How are your kids going to go to college? - Page 4

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Butterflykate 

I would never tell my children they have to go to university, it is their life to live and I just don't believe that its my job to tell another adult what they should do with their lives.

I've never told my children they have to go to university, but I don't think they are adults. I do think that part of my job as a parent is to help steer my offspring toward decisions that will they will be pleased with. We feel they need to have a plan, but plan other than college can be fine. Working at fast food or retail waiting for something more interesting to "just happen" isn't a plan.

But trade school, starting a business, etc. are all plans.

I think that teens are most likely best off getting guidance from their parents but being allowed to make their own choices.

[Imakcerka]

Holy flippin awesome!  I asked DD1 what she wanted to be when she grew up and she said a cat rescuer.  And DD2 says she doesn't care but she's never getting a job.  YAY ME!
 

Originally Posted by Mummoth 

My DD1's longtime dream is to be an ice cream truck driver. My mom's comment on it was "Well, that's nice and attainable!" Except she wouldn't be successful because her plan is to wait until the kids get almost to the truck and then take off so they'll all cry and she'll eat all the ice cream. I told her they only have ice cream trucks in the summer, so her backup plan is to have a cupcake bakery... I approve of that!

DS wants to be a video game tester... he already kind of is! Can you get paid for that?

[journeymom]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

Our finances are not where we expected them to be at this point because of the events of the last few years either. We took a huge, huge, huge hit on a house and started over financially a couple of years ago. I'm sorry about your bankruptcy.

Thanks, I sincerely appreciate it.

[TiredX2]

We've been saving.  Hopefully we will be able to afford basically the entire cost of a four year education at a state school (with the kids helping).  We have a healthy income, though it is on the low-average side for the area we live.  Because of that our kids will not be eligible for many sources of financial aid, so we need to be prepared to finance it ourself. 

Something people haven't mentioned yet, that I wanted to mention, is that if you are "lower income" one of the Ivy league schools (especially if not geographically remote) may be cheaper than a state school:

http://money.howstuffworks.com/personal-finance/college-planning/admissions/ivy-league-admissions5.htm

In recent years, Harvard, Princeton and Yale introduced sliding scale tuition policies that offer significant discounts to students from middle-to-lower-income households. In some cases, no payment is required.

In the case of Yale and Harvard, if a student's family earns less than $60,000 a year, they will pay nothing for their education. At both schools, the percentage the student pays goes up incrementally (from zero to 10 percent of annual income) with family earnings of $60,000 to $120,000 a year [source: Fitzsimmons and Yale Public Affairs]. In 2008, Dartmouth eliminated tuition for students from families with incomes under $75,000 and extended its need-blind admissions policy to international students [source: Dartmouth Public Affairs].

Princeton is unique among Ivies (and all U.S. colleges for that matter) for its "no loans" policy for all students. If you get into Princeton, the college will supply grants -- not loans -- to pay for all demonstrated need, allowing each and every student to graduate debt-free. The "no loans" policy proved incredibly successful for attracting low-income applicants to Princeton. From 1998-99 (when the no loans system was launched) to 2005-06, matriculation of low-income student doubled at Princeton [source: FinAid].

If your child has the ability, it can be a financially excellent choice for them to not work during high school and focus soley on getting into a top tier school that can completely fund their education.  Not a choice for everyone, but if it works for you it is an amazing opportunity!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

 The price of a college education keeps rising, even if I started now, how can I be sure I could really pay for it all without having to mortgage my house and take out loans?

The other way of looking at that: if you don't start saving you KNOW you won't be able to pay for it.  I'm not suggesting you need to, but we are saving knowing that while we would love to pay for the whole "thing" we probably won't be able to.  We started putting away a little each month when DD was born (and I was a SAHP and DP was in grad school) and have just kept it up.  The stock market has trashed it, but I try to look at it like, "well, it's more than if we weren't saving!"
 

Originally Posted by laohaire 

* Our income is limited, and so we are prioritizing paying off our own mortgage and saving for retirement. Sounds selfish but honestly, I think it's a great gift to DD to have parents in a stable position. I get nervous about my own parents, actually, and I would be hugely resentful if I had to take care of them financially. And the fact is - and this is another bullet point I guess -

* We are still paying off our own damn student loans. I can't justify to myself saving cash for DD's college when we are paying off our own college loans (and for years to come).

