistle]

It's getting scary, realizing how close I am to being a mom.  My husband & I were texting yesterday about how productive each of us were being at work, and I wrote back "We're totally ready to be parents!" and then immediately was all OH MY GOD WE'RE GOING TO BE PARENTS.  The nearness of everything is definitely heightening my anxiety.

[ithappened]

The nearness of everything is definitely heightening my anxiety.

yeap. me too... if I think about it too much I sort of panic and can't sleep :)
 

[rebecca10]

I feel you all in the panic.  For the most part, these last few weeks have been great, as things are relatively calm at work, and I feel like I've finally for the first time all pregancy had time to breath.  But, even still the panic is starting to creep in.  Two nights ago I was literally up nearly all night with panic attacks, and the day before that I woke up in a panic after a nightmare in which my OB forced me to have a c-section at 35 weeks for no reason. The most immediate cause of my anxiety seems to be that my daughter is starting pre-school for the first time on Monday, and I'm so worried she's going to freak out and feel abandoned and that then plays into my general fears about turning her life upside down with the new baby. That and I've accomplished absolutely nothing in terms of getting ready for the baby, and I feel like our house is just such a state of disorder.

I guess some level of anxiety is pretty normal for the third trimester, so I'm just trying to go with the flow and do what I can to relax. I just started listening to hypnobirthing CDs and I do think those are pretty helpful for calming me down, although as I discovered at 3 in the morning the other night, they don't do much if I'm already in real panic attack mode.

[iixivboots]

So I guess right now I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety about birth and parenting a newborn, plus a lot of guilt and anxiety about maternity leave, when to go back, money etc.

But I also am getting worried about my very real high risk of PPD based on a long history of depression. I just cried with DH tonight, "what if I fall apart, what if I am not okay.." Scared that in addition to not wanting to go back to work, I wouldn't even be ABLE to.  My GP is the one who treats me for depression. I was going to go on Zoloft during the last part of the school year, but when I started it, it made my stomach hurt so bad I just couldn't continue after a few (non-theraputic, "build up" doses) So I have not been taking SSRIs during this whole pregnancy (went off as soon as I found out) So now I'm wondering if I shouldn't go back to him and discuss what I should do if PPD hits, how much medicine I have in that RX right now, etc. Really Celexa is the only drug that has ever worked for me, (I've tried about 5 different ones) and I'd like to have that option, too, despite it showing higher serum levels in breast milk than Zoloft.

I'm NOT glad that everyone else is feel anxious, too, but it helps to come read this thread and know that like Rebecca said, anxiety can kind of be par for the course during this part of pregnancy. I guess I need to keep amping up self-care measures.

How is everyone else? What are you doing to help your anxiety?

[sallyrae17]

Originally Posted by bootsvalentine 

So I guess right now I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety about birth and parenting a newborn, plus a lot of guilt and anxiety about maternity leave, when to go back, money etc.

But I also am getting worried about my very real high risk of PPD based on a long history of depression. I just cried with DH tonight, "what if I fall apart, what if I am not okay.." Scared that in addition to not wanting to go back to work, I wouldn't even be ABLE to.  My GP is the one who treats me for depression. I was going to go on Zoloft during the last part of the school year, but when I started it, it made my stomach hurt so bad I just couldn't continue after a few (non-theraputic, "build up" doses) So I have not been taking SSRIs during this whole pregnancy (went off as soon as I found out) So now I'm wondering if I shouldn't go back to him and discuss what I should do if PPD hits, how much medicine I have in that RX right now, etc. Really Celexa is the only drug that has ever worked for me, (I've tried about 5 different ones) and I'd like to have that option, too, despite it showing higher serum levels in breast milk than Zoloft.

I'm NOT glad that everyone else is feel anxious, too, but it helps to come read this thread and know that like Rebecca said, anxiety can kind of be par for the course during this part of pregnancy. I guess I need to keep amping up self-care measures.

How is everyone else? What are you doing to help your anxiety?

I totally understand your anxiety. I'm anxious as well, but for different reasons (adjusting to life with a newborn and pre-schooler). I don't know if anyone has mentioned it before, but breastfeeding helps release oxytocin (love hormone) everytime you breast feed and I fee like that really helped me after giving birth. I had a pretty traumatic birth experience and end of pregnancy and I didn't have PPD. Also, are you planning to encapsulate your placenta? I'm doing it this time around because I'm much more worried about feeling overwhelmed after the baby comes. I mean, I'm sure everything will work out and I'll just "do it," but there's that fear, which isn't going anywhere.

[NewMumJoy]

I'm normally an anxious person (w/major issues up through last year) and ironically I've gotten through this pregnancy with relatively little of it.  I attribute this ALL to my being in complete denial!  I "know" things are gonna get tough once the baby arrives (the major life adjustments, sleep deprivation, time management, planning another cross country move, DH's absence, body image issues, and juggling crazy travel schedules).... but somehow, I just can't "go there" yet.  I feel like I'm procrastinating with the worrying that I should be doing... either way it's gonna hit me like a ton of bricks, so I'm just soaking up my final days of blissful ignorance while I still can....

