or Connect
Mothering › Groups › August 2012 Birth Club › Discussions › Depression and Anxiety Thread

Depression and Anxiety Thread - Page 4

post #61 of 127

NewMumJoy, it does sound like a stressful situation! I think you dh is right to wonder if you should bring your meds. Can you call your doctor before you leave and ask about them? I would bet they are category C, insufficient data.

post #62 of 127

I would definitely bring the meds so that you have them as a last resort.  Better to be prepared.  I'm so sorry you have to deal with that - sounds like walking away is a good idea!  Maybe make a list of the different responses/activities that you think will help, so that when you're faced with a bad situation you already have some coping methods identified?  At least you know it's a temporary situation that will end soon.  Yuck.

post #63 of 127

We saw our midwife on Saturday, and heard the heartbeat joy.gif That baby is SUPER active in there!  Once I start feeling it all the time, I'm sure I'll be missing these days when I don't feel a thing.

 

I saw my friend who lost one of her twins afterward, and was able to check in with her a bit.  So my anxieties/fears are sedated (for now).  Phew.

 

How's everyone else doing?  Stress levels evening out at all?

post #64 of 127

i would love to hear your story..i want to share mine BADLY so that i feel so alone but i feel my story of anxiety and depression are extreme to some of the storie si hear on here,,about anxiet  from working to much blah blah blah,,my story is horrible i deal with horrible horrible debilitating anxiety and depression horrible thoughts i cant stop nor control horrible panic attacks...i hope to hear from you soon..i am trying to rech out to mothers like me or similar because i feel alone and psychotic,,when alothough i am told many many times by therapists psychologists psychiatrists that its juss anxiety panci attcks and depression...i am juss reaching out other mothers,,,: )

post #65 of 127

I'm doing better now that I'm working eyesroll.gif and keeping such long hours doing stuff I enjoy, I have days/hours that I forget Im pregnant till about 6 or 7pm when I start to get really tired but I know my anxiety will all come back once we're back home in the EU and I start to cut my work hours way down, we're back in our small apartment in a non-english speaking country etc but for now, I am really enjoying being in the US, speaking English, watching TV etc. ...

 

and welcome roneelynn!! I think you should feel more to welcome to share your story, if people are uncomfortable they do not need to read it.. we are here to help each other.. welcome!

post #66 of 127

I went and talked to my GP yesterday about meds. He really took the time to discuss everything and look up the best option, I'm lucky to have him. Plus he was so excited for my pregnancy. What a nice guy :)

Anyway, today is my first day on 25 mg of Zoloft, which he says isn't a therapeutic dose, but if it works, we'll stay there. If not in two weeks I'll go up to 50.

 

post #67 of 127

My midwife suggested that I start taking magnesium (I'm taking this one) for my anxiety.  It's not a substitute for meds, of course, but I think it's really helped me.  It's also TOTALLY helped my sleep.  I take it before I go to bed, and on the nights I forget, I toss & turn and sleep very poorly, but the nights when I do take it I sleep very soundly.  And overall I've been feeling a lot happier and more relaxed.

 

I highly recommend it!

post #68 of 127

I've been really sad lately.  I'm just deeply sad, now, but I'm afraid I could become depressed.  I have situational depression sometimes but my usual problem is with anxiety.  Anxiety, I know.  Depression?  eh...  I'm more worried about DH, though, as he is more susceptible to depression.  He told me that other day that he thinks he's becoming depressed.

 

The bald truth is that my FIL is dying.  And my empathy is going through the roof.  I don't think my DH has cried yet (he's not ready to grieve) so maybe I'm just crying for him?  I think what really gets to me is the thought that our daughter will never know her grandfather.  He was recently diagnosed with liver cancer (which has already spread.)  Then he had to have a stent put in.  This is on top of previously diagnosed late stage renal failure (he has been on dialysis for a long time.)  He's still in the hospital but hopefully he will be discharged soon.

 

I wouldn't ordinarily be worried about feeling sad.  Especially under these circumstances.  But I really don't want to become depressed...especially since I need to be here for DH.

post #69 of 127

I'm so sorry, keuriweo - that's really tough.  My husband's mother died December 2010, and he had a really hard time with it.  I, like you, also struggled between feeling sad on my own while also wanting to be there for him and his grief.  And now that I'm pregnant, we're both very sad that the baby won't know her, and that she won't see my husband as a father.  We found out Friday that we're having a boy, and my husband said "my mom would be so thrilled about this" and it just...sucks, really.  It really sucks.  I'm sorry you guys are going through that.  I think the best thing you can do is really take care of yourself and be aware of your feelings, so that you're able to help take care of him.  Talk about your feelings a LOT, either here, or with friends, so that you're taken care of and so that you can be the strong one for him.  And it's totally okay for you to be sad!  Losing a parent, "even" an in-law, is really sad.  It's good that you have time to say goodbye, but it's still really sad.  No way around that.