* DH and I believe a state college education is fine and that prestigious private colleges are generally (not always) overrated. Thankfully we went to the cheapest state college in our state. My parents would have loved for me to have a brand name sheepskin but I chose a different life ultimately.

I've had a lot of the same thoughts as you.  In response:

* Have you considered a Roth IRA as a retirement savings vehicle?  You can remove the principal amount at any time *without penalty or tax*.  Both DP & I have Roth IRAs (well, we have for a few years now) with the thought in the back of our mind that we could always take the principal out if we *really* needed to.

* ITA about not saving when you're paying off loans (unless you somehow had an investment opportunity that guaranteed a rate of return that was higher than your student loan interest rate).  Maybe you'll have some of the loans paid off by the time your kids are ready for college and be able to use that money you had been using for your loans for their expenses?  Just something to hope for!

* ITA with state college.  I feel very grateful to live near and excellent state university!
 

Originally Posted by JollyGG 

We aren't putting money away. Instead we are working very hard on our own debt. That way when the time comes we are hopefully in a financial place to help them out. We probably won't pay for it all. However, if we can we will. We are more likely to help them pay their student loans then we are to have a college fund before hand.

This is part of our plan as well.  We have been actively paying down our mortgage since we bought our house in the hopes of paying it off before DD heads off to college--- then we can just transition that money towards her education.  Luckily her and DS are four years apart in school so they won't have as much overlap as one would have predicted.
 

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

I wonder how people are prepping their kids for college?  I talk about going to college like it's tying your shoes.  Something you just do. 

That is also where we are.  If one of my children had a non-college sensical passion or skill, I would certainly support that but in our family college is the default.  They also see most of their older cousins going to college and see that as just what you do.  Their oldest cousin is a nurse, the next oldest starts med school in the fall (three acceptances so far, she's just deciding where to go), two more cousins are in college and two are currently applying!
 

Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama 

My dad did this. They were also involved in my application process, took me to look at all the state schools, and allowed me to choose my school. They didn't force anything (I applied to one school, got in, and went there - it was mostly a good place for me). I just always knew that I would go to college, because my parents never talked about school "ending" it was always elementary, middle, high school, college, and most likely grad school (but grad school was optional - college was not optional).

That's pretty much how we present it as well.  We do mention that there are some options that do not require a college degree, but that you need to have a real plan before forgoing additional education.
 

Originally Posted by Mummoth 

My DD1's longtime dream is to be an ice cream truck driver. My mom's comment on it was "Well, that's nice and attainable!" Except she wouldn't be successful because her plan is to wait until the kids get almost to the truck and then take off so they'll all cry and she'll eat all the ice cream. I told her they only have ice cream trucks in the summer, so her backup plan is to have a cupcake bakery... I approve of that!

DS wants to be a video game tester... he already kind of is! Can you get paid for that?

If you haven't introduced your DD1 to King Missile's Cheesecake Truck song, you need to:

http://www.metrolyrics.com/cheesecake-truck-lyrics-king-missile.html

As for DS, was that a real question (as in, you would like an answer)?  Because, yes, video game testing is a career choice.  There are two main tracks for it, though.  At the large software company in Redmond, WA at least you have mostly contracted employees who do the fun testing you're picturing (and not too many of them).  Then, there are what are called "testers"--- they test the actual software and find bugs and stuff.  They also get to play around on the games.  There are even people who work for the "Live" service who's job it is to interact with people on games online (basically) as well as people who get paid to ban people, lol.  There is definately a lot of options in game testing!

[Butterflykate]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

I've never told my children they have to go to university, but I don't think they are adults. I do think that part of my job as a parent is to help steer my offspring toward decisions that will they will be pleased with. We feel they need to have a plan, but plan other than college can be fine. Working at fast food or retail waiting for something more interesting to "just happen" isn't a plan.

But trade school, starting a business, etc. are all plans.

I think that teens are most likely best off getting guidance from their parents but being allowed to make their own choices.

I agree, but children become adults, and I don't think its my place to decide or tell them what to do with the rest of their long life. That's why I said I don't believe its my place to tell an adult what to do with their lives, I may guide them towards helping them find out or figure out what they wish to do... but once they hit 18 I no longer tell my children what they should be doing, or should not be doing. As long as its not illegal I try not to but in... I do warn them though that there are consequences to actions.

Here 18 is the drinking age, its the voting age, and they are no longer my legal responsibility. I leave it up to them unless they ask for advice. So once past high school, I never tell them they have to do anything. I guide them if they wish for it, but also let them know I love them. 6 months after finishing high-school if they wish to remain in my home they have to pay to be there. Adults are adults...

