I knew all along that there were red flags and yet I chose to bury them w/the hopes that they'd disappear or be outweighed by all the other great things
oh man newmumjoy I actually came to post here today because I am experiencing similar anxiety/anger/issues with DH right now and its really making me dread the upcoming birth which is so horrible to say .. I am terrified of reliving the experience I had with DS1, the horrible PPD I developed, and yet here I am pregnant again but with twins.. I sometimes wonder if our marriage can survive this as we barely survived DS1 (or at least, I barely survived DS, I am not sure DH ever realized how many times I had to talk myself out of jumping out the window).
Do you feel counseling could help you? Is this stuff your DH is willing to work on even if it means spending the next 10-20 weeks doing so? It will be easier now then after the baby arrives.
Is there anything we can do? Please feel free to PM me and I can give you my skype/email/chat info.. I am more or less always on.
My concern is so much of my issues stem around who DH is.. not a few single episodes and that is really scary. I resented him so much when DS was born, he would sleep till 11am and when I asked to take turns sleeping he would tell me how I was 'doing it wrong, just needed to ignore the baby crying and sleep as long as I wanted'. He would never be the one to get up with DS.. I felt abandon.. DH was rarely helpful that first 20 months, and only if I specifically asked and often had to nag him over and over that he would do something..
I expected (and he agreed before the birth) that having kids meant things would be more or less 50/50 in terms of parenting without me having to ask for every little thing to be done, but instead having children somehow felt like it was 95-98% my responsibility and DH was my roommate. . . .I wish there was a way around that. Its better now that DS1 is a bit older but the first 2 years I felt like I should of just been a single parent, it would of been easier many times to not have 2 'kids' to clean up after but just DS1..
I really spent the first 15 months or so of DS1's life with so much resentment and disappointment toward DH, my parents, his family- I expected to be surrounded by a village to raise a child- - that's what they all promised me-- and instead I was on an island totally alone and here I am, feeling like I am already sailing to that island and the babies aren't even here yet. I am trying to hire and find help so I can have someone to depend on, I just know I can't rely on DH-- and a lot of times that makes me really sad.
These last few weeks things are getting hard for me in terms of lifting/carrying/walking the dog/cleaning/cooking/working etc and DH more or less just sits there and never offers to help.
I am scared and then I become really anxious how I will do this when I can barely manage 1 DC nevermind 3DCs all under 3...