 

Would it help to create a memory of some sort with your FIL?  Video tape him passing on advice, or find his favourite children's book and have him sign it?  Something that you can give to your daughter at a later time to build a connection?

post #70 of 127

keuriweo - I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL and the toll it must be taking on both you and your DH.  That is good reason to cause much sadness and I think you just have to take it one day at a time regarding your FIL's journey through his sickness.  Talk to a professional though, if you are not certain of the symptoms that may be turning into depression (and same for your DH).  And like pennywhistle said, talk things out as much as you can.  We lost 3 grandparents between DH and I in the past 5 months and through it all I worried how much worse it would be if it were one of our own parents.....I dread to be in that position, it's such a tough thing to go through!  Hugs.....

 

Boots - how is the Zoloft working for you so far?  Hopefully you're noticing some improvement already....

 

RoneeLynn - welcome to this thread!  Please don't be shy in reaching out for support, that's what we're all here for... and there are other related threads throughout this site too that can help address your concerns with anxiety and depression.  You're doing the right thing by being here.

 

pennywhistle - I am going to try that magnesium!  It should also help w/those end of day aches and pains as it's a known muscle relaxer.

 

As for me, I made it through my busy family trip last week and looking back, I think I handled my stress/anxiety ok.  I had a few instances where I was pretty tense and could feel my whole uterus contracting (which I realized later to be BH), but no full blown panic attacks or freak-outs... whew!

 

post #71 of 127

Glad to hear the family trip went well, newmum!

post #72 of 127

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by pennywhistle View Post

I'm so sorry, keuriweo - that's really tough.  My husband's mother died December 2010, and he had a really hard time with it.  I, like you, also struggled between feeling sad on my own while also wanting to be there for him and his grief.  And now that I'm pregnant, we're both very sad that the baby won't know her, and that she won't see my husband as a father.  We found out Friday that we're having a boy, and my husband said "my mom would be so thrilled about this" and it just...sucks, really.  It really sucks.  I'm sorry you guys are going through that.  I think the best thing you can do is really take care of yourself and be aware of your feelings, so that you're able to help take care of him.  Talk about your feelings a LOT, either here, or with friends, so that you're taken care of and so that you can be the strong one for him.  And it's totally okay for you to be sad!  Losing a parent, "even" an in-law, is really sad.  It's good that you have time to say goodbye, but it's still really sad.  No way around that.

 

Would it help to create a memory of some sort with your FIL?  Video tape him passing on advice, or find his favourite children's book and have him sign it?  Something that you can give to your daughter at a later time to build a connection?

 

Thanks, pennywhistle.  I'm sorry for your loss.  It's awful that your MIL isn't able to share in the joy of your son.  I think DH really wanted to share being a father with his own father.  Earlier, he commented, "I guess I don't get to have my dad and my daughter at the same time" and that almost killed me.  However, things are better now.  The diagnosis hasn't changed but my FIL is out of the hospital and settling back into his own house.  He actually wants to fly out here for the birth - I'm not sure how comfortable he'd be flying but I think it's good that he's thinking of the future and setting goals.  

 

Creating memories is important.  I'd like to take some videos.  I also thought it'd be nice to make an album with his photos - sort of giving Nina a visual of his life story. 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by NewMumJoy View Post

keuriweo - I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL and the toll it must be taking on both you and your DH.  That is good reason to cause much sadness and I think you just have to take it one day at a time regarding your FIL's journey through his sickness.  Talk to a professional though, if you are not certain of the symptoms that may be turning into depression (and same for your DH).  And like pennywhistle said, talk things out as much as you can.  We lost 3 grandparents between DH and I in the past 5 months and through it all I worried how much worse it would be if it were one of our own parents.....I dread to be in that position, it's such a tough thing to go through!  Hugs.....

 

Boots - how is the Zoloft working for you so far?  Hopefully you're noticing some improvement already....

 

RoneeLynn - welcome to this thread!  Please don't be shy in reaching out for support, that's what we're all here for... and there are other related threads throughout this site too that can help address your concerns with anxiety and depression.  You're doing the right thing by being here.

 

pennywhistle - I am going to try that magnesium!  It should also help w/those end of day aches and pains as it's a known muscle relaxer.