Even my overly special needs one is out in the world, in an independent living program and doing great. Has been since age 17, living with care worker support in a small one bedroom house. Making wonderful decisions about what is best.

I'm a proud Mother!

[captain optimism]

Originally Posted by Butterflykate 

Weh ave a student loan thing here to, money borrowed that one day has to be paid back to help with rent and books, but its not really much

I would never tell my children they have to go to university, it is their life to live and I just don't believe that its my job to tell another adult what they should do with their lives. I do help and encourage them with what they are good at and try to guide them. I think the whole "You need to make a decision about your life now" can be probably one of the worst things you can do to a child, as they will make many choices in their life that will define it.

Am I the only one who feels like that? Always wondered if that was a just me thing after seeing some friends of mine deal with their children.

In this culture, when children are smart and capable, we tell them we expect them to go to college. 

What if the child who could choose any career path chooses one that doesn't involve college, in the end? Well, you expressed faith that they were capable of college, so you express faith that they're capable of making it in their chosen field of endeavor. If it's something honest and admirable and they aren't being horribly exploited, you have to be happy about it. There are still a few fields left like that--they all involve some skill and training, if not college, but you're talking about telling children they have to go to university. No, I agree, I wouldn't tell him he had to go.

I have a lot of education and it has availed me little in many important situations. I enjoyed getting it and I wouldn't want to deprive my son of the experience of studying as much as he likes, where he likes. I also don't believe college is the sole way forward to independence and success. I just have to try to provide all the opportunities I can, or at least support them.  

[AbbyGrant]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

Working at fast food or retail waiting for something more interesting to "just happen" isn't a plan.

Perhaps, but it could lead to one. Much to the disappointment of my parents, I worked restaurant and retail jobs for several years after high school before deciding to go to college in a serious way. I just didn't have the motivation to take it on before that. I ended up getting so much more out of my college experience by waiting and going on my own terms. I also learned a lot over the years working in retail and restaurants and met a lot of interesting people including some who had managed to make a career out of it.  

[Imakcerka]

I know a lot of people who worked their way there.  Obviously they weren't ready for college and when they finally were they did great and honestly considered it to be a great thing.  While I want my kids to go to college for the experience and the piece of paper they can put on their resume, I don't find it to be the most important thing they can do.  All I care about is that they are happy.  I have friends well into their thirties that work their butts off all year long and then take the winter off to ski and travel.  The important thing is their experiences.  I just got a picture from a friend of mine that shows him playing in the water with elephants.  He's doing all this fun stuff and only works a part of the year.  Lives cheap and saves.  I've met so many people that just up and went somewhere interesting... just because.  And really, I love that attitude.  Yeah eventually they'll want to settle down and finish college or work a job that will allow them stability... but right now I think they're just having fun.  And I respect that choice.  If my girls do something like that... AWESOME!  Send mama some pictures and bring me back something interesting.
 

Originally Posted by AbbyGrant 

Perhaps, but it could lead to one. Much to the disappointment of my parents, I worked restaurant and retail jobs for several years after high school before deciding to go to college in a serious way. I just didn't have the motivation to take it on before that. I ended up getting so much more out of my college experience by waiting and going on my own terms. I also learned a lot over the years working in retail and restaurants and met a lot of interesting people including some who had managed to make a career out of it.  

[Butterflykate]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

All I care about is that they are happy.

Sigh wet beds are no fun way to wake up at 4am lol

This I agree with. Happiness is so important. If that means being an artist and not being paid much but being happy, then I am happy with that. If it means trying to be a writer but failing for 10 years before being noticed, then sure... as long as they are happy and surviving ok. As long as safety and happiness are met, and they can survive in the world fine. Then I am happy to support them in whatever they choose.

[MrsGregory]

This thread has been very, very informative.  My mother got her degree from an Ivy League institution;   father was a short order cook that barely made it out of high school when she met him.  She was begged not to marry him, I've heard.  Her education was paid for by her family.  I was never prepared for college, beyond being advised that I would, if I knew what was good for me, complete the college prep coursework in my high school.  When college time rolled around I was told that I was expected to go, but there was no money to help me.  There were no discussions prior with the exception of some random nagging about applications.  No talk of my goals, no questions about what I wanted from the experience, no conversations about the process in general.  I did not go to college.  I do not regret that decision (yet?). 

