How are your kids going to go to college? - Page 5

[cristeen]

At this point we haven't started saving yet, but DS is 2 and #2 hasn't arrived yet.  Great-grandma HAS started saving for both.  She opened the first savings account within about a week of us announcing our first pregnancy.  I imagine when she dies she'll be leaving a chunk of her estate to my kids as well (her only descendents).  She and my late grandpa had accounts for my sister and I when we were younger, they're huge believers in higher education. 

We will help our kids out how we can, but there's no telling how that may be.  There are half a dozen large schools within an hour of our house (both public and private), so it may very well mean free room/board during school.  We'll see.  We have no intention of paying for their schooling though - if we can we will, but they will not know that until after the fact. 

We will also be teaching them that we expect them to get a degree.  I don't have one, and DH is working on his right now (in his 40s).  We're the first in our families not to get them, and are dealing with the repercussions of it.  But, if they need to take a break after HS before going to college, that is totally acceptable.  As is pursuing a vocation instead.  But they need a plan.

[Tjej]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

Holy flippin awesome!  I asked DD1 what she wanted to be when she grew up and she said a cat rescuer.  And DD2 says she doesn't care but she's never getting a job.  YAY ME!
 

Nice.  My DS told me the other day tha the wants to  be a police officer - because he likes killing...  I told him being a hunter would be a better fit then... :)

As far as college prep - we talk about it like it is what people do.  I also tell my DD she can date when she is 33.  And we talk about how the kids will take care of us when we are old.  I'm planting ideas and having a little fun while I can and they are young. :)

Savings - we have set aside a few thousand for higher education for them.  We're generally paying off our mortgage for now and I expect to help them with school but not pay it all.  We'll see.

Tjej

[purslaine]

Originally Posted by cristeen 

….  We have no intention of paying for their schooling though - if we can we will, but they will not know that until after the fact. 

We will also be teaching them that we expect them to get a degree.  

Saying you have no intentions of paying for their schooling while simultaneously saying you expect them to get a degree seems a little odd, to me.

If you genuinely have an expectation that they should go to college or uni, then you should make a plan to help pay for it. 
 

[AbbyGrant]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle 

The only thing I can think of that might cause some concern are interesting fields -  such as rolfing or astrology.  I also thought she might have meant one of those private colleges that you see on the TV - often 3-6 month programs for big dollars, with little help in finding a job….

Except she said they'd pay for whatever college just not certain subjects. This has led me to googling "unusual" and "controversial" college majors instead of going to the grocery store like I'm supposed to be doing .   But then I wouldn't have learned that UC Santa Barbara has a Porn 101 class.  

[grahamsmom98]

 If I'm Graham, I'm going to university to study something fairly generic (something you would pay for) simply to appease you.  I will then obtain a graduate degree in the subject I'm truly passionate about, yanno, the one I have to pay for.  I would gladly take a free undergraduate degree even if it means paying for my own graduate degree(s) in the field(s) that I truly love. 

That's fine with us and we have no problem with it, if this is what he decides to do. 

Like I said, there are just a few degrees that we will not pay for.  Knowing that, in advance, makes it easier for him to do his own planning and saving.  But, he has no interest, at this time, to go into any of those fields.

Should he change his mind and end up desiring one of those fields, paying for the additional courses himself (through work or scholarship), that is his choice and we'll say nay about it.  He'll be an adult and it will be his choice and his own personal finances.

I don't really see how this is controlling, as he'll have the choice of paying for the advanced degree, should he choose, himself.  If he chooses to work his way through college or gets full scholarships, for whatever reason, he can study whatever he wants and the money that we saved for his education will be there for him to have after, no conditions.  He'd be able to buy a house or set-up a business, debt-free.  It will be his choice.

[AbbyGrant]

Originally Posted by grahamsmom98 

If he chooses to work his way through college or gets full scholarships, for whatever reason, he can study whatever he wants and the money that we saved for his education will be there for him to have after, no conditions.  He'd be able to buy a house or set-up a business, debt-free.  It will be his choice.