 

As for me, I made it through my busy family trip last week and looking back, I think I handled my stress/anxiety ok.  I had a few instances where I was pretty tense and could feel my whole uterus contracting (which I realized later to be BH), but no full blown panic attacks or freak-outs... whew!

 

 

Thanks, NewMumJoy.  I'm sorry for your losses.  Losing grandparents is really tough.  I'm not as worried about depression.  I think I'm more comfortable with the sadness.  I try to take my cues from DH.  It just isn't time for him to grieve yet.  He isn't really someone who represses his emotions - so I'm not too worried.  I think  that if we are all going to make the best of this next (hopefully) year, we can't allow ourselves to, for lack of better word, "wallow" just yet.

 

I'm really glad you made it through your trip!  Anxiety really sucks.

post #73 of 127

Quote:

Originally Posted by keuriweo 

"I guess I don't get to have my dad and my daughter at the same time"

Oh, that is totally heartbreaking.  grouphug.gif

post #74 of 127

Hello, all!!  I haven't really been active on MDC.  It just seems like with the AP group I run and our message board, plus keeping up with my usual family/friends, plus the kid's schoolwork, MDC just kind of falls to the bottom of the forgotten list.  greensad.gif  Which is a bummer because I really enjoy the boards.

 

I've struggled with depression and anxiety my entire life.  My first major depressive episode was when I was 9, and then I bounced in and out of therapy throughout my teen years when my parents would pay for and then not pay for sessions.  As an adult, I haven't done therapy faithfully because it's not covered under our insurance (or rather it is, but after a very high deductible), so the cost is just too much.  I was on an anti-d after each baby's birth (first started at about 2-3 months PP, second about 3-4 months PP, and the last was about 5-6 months PP).  I was actually on Zoloft 50mg quite happily prior to conceiving this baby.  I cut myself off rather abruptly (not a total stop, but as rapidly as I possibly could).  It was a tough adjustment, especially since I was really sick to my stomach until about 16 weeks.  Then it seemed to get a little better.  Now I'm 24 weeks along and I can tell things are crashing down again.  I'm blue, unmotivated, sleeping a ton more, and really, really edgy.  All these *can* be normal pregnancy symptoms, but I know me well enough to know that it's the depression creeping back in.  I feel suffocated.  For various reasons, we've chosen to home school, and I adore it.  But there are days lately when I would give anything to ship the kids off to school and have a break, both for the structure, for the lack of the responsibility for their schooling/lesson plans, and for the peace and quiet.  I feel stuck in mud...my typical depression feeling.  What's making it worse is that I have a full bottle of Zoloft in my kitchen in the medicine bucket with a refill ready to go through our mail order pharmacy.  I don't even have to call my doctor; I could just hop back on.  But I can't get past the risks, especially since we're delivering at home and won't have a doctor ready to hop in if necessary.

 

I just read this article, and it looks positive for low-grade Zoloft usage, even in third trimester.  I think it could be okay.  But I just can't get past the fear.  I firmly believe it could help de-cloud my head, reduce the anxiety, and make me a happier mom altogether.

 

How many here are actually on meds?  How have you reconciled the fear to take something with the need?  I've only done it PP, though I really, really could have benefited the last 2 times.  My husband and I split for a while with my second pregnancy and he lived elsewhere for nearly a month and a half; that was a bad point in my pregnancy.  The next one, we had to move a couple hours away to a violent city, and I got very depressed.  About a month and a half before I delivered, I got very suicidal and shut down.  I just stopped caring and ending up driving north all night one night, then pulled over at a rest area to sleep.  I just kept thinking how if I could just cut the baby out of my belly, then he would be fine and I could just die.  It was a very awful time, one where I didn't even let my husband know how bad it got.  I just closed up in myself.  I thought maybe I could avoid it this time because that particular episode was in the heart of a very cold winter, whereas this pregnancy I'm going to be heading into summer, sunshine, and warmth soon.  But now I don't know.  greensad.gif  I haven't had any suicidal tendencies, but I keep feeling empty, hollow, and like I just don't care.  When I don't feel that, I feel angry for no real reason.  When I don't feel that, I'm occasionally really happy, but those spells are fading. 

 

Anyways... Just wondered how many of us are on meds?  This article looks promising overall and I'm toying the idea around. 

 

http://www.obfocus.com/reference/Formulary/Drugs%20in%20Pregnancy/Sertraline.htm

post #75 of 127

Hi Thandiwe, I just want to give you a big hug!!  Sounds like you have been through a lot in life and your previous bouts sound just heartbreaking.  At least you are able to objectively evaluate your feelings and take a good reading of yourself for the signs of recurring depression.  I personally am not on any medication during this pregnancy but have spoken with doc/therapist about it should the need arise and I would actually consider going back on meds if I had any doubts about my emotional well being.  I believe the benefits would outweigh the risks - studies have shown that stress hormones (such as cortisol) have been passed on to babies which can affect them later on in life - so taking care of YOU deserves priority.