So, when husband and I got down to the business of making new people, we had the college talk, and the position I'm at is that I don't care if daughter goes or not, however, I will have funds available to assist her if she decides to go.  But this thread has made me realize that there is more work to be done to lay that foundation, because I would prefer that she have some college education if it is still anything of value to have, or is anything she wants.  It really hadn't occurred to me that preparing her for college would start in... well, maybe junior high.  Thanks, folks!

[purslaine]

My two older children have both expressed interest in going to a funky school away from home and living in residence.  I don't want to pop their bubble, but it is quite unrealistic.  I have told them that if that is what they want to do, they will need to:

-get really good grades and a scholarship.  I am willing to help them get the grades they need through tutoring and the like, but they need to take some responsibility for it themselves.

or

-work a lot and perhaps even take a year off school and work to pay for such a thing.

Some tactics/ideas in our household include:

1.  live at home and go to college or university - rent free.  There are 2 major universities in the nearest city, and one large college. We will probably move to the city within the next couple of years - the availability of higher education is one of those reasons.  

2.  We have some saving (RESP's).  It might cover about one year of tuition per child - but nothing more.  We might be able to bump up this figure - but not by huge amounts.

3.  Encourage co-op, dual credit (which is much cheaper than regular courses!!!) and working for a semester or year before going to school.

[suzywan]

I haven't read the whole thread, so this may have been discussed, but financial advisers recommend not contributing to college savings unless you have maxed out your retirement contributions.  You can receive neither loans nor scholarships for retirement, so your best financial bet is to secure funds for your golden years. 

We plan to help our kids out as much as possible during their college years, but do not intend to save prior to that time.  Our incomes and potential incomes (plus various inheritances) will be able to provide plenty.  Also, unless a particular child has a serious academic bent, we will encourage them each to get some real world experience before settling down in college and/or getting their pre-reqs out of the way at a community college.  No need to pay $$$$ for English 101  :)

[grahamsmom98]

Will you pay for your child's education if it is for something of which you do not approve?

We've told ds the money is there for him to go to whatever college and study whatever he wants, with the exception of a few subjects.  I will not specify them here (I don't want to start a flamefest!), so don't ask.  But, he knows that if he wants to study x, y or z, he pays for that part of his education himself. 

Happily, at this point, he has no interest in any of those subjects so I don't see that as a problem!

[AbbyGrant]

Originally Posted by grahamsmom98 

Will you pay for your child's education if it is for something of which you do not approve?

We've told ds the money is there for him to go to whatever college and study whatever he wants, with the exception of a few subjects.  I will not specify them here (I don't want to start a flamefest!), so don't ask.  But, he knows that if he wants to study x, y or z, he pays for that part of his education himself. 

Happily, at this point, he has no interest in any of those subjects so I don't see that as a problem!

I won't ask, but you certainly have piqued my curiosity. I'm wondering if this is for moral reasons or practical ones.  

I'm having a hard time coming up with a particular course of study that I wouldn't help fund based on moral grounds. I can think of lots of subjects that might not necessarily lead to financial success, but I'd still help however I could.  I don't have a problem with education for the sake of education.

The only thing I can think of that I most likely wouldn't help with is paying for one those for-profit schools because they're a rip-off.

[philomom]

Originally Posted by grahamsmom98 

Will you pay for your child's education if it is for something of which you do not approve?

We've told ds the money is there for him to go to whatever college and study whatever he wants, with the exception of a few subjects.  I will not specify them here (I don't want to start a flamefest!), so don't ask.  But, he knows that if he wants to study x, y or z, he pays for that part of his education himself. 

Happily, at this point, he has no interest in any of those subjects so I don't see that as a problem!

Wow, how very controlling. Shouldn't you just hope that the course of study your child chooses lead him/her to have a happy, independent life?

[CatsCradle]

We don't have any specific college-related fund set up for DD (at least yet), we are simply saving.  DD's very young but she has expressed great interest in being a veterinarian, which I think is a common dream among young people but at the same time she has shown a lot of talent in math and science-related stuff, so I don't think the dream is a stretch.  In reality, there are very few veterinarian schools in the U.S. and they are highly competitive.  The cost is either equal to or close to medical school (from what I've researched).  Even if she doesn't ultimately do something like veterinarian school, she may remain interested in the sciences and there are still an array of educational costs on any front.  DD goes to a private school now and I imagine that I will continue be able to pay out a certain amount per year in her post-secondary education. 