If there are no conditions, then that would leave the door open to him paying off student loans he may have taken out to pay for the degree you didn't want to pay for which means you essentially would have paid for it anyway. Or he could at least easily afford to make his loan payments since he'd have the extra money to buy a house or pay for other living expenses. I would think the only way you could really avoid subsidizing a degree you disapproved of is to not give him the money at all.  

[Tjej]

Another aspect of parents paying for college- my brothers both found the expectations of parents that came along with money to be burdensome.  My one brother dropped out and my other brother chose to pay for a lot of it himself, just to not have my parents know what their grades were.  I, on the other hand, was more than happy to have my schooling paid for and share my grades.  And we were/are all quite capable, so it wasn't an inability thing. 

So even if you save for your kids, they might not want it! ;)

[grahamsmom98]

If there are no conditions then that would leave the door open to him paying off student loans he may have taken out to pay for the degree you didn't want to pay for which means you essentially would have paid for it anyway.  Or he could at least afford to make his loan payments since he'd have the extra money.  I would think the only way you could really avoid subsidizing a degree you disapproved of is to not give him the money at all.  

You make a good point.  If he goes that route, maybe we'll hold off with handing over the cash until he's 45 or we're dead and then he get's it all....

Honestly, he has no interest in the fields we've discussed (no, they don't involve porn, pottery, astrology or in-line skating!).  The degrees would probably surprise you. 

Anyway, I really don't see this as ever a sticking point in our family. 

[BaileyB]

Whoa, this thread is longer than I thought it was.

Hi Imakcerka. We keep crossing paths lately.

We had a college savings type account for DD but it was with the stipulation that if she didn't use it for college then she would get taxed the crap out of it if she wanted to use that money. I thought that was a dumb idea because who knows how what price an education will be, etc., in 17 years. Plus, we are going to unschool so I don't know if she will be interested in going from unschooling to a sit-down lecture style education. We decided to put her money in a different kind of savings account that is very similar to that Gerber Grow-up plan, except not the Gerber one, and it is also a life insurance policy. We will def. not come even close to paying for even half of a 4 year education but it will be a start no matter what she chooses. We are also on a limited budget so we are going to be happy to be paying our bills and maybe paying ahead on some things and that would take priority over college savings.

If I can add one thing that is slightly off subject...To those that are saying that their children know that they are expected to go to college, I would say, please don't do that. I know you want the very best for them but my parents did that and you have no idea what that does mentally if they were to decide not to go or don't know what they want to do straight out of high school. They may feel like failures if they don't go or have trouble deciding what to do and may end up in school for a long time (and end up crushed by debt) trying to become something that you can be proud of. Just be happy that they are happy and healthy. 

Grahamsmom! You guys are rockstars!! That's great you can do that!

I only had time to read the first page of this thread so I apologize if I missed some stuff.

[canadianhippie]

See, I guess it depends on your bank or which account you choose, but how could you NOT put money away?

Why wouldn't you want money to be no option when considering university?

Starting a college fund was one of the top priorities when I knew I was pregnant, My son had his RESP set up before he was a year old.

Here, you get a grant when you start up, any money he receives from our family goes directly into that account, he's 2 and has a semester of college saved already

I have no idea, to be honest, how student loans work in the US, I just know Canada, and Im on student loans now! Since I have a child, and am single, I get a few thousand in grants and the rest in loans.

Luckily, Ive been able to live at home most of the time and can save my loan money so I am not in debt after

My goal is to have as much as I can saved for my son's education, and any future children I have will have a RESP  

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by BaileyB 

If I can add one thing that is slightly off subject...To those that are saying that their children know that they are expected to go to college, I would say, please don't do that. I know you want the very best for them but my parents did that and you have no idea what that does mentally if they were to decide not to go or don't know what they want to do straight out of high school. They may feel like failures if they don't go or have trouble deciding what to do and may end up in school for a long time (and end up crushed by debt) trying to become something that you can be proud of.