 

If you're able to pinpoint any external stressors or triggers (such as demands of homeschooling, or relationship issues) are you able to discuss these with DH and alert him of the "red flags"?  Perhaps he can provide some additional help or support around the home before you take that "big leap" back to meds (if you're hesitant about the meds?).  I do hope that you can find your self again, one way or another.  Please keep us posted on how you're doing!

post #76 of 127
Quote:
It was a very awful time, one where I didn't even let my husband know how bad it got.  I just closed up in myself.  I thought maybe I could avoid it this time because that particular episode was in the heart of a very cold winter, whereas this pregnancy I'm going to be heading into summer, sunshine, and warmth soon.  But now I don't know.  greensad.gif  I haven't had any suicidal tendencies, but I keep feeling empty, hollow, and like I just don't care.  When I don't feel that, I feel angry for no real reason.  When I don't feel that, I'm occasionally really happy, but those spells are fading.

 

This was me PP with DS1 and I never really told my husband or anyone about it but every day I had to convince myself not to attempt suicide etc.

 

This pregnancy I have struggled a lot with feeling empty and angry and really overwhelemed. I have anxiety about leaving my job for maternity leave, about how broke we are and how small out apartment is, etc etc etc but so far just forcing and allowing myself to take some time 'off' and go for a long walk or a swim or do something I enjoy, thats just for me, if only for 30 minutes has made a huge difference in my mood.. just letting DH deal with the house, DS1, cooking whatever and just giving myself that time has prevented a lot of the burn out I felt with DS1 PP...

 

I am not on any medication this pregnancy but I plan to continue PP with the zoloft I was taking before- I was on a low dose but felt due to the summer months I would not need it during this pregnancy otherwise I think I would of been fine to continue..

post #77 of 127
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewMumJoy View Post

Hi Thandiwe, I just want to give you a big hug!!  Sounds like you have been through a lot in life and your previous bouts sound just heartbreaking.  At least you are able to objectively evaluate your feelings and take a good reading of yourself for the signs of recurring depression.  I personally am not on any medication during this pregnancy but have spoken with doc/therapist about it should the need arise and I would actually consider going back on meds if I had any doubts about my emotional well being.  I believe the benefits would outweigh the risks - studies have shown that stress hormones (such as cortisol) have been passed on to babies which can affect them later on in life - so taking care of YOU deserves priority.

 

If you're able to pinpoint any external stressors or triggers (such as demands of homeschooling, or relationship issues) are you able to discuss these with DH and alert him of the "red flags"?  Perhaps he can provide some additional help or support around the home before you take that "big leap" back to meds (if you're hesitant about the meds?).  I do hope that you can find your self again, one way or another.  Please keep us posted on how you're doing!

 

Thank you for your response.  Thankfully my husband is pretty aware of my usual red flags, but reliably I'm the best "cue" for that.  I think I knew last time I needed meds but was just too afraid to take them.  I have a friend who has taken them in pregnancy and her child has some resounding health issues, though it's possible they are confounded by other factors such as vaccines.  Who really knows, but she feels convinced in her heart it was the meds.  Emotionally I think I've allowed that to factor into this.  Plus delivering at home, I'm freaked out that a doctor won't be present to observe and order quick help if some withdrawal symptom in baby *does* go awry.  I hate that I'm even having to talk about this; I feel broken and angry that I can't just *pull it together.*  I know how stupid that sounds; my education is in psychology and I have a history of working with therapists on a professional and personal basis.  But I still wish I could just get it together already, kwim?

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by ithappened View Post

 

This was me PP with DS1 and I never really told my husband or anyone about it but every day I had to convince myself not to attempt suicide etc.

 

This pregnancy I have struggled a lot with feeling empty and angry and really overwhelemed. I have anxiety about leaving my job for maternity leave, about how broke we are and how small out apartment is, etc etc etc but so far just forcing and allowing myself to take some time 'off' and go for a long walk or a swim or do something I enjoy, thats just for me, if only for 30 minutes has made a huge difference in my mood.. just letting DH deal with the house, DS1, cooking whatever and just giving myself that time has prevented a lot of the burn out I felt with DS1 PP...

 

I am not on any medication this pregnancy but I plan to continue PP with the zoloft I was taking before- I was on a low dose but felt due to the summer months I would not need it during this pregnancy otherwise I think I would of been fine to continue..