I'd like to help her out and here's why:  I received full academic scholarships for undergrad, but eventually had to take out loans for law school.  I've been paying on the loans for years and I don't really think too hard about them any more, and while I think that my post-grad education has improved my financial picture many times over, the cost has limited my life options in many ways.  I'm grateful, and I'm lucky, and I take full responsibility for my decisions, but I'd like DD to have a little more financial flexibility in her life, especially if she does decide to have a family some day. 

Finally, I also think that preparing your child for making honest and practical decisions with regard to what they want to study or become is just as important as thinking about the costs.  I say this because although my parents were fine with the idea of me going to college, and perhaps even encouraged it, I had zero guidance from them in my early years about course of action/study.  I went to college armed with certain personal ideals, but floundered around and didn't have any real direction for a few years.  No one discussed with me my strengths or weaknesses or whether a course of study would be beneficial in the long-term (not saying that education in itself is not beneficial, just saying that for the cost and investment, a little more mindfulness in how you're spending the money is critical, IMO).

Edited to say:  whoops, just read the last few posts and wanted to add that my point regarding the mindfulness of what you are going to study is not about limitations, but about addressing the realities of cost of education and the reality of the market (as well as factors such as life/work balance, etc.).  After going through these issues myself, I want to make DD aware of all the variables.

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by MrsGregory 

 It really hadn't occurred to me that preparing her for college would start in... well, maybe junior high.  Thanks, folks!

You might even need to revise that downwards, lol.  DS is in 4th grade and a project his class is working on is planning their education based on a career goal.  So, they have to identify a career choice they are interested in, determine what degree they would need to get, research one state school and one out of state school they could get the education (including cost of that education), identify any other things they should be doing on the way to that (including what high school classes they would need to take, what activities, etc...). Oh, and then make a powerpoint presentation with the information. They are doing this all in class, so I'm really interested to see what info they'll come up with.

[Mulvah]

Originally Posted by grahamsmom98 

Will you pay for your child's education if it is for something of which you do not approve?

We've told ds the money is there for him to go to whatever college and study whatever he wants, with the exception of a few subjects.  I will not specify them here (I don't want to start a flamefest!), so don't ask.  But, he knows that if he wants to study x, y or z, he pays for that part of his education himself. 

Happily, at this point, he has no interest in any of those subjects so I don't see that as a problem!

I'm exhausted, so forgive me, but I can't even think of something that would fall into this category. 

If I'm Graham, I'm going to university to study something fairly generic (something you would pay for) simply to appease you.  I will then obtain a graduate degree in the subject I'm truly passionate about, yanno, the one I have to pay for.  I would gladly take a free undergraduate degree even if it means paying for my own graduate degree(s) in the field(s) that I truly love. 

Originally Posted by CatsCradle 

Finally, I also think that preparing your child for making honest and practical decisions with regard to what they want to study or become is just as important as thinking about the costs.  I say this because although my parents were fine with the idea of me going to college, and perhaps even encouraged it, I had zero guidance from them in my early years about course of action/study.  I went to college armed with certain personal ideals, but floundered around and didn't have any real direction for a few years.  No one discussed with me my strengths or weaknesses or whether a course of study would be beneficial in the long-term (not saying that education in itself is not beneficial, just saying that for the cost and investment, a little more mindfulness in how you're spending the money is critical, IMO).

Edited to say:  whoops, just read the last few posts and wanted to add that my point regarding the mindfulness of what you are going to study is not about limitations, but about addressing the realities of cost of education and the reality of the market (as well as factors such as life/work balance, etc.).  After going through these issues myself, I want to make DD aware of all the variables.

Though I would never dangle a carrot, the above is so much more important to us than paying for education.

[Imakcerka]

I can't imagine what that would be... stripper courses?    I'm not paying for school anyway.
 

Originally Posted by grahamsmom98 

Will you pay for your child's education if it is for something of which you do not approve?

We've told ds the money is there for him to go to whatever college and study whatever he wants, with the exception of a few subjects.  I will not specify them here (I don't want to start a flamefest!), so don't ask.  But, he knows that if he wants to study x, y or z, he pays for that part of his education himself. 

Happily, at this point, he has no interest in any of those subjects so I don't see that as a problem!

[purslaine]

The only thing I can think of that might cause some concern are interesting fields -  such as rolfing or astrology.  I also thought she might have meant one of those private colleges that you see on the TV - often 3-6 month programs for big dollars, with little help in finding a job….