Disciplining the gifted child - Page 2

[chaimom]

You are kidding yourself to think that your son's behavior issues have anything to do with him being gifted.  I have a 9 yo son who is HG, and he probably is smarter than me.  He has never tried to pinch his brother's penis.  He has never abused anyone in the family.  And he wouldn't dream of being mean and then telling the rest of us we have to put up with it!  Why?  Because we don't put up with it, and those aren't the values of our family.

I totally agree with all of the advice from Stik.  I hope you take it to heart, and that you'll get some meaningful interventions from a parenting expert.

Also, I'm curious about what you do when your son is mean to his brother?  And how do you follow up when your son tells you you must accept his bad behavior?  My children would consider it a total betrayal if I let one of their siblings hurt them.  It sounds like this is an ongoing problem in your house.  How does your other son feel about it?  What are you doing to protect him from his brother?  I would also ask yourself why your son behaves in school and not at home.  The answer is probably because rules and consequences are enforced at school.  He would never get away with hurting another child and school, so he doesn't try.  

[deminc]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kindacrunchy 

We have been seeing a parenting coach lately. We have sought help before. Is he always like this? No, not at all. But when he is, it is alarming! It ebbs and flows. We have good times and not so good times. Is it getting worse? Not really, he is actually getting better. However, he is totally bored out of his friggin' mind in school this year and so we have been going through all of that. Is it all because he is gifted? No, I don't think so, but since he is wired differently am I wrong to think that disciplining him is a little different than a child that is average? I have two kids and one is much easier to discipline than the other. Of course, you hear the extreme. Has anyone else's kids gotten to the point where they feel they are smarter than you are?

... We do give consequences and we talk ad naseum about things. I'm not saying we don't do any form of discipline with him, but finding what truly is effective, long term has been a lifelong challenge for us (well, since he was three). And my question is, do other parents of gifted children have challenges in disciplining that child or are they all perfect in every way?

 I do have discipline problems at home and I sometimes feel I need to see a parenting coach. DS1 is lovely on his own, but together with DS2, they are quite a handful and things can escalate quickly. I do not think he is wired diffently, but he is very intense and together with a very intense and angry DH, the two of them are scary together. My ds1 is also prone to self-harm, and there have been a couple of episodes when he ran out of the apartment and we end up checking the parapet above and the ground below. Despite all these, the single most useful thing I have learnt to do is NOT to engage in any arguments or reasoning at the heat of the moment. Do not talk ad naseum about things. The kid KNOWS. No doubt our kids are different, but I bet my last dollar that your son already knows what you are going to say before you say it. So don't say anymore. Just put an end to the situation with as few words as possible. My DS swings from being intensely angry about small infringements, and talking meanly to his younger brother, to intensely remorseful and engaging in self-harm. My challenge is to help him find an even keel, and stop the mean talk without having the younger one take advantage of the situation. DS1 is also having some challenges in school and we are very close to pulling him out of school. But while his challenges in school may lead to a depressive frame of mind, they do not excuse disrespect and mean talk. I acknowledge anger, but I do not allow rudeness or meanness. Finally, the kids may be smart, but they are not wise. There is a difference. jm2c.