 

Thank you for sharing your experience; so few people really do and then you feel alone, like you're the only one with this awful feelings.  It has been a juggling act around here, as far as time, commitments, money, responsibility, and stress.  I think it is compounded by my anxiety.  Outlets do definitely help, sometimes however it's finding the time. :(  DH is gone all day and into the evening and then to supplement the money, I head out in the evenings to teach private lessons.  We don't live in an area I feel safe walking at night alone in, so that gets neglected.  But we do have an exercise bike in our living room that I really should be using more.  I am dying for the sunlight and warmth to consistently return so all 3 of the kids and myself can begin swimming outdoors daily.  The sunshine will help.

 

For now, I just can't bring myself to start the meds.  I'm going to keep watching it and researching I suppose.

post #78 of 127

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thandiwe View Post

I hate that I'm even having to talk about this; I feel broken and angry that I can't just *pull it together.*  I know how stupid that sounds; my education is in psychology and I have a history of working with therapists on a professional and personal basis.  But I still wish I could just get it together already, kwim?

That's exactly how I feel.  I understand depression, I fully support medication, I get that it's necessary for some people and isn't a sign of weakness...and yet, when it comes to me I can't give myself the same respect.  It's really frustrating.  I'm on Celexa - I started taking it about year before I got pregnant and it has really helped me.  I've checked with my doctor and midwife and everyone says it's okay to stay on it, so I'm crossing my fingers.  I don't like taking it while pregnant, but I know that the alternative means I'll have a really hard time which will still affect the baby.  I'd rather risk a very low chance of problem to avoid him spending the next few months overwhelmed with my chemical imbalance.

post #79 of 127
Quote:
I understand depression, I fully support medication, I get that it's necessary for some people and isn't a sign of weakness...and yet, when it comes to me I can't give myself the same respect.  It's really frustrating.

 

THIS.

 

 

Quote:
I am dying for the sunlight and warmth to consistently return so all 3 of the kids and myself can begin swimming outdoors daily.  The sunshine will help.

 

Do you live in a place it will be warm soon? Our outdoor pool opens in a week and I am already dying/looking so forward to going there-- DS1 is such a water rat and so its an easy place to take him and he plays in the baby pool while I get some much needed sunshine and if I'm lucky and he goes to sleep- some laps in... :D
 

post #80 of 127
Quote:
Originally Posted by pennywhistle View Post

Quote:

That's exactly how I feel.  I understand depression, I fully support medication, I get that it's necessary for some people and isn't a sign of weakness...and yet, when it comes to me I can't give myself the same respect.  It's really frustrating.  I'm on Celexa - I started taking it about year before I got pregnant and it has really helped me.  I've checked with my doctor and midwife and everyone says it's okay to stay on it, so I'm crossing my fingers.  I don't like taking it while pregnant, but I know that the alternative means I'll have a really hard time which will still affect the baby.  I'd rather risk a very low chance of problem to avoid him spending the next few months overwhelmed with my chemical imbalance.

 

I am glad to hear from someone who is taking medication; thank you for sharing!  Have your providers explained to you what the risks are to baby upon birth?  What things will everyone be watching for?

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by ithappened View Post

Do you live in a place it will be warm soon? Our outdoor pool opens in a week and I am already dying/looking so forward to going there-- DS1 is such a water rat and so its an easy place to take him and he plays in the baby pool while I get some much needed sunshine and if I'm lucky and he goes to sleep- some laps in... :D
 

 

It's a little bit more difficult here, as it's spring in MI and still chilly and rainy many days.  It will be another 1-1.5 months until it's warm enough to swim.  And even then it's kind of complicated because all 3 (ages 6, 4, and 2) need to be assisted while getting ready, slathered with screen, life jacketed, monitored, the youngest held while in the pool, etc, etc.  I have to go by myself most times since DH works all day, which doesn't allow for laps or any swimming for me, just wading around with the youngest.  But it at least gets me into the sun. 

 

I need to get us outdoors more.  I just get caught up in feeling like I'm stuck in the mud most days.  That's the number one sign for me that something's up, when everything seems too hard to even try, so I just give up in mental anxiety and retreat to staying locked up inside instead of getting everyone ready and heading outdoors.

 

Today's been a pretty crappy day; I have zero patience and lots of anxiety today.  It is leaving me very seriously considering starting the meds.  Just venting because it's not something I really feel comfy broadcasting in a more personal environment like FB. 

  Return Home
  Back to Forum: August 2012 Birth Club
Mothering › Groups › August 2012 Birth Club › Discussions › Depression and Anxiety Thread