This is kind of how I feel about it. DH is doing very well for himself, and supporting a six person family in a high COL area, where most families are two income. He makes somewhat over the median household income for our area, which includes many two income families. But, he didn't finish his degree, and it eats at him, and he feels like a failure. It bugs his parents a lot. They don't mention it as much as they used to, but I still sometimes get the feeling that being a good husband (including in the old-fashioned "good provider" sense), good father, and good stepfather doesn't count for anything in their eyes, because he didn't finish a degree. DH doesn't talk about it much, but I know he feels the same way. Most parents who expect university do seem to have their children's best interests in mind, but the expectation itself can really put an immense amount of pressure on someone who isn't ready, doesn't know what they want to study (if anything), etc. I don't ever want my children feeling as if they're disappointments to me, over their own life choices.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by canadianhippie 

See, I guess it depends on your bank or which account you choose, but how could you NOT put money away?

Why wouldn't you want money to be no option when considering university?

Well, I managed to put a whopping $19.50/month away for my oldest. It hurt. There were months when I cursed that money coming out of my grocery funds. So...yeah - it can be really easy to not put money away, depending on your financial situation.

I don't really understand your second question, as phrased. But, money is a factor when considering post-secondary. The fact that some parents can afford to pay the whole thing doesn't mean it's not a factor - it just means it's not a factor for the student. And, frankly - I think it's very good for my son to have to look at every penny and figure out what he can actually afford and what he can't. His post-secondary education is his baby, not mine. We help by providing a free roof and food (which is a lot). We help him figure out paperwork. I'm not leaving him high and dry - but I'm also not going to screw over my whole family in the here and now to pay for schooling they might want in the future. DH makes a good living, but there are six of us, and it's expensive to live here. We don't live in a super frugal fashion (esp. by, say, the MDC F&F forum), but we're not living a lavish lifestyle, either. The balance is about right fior us at the moment, and I'm not throwing everything out of whack to pay for an education my kids may or may not want in the future. (Once our van is paid off, we'll probably put some away, because it's really important to dh to do that.)

[purslaine]

Originally Posted by canadianhippie 

See, I guess it depends on your bank or which account you choose, but how could you NOT put money away?  

By choosing to eat instead.  

I can afford to put some away for my kids education, but my parents really could not.  We always ate and had shelter - but could not afford any extras.  

I do want to be able to support my kids while they are in university - mostly because I know how hard it is to start out life deep in student loan debt - but I do not feel I have to in order to be a good parent.  I put it under "nice" and "do it if you can" but not under essential.  

[cristeen]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle 

Saying you have no intentions of paying for their schooling while simultaneously saying you expect them to get a degree seems a little odd, to me.

If you genuinely have an expectation that they should go to college or uni, then you should make a plan to help pay for it.

Actually, if you read what I said, I said that "We have no intention of paying for their schooling though - if we can we will, but they will not know that until after the fact."  We will however be in the position to cover room/board if they go to any number of local colleges (including excellent colleges like Stanford, UC Berkeley, UCSF, etc.).  If we are in the financial position to help them pay off their loans after graduation, we will.  However, we cannot anticipate right now what our finances will look like in 20+ years, since right now we're still accumulating student loan debt of our own.  Regardless we are planning to raise them with the expectation that they are going to have to work for it.  Even if I had it to give them, I'm not going to hand them $100K and tell them to have fun at college, I don't believe in a free ride.  They can work their way through college, and we can help them in whatever way(s) we can. 

I can't help if you find that odd, it's what we believe to be best for our children. 

Originally Posted by BaileyB 
If I can add one thing that is slightly off subject...To those that are saying that their children know that they are expected to go to college, I would say, please don't do that. I know you want the very best for them but my parents did that and you have no idea what that does mentally if they were to decide not to go or don't know what they want to do straight out of high school. They may feel like failures if they don't go or have trouble deciding what to do and may end up in school for a long time (and end up crushed by debt) trying to become something that you can be proud of. Just be happy that they are happy and healthy. 