[iixivboots]

Newmumjoy, I would just enjoy it! I hope it doesn't hit you all at once. Hopefully by the time you get around to worrying you'll have a new baby and be too much survival/one day at a time mode to have all these big worries. I know the worrying isn't productive, I just wish I could stop!

sallierae, that is a really good point about breastfeeding and oxytocin, I hope that works for me. My friend also said lots of skin to skin time with her baby really helped her mood post-partum. Not planning to encapsulate the placenta but have thought about it.

Anyone else have any ideas about treating PPD besides meds and what's been mentioned? I'm not sure how much it actually is going to be different than regular depression?

[rebecca10]

NewMumJoy--it might not hit. I suffer from a ton of anxiety, and have my whole life and I thought I was going to be incredibly anxious when my first was born.  But, although I won't say I'm the calmest mom around--far from it--I found I never did get the type of debilitating anxiety surrounding parenting that I was used to in other areas of my life, even during, or may even especially during, the newborn stage. (The panic I've been experiencing about my daughter's preschool--which by the way went great yesterday--has really been an exception, not the rule)   Here's hoping that your calm continues even after the baby arrives!

Bootsvalentine--I don't have the personal experience with depression that I do with anxiety, but like my experience with anxiety, it seems that you can never know for certain if it is going to hit--I remember Cecilia's Mama talking about how despite her long history of depression, she had no PPD at all when Cecilia arrived but to the contrary was on a complete high and I don't think she's alone.  So I'd definitely keep an open mind, since that might be you too.  It can't help to be prepared, though.  By the way, the guilt and anxiety about leave and returning to work and all the money and other issues that surround it is extremely normal--I don't know a single mom who went back to work who hasn't struggled with this stuff.  But it really does have a way of working out, and for most people--certainly it was true for me--the anticipation of returning to work and the uncertainty of exactly what I was going to do, was much harder than actually starting again.

[iixivboots]

Rebecca, thanks for addressing the work/money worries. When I went to the breastfeeding class at the hospital, every single mom there except for one was going back to work, most in the same 6-8 week period I was, some even sooner. It helps to remember how common this is.

I am starting to see myself use depression as a way of "giving up," knowing that I have so little control over labor and birth and instead of dealing with it in any kind of philosophical way or feeling like the fear is normal, I am just retreating into myself. I haven't noticed too many self deprecating "automatic thoughts" so maybe it really just is hormones, etc. But it's scary nonetheless.

I am not sure if anyone else here went off their meds during pregnancy and is considering what you'll do once baby is born. I am definitely going to make sure I have prescriptions for both zoloft (which I'd like to use since it's best for breastfeeding) and Celexa (which is what has worked best for me in the past). I think I will also feel better when I talk to my GP who handles my depression again, I felt good when I talked to him about it last time, he's so caring and takes depression seriously but respected my concerns about medication and pregnancy.

[ithappened]

I had a HUGE dive today in my mood- almost out of no where. I think it was a combination of the heat wave yesterday in a room with no AC, added to a 24/7 immersion of total strangers who are constantly changing, with no support person around who speaks English.. and no one on the floor to really talk too, combined with my total lack of medical lingo in German-- followed by being overwhelmed, sleep deprived, in pain, super super hormonal in a room with a bunch of other women who babies who cry all night, my body looks like its been ran over by a train.. etc etc etc.. I sort of just crashed when the midwife was showing me Julians diaper rash this morning because I didn't change it last night.. and all I could think about was that I had an experienced staff here 24/7 helping me and I still was worn out, miserable and overwhelmed -- and I started to bawl
 

[LilyTiger]

Oh, ithappened, I'm so sorry!  It really sucks that you can't catch a break.  I know how you were sort of looking forward to some alone time in the hospital and to be surrounded by strangers and crying babies (not even your own) and the physical discomforts of everything really sucks.  I really hope something breaks soon and you get some peace and quiet to enjoy the twinsies.  Are your parents coming in soon?  I know they're not ideally suited for helping out, but maybe just having someone to speak to in English would help.  You're a tough mama, but even tough mamas need to catch a break now and then...

[pennywhistle]

I've stayed on Celexa throughout my pregnancy, and I plan to encapsulate my placenta as well.  There's a lot of depression & anxiety in my family, so I'm gearing up now with the expectation that things will be hard.  My husband is very supportive & my parents live 5 minutes away and are VERY excited about this baby, so I think I'll have a good support network.  But I'm still nervous.

[sallyrae17]

Originally Posted by pennywhistle 

I've stayed on Celexa throughout my pregnancy, and I plan to encapsulate my placenta as well.  There's a lot of depression & anxiety in my family, so I'm gearing up now with the expectation that things will be hard.  My husband is very supportive & my parents live 5 minutes away and are VERY excited about this baby, so I think I'll have a good support network.  But I'm still nervous.

I think that if you are expecting things to be hard and preparing for PPD, you are way ahead. I feel like many women who suffer from PPD didn't think it was a possibility or didn't worry about it at all. I'm also encapsulating my placenta this time around because I feel a little more nervous with a toddler and a newborn at the same time.