basically, wondering at what age/stage
a) baby slept next to dad or siblings and
b) how you handled the duvet when they were small/ as they got bigger?
At 7 months and 20lb and strong, I still cradle ds in my arm when he's next to dad or brother (5) and fret about the duvet quite a lot.
because of poor sleeping, the sooner baby can snuggle with dad in bed the better! just want to feel safe.....
a) baby slept next to dad or siblings Next to dad from birth. She slept between us and I would move from side to side to feed her (we had bedrails so she couldn't fall out of bed when I was between her and DH and she wasn't a very squirmy baby when she was small). No siblings yet so I can't answer that one.
b) how you handled the duvet when they were small/ as they got bigger? We live in a fairly warm climate so it's not a big isue for us. We'd pull the covers up to our waists if we needed to. Now she's older (21 months) she *hates* having covers on so we still do the same thing. Not much use, sorry.
basically, wondering at what age/stage
a) baby slept next to dad or siblings and
b) how you handled the duvet when they were small/ as they got bigger?
At 7 months and 20lb and strong, I still cradle ds in my arm when he's next to dad or brother (5) and fret about the duvet quite a lot.
because of poor sleeping, the sooner baby can snuggle with dad in bed the better! just want to feel safe.....
a) from birth, unless he's been drinking (3 times in 20 months) in which case i stay between them.
b) i wore a thermal top i'd modified so it had nursing flaps in it and kept the duvet low when she was really tiny, and kept the duvet tucked over me then under my side, so she was either on she sheet beyond where it'd been tucked or on top of it between us.
A lot depends on the individuals too - i sleep lightly when there's a NB in the bed. Many many experiences me tell me that when i'm nursing and co-sleeping a small baby i simply don't sleep deeply enough for them to get themselves into trouble without me waking. We don't have bed rails, though our bed is fairly low it's not a futon or anything. When she was rolling about i side-carred her cot after modifying it with a drill!
We have a king bed, and we're not the most massive of people, so although the baby sleeps inbetween us she's got about 2 solid feet of space away from her Papa. He is not to come to bed if he's been drinking. He crashes out on our sleeper in the living room if he needs to. I don't have a duvet proper, I have a sheet, a cotton blanket and up to two quilts on the bed. When she was little I left the blankets around my waist. Now she is 5 months, 17 pounds and quite capable of defending herself, so I pull the blankets up to her waist (my shoulders) and leave the quilts a little lower. She doesn't like me to snuggle her anymore. She's made this quite clear. She'll come find me if she needs to be warmer, or needs her nunnie. Otherwise, she likes to be next to me but not being touched by me. Sheesh. 
Edited due to English fail.
My baby is 12 months now. At first, DH slept in a snuggie (it kept him on his side of the bed!) and I had a thin cotton blanket I kept around waist level. The baby was also under the blanket up to his armpits (with arms out). I think around 11 months we started sharing a real comforter in bed. We still keep around our waist level because DS sleeps hot and always crawls out from under it, so he basically sleeps at the top of the bed by my head (therefore, I still dont' use a pillow, but DH does). I think once LO could roll over, I felt ok with him sleeping in between me and DH. Also, I felt reassured that DH would stir when LO woke up. I had to witness that if you know what I mean. I guess you have to evaluate if your partner is a deep sleeper or not. Now DS always sleeps in between us because we don't have a bed rail or anything. He only recently started cuddling with his daddy at night, though if he gets cold.
I used pillows from the start. We've never bed shared with dad, so can't answer that. As for the comforter - I stopped worrying about it when he showed an ability to move/remove it. I think he was about 8 mos or so, and he'd adjust the blanket to his liking. We didn't start snuggling during the night until he could initiate it though, until then he slept in his space and I slept in mine, so covers and pillows I just kept away from his space.
With siblings I am not comfortable until the baby is able to move a lot on their own, maybe a year or so, I don't remember an exact age. My older kids move around a lot and they don't have the built-in instinct that momma has that is needed to keep a baby safe. If we had an older child in bed they always went between mom and dad, with baby on my other side. Right now I have a 3 year who I haven't moved out of the bed yet and a 5 year old who went from sleeping with older sisters, to coming back to our bed. I usually find them both on each other in the morning.
DH did not feel comfortable bed sharing, so for the first few weeks it was just baby and I in bed, then we got a snuggle nest to ease DH mind. No siblings so I can't answer to that. DS was born in the summer so we didn't have to worry about the comforter until winter and even then, we are in San Diego so we just wore warmer PJs to bed.
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