I was raised with this expectation, so I do know how it feels.  There are many a day when I feel like a failure for the fact that I don't have a degree, just like I feel like one for choosing to SAHM.  I have been exploring going back to school for a degree lately for exactly this reason, even though my "dream job" doesn't require one.  But the fact is that following my dreams is going to be expensive.  And if anything were to happen to DH (the breadwinner), I'd be up a creek without a paddle just trying to support myself and 2 kids in our current home, because I don't have a degree.  Around here it seems the best I can do right now is about $12/hr, because even to answer phones, everyone wants a Bachelors.  I couldn't pay the mortgage and buy groceries on that kind of income, much less pay for childcare.  I don't want my children to be in this position when they're my age (or DH's age).  I will have the expectation that they will get a degree or a vocation.  But I will also talk to them a lot about the difference between a job to pay the bills/support self and family, and a dream, and that one can be a means to the other, they don't actually have to be the same thing.  Because that's the trap *I* fell into. 

Originally Posted by canadianhippie 

See, I guess it depends on your bank or which account you choose, but how could you NOT put money away?

I have no idea, to be honest, how student loans work in the US, I just know Canada, and Im on student loans now! Since I have a child, and am single, I get a few thousand in grants and the rest in loans.

How not?  Because I'm more concerned with paying the mortgage, saving a bit for retirement, keeping the house standing around us, keeping food on the table, etc.  Saving for college is low man on the totem pole at this point.  My kids will be able to get scholarships, grants, loans, etc., to pay for school when they reach that point.  I cannot get loans for any of the above things. 

I'm curious how much college costs in Canada right now.  We seem to have several Canadian moms who are stumped at the attitudes some of us US moms are taking, so I'm wondering if we can compare some dollar figures.  What does a 4 year degree cost in Canada from a public school?  Private school?  Do you have both public and private schools, I don't even know...?

[Imakcerka]

Originally Posted by AbbyGrant 

Except she said they'd pay for whatever college just not certain subjects. This has led me to googling "unusual" and "controversial" college majors instead of going to the grocery store like I'm supposed to be doing .   But then I wouldn't have learned that UC Santa Barbara has a Porn 101 class.  

Hmmm... that could be an interesting course. 

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by Tjej 
 

Nice.  My DS told me the other day tha the wants to  be a police officer - because he likes killing...  I told him being a hunter would be a better fit then... :)

This reminds me of my best friend's now 8 year old saying he wanted to be a cop when he was around 5.  Why?  So he could eat donuts and take a nap in his car every day. 

Originally Posted by BaileyB 

If I can add one thing that is slightly off subject...To those that are saying that their children know that they are expected to go to college, I would say, please don't do that. I know you want the very best for them but my parents did that and you have no idea what that does mentally if they were to decide not to go or don't know what they want to do straight out of high school. They may feel like failures if they don't go or have trouble deciding what to do and may end up in school for a long time (and end up crushed by debt) trying to become something that you can be proud of. Just be happy that they are happy and healthy. 

I don't consider this to be off topic at all.  What we are trying to make is that getting a college education is the default.  That they will *probably* have a career that is dependent upon a university education.  If they have a different plan, we have also emphasized that is fine *but you need to have a plan.*  We've also talked about the idea of a "gap year", of traveling or interning, trying out different things for a year or two after high school and then, when they're more sure going to college.  Given their interests and skills so far (and they are only 10 & 13, but that is not the same as making assumptions about an infant or toddler, imo) their goals will be best met with a college degree (DS, for example has expressed interest in being an electrical engineer for years).

[Imakcerka]

Eh, cause I found a way to pay for college that didn't touch my parents bank account... not that they even had the money.  And I don't have my degree... but um... I'm doing quite well right now.  Though I finally turned in all my paperwork and will be starting AMU in the summer.  YAY ME!  Oh and to clear that up, I'll be using my post 9/11 GI bill.
 

Originally Posted by canadianhippie 

See, I guess it depends on your bank or which account you choose, but how could you NOT put money away?

Why wouldn't you want money to be no option when considering university?

Starting a college fund was one of the top priorities when I knew I was pregnant, My son had his RESP set up before he was a year old.

Here, you get a grant when you start up, any money he receives from our family goes directly into that account, he's 2 and has a semester of college saved already

I have no idea, to be honest, how student loans work in the US, I just know Canada, and Im on student loans now! Since I have a child, and am single, I get a few thousand in grants and the rest in loans.

Luckily, Ive been able to live at home most of the time and can save my loan money so I am not in debt after

My goal is to have as much as I can saved for my son's education, and any future children I have will have a RESP  

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by cristeen 

I'm curious how much college costs in Canada right now.  We seem to have several Canadian moms who are stumped at the attitudes some of us US moms are taking, so I'm wondering if we can compare some dollar figures.  What does a 4 year degree cost in Canada from a public school?  Private school?  Do you have both public and private schools, I don't even know...?

I don't actually know. But, it's not just about the cost of education. It's about the cultural imperative to get a post-secondary education in the first place. I'm not saying they're not valued in Canada, but they're not, ime, expected to the same degree that they are in the US. I think you've actually got a nasty cycle going on there, to tell the truth. Everybody has to get a degree, no matter what it costs, so everyone gets a degree, no  matter what it costs, so everybody has to have a degree, no matter what it costs. I can't even conceive of being unable to get a job answering phones without a Bachelors degree. We're heading that way, but we're not there yet. I find it extremely bizarre, and insanely counterproductive. And, having answered phones as a big part of my job for many years, it honestly blows my mind that anyone would require a degree for the job.
 

[Honey693]

DH and I hope to be able to pay for a large chunk of whatever our kids want to do after high school, either trade school or college.  DH had almost no parental help, but had a ton of grants and scholarships so he graduated with a few loans, but nothing obscene. He would have gone to college come hell or high water.   I, on the other hand, had my parents pay for all of college and I doubt I would have gone if they hadn't.  I'm glad I did go now, even if I'm staying at home.  College isn't going to be seen as the only option here, but some education after high school will be very very very strongly encouraged.  Both kids have college accounts right now (they're 3 and 1) and by the time they hit high school, at the latest, our mortgage will be paid off and we can throw that much at their college funds a month.  There's just no way I want to see my kids work 3 jobs and hardly sleep like DH had to do for a few semesters.

[cristeen]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride 

I don't actually know. But, it's not just about the cost of education. It's about the cultural imperative to get a post-secondary education in the first place. I'm not saying they're not valued in Canada, but they're not, ime, expected to the same degree that they are in the US. I think you've actually got a nasty cycle going on there, to tell the truth. Everybody has to get a degree, no matter what it costs, so everyone gets a degree, no  matter what it costs, so everybody has to have a degree, no matter what it costs. I can't even conceive of being unable to get a job answering phones without a Bachelors degree. We're heading that way, but we're not there yet. I find it extremely bizarre, and insanely counterproductive. And, having answered phones as a big part of my job for many years, it honestly blows my mind that anyone would require a degree for the job.
 

Oh, I absolutely agree.  It is completely ridiculous.  Particularly since I've spent years answering phones, have plenty of experience doing it, and yet still can't get even a call back because I don't have a Bachelors.  It's gotten particularly bad in this economic climate, although luckily I'm not actually looking any more.  I was at the point (before I got pg with DS) that if I wanted a job I had to go through a temp agency for a placement so I could prove myself before being hired.  Without a degree nobody would even interview me.  And even most retail jobs wouldn't touch me because I had too much office experience, and was therefore "over-qualified".  It's a really crappy double-standard spot to be in.